Chapter 30

30

C reed

My heart sinks as I leave the castle. I feel defeated. I hate leaving Octavia there. It feels wrong somehow, even though I know it is what she wants. She's made that very clear from the start. But it's too soon. I had hoped to have more time.

I reach the turnoff that would take me to Aspen's apartment, but I don't take it. I don't even slow down. I continue home.

Home.

It's weird that it doesn't really feel like home anymore. The jungle didn't feel like home, either. I feel completely out of place. Completely off-kilter. I hate it.

I will cut myself some slack because I know I'm still processing everything that has happened. It's a lot. I'm not sure what to feel. I lived in the jungle for three long years. I held onto so much guilt for what I had done. For hurting that male, Chase. So much anger and pain that Aspen would try to bring another male into our relationship. Hurt over the thought of her with Chase, with other males. Of her pregnant and holding a baby in her arms. Of her moving on without me. I hated thinking about it. I tried not to.

Now I am home, and I find out that Aspen isn't mated. That she's been waiting for me. Waiting all this time. That she still loves me. I spent long nights dreaming of her. Dreaming of an outcome where she didn't end up in a mating circle with other males, and here it is…she's available, waiting, she wants me, and yet I can't bring myself to go to her.

What's wrong with me?

Fuck!

I probably just need some time alone. I'll go and see her tomorrow. I can't hide anymore. I need to get my head on straight, and then I need to figure out what I want.

At this moment, I need to be alone. I need time to process everything. Time to myself. I relax as I drive into my garage and close the door behind me. Then I go inside. I contemplate having something to eat but I'm not all that hungry.

I decide to check my gutters. They must be full of leaves. Completely blocked. I take a running leap, and I'm on the roof. Two hours later, the gutters are leaf and debris-free, but I don't feel any better.

What to do. What to do?

I've always hated the downstairs bathroom. It's tiled ceiling to floor in white subway tiles. It looks sterile. The sink is very boring, too. It's the only part of the house that didn't work out very well. It doesn't fit. I turn a full circle, taking in the bathroom. It might be cathartic to demolish this room. I'll go and buy some supplies tomorrow to revamp it. Today, it's coming down. I know I'll feel better once I'm done. Even if it's just marginally better.

I go into the garage and over to my workbench, grabbing my supplies. I swing the hammer through the air, checking to see if it affects my ribs.

The bruises are worse today; they're a deep purple with green around the edges. Luckily, they're healing up well. Good food, rest, and plenty of sex will work every time.

I think about Octavia, the noises she made, how she urged me on. How afterward, we spoke for hours until the sun was thinking of rising. Okay, maybe not as much rest as I should've had, but I'm good. Much better and very much on the mend.

I go into the bathroom and swing the hammer at the sink. It shatters.

I laugh. It feels good. Just what I need. Then I hit the sink again, and it crumbles. Next, I take the hammer to the tiles and chip away at them. It doesn't take too much effort. I feel a little stiff, but that's where it ends. The worst of the pain is over.

I keep going until the bathroom is a shell, with piles of rubble all over the floor. I fetch the wheelbarrow and start carting the rubble outside, putting it into a neat pile. By the time I dump the last of it, the sun is setting on the horizon. I take a moment to look at it. To take it in. To see the beauty there. It's something Octavia taught me to do that day during the thunderstorm. To see the beauty in everyday things. Feels like forever ago.

I wipe sweat from my brow. My stomach rumbles, reminding me that I haven't eaten much of anything today.

I go to inspect my handiwork. The bathroom is gutted. It looks how I feel inside. What a seriously fucking negative thought.

Not going there.

My stomach rumbles again. I need to make myself some dinner.

Dinner!

My folks!

My homecoming celebration. My brother is going to be there…and Aspen.

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck!

Shit! I have to go. I can't let my parents down. Levi will want to see me. Aspen, too. It's the very last thing I want or need but I have to go. There's nothing else to it. Maybe seeing Aspen for the first time with everyone there will be…better. The way to go. Maybe. It doesn't matter because I don't have a choice; I'm going.

I run up the stairs and turn on the shower. Just being here reminds me of her…of Octavia. Of this morning. Yesterday. All of it comes back to me.

Fuck!

I don't want these memories. It makes me want to go to her. To tell her to come back…just until her flight next week. I can't! It wouldn't be right.

I take off my clothes and get under the spray. It feels good on my muscles. It's soothing. I put my head under the steady stream, trying to relax. To ease some of the tension clawing in my gut. Then I lather up and put my head back under to rinse off.

I hear footfalls. The bedroom door opens.

"Who's there?" I ask, wiping water from my eyes.

I listen hard, but I don't hear anything else. Am I going mad? No! I heard it.

"Who's there?" I yell again. Maybe it's Octavia. Maybe she came back. Fuck, I hope so.

I hear something in the bedroom; I'm not sure what it is. One thing is for sure, someone is there.

