Chapter 13

13

C reed

Mine!

Keep!

Claim!

The three words keep running through my mind in snarls and growls. I've never felt so connected and yet at complete odds with my dragon.

No!

No!

Fuck, no!

He's right there. Right up against my skin. My senses are better than ever. My instincts, too. Instincts to mate and breed. Instincts to fuck and claim. Instincts to protect and keep.

I wish he would go away. I wish to god he would concentrate on what is around us and not so much on getting me to keep the female. The sex was amazing. He keeps reminding me how good. He wants me to put her down and fuck her again…harder…deeper. He wants me to use my teeth on her. I could barely contain my mating urges when I was inside her before. I think I might have acted on those urges if I had come inside her. It would have been too much. The female is close to being fertile. My dragon could smell it acutely. Even in my human form, I can pick it up when my dragon is close to the surface. He seems to be right there all the fucking time. It's frustrating me.

We keep!

Shut up.

Mine!

No!

Yes! Keep! Claim!

Fuck off already!

It's driving me insane. I stop, looking around us. The shadows are growing longer. It is time to find a place to spend the night. This is as good a place as any.

I put her down.

"We'll hole up here for the night."

She nods once, not even meeting my eyes. She's angry with me, and I can't say I blame her. We should never have had sex. I should have told her sooner about what I am. I think she hates her attraction to me. I can understand it…I guess.

I might have been too rough, but it doesn't take away from how good the sex was. She came hard on my dick. There is no faking it. I might not have come inside the tight confines of her body, but I still went off like a rocket. My balls might never be the same.

"That should provide some shelter." I point to a rocky outcrop and several large boulders creating a sort of makeshift shelter. Then look up. The sky is darkening with what will more than likely end up in a storm. It will have to do.

"Smells like rain," she whispers, still not making any kind of eye contact with me.

"It can come down out here." I hope it rains; it'll help mask our scent and will wash away our tracks. We could use a break.

"I know. I was on Draig for a couple of days," she mutters. "The storms can be brutal."

"I suppose you would know after being there." I whisper, more to fill the silence than anything else.

Shit! It feels stilted…awkward, even. I don't know why we're even bothering trying to make small talk. We're long past that.

Octavia starts toward the outcrop; she stumbles on the uneven ground. I reach out and grab her before she can fall. As if burned, she pulls away as soon as she is stable on her feet, practically yanking her arm away from me and giving me a dirty look.

"Sorry," I mutter, even though I have nothing to feel bad about. I'm not even sure what I'm sorry about. Her falling? Helping her? Fucking her? Or…all of the above?

"I need to be more careful," she says, on a sigh. Careful about what? Falling? Me? Other? All of the above?

I sigh quietly to myself. I'm overthinking this. I need to back off.

As we reach the outcrop, I check out our surroundings for any signs of danger. My dragon is still being an asshole. He's still pushing me to claim her and to mark her. Same old shit.

Protect! I tell him.

Keep her safe! I add, trying to keep him on track. It works. I survey the area around us. All of my senses are on high alert. All is quiet, except for the regular jungle noises. There are no scents, sounds, or smells out of place. Above us, through the canopy, clouds gather, and darkness is falling earlier than normal as a result.

Octavia hunkers down, crawling into the small space, putting her back against the rock. I crawl in, too, sitting next to her. My scent is all over her. It should help mask her…for now.

We sit in awkward silence for a few long minutes.

"Are you tired? If you are, I could take the first shift. You can get some sleep," she says, keeping her eyes pinned on the bushes and boulders in front of us.

"I'm fine."

"You can't be fine." She unzips her pack, handing me a protein bar. "You didn't sleep much last night, and you just hiked miles through the jungle carrying me. You must be exhausted."

"You're thinking in human terms." I look down at the bar, noting that it is double fudge. "We can share this," I tell her when I see that she doesn't take one out for herself. She only has a few of the acai berries in her hand. I found them earlier, and we stopped to pick some.

"You need it more than I do," she says.

