15. Penelope

15

PENELOPE

THREE YEARS AGO

L inc was right, money talks. It was less than a week after our talk in the park that I moved into his parents’ house, under the same roof as all the Sterlings, with the exception of Lola who is away at college.

I’ve only been here for a month, and I know it’s a terrible idea, but it’s safe.

From physical abuse anyway. Nora wasted no time decorating my new room that’s located on the basement level and making me feel right at home.

She was thrilled when I finally took her up on her offer to move in but absolutely horrified when she saw what was left of my black eye. She held me so close to her chest, I didn’t think she’d ever let me go.

And I didn’t want her to.

She didn’t look at me like I was disgusting or tainted, but I hated the look of sadness on her beautiful face, knowing she was aching for me.

I prefer to suffer in silence. I don’t want to transfer my stains to the people I’ve grown to love. I hate the idea of polluting their beautiful life with my filth. I know Linc said that they’re far from perfect, but from where I’m standing after the things I’ve seen in sixteen years, I know they’re damn close.

Case in point, Mr. Sterling surprised Nora with a getaway for the weekend and whisked her off for two days of rest and relaxation at a couples’ spa. Why would he do that if he’s having an affair?

Maybe it was just something Linc said to try to get me to think they aren’t so perfect. Maybe he’s once again messing with me. Because that’s what Linc does. He loves to mess with my head, playing games with me since I was nine and he was eleven.

The house is quiet, Asher is asleep. Colt went to bed two hours ago and who the hell knows where Linc is. I should just go to bed, but I’m not really used to the big, quiet house still. I’m more accustomed to loud neighborhoods and chaos.

I decide to sneak up to the top floor where most of the bedrooms are located, being careful on the creaky stairs so I don’t wake Ash.

I walk past Colt’s bedroom and see the door is closed. I walk past the master bedroom that’s empty tonight, and as I’m passing Linc’s room I notice the door is open a few inches with a dim light on that catches my eye.

I guess Linc is home tonight.

He hasn’t been home much lately, already enjoying being eighteen and close to graduation.

I’m careful with my next step, not wanting to gain his attention sneaking to Colt’s bedroom in the middle of the night, but I freeze when I hear a soft whimper coming from his room.

I should just keep walking. I know I should, but curiosity is an evil bitch. So I peer into his room through the small opening.

My gasp catches in my throat when I see Linc standing by his bed.

Naked.

Completely and utterly naked. He’s faced away from me, but I can still make out his firmly sculpted ass and the muscles of his legs. From the side, I can see his toned arms and the cut and definition of his abs and a deep V of his hips.

Shit. Run, Penelope.

This isn’t right, and I know it. But my feet are planted to the floor because he’s not alone.

The whimper I heard was feminine.

I lower my eyes to the floor where a pretty blond I don’t recognize kneels in front of him. The room is lit only by a small lamp near the bed, but I can see the movement of her head near his groin and can figure out what she’s doing to him as his head slowly falls back with the sexiest deep, manly growl I’ve ever heard in my life.

I need to leave, stop fucking staring at him.

I watch as his hands move to her hair, threading through it as his biceps bulge. He grabs her arms and pulls her body up to his, kissing her deeply, but it almost seems mechanical, a mix between animal and machine as he tosses her to the bed and grabs something from the table next to his bed.

His strong back is to me as I watch him toss a condom wrapper to the floor, and I assume he’s slipped it on as he slides over her body. She was ready and waiting for him to attack, her fingers sliding through his thick hair as they kiss, and he rolls over pulling her onto his lap as he props himself up on his elbows now facing the door.

I can’t move as his eyes lock on mine.

My heart stops as I fight to breathe, expecting him to yell at me to get the hell out, but he doesn’t.

His lips slide up into a devilish smirk as he watches me spy on him with a girl I don’t know.

His eyes move back to the blond as his hands move to the dress she’s wearing, pulling it up and off of her well-developed body. She’s not wearing a bra, and now I can see her bare back as she straddles his lap.

Her fingers slide over his stomach as he looks past her and directly at me.

“I’ve wanted this for so long, Linc.”

I swallow, my throat dry, hearing her voice as he moves her panties out of his way as her hips move over his lap, grinding against him.

His hands hold her hips, and I watch from afar as her hips dip forward and her head falls back with a hearty moan, and I know he’s inside her as her hands grip his biceps.

