BEAR

I enter Above Snakes Bar Grill in time to hear the bell ring. The place breaks into applause. Somewhere in the crowd, a deflowered virgin likely takes a bow. Another satisfied chick, thanks to our resident sex god, Golden.

Back in the day, I had my own little fan club. I didn't ring bells after banging a chick, but I enjoyed a healthy following of women who wanted nothing more than to spend their weekends with my dick in them.

I've often claimed I got too old for that shit. How after thirty, ringing bells and keeping score seemed childish. That I'd matured past fan clubs.

The reality is I had fallen hard for Natasha. Even after she ran off, I couldn't let go. My dick got lonely, though, and jacking off can only accomplish so much. That's why I started hooking up with Aneta.

Tonight, the blonde sits in a reserved corner booth, drinking her usual Aviation cocktail.

I'm pushing through the crowd to reach her when I spot Siobhan running the room's center bar top. Her area is packed, and I can't get close enough to speak. When Siobhan's gaze finds mine, she doesn't look away. I fish out my phone and text her.

"How is your bestie?" I ask, wondering if my words sell my bitterness.

"Battered but beautiful," she says, and my temper flares. "She asked about you."

Frowning at the words, I look at Siobhan stuck behind the bar top crowded by impatient drunks. Her gaze holds mine, and I feel her pity.

"What did you tell her?" I finally text back.

"That you're still hot."

Despite wanting to smirk at her comment, I'm distracted by the hard, hot pain in my chest from knowing I lost a woman I could have loved. "It doesn't matter. Send two beers over, will ya?"

My gaze flashes to where Aneta's owl-like eyes watch me. After shoving a few people out of my way, I slide into the booth like a pissed kid.

"Natasha Kovak's back," I tell Aneta.

She leans closer to hear me better, so I repeat myself. The bar is electric tonight. Something's in the air. Back when I wasn't hung up on Natasha, I'd be in the thick of things, drinking, getting high, and taking chicks into the back rooms. Now, I can't wash off my need for a woman who'll always be out of reach.

"What's the plan?" Aneta asks, sliding closer so we can hear each other over the music and crowd noise.

"She hooked up with a guy after she bailed on Banta City," I say and take the two beers the waitress delivers. "Has two kids now."

"Does that mean you're no longer interested?"

"What's there to be interested in? Natasha Kovak bailed, not me."

Aneta sips her drink and smirks at me. "A man's ego is a fragile thing. I understand why you want to play this close to the vest. But you're making the wrong move here."

"I don't think so."

Leaning close enough for her blonde hair to drape my shoulder, she insists, "I'm afraid you've gone weak. Is this all about your fear of being embarrassed?"

"I'm not afraid of shit."

Aneta sighs. "You're being an asshole."

"To her?"

"To me. Don't you think I'd give anything for Tommy to be free again? I wouldn't care what other people thought. I'd just run to the man I love and hold on tight. But here you are with a second chance in the palm of your hand and you're planning to sit shit out. Lame-ass motherfucker."

"I don't love Natasha Kovak. Hell, I don't even know her."

"Natasha does something funky deep inside you," Aneta says and pokes me in the chest. "That's why you always refer to her by her full name. It's like you think her last name will distract you from the woman you want."

"I'm just restless. Nothing personal about it."

"Plenty of young women would love to ride you, Bear. Not just for one night, either. You've got that big house, and your voice makes girls go wild. With you, they'd have it on easy street with money and a hot man. But you show them zero interest."

Wishing I had hidden at home rather than coming to the clubhouse, I don't want Aneta to be honest. I was looking for pity. That's why I only spit out, "I don't want a wife or kids."

"Then, why buy the house?"

"It's a nice fucking house."

"Yeah, but it's not suited for a single man."

"I have the cats."

Aneta smiles and watches me through an entire song. I hate the feeling of being analyzed.