"Nope…I don't." I shake my head.

"Am I thinking in human terms again?" She sounds a touch angry, although I don't know why. I forgot how hard females are to understand. I guess that the species is irrelevant.

"Yes, you are. I'm not human."

"Surely shifters need food and water and sleep, just like the rest of us? You can't be that different."

"We need all of those things, but we can also go without for long periods and still maintain. We're stronger, faster, and have better stamina, even when we are lacking in basic needs."

"I'd say," she mutters under her breath, again, sounding like it's a bad thing.

"If it makes you feel better, we'll share," I tell her. "Thank you for the offer." I wince because I'm being too nice. I'm trying too hard.

"It would." She opens the bar and breaks it in half, giving me the bigger piece. I don't argue because I don't think it would help much if I did.

"Thanks." I take a bite.

We eat in silence and then drink some of the water. Not long after, the first splashes of rain begin to fall.

"I love the smell of rain," Octavia says, inhaling.

"Me, too." I had never thought about the smell of rain before, but she's right; it is pleasant.

The storm hits, and flashes of lightning illuminate the darkening landscape. Thunder rumbles and crashes all around us. The sound of the storm is loud and powerful, the rain drumming against the leaves and the ground. We huddle close, trying not to get too wet, which is impossible. Thankfully, it is warm, even the droplets that hit my skin. The storm rages on, making it impossible to talk through the din. We finish our meager meal and continue to watch the storm unfold around us.

"It's beautiful," Octavia says.

Again, she's right…it is. And again, I never really took any notice before.

After a time, the intensity dies down into a steady rhythm of droplets on the jungle canopy above us. Octavia's expression is relaxed as she tilts her head back, eyes closed. I find myself staring at her, the way the raindrops cling to her lashes. More drops gather and run down her neck between her cleavage.

She's beautiful.

If she catches me staring, it might freak her out, so I look away.

Despite everything that has happened, a calmness settles over us as we sit under the shelter. The tension between us has shifted, morphing into something else. Something less tense. Less stifling.

The scent of wet earth fills the air as soft rain continues to fall. The worst of the weather is over. I will get some sleep tonight. I feel safe after the hard downpour.

"I thought that all dragons were feral, bloodthirsty creatures," Octavia says out of nowhere. "Especially the ones here on Mistveil." She turns her gaze on me. "You killed that guy…dragon… You know what I mean." She licks her lips. "But you weren't out of control. When you looked at me, I recognized you. You have the same eyes in your dragon form. They were your eyes. I saw intelligence. You were calm, cool, collected…a touch brooding, but you were still you. You weren't some crazed beast."

"Did they tell you we were all bloodthirsty, crazed beasts on Draig?"

She nods once. "Yep. They said that the Draig Dragons were bad but that the Mistveil beasts are so much worse. They warned us that our lives were in danger."

"What did they tell you about us? About dragons, in general?"

"Not much. They said that dragons existed but refused to let us see one." She shakes her head. "I didn't believe them. I thought they were bullshitting us. That the pictures released to the media were all fake."

"So you said." I smile.

"I thought it was a big conspiracy theory. That they were feeding us propaganda nonsense. The trainers on Draig told us that we were descendants of Sky Wardens, that we could mentally bond with and control dragons. Actually, they didn't want to use the word control. They said that dragons couldn't be controlled, but that we could keep our bonded dragon calm. Work with them…tame them enough to function as guards…to keep you in line…or your dragons in line." She scrunches up her nose. "All a little confusing. They say that you guys from Mistveil all hate the humans and want to kill them all. It's their job to stop you so that the humans don't declare war on the dragons."

"Interesting."

"Is it true?" She lifts her brows. "It doesn't sound true to me."

"Parts are true, and parts are false. What else did you learn?"

"I didn't pay as much attention as I should have. I was already planning my escape. So, I take it that you're not all raging, bloodthirsty beasts in your dragon forms. There is some human in there. And you can shift at will." She goes on, "I mean…you did seem to shift at will. You can, um, control it, right?" She looks fearful.

