Chapter Thirty Six

Lucian

Days have passed since Emmeline told me that Lillian was going through changes.

And I’ve asked about it nonstop since.

She just won’t tell me anything about it and acts like I said something else entirely. Then proceeds to speak with my parents and brother about the things she says I said. I am tiring of not being able to take my man form back and speak verbally.

She smiles at me as she hears my thoughts. "Oh, Lucian wondered if you would take him to your place. I believe he's tired of staying here every night."

That's not what I said and you know it, witch. Tell them what I'm actually saying instead of making stuff up. I might just really become the big bad wolf and eat you.

"Oh, beasty looks like he wants to have a good outing. Maybe a hike is in order to burn off all that extra energy he seems to have pinned up." She hands my mother the bag of treats and looks at me with a curious look. "Maybe he needs the fresh air."

What is happening to Lillian? Why won't you tell me? Is she hurt? Did Corbin get her, after all? What are you not telling me?

As my parents and brother leave, she kneels down in front of me and strokes my ears. "I'll see you soon. All your questions will be answered, but some things you're not ready to hear. She's safe, but she won't be the girl you remember by the time you two meet again."

What is that supposed to mean? This is ridiculous. Just tell me already.

"Oh, beasty, some things are not for me to tell. Go on with your family. I'm sure when you return, I'll have news for you."

A cawing sound distracts me. I turn to look up toward the window where it comes from and spy a black raven sitting on the windowsill. Its black beady eyes look me over before it turns its gaze to Emmeline. Honestly, its reaction is too human-like, which makes me wonder what it is doing here.

"Go on, Lucian. Have fun."

I hear my family calling for me, but I'm hesitant to leave. My attention is drawn back to the raven as it hops on the windowsill, waiting for Emmeline. What is with that bird and does it have something to do with the news she is expecting?

I slowly leave, but my gaze never leaves the bird. Something about it just doesn't sit right with me, but after all I've been through, I should know. Nothing is ever as it seems.

When I cross the threshold, I hear Emmeline mutter, "Wait."

She strolls out slowly and leans down. "Dig into the past. Remember."

As she lets go of my head, I feel like I'm in a daze. What did you just do to me?

"You think the villagers are the only ones who were affected by my sister's spell?" She raises a brow, then closes the door softly between us.

These witches and their ramblings. What did she mean? Why can't they just mean what they say and tell me what I'm supposed to do? This is getting ridiculous. First, that twisted spell. Now, I'm stuck here and can't even get to my mate, who is probably suffering at the hands of Corbin. I don't even know what the changes are that she's going through. AHHHH!

My internal scream comes out as an awkward bark and I clamp my muzzle shut quickly before my parents and brother think something is wrong.

There is, but I don't want them to worry. Right now, they need peace.

I hear them call for me again, and when my gaze moves toward the trees, I see them there waiting for me on a small path between them.

Fine, I'll dig into the past and figure this out. What other choice do I have?

As I trot behind my family in the woods, my mind seems scrambled. I can't keep a consistent thought and feel like I'm slowly descending into madness.

What has Emmeline done with my mind?

I wobble on my feet as my head starts to hurt. My parents' turn slowly to look to see if I’m coming with worried expressions on their faces.

Ma asks, "Lucian, are you okay?"

I open my mouth, but all that comes out is a whine. It's not like I can talk anyway, not like this, but I had hoped to sound reassuring.

With my next step, the dizziness becomes too much and I collapse to the ground on my side, panting. Get Emmeline. She did something to me.

Ma's eyes widen with shock as she watches me shiver. "We need Emmeline. Maybe he's sick."

Pa runs back toward her cottage, while Ma leans down to stroke my fur. "It's going to be okay, Lucian. We're here. I'm sure Emmeline can fix you."

But Ma, she's the one who did this to me. Didn’t you hear or see her?

As the thought finishes, my eyes close. When I open my eyes again, I'm in the woods around our family cottage.

