Chapter 21

21

J en

I put lipstick on and then blot my lips on the paper towel.

What did I do?

What the hell did I do?

I squeeze my eyes shut for a few moments, trying to pretend that the events from last night didn’t happen, and I fail dismally. I’m running through it for the hundredth time since last night.

I let Steel touch me. I let him get me off. Wait a minute. That isn’t exactly true. That would have been okay, but that’s not exactly what happened.

I begged Steel to touch me. I didn’t just let him; I begged him to do it. I groan in complete embarrassment. I begged him to touch me, and I begged him even harder to make me come. That’s not entirely true either; what I wanted was for him to have sex with me. No…I can get totally honest with myself here; I wanted him to fuck me.

I still do.

It’s worse now that I know how good he would be. How freaking amazing. If he could do that with just one hand… Not even one hand. Two fingers were all it took to have me going off like a rocket. I’ve never come so long or so hard before.

Imagine what he could do if he used his whole freaking body. All of it. If he used his massive dick on me…in me.

I groan again, and this time, it’s frustration and sexual need…for him…for Steel. He was better when he was being an asshole. He had to get all sweet on me. Sweet and brooding; now that’s the best combination ever. I didn’t realize that particular fact until right now, but holy shit, I want him even more now.

I back up and take a look at myself in the full-length mirror. I’m wearing another one of the fancy dresses that were loaned to me. This one is white and shows my legs, as well as a hint of cleavage. I know I look good. My hair is up. I’m wearing the dangly earrings with the pink stones.

I’m dressed to impress. In less than an hour, I’m meeting a man. Going on a date. That man is not Steel. It’s someone else. It’s one of the candidates, and yet, I dressed for Steel. I look like this for him. This is all for him because, apparently, I’m insane.

Maybe the guy I meet will be really great. Maybe I’ll like him. Maybe I’ll like him more than Steel.

I have to forget that last night ever happened.

I have to move forward.

I have to think of my family.

I must.

I nod once. Then I head out of my bedroom. Steel turns as I walk into the room. He looks so incredibly handsome. He’s wearing another one of those suits. The ones that fit him like a glove. That shows off his perfect physique. The white, collared shirt has the edge of a tattoo peeking through.

There’s another one on his right hand. The hand he used—

Nope.

Not going there.

I walk over to the door. “Shall we?”

“Are you eager to get going today?”

“Yes, I am.” I clear my throat.

“Okay, then.” Steel opens the door, and I go out into the hallway. I don’t wait for him. I start walking. I’m in the Louboutins. My tan might be fading, but I know I look pretty okay.

Steel jogs to catch up to me.

I keep my eyes trained ahead.

“You look good, Jen,” Steel says as he catches up, falling in beside me.

“No, no.” I shake my head, glancing at Steel. “I’m sure that’s not allowed. We have to stick to our rules. No chitchat and absolutely no flirting, remember?”

“I was just being nice. I wasn’t flirting, I swear.”

“Nope, no being nice either.” I shake my head. “We shouldn’t talk to one another unless it’s absolutely necessary. You were right; we need to avoid each other as much as possible. Especially after what happened last night.”

Namely, I came all over his hand. I have to work at not flinching.

“Okay. You’re right. But I’m not apologizing for what happened.”

“I didn’t ask you to. I don’t want an apology. I’m not giving you one either.” I glance his way.

The bastard is smiling. He’s just too damned good-looking to smile like that. I hate him smiling.

“You’re looking at me like you want to kill me. Should I go back to calling you Miss Harris?”

“Yes, I think that would be for the best.” I love that he calls me Jen now. But perhaps I love it a little too much. “Don’t you?” I quickly add, feeling guilty. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I have to stay on the right path.

He doesn’t say anything, and when I look at him, the smile is gone. He doesn’t look happy, but I don’t care. I can’t afford to care. I have to mate with someone and save my family, or I have to escape this island. It’s one or the other. Steel doesn’t factor at all. He can’t.

“No problem, Miss Harris,” he says as we leave the palace. As usual, the convoy is waiting for us.

