Chapter 26

In theCiclatioffices, we were in a meeting, though I wasn’t particularly relevant.Nazminand I had workednonstopsince the inquiry. If it wasn’t the backlash about the helmets andLuca’sanger at the team, it was PedroVelazcosomehow getting into thepitboxor Everly throwing herself intoLuca’sarms. All while we were featuring in a sports documentary.

Sales had gone down, and a sponsor for next year had bailed, but two months later, things were almost back to normal.

With only eight races left of the season, decisions were being made for next year.Lucaand Nix were already signed for next year and very little seemed like it would change for me, so I wasn’t really needed.

Good thing, too, because all I could think about was Nix across from me, slouched in his chair. My breaths were slightly heavier, remembering just how much of a gentleman he had been last night.

During the last few weeks, through multiple races and the launch of theArmasWomen’s Racing League, we had seen less of each other.

He’d been busy .

Especially since a Twitter thread hypothesising our relationship had given us a bit more attention. We hid away in our apartment in London, and during the races, we still had phone sex. Sometimes, a nude would end up in a text from Nix saying he had sent a car to my hotel, and I would sneak back before morning.

After staying together for weeks, leaving on those occasions was getting harder and harder.

But last night had been different. I’d called him, aroused from the new Instagram picture he’d posted, and he’d come to me.

I could still remember his voice through the phone, commanding me. “Fuck it, I’m getting in the car. Do not stop playing with yourself. And do not come until I get there.”

Damn.

Luca, next to Nix, forced a cough and all heads turned to him.

His gaze flickered to me.

Oh god, I might have been staring.

Nix was smirking, looking down at his phone still.

When mine buzzed on the desk, I inhaled through my nose before turning it over.

NIXONARMAS: When you blush like that, it makes me hard.

Nazminnext to me glanced over and I lifted my phone closer to my chest.

LIVIE: I should change your contact name.

NIXON ARMAS: Three-Time-StormSprint-Champion.

LIVIE: Was thinking more like Ass.

NIXONARMAS: You do love my Ass-mas.

True , I thought, not fighting the smile on my face. I felt it stiffen. Shit. I was in love with the man.

Completely, utterly.

I was in love.

I’d been dizzy with happiness, grinning constantly and I knew I was annoying people with my general excitement for life. So much excitement that not even a negative article on Nix staying in other hotels and slandering the lack of diversity inStormSprintcould bring me down. Since hiring his new manager, he was thriving.

At my side,Nazminsent a bony elbow into my ribs. “At least pretend to be listening,” she muttered from the corner of her lips.

I straightened my back and clicked my pen into action on the front of my notebook. After the press had let up over the investigative report,CiclatiandCiclatiSport meetings really had very little to do with me. I was trusted to get on with my job.

When the meeting was over, the racers andCrisdrove over from the offices to the track. It was only a twenty-minute drive but Nix had given me a long look, expecting me to ride with them. I would do anything for an excuse to sit beside him in a cramped car, thighs pressed together… butNazminwas going to join us. So it was Don, the director ofCiclati,Nazminand me.

Being a Portuguese brand, the races there were always sponsored and supported byCiclatito the fullest.

When Don’s phone went,Nazminand I abruptly stopped our conversation, looking out the windows, trying to give him privacy.

He was talking Portuguese — a language I had very little knowledge of — in hushed tones. Hushed, emotional tones.

There were long pauses where I glanced atNazmin. She was stiff beside me, looking down at her hands in her lap, picking at her nails.

When she looked up at me, she had pulled her bottom lip into her mouth as tears filled her eyes.

And I knew.

I knew already what had happened before Don hung up and turned around in the passenger seat to talk to us. His words ghosted right over me. I didn’t need to hear them.

“Alv’snot going to make it,” he said, voice shaking as he pulled up another contact on his phone. “They’re going to turn off his life support tomorrow.”

