BEAR

With Golden, Tack, and Indigo close behind, I arrive at the Harken and Sons Trucking Company. The business is a front with empty trucks regularly rolling out, just so we look legit.

The boxy white-stucco-and-red-brick office can house a staff of thirty. Normally, the front office is filled with an assortment of women from the women's shelters. They gain real-world training, so they can build an employment history.

The women don't do more than answer the phones. They're not even allowed to file, since who knows what they might see.

The real work is done by Carys O'Malley and her buzzy office bees. These chicks are former strippers and hookers, looking for a second career. They're vetted and loyal.

Sitting behind the new girl at the front desk, Carys looks up from what she's texting.

Beautiful like her mom and sister, the blue-eyed brunette sports a large belly carrying my club brother Pork Chop's third kid and his first daughter.

Carys smiles normally for Golden, Tack, and Indigo, but her expression goes tender and sad for me.

"Hey, Bear," she says full of affection.

"Am I dying?" I ask Indigo. "What the fuck?"

Though six-foot-two, Golden still needs to lift on his tiptoes to see me better. "You look healthy enough. It wouldn't hurt you to get a haircut."

Roughly mussing his shoulder-length, blond hair, I glance toward where our president steps out from his back office.

Zoot is a hard man to know. He looks a lot like his brothers with his dark hair and eyes. But he isn't charming or reasonable like Noble and Elvis. He also doesn't hold himself with the raw, crazed energy of Aunt Fred's brothers in the Hills Chapter.

Instead, he just seems like an asshole. Aunt Fred once compared Zoot to an awkward, irritable kid tormented by bullies. Sure, he doesn't react to much of anything, seeming content to glare and silently rage. Eventually, though, he'll lose his shit on the latest troublemaker and keep raging until he's worn himself out. No one in Banta City wants to be the final straw for a man like Zoot.

"Bear, come back so we can talk," he says in his version of a warm voice before frowning at Golden. "Alone."

"Uh-oh, maybe you've got cancer or something," Golden says and smirks at Indigo. "Zoot's using his ‘your mom was hit by a bus' voice."

While Indigo shoves Golden for bringing up his dead mom, I start wondering if my own mom really did die.

Between Siobhan and Carys doing their sympathetic smiles and now Zoot trying to show humanity, something has clearly gone terribly wrong.

I soon stand in Zoot's large office filled with a dozen chairs and one small desk long past its expiration date.

I watch him lean back in the desk chair. Suddenly, he sits forward and rests his hands together like a well-meaning shrink preparing to discuss heavy topics with a small child.

"Fred was supposed to be here, but she's running late," Zoot explains, trying the leaning-back position again. "I guess I could tell you," he adds, seeming awkward over using words. "Did you ever hear about Noble's girlfriend?"

Shaking my head, I feel like the walls are closing in on me as Zoot's dark eyes try their damnedest to be sympathetic.

"Back in the day, my brother met this wacky chick when her band played at a club we ran. He was in his early twenties. Xana was barely legal. The band cranked out awful noise. Fred insisted they were punk. To me, they sounded like little girls who never learned to play their instruments right."

I don't react to his words since I sense I'm about to get jumped. Zoot doesn't help my anxiety when he studies me with an overly intense gaze before remembering he's telling a story.

"Xana had pink hair and was always really happy. Like, she smiled all the damn time, and she was fucking nuts over Noble. They were glued together. I didn't figure they'd last. In a way, I hoped they wouldn't. Her sunshine personality was rubbing off on him. You know how I don't trust people who smile too much."

"It's true you've mentioned that fact before."

"I'm sure you heard how the Lisky brothers did that drive-by years ago, right? People occasionally mention how Noble ended up nearly dying. He was basically in a coma for months and real close to death. And that's why I'm president, and he isn't."

"Yes, I have also heard that information."

Zoot narrows his eyes at my robotic tone. Shrugging, he continues to do his best impersonation of a casual person.

"Well, what people don't really talk about is how when those assholes started shooting at us, one of their bullets went straight through Xana's heart. She was smiling and staring at Noble like he was the best thing ever. Then, she was just gone. I never saw someone die like that. Fast, I mean."

"That's sad about her dying," I mumble, sick of waiting for him to drop the hammer on me.

"After Noble woke up and realized Xana was gone, he wasn't good for a long time. Do you know Sick Ricky from the Hills Chapter?" he asks, and I nod since I've obviously met everyone in the other chapters. "So, he told Noble not to worry because it was all about timing. Xana was the right woman for that right time, but another woman would come along down the road when the timing was right again."

Since I don't know if I'm supposed to agree with Sick Ricky, I only nod.

"Timing is everything," Zoot says as his voice gets that far-off sound to it. "If Xana had gone inside just a minute earlier, she'd be alive. I don't know whether her hair would still be pink, or she'd smile so much, but they'd probably be together. But the timing wasn't right, you know?"

"Sure."

"And that's what you've got to understand," he says, leaning forward and wearing a concerned, slightly constipated expression. "How timing is everything."

"Am I dying?" I ask as I hear Aunt Fred's voice from the other side of the office door.

