Chapter 24

24

S teel

I take another bite of my scrambled eggs as Jen presses the button on the coffee machine. There is a grinding noise, followed by gurgling and hissing. It takes a few seconds before liquid starts to trickle from the machine.

She keeps her eyes on the mug. I’m not sure what’s so interesting about coffee brewing.

I take another bite of my breakfast, not tasting much of anything. I keep eating while the machine does its thing.

Once it’s done, Jen pours almond milk into her mug and stirs. Then she starts to walk back to her bedroom. She’s rushing. I think she’d jog if she could.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask her.

She looks my way for the first time since last night. She muttered a quick good morning when she finally came out of her bedroom a few minutes ago. The last time we locked eyes was when I came all over her. Now, it’s clear that she’s avoiding me. That she is embarrassed about what happened. It was clear when she couldn’t leave my bed fast enough.

Maybe I scared her last night. The sex wasn’t rough, but I didn’t exactly go easy on her. Back to the part where I came on her. Maybe I should have warned her first. Maybe she didn’t enjoy herself as much as I thought she did.

I thought it was fucking perfect. She seemed to enjoy it right until we were done, then it was like a switch flipped. It’s not like I wanted to cuddle. I didn’t expect her to stay the night or anything, but running off as soon as we were done was a little abrupt.

“Talk about what exactly?” Jen frowns, looking at her bedroom door longingly.

“About why you’re avoiding me. You didn’t even want dinner last night.”

“I’m not avoiding you, and I didn’t have dinner because I had a big lunch.”

“We fucked last night. I was inside you, and now you can’t even look at me.”

Her eyes flare for a second. “I’m looking at you right now.”

She wishes she wasn’t.

“Only because I asked you if you wanted to talk, otherwise you’d be behind that door avoiding me some more.”

“Okay, fine. Maybe I am avoiding you a little.” She sighs.

“A little?” I lift my brow.

She sighs again, biting on her lower lip.

“Don’t do that,” I tell her.

“Do what?”

“Don’t give in to regret. What happened, happened. I would have asked if it was okay for you. If you were okay…but you ran like your ass was on fire. It’s crystal clear to me that you are not okay with what happened, and I’m not okay with that. Not at all. Thing is, we still have a couple of weeks together. I would prefer it if we talked it out and moved forward.”

“There isn’t anything to talk through, Steel. Like you said, it happened, but now we have to move on. I have to move on. I need to meet with another candidate today and another one tomorrow. I’m marrying someone in a few short weeks. I can’t be fooling around with you. Last night was a—”

“Please don’t say that it was a mistake,” I say again because she still hasn’t refuted my comment about her regretting it. I’m getting the distinct impression that she’s going to say something to that effect if she keeps talking.

“I don’t regret it.”

I don’t believe her. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. It was really good.” She throws me a shy smile, her cheeks turning a little red. She licks her lips. “I don’t regret it, but it was a mistake. It can’t happen again, Steel. If the general found out. If—” She doesn’t finish what she was about to say.

“If…?” I lift my brows, trying to encourage her to go on.

She shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter. It’s not something we should be doing. You and I are both intelligent people. We both know it should never have happened in the first place. I still have a whole string of candidates to meet. I’m not like you when it comes to the emotional side of things. That much I know.”

“What does that mean exactly? You’re not like me.” I stand, picking up my plate, even though I haven’t finished eating. I’ve lost my appetite.

“I’m not someone who can have casual sex and leave their emotions at the door. At least, I’ve never tried it. You would be my first. I’m concerned, that’s all. This isn’t like me at all. It doesn’t feel right. None of this does.” She looks like she’s panicking a little.

“Casual sex feels wrong to you,” I repeat.

She nods. “Exactly.”

“You’re worried about falling in love with me,” I say in a teasing tone.

Her eyes flare. “No! Nothing as serious as that.” She’s speaking fast. “I don’t know how to act. How to be. This is new to me, that’s all. Normally, a person would leave and never see their hookup again. That’s how it’s supposed to work; only it can’t work like that with us, which makes it weird.”

“Just so you know, it’s been more than a year since I had sex. The last person was also someone I had to see regularly through work. It happened and was awkward afterward, but only because she wanted to take it further. She wanted a relationship, and I didn’t. As long as you and I are on the same page, we’re good.”

Something crosses her face. I’m not sure what it is, only that her features tighten for a moment. It’s too quick to know for sure. “Okay, so you have experience in this sort of thing. I should have known.” She’s almost talking to herself more than me. “I mean, you can’t be that good in bed without… Never mind!” She waves a hand, looking embarrassed. Her cheeks are red again, and it’s fucking adorable.

I hold back a smile.

“Believe it or not, it’s not something I make a habit of. Back then, I was so damned messed up. I guess I still am. I had just started in The Pit, and I was at a low point in my life.”

“You don’t have to explain. Hooking up is normal. Wanting sex is normal.”

“You’re right,” I say after a few beats. “I was betrayed by someone I cared about, and it broke me a little. I haven’t felt much of anything for years.” Until you. Fuck! I can’t think it, let alone say it. This is becoming dangerous. I sigh. “Look, we’re attracted to each other. We scratched an itch, and that’s all it was. We’re good, though. We can and will move forward. We can still get through this.”

She nods. “Of course we can.”

“Otherwise, I will ask the general to release me from this assignment.” That might be a good idea. “It might be for the best. Someone else could take over from—”

Her eyes widen. “No, I feel safe with you, Steel. Please don’t ditch me. We can do this. It isn’t a big deal. We’re not friends. There will be no chitchats. What were the other rules again?”

“No flirting. No spanking or talk of spanking.”

Her cheeks go red again; no doubt she’s thinking of the spanks I gave her. I can certainly remember the squeal she made when I gave her the first one. And then the low groan after the second. I can easily recall how wet her already glistening pussy became.

Nope.

Not going there.

She nods a few times and clears her throat. “There is a new one we need to add.”

“What would that be?”

“No sex. Not again. It can’t happen again.” She looks at me like it’s my decision to make as to whether or not we have sex again.

Fuck me!

Jen wants me.

She wants more.

I can see it written all over her face.

“Agreed. It can’t happen again.” I mean it wholeheartedly. I hate the disappointment that courses through me as I say the words. I mean them, though. Jen is right.