I nod. "I am in full control, both in my human form and my dragon one. You don't have to be afraid."

She huffs out a sigh of relief. "I knew that. It's just that it's nice hearing it. I wasn't sure." She shrugs. "I don't know anything about dragon shifters…or dragons, for that matter. I've read books about…um…dragon shifters." Her cheeks go red. I'm not sure why. "They're fiction, so I thought I would ask you. Knowledge is power and all that."

"I'm in full control, but that can't be said about all the others out here in the jungle."

"Oh. Why is that? Are they like the dragons on Draig? Do they need Sky Wardens?"

"I don't know all that much about the Draig Dragons. Suffice to say that they have human riders who do, indeed, ‘control' them, for lack of a better word."

"Riders." Her eyes go comically wide.

"You didn't know that Sky Wardens ride dragons?" I'm sure I look taken aback. "They're wardens of the skies. It's where the name came from." I laugh softly.

"No, I didn't know. They didn't tell us that. I would have remembered. No wonder they wanted us to do that stupid obstacle course. It was to ensure that any fear of heights was eliminated. That's insane."

"I don't know all that much about Draig, but over here, most of us don't need Sky Wardens. We don't need controlling, but there are a few who have lost most of their humanity. Males out here in the jungle who prefer their dragon form. I don't think they are even capable of shifting back anymore. There are others who can't control their shifts. If they're angered, or the hunt instinct kicks in, they'll shift. It'll happen whether they like it or not. They have less control over their dragon than they should. Males who, even in their human form, are governed by their beasts. We have certain…instincts."

"Instincts to mate and to breed?" she whispers, looking pale. Her eyes are big and filled with fear. They look grayer than blue as night falls.

I nod. "Instincts to kill to be able to do just that. Instincts to hunt. We are part animal, after all. Man and beast should function in harmony, the one enhancing the other, but it doesn't always work that way in reality."

"You told me that some of these men were sent to live out here, that it wasn't by choice."

I shake my head. "They were exiled because they were unable to function normally in society. I told you about our shortage of women. It is hard on us." I look down.

"What about you?" Octavia whispers. "Why are you out here?"

"I didn't want to share my female." My voice has turned gruff with emotions I haven't felt in a long time. Feelings of betrayal rise up in me. "Most males must choose between sharing or being single. Both of those are tough on shifters. Some males cope better than others. Some don't seem to mind, but I do. I do not like sharing. I made a big mistake, did a terrible thing, and ended up out here."

There is silence for a few long moments. Octavia clears her throat. "It sounds like there was someone in your life. You can tell me to back off if it's too personal. It sounds like something bad happened."

I suck in a deep breath. "I was in love. I met someone wonderful." I smile. "I didn't think it would ever happen, and it did. Aspen was…is perfect in every way. She's kind and giving and so incredibly beautiful. I couldn't believe it when she wanted to spend time with me…a nobody male like me. Females can pick and choose with so many of us males to one female."

"Why would you put yourself down? You're…um…nice and good-looking. Aspen was lucky, too."

Her words warm me up inside, but I shove away those emotions. There was a time when I was easily swayed by compliments, but I am not the male I used to be.

"I was a construction worker. It's not very glamorous. Mostly bricks and cement."

"What's wrong with being a construction worker? It's an honest profession."

I shrug. "It was work. It put food on the table. I enjoy working with my hands. I like building. Making something from nothing. I started working for myself on weekends and had big plans to start my own business. I'm a builder." I look down at my hands.

"I think it's great. Did you build your cabin?"

I nod.

"That's impressive. I saw your wood carvings; they're excellent. Really amazing. You have some serious talent, Creed."

I nod once. More compliments. They don't mean anything. It's the human trying to be nice.

"What happened? I'm going to assume, since you're living out here, that something went wrong." She scrunches up her nose.

I nod. "Yep, you could say that. Aspen and I were in love. Had been together for a few months and were talking of taking the next step."