At security, I was bouncing on my heels, eager to get to Nix. And, once I was through, I wasn’t waiting for the others, I wasn’t there. Not mentally or physically. I was rushing through the tunnels under the track, searching for Nix. He had to know.

And then he was there, his eyes red as he walked with purpose and a stiff jaw towards the pit boxes.

“Nix!” I shouted.

When he looked up and saw me, his mouth opened with a deep, broken inhale.

I ran, throwing myself at him in a hug. He wrapped me up in his arms, his head on my shoulder and he let out a heart-wrenching sob.

We didn’t need to speak. We both knew.

“I was looking for you,” he admitted, hoisting me up to wrap my legs around him. “I needed to be with you, I needed you to keep me calm.”

I pulled away to look at him and he bit his lip, tears welling in his eyes.

“It should have been me,” he croaked. “For all I did… Fuck. He ’s got kids, he…”

“No,” I breathed, hands on his face, forcing him to look at me. “Don’t do this to yourself, Nix. It was an accident. It comes with the sport. It’s so rare, but—”

He rested his forehead against mine and sniffed. “I’ve been happy. I feel so guilty that I’ve been happy.”

I kissed his cheek and he pulled back my hair to kiss me on the mouth. I wanted to wrap him up in my love and take him far away from all of this.

“He was my best friend,” he said on a broken exhale. “My mentor— I — I know I have no right to that claim, but I—I haven’t even said goodbye.”

“We need to get you to France,” I said as I slipped down his body to stand.

His hands were in mine as he nodded.

“Let’s go and tellCris.”

He was dressed in his leathers, ready for qualifying, but nothing else about him was ready to get on the track.

The pit box was silent. Everyone was standing, staring at Don, as if he had just announced it. There wasn’t a dry eye in the room.

“We’re sending flowers and we’ll send a card around for people to write their condolences,” he said, his fingers fidgeting. “I’m sure the funeral will coincide with the race in France next month—”

“I’m going now,” Nix said, already unzipping his leathers as he walked to his locker. “I’m getting the next flight.Livieis coming with me.”

“What?”Crissaid, his eyes bloodshot. “You’re not leaving. You’re racing early tomorrow and you’ll lose a whole race worth of points. The championship— ”

“I don’t care about the championship!” he roared, slamming his locker shut and whirling around to face his leader. “I need to say goodbye.”

“You’ll lose a whole race’s worth of points!”

“You think I care?”

“We can’t have no one ride forCiclati,” he said, desperate eyes flickering between his two riders. “The points—”

“I’ll stay,”Lucasaid with a nod. “I’ve already said my goodbyes. I… I’ll ride.”

Abbe stood up beside him. “Are you sure you’ll be okay to do that when—”

“I’ll ride in honour of him,”Lucasaid, grabbing his helmet off the side. He nodded to the bike, where a mechanic immediately started to pull off the wheel warmers. “Now, if you don’t mind.”

Lucaand Nix might have been night and day, but they still shared the same sunrise and sunset. The bike was where they needed to be. It was their comfort.

Nix was in my locker, passing me my bag. No one seemed to question how he knew my code.

“ Livieis not going with you ,”Crisshouted in French. “ She’s not your pet! ”

The fury in Nix’s face was enough for anyone to step back, butCris’ bulky frame stayed rooted to the spot.

“No, she’s my—” He glanced at me, just about stopping himself before releasing a sigh at my alarmed look, eyes wide. “She’s my friend . Just about the only person who holds me accountable. And, with how I’m feeling, I need someone to hold me accountable.”

“Don’t threaten—”

“It’s not a threat,” Nix shot back and slammed my locker shut, my bag still in his other hand. “If you know what’s good for your riders, you’ll let her come with me.”

“We’re about to have a media storm, she needs to be here with the team.”

Abbe nodded. “We need her here, Nix.”

I stepped to Nix’s side, assessing his breathing and his stiff expression. He wasn’t bluffing. “How about asking me?” I asked, turning toCrisand Abbe. “Because I don’t think Nix should be alone. You called me in to manage how the public view him, and right now… people are going to be watching his every move.”