I run toward it, hoping my parents and brother will be there, but I'm saddened to see it empty. "What is the meaning of this?"

My voice is loud and clear. I jump at the sound and look down, only to discover that I’m in my human form.

"What kind of trickery is this?" I shout to the sky, but no one answers.

As I check the cottage, I see it's been abandoned and lean to look in the window. Dust gathers on every surface, including all the furniture. "Why aren't you all here?"

I fall to my knees in despair, wishing my family is here. Suddenly, a twig snaps behind me and I turn to look over my shoulder.

A woman, maybe in her fifties, comes up the path, dragging her feet. She looks like she's just experienced the worst thing ever.

"Hey, what are you doing here? What happened to you?"

The closer she gets, the more I can see her tear-stained cheeks. With each step, she grows more unstable and finally collapses to the ground with a loud wail. I've never seen a wolf get so upset unless they lost their mate.

"Why?" she screams to the sky. "Why did Nigel win? You were winning, and then he cheated."

My mind becomes clear. "You are Lillian's grandmother. This isn't my past. It’s hers."

But I was in the woods when this happened. Why don’t I remember this?

Grandmother finally gathers herself and stands, her face red and blotchy from crying. She stumbles toward the house and then stops at the door. "I guess this is my home now. At least my son is safe."

She slowly opens the door and pauses again when she crosses the threshold. Her nose scrunches up at the smell of the dust. Crunching of leaves in the woods distracts her, and she turns to look out the door. "Don't you even dare think of eating me, beast."

She slams the door and starts to explore the inside, while I'm left outside in shock. I walk over and reach for the door handle, but pass through.

With this new discovery, I pass through the door entirely to see what else she is doing. I find her standing in the middle of the living room with a pained expression.

"This is not what I had planned, but it'll have to do." She sniffles and wipes her face with the back of her hand. "I have to survive for my son. He'll need me. Just like my mate said. I have to go on without him, though it's going to kill me inside."

Time flies as it passes me by and the next thing I know, I'm standing before her again, only older. The pain is still there in her eyes, but she seems at peace.

Her smile spreads wide when a knock at the door comes. "Oh, my son has come."

She rushes to the door and opens it wide. A man and his mate stand there with a blonde headed little girl.

"Hi, mom," he says with a smile.

She welcomes them inside and immediately grabs up the little girl to give her a hug. "Oh, my little Lily. You've grown so big."

"Grandmother, it's only been a few days. I think I'm still the same size," she says as she looks down at the floor, her cheeks flush with embarrassment.

Lily. My Lily. Just smaller.

"Mom, we need to talk. There's something that's happened and I don't know what to do." Her son looks at her with a worried expression, his green eyes looking around wildly before settling back on his mother.

Grandmother's face droops. "She's a pure white wolf, isn't she?"

Her son and his mate nod, tears lining both of their eyes. His mate finally looks up with a faint smile. "She shifted this morning into a ball of white fur. I know you all can't tell me what you know, but we have to do something to save her. If the alpha family finds out that she is the white wolf and an alpha, I’m not sure what they’ll do to her. What if they make her mate with the alpha heir?”

That's right. The binding that doesn't allow them to speak of it if they know. I had almost forgotten about it.

Grandmother shakes her head. "I hate to say this, but Nigel's mate might be who I have to talk to. She dabbles in some unsavory things, but it may just be what we need to suppress her wolf. When I moved in here, I found books from when the other family that ruled beside ours, but there is nothing in there about our situation. The only knowledge I have is from what my own parents told me in bits and pieces.”

"Wait, there might be another way," the woman says. "Maybe we could say it's for me? Do you think she'd buy it?"

"Why would you want to suppress your wolf, though? You’d have to be convincing enough that she will do it."

Her son's eyes light up. "I'll say it's for me. This way Nigel might feel more comfortable and will know I won't ever challenge him. You know he’s been a little uneasy since I’m an alpha as well. It may work.”

His mate and mother both cry out, "No."