"After a few months? Wow, you really must have been seriously head over heels. That's quick, but I guess when you know, you know."

"It's not that quick for shifters. It's probably slower than average."

"Slower?" Her mouth gapes for a second. "A few months is considered slow?" She looks shocked.

I nod. "Yes, when we find someone we want to be with, someone we click with, we don't hesitate. We are all in. We are driven to mate and to procreate. I was feeling the push."

"It was your instincts in play."

"Yes, exactly. But we are not in normal times right now. The females of our species are urged to take more than one mate. There are financial benefits to doing so. Our king pays grants for every extra male a female accepts in a mating circle. That's what it is called. A mating circle." My tone is clipped. "They pay out for every pregnancy as well. Having a girl child is akin to winning the lottery."

"Really? Women are paid to marry multiple people and to have children?"

"Yes. There are those who have become wealthy."

"O-okay, that's weird." She makes a face. "Getting married and having kids should not be about financial gain. You're right; it's all upside down right now."

"It is how it works on Mistveil," I say simply.

"What happened with this woman you were in love with?" Her eyes have darkened.

My jaw tightens as familiar emotions course through me. Anger, betrayal, sorrow, and loss. Then the biggest one of all, the one I carry with me daily…guilt. So much guilt, it stifles me. "Aspen knew my feelings about sharing. I wanted no part of it. I understand the need for polyamorous relationships, but it isn't for me. It was supposed to be her and me. Our love was supposed to be enough. I was supposed to be enough, but it wasn't the case."

"I'm so sorry."

"Me, too. Maybe I didn't go about things the right way. I started putting pressure on her for us to mate. I wanted so badly to make her mine so that we could be together forever. She kept pushing me away and making excuses. I went to her place one day, and he was there." Rage courses through me. Three years later and I still feel everything just as strongly.

"Oh, no. Did you catch them together?" She looks down.

"No. They were having tea. Fucking tea. Aspen wanted to introduce him to me as a potential second mate. She had been trying to tell me that she had changed her mind about taking on others within our bond, but she couldn't figure out how to do it."

"Was she doing it for financial reasons?"

I shake my head, my face going hot. "No. She felt that it was her duty as a Mistveil female to take on more than one male and to be in a mating circle. Her parents were in a mating circle. It's how she was raised. I know they were putting pressure on her to do the same with me, but I never expected her to listen to them. It felt like a bunch of bullshit to me. I felt betrayed. Like she didn't love me in the way she had said she did. All those days and nights we spent wrapped up in each other. All the promises we made. There was a part of me that already felt bonded to her, even though we hadn't made it official. My dragon felt bonded. We had started to form a deep connection, which happens with our species." That's when the shame hits me. "I reacted badly." My voice is choked up.

"I'm sure you did. I would have, too. You loved her. If my boyfriend brought another woman home, I would kick his ass. I'm not being literal. I wouldn't actually kick his ass. I would have something to say about it, though. I would have broken up with him, for sure."

"You have a boyfriend?" My whole body tightens. My muscles bunch.

"No, but I used to have a boyfriend. We were together for a couple of years. I can relate."

"Okay. Good. I mean, we fucked. I don't fuck females who are spoken for." My voice is a rough rasp. I have to work to keep it down.

"Do you have to use such a crass word?"

"What? Fuck? Is that the word you don't like?" My voice is laced with humor. "It's what we did, Octavia. There's nothing crass about it."

"I suppose, but humans use other terms. Fucking is…it's…rude."

"What other term should I use?"

"I don't know." She shrugs, going beet-red. "Sex. Can't you just say sex?"

"Sure, if it will make you happy."

"Better yet, can we not speak about sex at all?"

I smile. She's uncomfortable talking about what we did or even having me refer to it as fucking.

"Okay, so, this guy was at tea? Were you living together? Was this your house?"