"Hello?" I yell. I'm about to turn the shower off when the bathroom door opens, and Aspen walks in. She's…it's her…she's naked.

She smiles. "Creed. I almost can't believe you're back." Then she's in the shower with me. The one I was in this morning…with Octavia.

"I can't believe you're here." She's almost in tears. "It's you. It's really you." She comes in under the water and puts her arms around me. She presses her body against mine, holding me close.

It's a familiar feeling. I know how she feels. I've had Aspen naked in my arms countless times, and yet…it feels wrong, somehow.

So wrong that I pull away from her and leave the shower. I grab a towel, wrapping it around my waist.

Fucking wrong!

All wrong!

"What is it? What's wrong?" she asks.

"I um…I…" I wipe a hand over my face. "I don't know," I finally settle on.

She switches the shower off, walking out. I take in her naked form, and I feel nothing. Not a thing. There was a time I couldn't think of her without getting hard. Here she is, naked and dripping wet, and I'm left cold.

What the hell?!

I hand her a towel. She wraps it around herself. "I came to talk to you. To see…um…how you're doing. I thought we'd go to your parents together…but…" She licks her lips. "What's going on, Creed?"

"It's a lot, that's all. One day, I'm in the jungle, and the next…" A female falls out of the sky and into my care. A tiny human. "I'm struggling to process everything." I swallow thickly. "I'm…I don't know what to feel. How to feel. How to process everything. I'm…I…" I'm not really sure what I am, so it's tough to articulate.

"Oh, my gosh," Aspen says, putting a hand over her mouth. "Oh, my!" She looks astonished. Her eyes are wide, they go to me and then the floor and then back again.

"What?" I ask, frowning.

"Where is the human? Octavia…where is she?"

"She left for the castle. I took her there earlier. She…um…she wants to go home to the Mainland. Octavia gave me your message, by the way." I give a small smile. "She really likes you."

"I liked her, too." Aspen looks shell-shocked. "Holy smokes, Creed."

"What?"

She groans. "You're in love with the human. You're in love with her." She looks up at the ceiling. "How didn't I see it? You know you're in love with her, right?" She narrows her eyes on me.

I frown. I frown hard. "No, you have it wrong. It isn't like that. It…I mean…it…"

"I'm right, Creed," Aspen says, her lip wobbling. "You love her. I can see it. Your whole face lit up while you were talking about her." Her voice is a little broken.

"It did?" I hadn't noticed.

She sniffs. "I know you had sex with her. I could tell, but I didn't think it meant anything. Shit! I was wrong. Completely wrong." She paces away from me. Then she turns, facing me. "Just so you know, her face lit up, too." Aspen's eyes get hazy.

I don't say anything. I wait.

"The human…Octavia. Her face lit up when she spoke about you, Creed." Aspen pushes out a heavy breath.

I make a face. "No, I don't think—"

"I think she feels the same about you." When I shake my head, she goes on, "I know what I'm talking about, Creed. I know I shouldn't be saying any of this. I should let her leave the island. Bide my time and then try again with you, but…I would never be able to live with myself. Besides, you would always have feelings for her. I would always be in her shadow." A tear rolls down her cheek. "I can't do it." She shrugs. "You should go to her."

"I can't do that." I shake my head again. "Octavia was clear about what she wanted. She was happy you came to the house. Happy you still wanted to be with me. You should have seen her smile; it was a mile wide."

"Maybe she was a little too happy. Perhaps her smile was a little too wide. I think she wants the best for you. She must be a good female." Aspen sniffs, trying to hold back more tears.

"She is. The best." My voice chokes up a little. "I hated saying goodbye to her. My dragon has been driving me fucking insane ever since I first met her."

"See…what did I say? You should go to her and tell her how you feel. There is a small part of me that hopes and prays I'm wrong." She shrugs. "Maybe you'll come back to me and forgive me. I don't think I'm wrong. I think she'll welcome you with open arms." Another tear rolls down her cheek, and I feel like the biggest asshole alive.

I shake my head. "She has so much to go back to. Her father needs her and—"

"Go and tell her how you feel," Aspen insists; more tears roll down her cheeks. "That's the only way you'll find out."

Aspen is right. I've been denying it. Trying not to think about it, but it's right there. My feelings are there. My dragon is right, and I am wrong. He knew, and I should have listened.

"I'm sorry," I tell her.

"Me, too." She wipes her eyes. "I will be fine. Now, go already."

I nod, and then I'm racing to get dressed. I go back into the bathroom and hand Aspen her dress.

"You aren't gone yet." She gives me a sad smile. "Why haven't you left?"

"I'm going to drop you at my parents' house. I will explain to them what's going on, and then I'll go to the castle," I tell her. "My mom and dad are expecting us. I need to do the right thing. It's not like Octavia is going anywhere tonight."

"Are you sure? I can—"

"I'm sure," I tell her.

"You're an honorable male," she tells me. "I should never have let you get away. It will always be my biggest regret."