Chapter 23

Twenty-Three

MARISSA

“Are you ready?” I slide my hand into Xavier’s. He gives a solemn nod in reply. “You don’t have to do this. I wanted to see…to know. But if it bothers you⁠—”

Quickly, he interrupts, “No, I want to show you.” Xavier puts on a small smile for me. Pecking my cheek, he tugs on his heavy black pea coat, and helps me put on my trench coat.

Walking to the stable garage, he stops in front of his row of vehicles, then chooses the Land Rover. Being winter break, the forecast predictably looks like snow, so the SUV is a wise choice. Wrapping my scarf tighter around my neck, I tuck my cap over my ears before climbing in the large leather passenger seat.

We’d stayed at the manor the night before to be closer to our errand. Xavier didn’t want his father to know where we were going. He said it was too difficult of a subject, and they didn’t share much about it. Before he told me, I’d already invited Mal, but didn’t tell my fiancé. It will hopefully be a happy surprise.

As we drive up to the cemetery, the skies dull with thick gray clouds. The grounds are well-kept, and the asphalt on the lane is new. Several gravestones hold beribboned wreaths left over from the holiday season. Snow begins to drizzle from the sky when we approach a mausoleum near the back of the lot.

As I shift in my seat, the crinkle of the cellophane surrounding the flower bundles in my lap cuts through our silence. I clear my throat. I thought of some things to say to help Xavier process his grief, but as they come to mind now…they all feel utterly ineffective. Like words could take away the pain of losing a mother and sister.

Xavier parks just off to the side of the drive. No other cars are around, so I suppose Malcolm had decided not to join us. I wait to mimic whatever Xavier wants to do. He pauses in the driver’s seat for what seems to be several minutes, then jumps out. Not waiting for him to open my door, I slip out, too.

Placing his arm around my shoulder, Xavier leads me through a row of cement headstones. Before taking too many steps, however, a blue Jaguar pulls up behind the Land Rover. Xavier’s eyes narrow as Malcolm and Millie get out of the car. Millie is dressed in an all-white ensemble with a large, white, fuzzy hat. Malcolm carries a bouquet of white roses.

“Did you do this?” Cocking one eyebrow, he gazes at me with suspicion. I shrug my shoulders. His face softens as he presses his lips to my forehead and says, “I love you.”

Mal saunters over to Xavier and embraces him tightly while Millie grabs my gloved hand. Xavier and his father walk together, father’s arm around his son, toward the gravesite.

Once we reach it, Mal squeezes his son’s shoulder tighter. Millie and I stay back until Xavier searches for my hand in the open air. Sliding my fingers between his, he tugs me into his side. Breaking away for only a moment, I lay my bouquets of lilies and snowdrops on the graves, then hurry next to him again.

With a nod at the larger of the stones, he says, “Marissa, this was my mother, Lucia. She loved to laugh and loved the woods. Dad met her on a camping trip⁠—”

Malcolm laughs. “She and her friends were wild. The four of my friends and the three of hers met up and decided to camp the rest of the weekend together. And that’s all you’ll ever know about all that.”

“I think that’s all I want to know.” Xavier smiles shyly.

“I’m happy to meet you, Lucia. I wish we could have met sooner.” Ugh. Everything I say sounds wrong.

Through a choked voice, Xavier says, “And this was my sister, Olivia.”

Malcolm lets out a pained whimper and turns to Millie, whispering, “Sorry, Xav. I can’t.” Tears fall freely down his face. Millie smiles at me, then leads Mal away to the cars with her delicate arm wrapped around his waist.

Not knowing anything to say, I stand beside my boyfriend, holding his hand and not moving. Stoically, we hunker down there for a long while. The snow falls heavily around us, the whirls of white causing my vision to blur along with a few crystal tears. My mind keeps thinking of things I want to voice, but I keep quiet. Words seem inadequate for the moment.

“Thank you.” Xavier finally breaks the silence, which startles me for a second. “I needed this.” His warmth covers my head as he presses a kiss to the top of it, still covered with my knitted cap. “I’m ready.” As we walk back to the vehicle, Xavier pauses. Clear blue eyes meet my face with a serious look. “I want to do this again next year. For the same anniversary.”

My hair catches in the wind, blowing into my mouth as I reply. “Okay. Let’s do it every year. Let’s make it a good holiday. We’ll bring our children, and they can get to know Olivia and your mother.”

Xavier bites his lip and gives me a small nod before he moves forward.