“You’ll have Cally and the family—”

Criswas cut off by a dark laugh from Nix.

“Oh, you think that will be a comfort? The family of the man I killed as my only company?”

“Your manager can fly out, too, and—”

“I’m going,” I declared. “Even just for the flight. Until his manager gets there. It’s — what? — a four-hour journey? I’ll go, stay the night and be back tomorrow. There won’t be an announcement for days, you know this.Callyand the boys need time to grieve and we leave it up to them to decide when they release a statement.”

Nix didn’t look at me as he started to unpack the clothes from his rucksack that he’d change into.

“Livia,”Crissaid. “You are not to leave Portugal until after the race.”

Damn it, I wishedLucawas still here. He would know what to say.

“What will you do?” Nix asked, pressing my bag to my chest for me to take as he stared down his boss. “Sack her? We both know she’s irreplaceable at this point. You want me to ride forCiclati? You keep her.”

“If she has such a hold on you, maybe she should work elsewhere,”Crisargued, face reddening. “You won’t ever give up the sport, Nix. Don’t give empty threats, they’re beneath you.”

Don stood between the two men, shaking his head. “Tensions are high. Let’s all calm it down. Nix, we’ll arrange a flight for you, but we simply can’t have—”

“I’m taking him to the airport,” I lied. “And I’m taking him now. While you’re all here talking…” We don’t have much time left.

I didn’t have to say it aloud.Crisnodded and we were then in the car, racing to the airport. Nix didn’t have to run back to hisAirbnb, seeing as he always had his passport on him, and I had started to keep mine with his.

At the desk, he went to buy a ticket, but I stopped him.

“Two.”

He glanced, then looked back at me. “What?”

“I’m coming with you,” I told him. “You said you needed me there.”

He smiled at the ticket agent, asked him to give us a minute and pulled me to the side.

“Livie—”

“No, if you want me there, I’m there.”

“Your job,” he said.

“You were quite compelling as to why they shouldn’t get rid of me.”

“AndCrisfought back,” he sighed. “And he’s not— he’s not wrong, is he? Once this breaks, you’ll be needed to cover the releases and everything is going to change for a while. I shouldn’t distract you from your job. Because that’s what will happen. This isn’t… I’m not going to handle this well.”

“Then I want to be there for you,” I pressed.

But he was shaking his head. “Livie, go back to the track. I’m not letting you risk your job. Not for me.”

But wasn’t that what we had been doing for so long?

Every touch, every thrust, every damn text I’d sent him over the last few months had been a risk. We’d even moved in together, for god’s sake.

And he’d been so desperate for me to come with him.

“Are you… are you sure?” I asked, my hand falling from its grip on his arm.

He nodded and his hand held mine for a split second. Out here, in the airport, even with his cap on, we could still get caught easily.

“I’ll text you as soon as I land.”

Before I knew it, he was passing security, and I was back in the car on my way to the track.

He didn’t text.

Not for a whole day.

When I heard the news, I messaged saying that I was sorry and tried to hold back that I loved him. I wanted to comfort him with my feelings and make him feel safe, but it really wasn’t the time to come out with that declaration.

Then he texted me every day. A picture ofZig, how he missed me.

But we didn’t discuss Alv. Nor Cally.

That didn’t mean she wasn’t there.

When she called me, I’d been packing from the race the week after, ready to fly to Finland. Seeing her name on my screen churned my stomach, but I sat on the edge of my bed and, with a brave index finger, pressed accept .

After the general pleasantries of telling her how sorry I was and asking how she was, she said, “I have a statement but I’ve asked Nix to translate it into English. My written word isn’t as great as my spoken. I can ask him to send it to you?”

“That would be great,” I told her and couldn’t help but ask, “Nix, how is he?”

She was silent for a moment. “He’s… struggling? We’ve got each other.”

It was hard to swallow.