He helps me into the SUV and then takes up the seat next to me. We drive in silence, which is perfect. I keep my gaze trained out the window. I’m sure he is searching for the mystery woman he doesn’t want to tell me about…which is good. No chitchats. No anything.

I’m a little nervous. My hands are clasped tightly in my lap. I force myself to relax. I breathe in and out a few times, hoping that the knot in my stomach eases.

We arrive at a large Georgian-styled country house. It isn’t as big or as glamorous as the others I’ve seen but it’s still impressive.

It is situated in a lush green setting, surrounded by tall trees. There is a neat lawn that rolls down to a lake. The house itself is three stories high, with white columns at the entrance and a wide porch that wraps around the sides. The windows are large. It looks light and airy.

The gravel crunches as I step out of the vehicle.

Steel offers me a hand, but I give a shake of my head. “I’ll manage.” The less touching, the better. I give him a small smile, but he doesn’t reciprocate.

Damn, but this is weird.

How do you forget? It doesn’t matter because I have to.

We have to. Then he looks at me; we make eye contact for a few seconds and his eyes seem to darken. His jaw tightens for a moment.

Just as I thought, there is no forgetting. We have to move on.

My mom and Caleb need me. They need me. The general sent proof that he had paid the money into my mother’s account. Ten thousand won’t last all that long. The sooner I am married, the better.

With that in mind, I walk to the house and up the stairs.

Keep an open mind.

Keep an open mind.

I keep saying it over and over on repeat. Whoever I am about to meet with might be nice. He might be just what I need.

Using a large brass knocker, I tap on the door two or three times.

Or he might be just like the duke. But it doesn’t matter because Steel will be there. He will keep me safe. I feel instantly better. Then I smile because chances are good that he will be just like the count, nice but boring and maybe a little conceited.

I knock again.

Maybe we got our days wrong. Maybe we got the address wrong. Crap!

I’m just turning to ask Steel when the door opens.

“Sorry to keep you waiting. I’m Logan.” He has a broad smile, which is trained on me. Just like most shifters, he’s attractive. He looks fairly young, too. A similar age to Steel.

I’m instantly on my guard. The last time a handsome shifter was nice, he tried to pressure me into having sex with him. It might have turned really ugly if Steel hadn’t intervened.

“Please come in.”

“Thank you.” I go inside, and Steel follows right behind me.

“Hi, welcome, you must be Steel.” He actually acknowledges him, which I like.

“Yes, good to meet you, Logan. I will need to be your shadow for the afternoon.”

“I completely understand. Please make yourself at home. I’m putting some steaks on the grill later. Unless you prefer fish or—?” Logan turns back to me.

I smile. “Steaks are fine.”

“It’s steak and salad, a little boring, but I’m pretty good on the grill.” He winks at me. It isn’t icky like some of the others have been.

“Don’t worry about me,” Steel says. “I’m on duty. Do your best to pretend I’m not here.”

“Shall we?” Logan says, gesturing down the hall. “There is a light breeze blowing today, so the terrace out back might be nice.”

“Sounds good.” I nod.

As soon as we sit, someone comes to take our drink orders. I order an herbal tea and Logan doesn’t flinch. He has a homemade lemonade.

“Your view is lovely.” It’s peaceful. Swans glide on the lake, which is bigger than I thought.

“Thank you, I like it. It’s home.” He sighs, leaning back in his chair, looking at me. “I have to say I was skeptical about this whole thing.”

“About meeting me?”

“Not just about meeting you but competing for you. It feels a little too much like ‘The Bachelor’ for my liking.”

“I know. It’s a little weird. It’s weird for me, too. This is not how I pictured my life going.”

“What did you picture?” He keeps his eyes on me, listening intently.

I shrug. “I don’t know, the normal stuff, like going to college, getting a degree, having fun, dating…the kind of stuff that young adults do. I thought I might travel. Do fun things in fun places. Then maybe meet someone and move in together, maybe get married. You know…that sort of thing.”

“Didn’t you go to college? What happened? Listening to you talk, I would say that none of that happened.”