"We weren't officially living together. Although Aspen spent almost every night at my place from when we first met. She kept her apartment and invited me there. I thought she'd finally put it on the market. That she was going to show me the ‘For Sale' sign. I thought I was going to help her pack the rest of her things. That we would make love and order takeout and finally start planning the rest of our life."

"Oh, no!" she gasps, holding a hand over her mouth. "Only this guy was there."

I nod. "He sat on the sofa drinking fucking tea like he owned the place. Like Aspen was already his. Like it was a done deal. It killed me to have the love of my life explain to me that she wanted me to consider allowing him to mate with her, too. It would be just the three of us, nice and fucking cozy. I saw red. I'm not proud of my actions, but I lost it."

"Did you hurt her?"

"No. I would never hurt a female."

"I meant by accident."

"No." I shake my head, scrubbing a hand over my face. "Aspen and I were arguing. I was so hurt. I felt like she ripped my heart out." I touch my chest. "The male told me to calm down; he put a hand on my chest. I told him to get the hell away from me and to leave, but he didn't. He didn't listen. Instead, he shoved me. It was nothing. More to get my attention, but all he did was incite me. I shouldn't have…I regret attacking him. I lost it. I tore into him. We shifted, smashed the house to pieces. I hurt him badly." I look Octavia in the eyes. I know she can't see me in the dark. "I almost killed him. I maimed him. He has scars from the attack. We don't scar easily."

"What happened next? Did you go to jail?"

"It doesn't work like that on the island. We never had much crime before." I sigh. "But sometimes a male will get out of control. Again, it's no excuse, but our situation isn't normal. Even within mating circles, tempers will flare. We can be a brutal species, especially in our dragon forms. A lot of violence is accepted and tolerated, but not when it comes to violence surrounding our shortage of females. New rules have slowly come into play. I had to face judgment, and I was banished from the city for two years."

She moves her eyes up in thought, wrinkling her nose. "You said you'd been out here for three years."

I nod. "Yep. I haven't been able to bring myself to go back. Besides, what is there to go back to?"

"Your life. Your family. You must have family?"

"I do. My parents and a brother. They would be happy to see me. I wasn't ready a year ago. I'm still not ready. Maybe one day."

"I know you were hurt, but you're being silly. I mean, forgive me, I don't know you very well, Creed, but I think you're crazy to throw your whole life away over this Aspen woman."

"She broke my heart. I hate what I became in that moment. I lost control."

"Boo-hoo! Get over it. Move on. Show her what she is missing out on by living a good life."

"By being alone, you mean?" I know I sound pathetic, but that's how I feel. "She'll have three or four mates by now. Maybe a kid or three. I'll be alone and sad and pining for a future I can never have. How is that showing her?" I sound angry. I can't believe that after three years, I still feel so strongly.

"You don't know any of that. You can't say for sure that you'll never meet anyone."

"Odds are against me, Octavia."

"So what? You're just going to be a grumpy frump, living alone in the jungle for the rest of your life? Don't be so damned negative. You could meet someone amazing. It could happen. You're not going to meet someone out here…in the middle of the freaking jungle." She looks around us to prove a point. She wouldn't be able to see a thing in the thick darkness.

"Because women don't just fall from the sky?" I snigger.

Octavia giggles. "Not usually, no."

"Shhhh," I tell her, trying to keep quiet myself.

She smiles. "Maybe it's a good thing I came along. Maybe I'm just what you need, Creed."

My heart starts to race. What is she saying? What does she mean by that?

"Because of me, you are being forced to go back to the city. You'll be able to start again. You're a great guy, Creed. You deserve love and happiness."

Of course, she didn't mean it like that. It wouldn't be with her. Octavia is headed back to the Mainland. She wants to go home.

"I'm taking you to the city, and then I'm leaving right away. You will be safe once we get there. I'm not staying, Octavia. I don't feel like I belong there anymore." My voice is a little gruff.

"Give it some thought. You might change your mind."

I grunt. I don't have to think about it. When this is over, I'm going home to my cabin in the heart of the jungle, and that's that. I doubt I'll stay there forever, but for now, it's my home.