After our engagement, Xavier’s been more open with me. He admitted he used my Pinterest account to see what I liked and to explore my dreams. It’s where he gathered the inspiration for our cabin. I had a board for my dream house and several for future children, as well as my artistic inspirations. He used them all to construct a blueprint of my deepest desires.

Like an unknown guardian angel, Xavier has been in the background of my life for the past two years. Instead of fear, like I felt when I first met him, I feel comforted, safe, and taken care of.

“What about that party where Trevor saved me from the roofie? Were you there?” I ask while we travel back to his father’s mansion.

“Yeah, I was watching. Thought about interrupting to let you know what the game was.”

“But you didn’t,” I say.

“No…back then, I didn’t care what happened to you. I was focused on trying to ruin your father’s life. I thought you deserved to make your own choices. That was probably stupid of me.”

“Wait, what about Mr. Hall… You said he would pay. Was—was the arrest all you?”

Xavier sighs and reaches across to tuck some hair behind my ear as we stop at a red light. “I overheard you complain about that pervert for too long. I started to watch him with the other students, even took his intro photography class.”

“You did?” My eyes dart to his.

“Kara and Brooke were in his class, too, and told me what his aim was—asking girls to his studio. Neither of them minded fucking him. They set up the camera for me. I had a computer program download the footage weekly but never checked it. Was just waiting for the right time, I think.”

“And that day…”

“That day was definitely the right time. I was planning to murder him after I left you that night, but also wanted to be with you and couldn’t do that in prison. So, I started watching the feed instead and sent it to the police.”

Part of me wonders if Mr. Hall’s suicide, that was hushed up in the newspapers, was due to Xavier. Did he have more to do with his death than he’s letting on? The scary part isn’t what he would do, it’s that…I wouldn’t care. Maybe even would feel pride that Xavier had dealt with him and protected me.

After we return from the cemetery, Xavier won’t let my body go. Holding me by the waist, he leads us up to his bedroom. “I need you,” he whispers. His words don’t hold any gruffness; there’s no primal urge behind them. I know what he means. He needs me for comfort, to be there for him and let him know I’m with him. That I’m not leaving.

When I swivel around to face him, he doesn’t cling to me like normal. No, his face seeks out my neck and buries there, his strong arms holding me while helping me peel off my clothes and I his. There’s no hurry, only solace. Letting my nails run trails over his firm, naked back, his lips meet everywhere he can reach, before leaning us back onto his king-sized bed. Slowly, methodically, he makes love to me while gazing into my eyes without saying much of anything. Brushing back his hair from his forehead, I attempt to soothe him until he hits my spot and I erupt. Once he releases within me, quietly, he collapses on top of me, surrounding me with his limbs in a tight squeeze.

It’s a few minutes of panting, catching his breath while almost suffocating me with his body when he mutters a satisfied groan against my collarbone. “We should get up for dinner.”

“You know, you’re a much better cook than I am,” I tell him with a kiss to his cheek.

“Yeah, I am.” His dimples flourish as he smirks at me. Feigning outrage, I gasp and slap his bare chest with my palm.

“You said you wanted me to be your housewife, but I think you should do the cooking.”

He tries to spank my ass, but I dodge it. “How about we fuck again for it?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, whoever comes first has to do the cooking.” Wrapping his arms around my waist, he taps his nose to the end of mine.

I laugh. “That’s stupid. We’d both suffer if I ‘won.’”

His chuckle meets the enthusiasm of mine. “You’re right. How about if I cook, you clean up?”

“I am completely okay with that compromise.”

Daydreams peek into my head randomly about when we will get pregnant with our first child. Xavier talks about it all the time, especially while coming inside me. He’s obsessed with planting his seed in my womb. I still have a year of college and think it’s probably best to wait until after graduation. But he seems to be in a rush. Nonetheless, I take my pill every night.

Near the startof the spring semester, my mind floods with ideas for my final project. The utter bliss I’m living in being engaged to Xavier and planning our future together makes me see fresh colors and new lights everywhere I look. Everything is an inspiration. Everyone is a muse.

Every afternoon, my mom and Millie work on wedding plans. They’re still aiming for a spring wedding for us. Evidently, that’s when the Merrick country club is at its most beautiful. I just nod and smile and let them do their thing. The wedding doesn’t matter to me as much as my marriage.

I’m getting used to the idea of becoming Mrs. Xavier Cardell. Sure, I would have preferred to elope or even have a small family gathering at the waterfall in the park, but Cardell Enterprises has a lot of people to invite.