“What else can I do, then? It’s not like I will be the one taking it.”

Grandmother glances down at Lily as she plays with a doll. “He will find out, though, and then he’ll kill you. If you fight back and show that you still have your alpha ability, then he’ll know you didn’t take it and go for your mate or Lily. We have to be smart about this.”

"It can always be broken, right? Can you find the herbs and make something to break it?" He asks, a look of hopefulness washes over his face. “It’s this or she will have to mate with Corbin and I don’t trust them.”

Grandmother shakes her head. "I don’t know what we can do, but yes, there are herbs I can use to break something like this. At least, I hope they work.”

The woman steps forward. "She is your granddaughter and strong. We know she's an alpha and hate to do this. It's the last option we have. Please reconsider."

Grandmother's eyes become teary as she looks at Lily. "For her, I will do anything. Go. Ask for the suppression as a sign of loyalty. I'll figure out how to break it when the time comes. But please, be careful and don’t get caught.”

Her son and his mate nod in agreement.

"We'll go ask right now. The sooner, the better. We can't chance her shifting in front of anyone. We'll be back here in a few minutes."

When they close the doors, Grandmother looks at Lily with another smile. "Well, looks like it's you and me for a bit while mommy and daddy go take care of business. How about we play?"

I watch as they play for a few minutes and then I remember what day this was. This is the day her parents were taken from her.

The screams fill the air and Grandmother goes on high alert. "No, it can't be."

She rushes toward the village, Lily in her arms. When she arrives, Nigel stands there covered in blood, pointing toward the woods. "The beast. He took them. I tried to save them, but he took them."

Grandmother looks toward the woods and finds the trail of blood leading into them. "No, not my son and his mate. No, not them."

She knows immediately without Nigel ever saying to confirm it.

I hear the twigs snapping in the woods as I carry them deeper into it. Not killing them, but saving them because pushing them into the village would be a death sentence for sure.

Nigel says, "We can raise Lily if you feel you are unable."

Grandmother shakes her head, rising to her feet quickly, clutching Lily to her chest. "No, I can raise her. She's my granddaughter, after all,. and I’m not too old to do so."

Nigel nods. "Fine, but when she is eighteen, she will move into the village. I will provide her with housing and take care of her from there."

Grandmother agrees, then walks toward the path back to home. I follow behind her, while keeping tabs on my other self in the woods.

As she carries Lillian toward the cottage, she almost misses the book and pouch near the woods. Lily becomes feisty and jumps out of her arms, running toward them.

"Lily, no. It's dangerous."

"Grandmother, Grandmother, it’s a book! See what I found." Lily says excitedly as she rushes toward the items. She’s only about five, but so mature sounding for her age.

I remember clearly now. The book and pouch were with her son's mate, clutched tightly in her hands. When they were thrown into the woods, she begged me to take them to her daughter, knowing that I’d be able to do a little something to help.

Snatching them with my teeth, I rushed toward the cottage, but wasn't sure how I would get them to Grandmother. Finally, I used my nose to scoot them as far as I could without breaking the barrier before returning to her parents to carry them to the other pack.

As I stand there lost in thought, I wonder what all this has to do with digging into the past, as Emmeline had said. What does this part of her past have to do with mine?

Is it to show we are both cursed in some way, or is there a deeper meaning behind it all?

I watch as Grandmother carries Lillian with the supplies into the house, sobbing. "It's going to be okay, my little Lily. You'll be safe."

Time shifts again, and I watch it slowly transform before my eyes. The little girl becomes a teenager and then a young woman. She finally says goodbye to her grandmother after her eighteenth birthday and moves into the village.

All those years, she never feared me as I crept along the edge of the woods, watching and waiting, but as soon as she moved, she became fearful. It’s like something happened that first day she moved back that changed her view, but that was because of Nigel and his fear mongering.

The first day she visited her grandmother after moving came into view. Lillian and her signature red cloak come bounding up the path with a smile on her face. She halts and looks down the path. "It's just thirty feet. I can make it."