"You had a tough day," she says, throwing me the pity I seek. "Having that woman back and knowing people are talking about you is a lot to handle. I'm here to meet someone about a job, but maybe afterward, we could..." She finishes by rubbing my thigh up near my cock.

I lean away from her and frown as if she's crossed a line. Aneta removes her hand and laughs.

"That's what I thought," she says, sampling her drink again. "If Tommy showed up, I'd have zero interest in you, Bear. We'd still be friends. Well, unless Tommy said it made him uncomfortable. Then, I'd ghost you. That's how much I want him. Deep down, that's how much you want Natasha Kovak."

I've always been honest with Aneta in a way I can't be with others. We've gotten drunk, fucked, and whined about how we lost the only people we've ever truly wanted.

But I'm not drunk enough to be honest. We're also surrounded by a party. Though my feelings sting at how Natasha found another guy so quickly, I can't share shit in this place. So, I just gulp down my first beer, start chugging the second, and flash a frown at my old friend.

"What job are you meeting about?" I ask, changing the subject.

"I was out shopping and ran into a sex goddess. She just moved to town. Has money and seems to want to go wild. I'm trying to talk her into dancing for the club. She'd be quite the catch."

"Do women really dance if they don't need the money?"

"Sure. Some just like the attention. I got the feeling this chick was from a repressed background and dying to be a wild child. Oh, and she has a twin sister. Can you imagine if I can recruit them both?"

"Your life is weird," I mutter, making her laugh.

Aneta reaches around to hug me. "I love you, Bear. I hope you can see past your ego and claim that rich mafia bitch as your woman. It's what you deserve."

"She hates me," I grumble as Aneta still hugs me like I'm her giant kid. "And she left. And she fucked some other guy and then sent his ass to the boneyard. What the fuck do I want with her?"

"I don't know. She sounds awful, and I'd never stoop so low to want her," she says, settling back into her spot and grinning at me. "But you never could shake your need for her, so maybe you can see your way to getting back into her pants."

Though I open my mouth to complain, Aneta's only got eyes for a hot chick headed in our direction.

"Admit it," Aneta says, pushing me out of her booth. "You'd pay money to see this chick naked."

I don't answer because the woman has arrived. Walking around behind her, I look at Aneta and shrug. She waves me off, thinking I'm full of shit.

I head to a smaller bar top in the corner of the massive clubhouse. A third beer does nothing to calm my bad mood. I'm considering a fourth when Noble slides into the spot next to me and orders a Negroni.

"Give me one too," I tell the bartender.

"You're going to need to sleep off the booze here rather than risking a ride home."

"I'm not even drunk."

"You will be."

Noble's dark gaze holds warmth and humor. There's always something welcoming about the man. I like how much he fools people with his appealing appearance.

Noble is the baby bear of his family. While Zoot runs cold and Elvis is hot, Noble is a comfortable middle ground. He's also the man least likely to hint he's about to gut you.

"I heard about your girlfriend," I say after chugging my Negroni and starting on a second one. "The chick with the pink hair. I'm sorry she died."

Noble smiles at me in that gentle way he has about himself. I know he's faking it. I bet he hates hearing me mention his dead girlfriend.

"How come you never found anyone else?" I ask as the booze turns me into a rude asshole.

"Xana was it for me. I can fuck other women. I'll see their qualities, but I accepted long ago how none of them could live up to a ghost."

I look at Noble and think about how young he was when the woman he loved was gunned down. Most of his life has been spent knowing what he lost. Is that my future?

"I think all the time about the day Ollie died," I mumble, sinking into a bad feeling.

"His brother set him up. It's not all on you."

"It's why she left."

Noble nurses his drink for a long time. I think maybe he's decided he doesn't want to talk to me now that I'm whining about Natasha and bringing up his dead girlfriend.

Finally, he says, "Bear, you only get one life. What do you want to do with the time you have left? Because you don't seem happy to me."

"I want her," I mutter under my breath as the pain digging deep in my chest becomes unbearable. "I want her to look at me like she did before I killed her friend."