I cover my mouth and run away from his door, straight to Colt’s bedroom.

I want to be horrified, angry at him maybe for letting me watch that.

But I feel a heat low in my belly and a deep ache that I want to be satisfied. I open Colt’s door, quietly sneaking in and closing it behind me as I climb into his bed, laying my head on his chest.

He stirs and tips his head to look at me. “Pea?”

“You better not have any other girls that sneak into your bed in the middle of the night.”

He laughs softly at that and wraps an arm around me. “Never. You okay?”

“I’m fine. It’s just a little quiet down in the basement.”

He smooths his hand over my hair, and I take in the smell of his shampoo and bodywash as I lay against his bare chest. “Yeah. You know you could have taken Lola’s room up here. It’s not like she’s home much.”

“I’d never do that.”

I feel him smile. “I know. You’re stubborn.”

I don’t argue as I let my hand slide over the ridges of his ab muscles. They’re starting to get more definition as a result of him working out with Linc in the basement’s fully-equipped gym. “Besides, nowhere is better than your bed.”

He kisses my temple. “I definitely like you in my bed.”

I smile to myself, happy to hear it as I slide my hand slowly down and under the hem of his sweats, over his briefs.

“Pea . . .” It’s a brief gasp as I move my hand over him, feeling his dick stir to life.

“I love you, Colt.” I look up, nipping at his jaw.

“I love you, Penelope.”

I grip his hardened dick in my hand and stroke him through his briefs.

“Pea,” he gasps as I remove my hand and climb over his larger body to straddle his lap, loving the feel of him between my legs.

Wanting desperately to show him just how much I love him.

He sits up in the bed, keeping me on his lap as he pulls my face to his, kissing me fully, and I feel the love in his kiss. I feel safe in his arms.

I’m wearing an old tank top and panties, and I lift the tank over my head as I kiss him, barely breaking the connection to toss it away.

I just want him.

My bare breasts press against his chest, and I revel in the hardness between my legs as I move my hips against him, creating a delicious friction and trying not to think about the scene from a few moments ago.

This is not that. This is sweet. We actually love each other.

Colt’s large hands slide into my hair as he kisses me softly. “Colt . . .” It’s a soft whisper because I’m afraid to request what I really want.

“God, Pea. You feel so good.”

I think he wants it too. “Yes.” I press against him, sliding along his hardness.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to stop if we go any further.” His hands slide over my bare arms as his mouth dips to my neck and he lays soft kisses on my skin.

“It’s okay.”

“I want you so bad, Pea.”

I move my hands to the back of his head, pulling his lips to mine. “You can have me. We’re older now.”

His brow furrows, and he moves his head back slightly. “You really think getting pregnant at sixteen is that much better than at fifteen?”

“No, but we’ll be careful.” I kiss along his jaw. “I’m on the pill now.”

His hands move to my arms, pulling me back to look at him. “You’re what?”

Suddenly, I feel ashamed as I shrug in his hold. “I just thought it would be a good idea to be safe in case we get out of control.”

He looks at me with disappointment and uncertainty. “We never lose control.”

“I know, but I mean,” I look down at his lap, still feeling his dick hard and pressed against me, “we’re clearly attracted to each other. Our bodies want this.”

“Pea.” He takes a deep breath and moves my body next to him and off his lap. “I’m not Linc. I won’t disappoint my parents. I have a plan I can’t deviate from.”

I grab my tank top and pull it on over my head, wrapping my arms around my stomach. “I know, but we love each other. There’s nothing wrong with what we’re doing.”

He turns to me, brushing his hand sweetly over my cheek. “I don’t want it to get out of control. We have to wait until we’re at least out of high school, Pea. No mistakes.”

I nod, but I don’t understand. I think about Linc and the girl earlier, both of them lost in lust and enjoying each other’s bodies, and they aren’t even in love. I don’t think Linc is capable of being in love. “Okay.”

He pulls me to his side as we settle down under his covers. “Damn. My balls are going to hate me though.”

I laugh slightly against his chest as I cuddle against his warm body. “Yeah, well my body hates you a little too.”

“I’ll always want you.”

I want to believe him, but I feel dirty offering myself to him and being turned down. I feel trashy and desperate as I try to fight the memories of my mother telling me how worthless I’ll always be.

Telling me when I was only six years old that I ruin lives.

Does Colt think I’ll ruin his life? Is that what he’s worried about?

Does he see it too?