Why does the distance matter? She grew up here and knew it was safe. Nothing ever harmed her before.

Nigel shouts out from behind her, "Watch out for the beast, Lillian! He may eat you when you go up the path to your grandmothers. Are you sure you want to go?"

Everything becomes crystal clear at that moment. Nigel is the one who planted all the fear in her. He and his family know I am innocent, but they pretend to be the saviors of the pack.

Lillian looks over her shoulder. "I'll be fine. It’s not like I haven’t done this before.”

She takes off, running up the path, and my wolf bounds along beside her, longing to fully be at her side. Sadly, it seems to cause her panic, and she runs faster. I watch as my wolf's form comes to a stop at the edge of the woods in confusion. I know what he thought back then.

Why is she running like that? I never hurt her or anyone. I even saved her family, though she doesn’t know it.

My wolf's head dips low and when he turns, I notice the scars lining his body. I’ve always known they were there, but to see them from the outside is astonishing. I bite my lip as I remember how I received them.

You'd think I'd be beaten by the way it looks, and I wish it was from that. It would have been far kinder than the pain I had inflicted upon myself as I tried to escape my forest prison. That wall that separated me from the path and village is cruel, as each time I would run into it, it lashed out and serrated my skin like a sharp knife going across skin.

Instead of healing, it left permanent reminders behind.

The memory moves to the next morning as Lillian emerges out of the house, looking sheepishly around for any sign of me.

She seems fine until I move, and she hears the sharp crunch of the branch. Her feet don't touch the ground as she runs to the village, her red cloak flowing behind her.

When I mope all the way toward the cottage, Grandmother is standing at the door with an exasperated expression. "Don't worry, beasty, she'll come around. I know what you really are, though I'm a little unsure of who you are. Maybe our fates are intertwined. One day, I’m going to figure it out and make sure she knows.”

With a smile, she closes the door softly behind her. My jaw drops open. All these years she's lived there, and that is the first time she's addressed me.

It blows my mind and I remember the feeling. It is that day I realize Lillian might be my salvation, and I prayed it would be her.

Could she be the one who ends my misery and breaks the curse, or will she ignore me and not want to have anything to do with me?

Only time will tell because I had never seen her wolf.

I watch the days speed by me again and again. Each time Lillian comes to visit her grandmother, she runs for the door, never stopping to look.

Then I realize this is where my obsession began. A few weeks ago, I finally realized I could talk to her through her mind and she was so startled.

She is my mate, and that confirmed it. It made me feel relieved that I finally knew what she was.

A smile comes to my face as I watch her fall to her knees, her mouth open as she gasps. Oh yes, at that moment, I made her feel like I was scraping my teeth down her neck without being right there behind her. My cheeks heat from the memory now that I can see her reaction fully.

Oh, I was being a little mischievous.

Her eyes open wide as she feels my breath against her skin, then Grandmother opens the door and ruins my fun. Lillian snaps out of it and gets to her feet, scurrying inside while casting glances over her shoulder as if she didn’t just enjoy what happened.

She didn't see it but Grandmother was shaking her head with a smile once her back was turned. I could have sworn I just heard her whisper, "Naughty, naughty wolf."

I watch as my wolf slinks into the shadows of the woods to wait until he would see her again.

My wolf had run for miles before returning. All the energy I had seemed boundless because I had finally found my mate. The idea of freedom was all I could think about.

She would be the one to free me. I could finally leave the forest and everything would be fixed. Everything would be normal again, or at least as normal as it could be.

Sadly, every time I saw Lillian after that, she was always fearful of me, but that was to be expected, since Nigel so kindly made her fear me after she moved to the village at eighteen. Before that moment, she had never thought anything of it, and Grandmother never drew attention to the woods like he did.

Six years of being told I was the big bad wolf was enough to make her scared and I would find every way in this world to break that fear.

