BEAR’S EPILOGUE

Some days, all I can see are my many flaws. Probably because one of my biggest faults is my negative thinking.

However, I know I'm a good dad. I hadn't really expected that about myself back when I was a rowdy teenager growing up on the farm. Never did I hope for a wife or kids. My goal was to be like Zoot. Or if I could become more patient and less stubborn, I might aim to become like Noble. Never once did I imagine myself capable of living Elvis's life.

Yet, here I am with my beautiful, sweet-natured wife, two blood-related daughters, and four non-blood kids.

Michala is the last kid I make with Natasha. Though the pregnancy starts well, she ends up on bedrest at seven months. Even the C-section is riskier than with Olívie. The entire stressful experience leaves us certain we're done making babies. Natasha has her tubes tied during the surgery.

Our youngest daughter looks just like Olívie with brown hair and bright blue eyes. They're built big like me but inherit Natasha's soft, beautiful features.

Unlike Olívie, Michala is shy and reclusive. She hides behind her brothers and sisters and peeks out at strangers and friends alike. Despite her more reserved nature, she isn't a shrinking violet with her siblings. Michala never hesitates to run around out back, keeping up with the big kids.

On account of her quiet, watchful nature, many people claim Michala acts like a Kovak. However, she reminds me of myself as a kid. Even before I knew the world sucked, I remained wary. That's all Michala does by standing back and waiting to see what happens before jumping all-in like her siblings.

For years, Hector is my only son. He shadows me whenever I'm at the house. The cats often follow us around. Once he's seven, I start bringing Hector to breakfast at Farmer's Table. A part of me hopes he'll join my club when he's older, but I'm not sure he has the heart for the job. Hector is such a fun, open little guy. He loves animals and dress up. He wears tutus when his sisters run around in theirs.

I don't know if he can still be himself and also ride with the Backcountry Kings. Still, I fucking love when he wears his club vest and helps me work on my motorcycle in the front driveway.

We gain two more sons after Natasha meets the brothers—aged seven and four—through one of her charities. Kit and Jon's parents had died a year earlier, leaving them in the care of their alcoholic grandmother. When she neglected the boys, they ended up in foster care.

I often tell people I didn't have a choice with the boys. As if once Natasha came home in love, I couldn't deny her. The truth is I saw myself in their situation. If I really was like Elvis, I needed to offer the boys a second chance at a family.

Jon is a hyper blond with a big laugh and a habit of stealing food. Natasha starts setting an extra dish next to his to encourage him to snag food from it rather than his siblings' plates. In the evenings, Jon runs with me around the property's perimeter to wear out our new puppy, Crawfish. This little trick helps them both settle down for the night.

Older and warier, Kit comes off super fake at first. He pulls the classic, foster-kid routine with big smiles and overly respectful language. Kit doesn't trust his new luck will stick.

I totally get that, too. He went from living in squalor to uptight, awkward homes. He knew no one really wanted him. His parents weren't so different from mine. Now, he's living in a big house with a loving mom and an involved dad. He's got tons of toys and a fantasy backyard. He won the adoption lottery. If I were him, I'd also assume the good times wouldn't last.

Like Aunt Fred did with me, Natasha wears down Kit's defenses. She is always caressing his head or asking him questions. When my wife unleashes her love on someone, there's no fighting its power.

Kit finally falls for her, leaving him depressed when he worries her affections will go away.

"Natasha is clingy," I warn him one day as he sits away from his siblings. "When you get bigger, she'll be all up in your business. I bet she'll spy on your girlfriends. Real obnoxious shit, but she can't help loving you so much."

Kit frowns at me, considering a far-off future where he's still loved by his new mom. I catch him watching me more after that. He views me as a straight shooter. If I say something is real, he's more likely to believe it.

I start bringing Kit with Hector and me to Farmer's Table breakfasts. His slightly older brother's goofy personality eventually rubs off on him. Kit often gets to laughing loudly at his uncles' antics. Of course, he finds Golden's bullshit hilarious.

"So now he's the coolest, huh?" I ask as we drive home after one breakfast.

"No, you are, Tatínek," Hector says as if I'm dumb.

"Golden's just funny," Kit mumbles and peeks at me. "He doesn't watch out for people like you do."

Those moments are when I know I'm a good dad. However, family life comes with its downsides.

My six-thousand-foot home once felt too large and filled with empty space. Six kids, two cats, and a drama-whore pug make the house cramped. During a golf game with Viktor and his sons, my father-in-law gently demands I expand my house.

"I'll hire you the best architect in the state and pay for the additions, but the house must get bigger. My grandchildren shouldn't need to share rooms."

After five years in the Kovak family's circle, I've come to accept how arguing with Viktor is pointless.

Of course, I do bitch to Natasha later. She sits on our bed, nodding at everything I say and offering me moral support.

Once I'm finished, she replies, "Yes, but it's just easier to do what they say. Besides, we've talked about expanding a little here or there. Why not do it all at once and let them pay for it?"

"But I like the house the way it is," I mumble, sounding whinier than I intend.

Natasha opens her arms, and I'm soon wrapped in her embrace. "We will insist on retaining this house's rustic style. We might expand out or up, but we'll never go posh. I love the feel of our house."

"I knew you would," I murmur and kiss her throat. "That's why I picked it."

Natasha's calm determination encourages me to go along with the remodel. However, despite hiring the best architect and building crew in the state, I quickly realize living in a construction zone is intolerable. As soon as I complain, Katja insists we stay at the mansion until the end of the renovation.

I don't even consider playing contrarian. After all, I hate having so many strangers at the house so early in the morning. Crawfish barks at the workers all day, constantly startled by their presence. My cats hide in closets. The kids can't play out back. Michala becomes too stressed to sleep in her own bed overnight.

For the next four months, we claim an entire wing of the mansion. The kids settle down quickly. Though the dog still barks too much, the cats are happier.

Even after all these years, Petra remains at the mansion with her kids. She claims she'll move out once her daughters attend college.

"Maybe," she always adds.

Between a bad marriage and her near-death experience, Petra seems happiest when wrapped in her parents' power. At the mansion, she enjoys her own wing with her kids and their former nanny turned "Petra's special friend."

I don't mind the four months at the mansion. I've long stopped feeling intimidated by the Kovak family or their wealth. I mostly view them as the weird side of my family tree.

"Right, like Zoot's so damn normal," Natasha taunts whenever I mention how her family's odd. "He's intimidated by Crawfish."

"In my president's defense," I always reply, "our dog is fearsome."

Every time on cue, Crawfish will instantly drop to the ground and roll around to really sell his harmless act.

I can't claim I knew I'd ever have so many kids. Or a goofball dog and two cats who still like to warm my feet at night. I hadn't planned to live in a big house or its even larger remodeled version. Most of my life came as a surprise, including how hard and fast I fell for Natasha Kovak.

I might spend my days acting like a rough asshole on Banta City's often-violent streets, but I go home to a soft, gorgeous woman who forgave my sins and inspired me to hope for more.

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THE END