Even if we are moving fast, I know Xavier is the one. I’m ready to marry him and start our life together. His family welcomed me with open arms and treats me as if I’m already their daughter. My mother is just as enthralled with Xavier as I am. Xavier and my father have even started getting along. My dad makes it to every Wednesday family dinner now, and they have plans to play golf once the weather changes.

While reviewing my project notes in the campus coffee shop one afternoon, I spot a familiar face walking in next to an attractive man with deep chestnut hair. James notices me in the corner and comes over with a big smile painted on his pretty face.

“Hey, you! Long time no see!” he exclaims as we greet each other with a warm hug. Genuine contentment fills my spirit.

“Yeah, it’s been a while. How have you been?” I ask. It’s odd to see him when I had almost forgotten his existence over the last few months. The old wound he left has certainly healed and my happiness at seeing him is genuine.

James sits down at my table. “It’s been a bit crazy. I’ve missed you, though. Missed your friendship,” he clarifies.

Taking a sip of my coffee, I nod. “I’ve missed you, too, James.” And I have now that I think of it. But not romantically at all.

His tall companion approaches with a couple of coffees, one for himself and one for James. James points to the chair next to him, and his friend sits down with a big smile. “Marissa, this is Neal…my boyfriend.” Straightening his broad shoulders, James looks pleased to say the title out loud.

Neal reaches out his hand toward me. “Oh, you’re Marissa. James has said wonderful things about you. I’m so glad to meet you.”

I greet him and shake his hand. Neal and James make an attractive couple. “So, how did you two meet?”

Neal chuckles and darts his light brown eyes over to James. “It’s a crazy story that involves tequila and the game Operation.”

“And the tennis rackets,” James adds, and they both laugh harder at some private joke.

“Did your parents have their annual holiday party?” I ask James carefully. I don’t want to offend Neal if he wasn’t invited.

Neal snorts and leans back in his chair, tapping James’s bicep. “Oh, we went. His mother was about to have an aneurysm.”

“Marissa knows all about my mother,” James says, rolling his blue eyes.

“Yeah, she hated me. I bet she loved you,” I say to Neal.

Pinching his lips, he says, “Oh no. His mother hates me. You’re not alone there. I loved watching her head spin when we waltzed the first dance together.”

“That was because you stuck your tongue down my throat… Not that I minded.” James wraps an arm around his boyfriend and kisses his cheek.

“Well, I’m going to be late for class. I’ll see you around, Marissa. I hope you hang out with us sometime.” He pauses, a bright smile lifting his lips. “We could teach you drunken Operation.” James giggles across the table. Everything about him is relaxed and at ease… He looks stable. And happy.

I wave goodbye to Neal and turn to James. “He seems so nice and, wow, is he hot.”

James grins wide, showcasing his dimples. “Yeah, he is both.” His brow furrows as he glances down at the table, and I can tell he’s hesitating to bring up something. “I heard you were engaged. I see the ring there… Xavier, huh?”

Taking a deep breath in, I wonder how to approach this with him. “Yeah. Listen, I’m sorry for the way things ended between us.”

His blonde hair catches the light from the window as he shakes his head rapidly. “Hey, it was my fault. As I said, I shouldn’t have used you. I should never have gotten with Jackson, that’s for sure.”

“What happened with Jackson?”

“He turned out to be a scheming snake. Plus, I never felt right using him to ‘test out’ my sexuality. He was the first guy I had a crush on, you know? He said he didn’t care, but I did. Anyway, I’m happy now and having a great time with Neal. I’m not putting sexual labels on everything anymore.”

“I’m so happy for you, James. I’m glad you found him and seem…settled in who you are.”

“I am, but uh, I’m glad I ran into you. The stuff about Jackson… Those TRZ guys are all conniving cunts.” Snagging both of my hands in his as they lay on the table, he says, “Marissa, I don’t want to see you get hurt. It’s none of my business, but you can do so much better than him.”

Pulling back my hands, I glance out the front window of the café. Xavier would murder James if he saw him touching me. “I appreciate your concern, but Xavier is pretty amazing. I love him.”

His eyes are heavy as he musters up a smile. “Like I said, none of my business. I care about you.” Forcing a small chuckle, he says, “I guess I shouldn’t expect an invite to the wedding.”

I laugh. “I assure you I’ll be careful. Who knows, maybe after we’re married, you two could also be friends.”

Grimacing, some heat flames in his eyes. “I highly doubt that.” When he stands up to leave, I give him a last hug goodbye. “Good luck.” He presses a little kiss on my cheek and hurries out the door.