Zoot doesn't answer as his sister-in-law enters. She offers a tender smile, likely sensing he didn't have the balls to tell me.

"I was saying how timing is everything," Zoot explains.

Smiling at his words, Aunt Fred nods. Her thick mane of brown-and-gray curls bounces from the movement. Her blue eyes glow with warmth. I always feel safer when she's around.

"Natasha Kovak has returned to Banta City," she explains and lets the words settle in the air.

Hearing Natasha's name feels like a kick in the balls. Yet, my chest also hurts in a good way at the thought of her sharing the same town with me again.

"Why?" I casually ask Aunt Fred.

"Timing," Zoot says, and I wish he'd go back to his normal silent-and-cold routine since this softer side is creeping me out.

"She was living with a man in the state over," Aunt Fred explains. "They had two kids. Little house. Real boring middle-class life."

"Is that why she's back?" I ask and cross my arms. "Did she get bored of her new family?"

Aunt Fred hears the anger in my voice and continues, "Natasha called the Syndicate's hotline last night. The cleaning crew disposed of her violent ex. Now, she's returned home."

For the next few minutes, I don't say a damn useful thing. Instead, I mutter under my breath, sounding like an annoyed bear. The smart move would be to pretend I didn't care. Except my brain can only see the beautiful woman who was so close to being mine.

"Bear, no one expects you to stick with the agreement," Aunt Fred says, leaning forward and forcing me to make eye contact. "Things have changed."

"The timing's off," Zoot adds unhelpfully.

I finally glare at him and growl, "You're pissing me off."

Zoot looks at Aunt Fred and throws up his hands. "You should have done this shit alone. I'm not good at it."

"You're his president," she says and then adds, "And his family."

"You know what I say, Bear?" Zoot mutters to me. "I say to hell with Natasha Kovak. She was always on the weird side. I don't even know why you agreed to marry the stuck-up bitch."

"Are you done?" Aunt Fred asks him.

Holding her gaze, he spits back, "No, probably not. I actually feel like I might just be getting started."

"I blame myself," she says softly and pats his cheek. "You're more productive when silent. I've created this problem by insisting you speak."

Zoot gives her a snarly grin before gesturing for her to handle this situation. Aunt Fred looks at me and smiles.

"How do you feel?"

I pace around, grumbling about Natasha running off and making a family with someone else. That other guy abused her. I'd never lay a hand on her, but I wasn't good enough.

As I gripe to myself, Zoot goes rigid like he's plotting how to take me down if I lose my temper. Aunt Fred just smiles patiently since she knows my rage won't touch her.

"Natasha was a long fucking time ago, and I was only doing the club a favor," I lie despite knowing they'll see right through my words. "I don't know why everyone's acting like I just got dumped. First, Siobhan and then Carys. Wait, is this why Siobhan picked up the girls early? She's rushing back to her bestie."

Aunt Fred nods. "Katja called me after Natasha arrived. I told Elvis, and he blabbed to the girls. Other than Zoot and Noble, no one knows yet."

"Since this guy smacked her around, she's the victim, right?" I ask Aunt Fred. "Meaning, I'll always be the bad guy."

"No one blames you," Zoot answers rather than wait for her to reply. "Everyone knows Natasha was cracked in the head."

Aunt Fred doesn't react to his words. She just rests her hands on my shoulders and calms me with her soft gaze.

"What happened with Ollie wasn't what you wanted. Most people understood how it was an accident. Deep down, Natasha probably knows that, too. But her heart was hurt, and she isn't wired right for the life we live. In the end, no one blames you, and you shouldn't blame yourself."

"Damn right. You did nothing wrong," Zoot grumbles and wags his finger at me. "Ollie shouldn't have been there. That's on his scummy brother, not you."

I heard Natasha collapsed with sorrow when she found out about Ollie. She came to the hospital thinking he was hurt, only to find out he was dead. My chest burns hot and heavy when I imagine her knowing I did that to him.

Natasha was crazy about Ollie. They'd been friends since junior high. She "dated" him in school to keep him protected. Natasha organized therapy, transportation, and supervision for the hulking, disabled guy. She wanted Ollie's life to be filled with happiness, even if his family preferred to keep him trapped with them.

Then, I came along and killed him.A part of me thinks losing Natasha Kovak was a righteous punishment for the mistake I made.

However, I really wanted her, and I've rarely gotten what I wanted in life. No other woman will do, either. She was my shot at something great, and I fucked it up.

Hugging me, Aunt Fred whispers, "You deserve the best." Studying my scowling face, Aunt Fred offers her most tender smile. "You'll get the best, too. Don't worry. Life is a journey, not a race," she says and glances at an annoyed Zoot. "It all comes down to timing."

Winning a smile from him, Aunt Fred focuses on me and refuses to let me look away. When I was an asshole teenager ready to burn down her farm, she looked at me in the same way. I was certain I knew best. She swore she was the one with the answers.

Who the fuck knows, maybe she's right again? My shot with Natasha might not be over, and the damn thing really will come down to timing.