“I did go to college, but only for about six months. I had to drop out when my mom got sick. I had to help her take care of my brother, who was just a tiny baby at the time. She wasn’t coping, and my stepfather had to work. Everything fell apart from there. My relationship ended. My boyfriend was still in college, and he couldn’t handle all of my responsibilities, and I can’t say I blamed him. I couldn’t go out much or do any of the normal stuff that young adults do. We drifted apart, and he broke up with me, but it was already over by then.”

“That’s not right. You say your mom got sick. He should have supported you.”

“We were young at the time. What am I saying? I’m still young.” Except I don’t feel young. I haven’t in a long time. “Anyway, I don’t blame him at all.”

“Still, if you love someone, it shouldn’t be a burden.” He takes a sip of his lemonade. “What was wrong with your mother?”

“You know what? Let’s talk about something a little more fun. I only just met you; you don’t want to know all of my family dramas.”

“It’s good to talk, Jen. To get it off your chest. I don’t mind.”

“Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.” He’s sweet and trying hard to be caring and understanding. “So, you watch television?” I try to change the subject.

He nods. “Yes, I enjoy reality television, including cooking shows. I like experimenting in the kitchen. As well as taking long walks on the beach and reading crime novels. In my spare time, I…” He gives me a look, and we both laugh. “No, really, I do enjoy reality television and movies. I’m a sucker for movie night with popcorn and all.”

“Me, too.”

“Do you want to go and watch a movie?” He points into the house.

“What about your barbecue?”

“Yeah, let’s get those steaks on, and then we can watch something. What kinds of movies do you enjoy?” Logan sounds animated.

“Romcoms, horrors, anything with Jamie Dornan in it.”

“Oh?” He lifts his brows. “You’re a ‘Fifty Shades’ fan, I take it?”

“Big time. I mean, who isn’t? Normally, I would say that I preferred the books, but not when it comes to that particular series, although the books were great, too.”

“I enjoyed ‘Fifty Shades’ myself.” He licks his lips. “Let me fetch those steaks. Then we’ll take our lunch into the living room. I’ll let you pick out a movie.” Logan gets up.

“Do you need any help with anything?” I ask.

“Nope, you stay right there.” Then he walks inside.

I glance at Steel, who looks…angry. His whole body is tense.

“He seems nice,” I tell Steel, who doesn’t look my way.

“I’m sure the two of you will make a wonderful couple.”

I don’t say anything. I drink my tea and try hard to keep my eyes off my guard, off of Steel, but my gaze keeps drifting over to him.

My body tightens. I get this heavy feeling in my lower belly. I’m trying so hard to forget what happened and to move on. I have to. Someone needs to give my body a memo. There are certain parts of me that have yet to forget the pleasure of his touch. I hope they forget soon. This is getting annoying.

When Logan gets back, he’s carrying a large tray. “Ready?”

I nod, disappointed at how little I feel for the handsome shifter. I like him, but not in that way.

Why not? He’s freaking perfect.

Shit! Am I falling for Steel? I look over at him, catching his eye. His gaze burns into me. He is the one who looks away first. I realize that my heart is beating faster. That my breathing is a little elevated.

Crap!

This isn’t good at all. Thing is, my body isn’t in charge. My body doesn’t know what’s good for it. I do! I know what I need to do.

“Are you sure I can’t prepare you something?” Logan asks Steel.

“I’m good, thanks,” Steel says in a gruff voice. He doesn’t have to be so rude.

“Yum, those look good,” I tell Logan in a sing-song voice. I give Steel a hard glare, but he keeps his eyes facing forward.

There is a sizzle as Logan puts two juicy-looking pieces of meat on the grill.

I stand right next to him, smiling up at him. “Let me know if I can help you with anything.”

He touches the small of my back for a moment. “Your company is all I need. I’m glad I agreed to this. You’re not what I expected.”

“What did you expect?”

“I don’t know. Not this! I didn’t expect to like you and to be attracted to you. I hope you don’t mind my being forward with you. I’m like that. I say it like it is.”

“I like you, too.” It’s true, I do, but I’m still not feeling that spark. Maybe it’s something that could develop. I hope so.