"She's different now, no doubt. You fell for a pampered princess. She's spent two years getting smacked around and living in a dump."

"Did you know where she was?"

"No, but Fred did a little digging today. She saw an obvious cleanup job south from here. The guy who died was a nobody. The house was a dump in a rural area."

"Are they looking for her?"

"Who, the cops? No, they got their dough. They're playing it as a meth house situation. The news put a picture of the asshole and his kids on the TV. Had his crying mom accuse his live-in girlfriend of being a meth head. The cops claim all four are dead. Problem solved."

"How do you know she got smacked around?"

"After visiting Natasha, Siobhan was crying at the farm over how she hadn't been able to help her friend. I have no doubt she always knew where Natasha was."

"Why would Natasha Kovak slum it? Is that crap what she wants?"

Noble frowns. "Why are you asking me?"

"Because she's not here, asshole."

"Yeah, but you know where she's at. Go ask her."

"What good would it do?"

Noble shakes his head at my stupidity. "Roman's still planning to marry her off. You get that, right? Natasha doesn't get out of that family tradition just because she left you or lived with this other guy. If she wants the Kovak family's help, she'll need to pay the price."

"Petra's husband dumped her. That's what Carys said, anyway. Doesn't seem like the arranged marriage thing always sticks."

Ignoring my babble, Noble continues, "I think Roman is looking to keep Natasha close to home. She's the baby of the family. They'll want her in Banta City, so I assume they'll try to restart the deal with the club."

"Fuck you," I mutter and suspect the second Negroni broke my filter.

"If you don't want her, plenty of guys will step up. Hell, I could marry her. What do I care?"

"Why didn't you offer to marry her before?"

Noble gives me a side glance and smirks. "Because you're not a subtle man, Bear."

"No, I'm not. And she's so beautiful," I say and rub my eyes too hard. "I wish I had been more careful that day with Ollie."

Noble pats my back as I lower my head to the counter to deal with the spinning world.

"I could call Roman in the morning and get permission for you to come out to the house to see Natasha. You could make your case for why she ought to stick to the old deal."

"She hates me."

"Yes, but I remember when she partied in this bar. I was around back then to ensure she didn't get harmed. You weren't the only one who found her beautiful. Your club brothers wanted a taste, but I saw how she only showed interest in you. So, maybe she hates you, and maybe she'll never get over that. But I bet she'd see the sense in marrying you rather than another man."

Noble's words seem stupid. Natasha ran away from her life to avoid marrying me. She stayed gone for two long-ass years. There's no reason she'd submit to my bed again. I'm the bad guy. I killed her friend. She'd rather get smacked around by a piece of shit than see me again.

"You've got that big house," Noble says after finishing his drink and patting my back. "And she's got those two kids now. I hear they're cute. If you're sweet to them, they might warm up to you. A woman is bound to get soft over a man who wins over her kids. You can still have what you want, but you need to move now before Roman finds someone else."

I think I agree with Noble. He says something about calling in the morning. Or maybe he said that earlier.

The booze hits me hard. I end up on my ass at one point. Golden and Tack are forced to drag me to a back bedroom. I hear them laughing about how I'm too old to hold my liquor. I think I might slap Golden. He calls me a dumb bitch. Then, I know I slap him. They laugh for what feels like forever.

Finally, I'm alone in a bedroom in the back of Above Snakes. It smells of jizz. I can't believe I spent time with Natasha in rooms like this one.

When I told her we could go somewhere else, she said she was too drunk to survive a ride on the back of my bike to a Hilton. I knew she was mocking me, but I was mostly worried she was too wasted to say yes. Would I wake up the next day to find her brothers planning my funeral?

Before I could take her home, Natasha wrapped her arms around the back of my neck and stared into my eyes with her beautiful, blue ones.

"I see you, Bear O'Malley," she said with complete sincerity.

I knew then how she was sober enough to say yes. I also accepted how I'd never feel for any woman what I felt for Natasha.