They’ve got each other.

“Right,” I said, hoping my rapid breaths weren’t noticeable over the phone. “Well, tell him I asked after him and to send that over to me. Again, I’m sorry for your loss,Cally.”

And, as if saved by the angels, my phone started to beep with another incoming call.

“I’ve got to take this, sorry.”

She said goodbye and I answered the other call, pacing my hotel room.

“Hello?”

Nix cherished me. I was certain. No one had ever cared for me as much as he had. But did that just show how low my standards had been before or was that telling of our relationship?

He had been the one who practically made us move in together. He wanted to be exclusive.

He wouldn’t throw it all away for someone he claimed to despise, would he?

“Olivia?” the woman on the phone said. A journalist. I had only been half listening to what she said. “Did you hear me?”

Raayini. A journalist who was part of the court case againstVinny.

“I don’t think we should be talking,Raay,” I said cautiously. “I’m pretty sure that would look awful on record.”

“It’s not aboutVinny,” she said quickly as if worried I would hang up. “I really need to talk to you.”

I sighed and sat on my bed. “Go on.”

“I have something. I wanted to give you the heads up,” she said. “You’re not going to like it. I have on record two people telling me that PedroVelazcowas not the only smuggler.”

My heart almost stopped beating. It at least stuttered.

“A rider. With his own plane.”

Fucking fuck.

“Don’t even say it,” I said. “I know who you’re alluding to.”

“I wanted to let you know, what with what happened toVinny,” she said and her voice broke.

“You can’t post anything,” I blurted. “Not right now.AlvaroMendes is dead.”

“What did you say?” she asked, breathless.

“Alvaro Mendes is dead.”

“Are you saying this on or off the record? Because I can only get my boss to stop this going forward if you are on the record,” she said.

“It’s the truth,” I told her. “You can’t attach my name to it, but you know my word can be trusted.”

“Yes,” she said. “That won’t stop this from coming out, though,Livie. I really don’t want to publish this on such little evidence, and I’m telling you this as a favour. Two anonymous sources and very few details… but they’ll keep this for when he’s going to win the championship. Or a slow news day.”

My feet were tapping. No. Nix was already a mess. This… this could not happen. This was prison time. This was the loss of his job. That was his life .

“VinnyGarvsraped me,” I blurted. “Use that. Take that.”

“Livie, what?” Raay cried.

“On Thursday, 10th August, we went out to a bar after my dad’s funeral. Drunk, he took me to my apartment where he drugged me and raped me. I’m the girl in the picture that leaked. I have proof.” I said it robotically. Facts and nothing more. “I’ll send you a picture of my tattoo that proves it.”

I put her on speaker, already searching for the picture Ben had taken when we first got them done.

Raayswallowed. “Livie… you can’t protect your client that much. This is your life that—”

And I would do anything with that life to protect him. Anything.

“I have the tattoo that proves it’s me. Let me send it over.” My phone made a wooshing sound as the email left my drafts.

“But…Livie…” She took in a deep breath. “I’m so sorry to ask, but do you have proof it was rape? A rape test taken? DNA? This isn’t the news story you want to publish. It would ruin your life.”

“I didn’t have… no. I—I didn’t really come to terms with it until recently.”

There was a pause beforeRaaysaid, “I’m sorry, Olivia. But this conversation never happened. I’m not releasing that. It would ruin you. And theGarvstrial is literally weeks away.”

If she didn’t, it would ruin Nix.

“Please,” I begged.

They’d done this before when it came toVinny. They’d published article after article about him.

With the trial coming up… surely, they would love to use this explosive to bring more attention to it .

No, they probably just wanted it all to go away.

“You can’t say it was me, but you can say I told you the story,” I pleaded. “Raay—”

“I’ve got to go,” she said, her voice strained.

I was not going to lose him. I would do anything.

Even if it was against my better nature. Or Nix’s wishes.

My mouth was dry when I asked, “Raay, what about an affair?”