My mind swirls as it goes to the last day I was with her. The mating ceremony.

Grandmother broke the binding that was over her, but her wolf was delayed in surfacing.

Sighing, it flashes to the moment I was thrown back in the woods, tumbling into this new realm before everything went black.

My body feels pulled as I rush through bright colors and spirals. It makes no sense and I wonder where I'm being taken.

Suddenly, I hear Ma's voice as I'm being shaken. "Wake up, Lucian. Wake up."

My eyes are so heavy though, and I don't want to. I want to go back to see her. She was right there in my grasp, and almost mine. Please, take me back.

Pa huffs as he tries to sit my head up. "Come on, Lucian. You aren't any good to your mate if you kill over now."

"Interesting. What was he doing before he passed out?" I hear Emmeline ask.

It's your fault that I'm this way, witch. You did this to me. Now fix it.

"He just fell over," Logan says as if he is truly worried about me.

Ma lets out a small sob. "Will he be okay? I've never seen a wolf shifter pass out before."

"Oh, I'm sure he'll be fine. He's been through worse than this."

I almost swear I hear amusement in that witch's voice.

As I rise to my feet, Ma is utterly terrified I'm about to fall over again. I stumble slightly to my left and she has her hands out like she is going to catch me, but I over correct myself and fall to the right, landing with a soft thud.

"Lucian!" she yells.

Ma, I'm fine. Please don't worry. Just got a little dizzy.

Emmeline coos. "I'm sure he's fine. Possibly a little dizzy from his fainting spell."

Tell them, witch. Tell them what you have done to me. It's your fault.

She eyes me curiously with a wicked grin. "All those growls. If only we knew what he was saying."

Why aren't you telling them you can hear me? You're lying. But you’ve been telling them I said things, so they know I can hear you. Come on. Tell them.

Ma readies herself again to catch me as I go to stand, but this time I can without falling. My small whines turn into a growl as I turn to face Emmeline.

"Lucian, what are you doing? Emmeline has always been so kind to us?" Ma cries out.

Tell them you know what I'm saying.

"Maybe he's tired from his fainting spell. Sometimes they can make you quite cranky," Emmeline giggles, but we both know the truth. She knows I'm fed up with her not sharing what she knows and not telling them what I've said. "I'm sure he'd love to be able to talk to you for himself."

What is that supposed to mean? Why are you so cryptic? Have I mentioned how much I hate witches and their riddles? This is ridiculous!

My words come out as growls and, of course, they are aimed at her, causing my mother to gasp.

"Lucian, are you being rude or trying to tell us something? I wish I could hear you again." Ma leans down to stroke the fur on my head and it kind of soothes me for a moment before I become riled again. "Oh, come now, Lucian. Let's just go to our house and maybe things will settle down."

Emmeline shoots me a look, but I'm not sure what it even means. With a snort, I turn and head up the trail like we were before my fainting spell.

I hear mumbles behind me, but I don't pay them any attention. My only focus is getting far away from Emmeline or as far as I can, then maybe I can communicate with my family.

Stopping, I look down at my paws and flex them. Can I maybe draw in the dirt? It's not like I can hold a writing utensil right now.

I feel my mother's hand stroke down my back as she walks by. "Come along. It isn't much further and we'll be home."

I follow them silently up the path, and in a few moments, I see their little cabin. It reminds me of the cottage back home, but with a more rustic look. I just look at it and smile. Well, as best as I can.

We are all together again, but sadly, I know it’s not like before. This is another realm and who knows where it even is?

Ma opens the door for me and ushers me inside first. My father and brother follow, then she softly closes the door.

"Lucian, what do you have to tell us?" Pa asks. "I knew you were trying to warn us, and that Emmeline was up to something."

Logan laughs. "My gosh, it was hard keeping my cool. She knows way too much about what is happening back home and always has. That woman gives me the creeps."

I sigh, but it comes out like a garbled noise. At least they don't trust her, and I’m relieved to know they were just playing along.