Chapter 19

19

J en

I finish reading through the document for the third time. I understand most of it. However, I know that one word can change the meaning of a whole sentence. I realize that I might have missed something. I’m not a lawyer. As the general enjoyed pointing out, I don’t even have a college education. I got six months at college before I was forced to drop out.

I consider asking for a lawyer to help me understand a couple of things better. Maybe I need to re-word a clause or two.

Who am I kidding? I don’t have time for that. My mom needs the cash and right now. She must be freaking out.

I go out into the living room and find Steel lifting weights. He’s shirtless. There’s now a basic gym set-up as of a few days ago.

Steel is doing bicep curls with the biggest free weights I’ve ever seen. He’s still good-looking, even though he’s straining and sweating. Actually, he might even look more attractive, which is saying something.

“You good?” he asks as he pumps the weights. Up and down, up and down. I’m mesmerized.

I need to stop ogling him, especially after what happened earlier. We had a moment. Instead of telling me what Rex wanted to do to me, I think he told me what he wanted to do to me. It was a little wicked and a lot dirty. Hearing him say how hard he wanted to make me come had me getting wet in an instant. If I’d stayed in the room with him, I would have jumped him, and I know that Steel would have turned me down flat. I know it. It’s how he is, namely completely strait-laced. Even that is pretty hot.

“I’m good. I need to sign this.” I hold up the document. “But I need a witness, and you’re it.”

He puts the dumbbells down. I place the contract on the table and sign the thing after first initialing the individual pages.

He wipes his face with a towel as he walks over to me, throwing the towel over the back of a chair.

He smells really good. Masculine and yet like soap, spearmint, and sandalwood, maybe. It’s a great combination. Makes me want to bury my face in his chest or to lick him…all over. How can he smell so great when he’s all sweaty like that? I’m beginning to realize that he doesn’t run like the rest of us. He’s on another level.

Steel signs where it says witness, then puts down the pen. “You sure you’re comfortable sending this in? Don’t you need more time? If you’re not happy, you can ask for something to be changed.”

I nod. “No, I’m good. Also, my mom needs the ten thousand dollars. Back and forthing over the fine print of a contract could make this drag on for weeks. My family doesn’t have weeks, and I don’t want to delay this; the sooner it’s over, the better.”

He nods once, grabbing his cell phone. He types for a few seconds. “There, now they know it’s ready for collection. I’m sure you’ll see your next candidate tomorrow.”

“Thank you.” I look over at the equipment. “Sorry I interrupted you mid-workout.”

“No problem. I was just blowing off some steam.”

I could think of a couple of other ways we could both blow off steam…together. Holy moly! I really shouldn’t be thinking like that. I’ve never been the kind of person to have casual sex. If Steel and I were to have sex… and it would be a huge if because I don’t think he would ever go there. He’s just too straight and narrow. But if it ever were to happen, it would need to be strictly casual, and I’m not so sure I can do casual.

I don’t need to marry someone I don’t love while pining over Steel and, on top of that, missing my family terribly. I’d be shooting myself in the foot. In both damned feet.

No!

Not happening!

I note that his bed has been moved to the other side of the room. It’s in a better position over there, but how is he going to lock me in at night?

“Why did you move your bed?” I ask, looking over there.

“It was overkill. I don’t think you plan on trying to escape, and if you did, I’d hear you.” He walks into the kitchen area and disappears into the small pantry, buckling on a tool belt as he reemerges.

He’s wearing shorts, no shoes. He’s shirtless, his muscles are pumped, and he has a light tan leather tool belt riding low on his hips.

“You done looking?” he smirks.

I realize he’s just standing there while I drool a little.

“Just checking out your hammer.” There is a hammer. I smile when Steel doesn’t. I clear my throat. “I’m only joking. Just a silly… Actually, I was wondering why you need a tool belt in the first place…um…that’s all.”

“That’s all, huh?” His eyes crinkle a little on the edges, and his mouth sort of turns up, but he keeps his brooding thing going, which is so damned sexy, especially paired with that tool belt and all of those tattoos.

“Yep…that’s all.” I keep my eyes on his. “Are you going to fix something?”

I could do with some fixing.

I chew on my lip to keep from saying it out loud. I can’t joke around anymore. It isn’t hitting the same way as it used to. It feels real…not like teasing but flirting, which Steel doesn’t like. We can’t flirt or do anything else, for that matter.

“Can I go into your bedroom?” He points at the door, which is half open.

I have a few choice retorts, but I swallow them all back. “Um…sure…”

He goes inside, and I follow. My heart is beating wildly in my chest, although I’m not sure why. He probably wants to board up the tiny window in my bathroom or something. Especially now that my bedroom door is no longer sealed shut.

That isn’t what he does. Instead, he goes over to the window he boarded nearly two weeks ago and starts removing the boards one by one.

I don’t grasp the meaning behind what he is doing because I’m too busy admiring his back, which is a thing of beauty. I watch as his muscles contract and flex underneath that beautiful ink with each and every movement. A small bead of sweat trickles down his spine, right to the small of his back, over the Latin letters.

“There,” he says. “Don’t you dare sprout wings.” He turns, catching me staring all over again.

His eyes seem to darken. His whole body tightens. Holy shit, but he’s beautiful.

I need to snap out of it and right now.

“I was just…um…looking at the tattoo on your back. Wings. I like that. I noticed the letters. I was wondering what it says.”

“It says ‘volare,’ which means ‘to fly’ in Latin. It’s a reminder for me to keep moving forward, even during tough times,” he says, his face a mix of longing and vulnerability. “It’s something my mother used to say to me when I was a kid. She’d always tell me that the answer was to fly. To rise higher. To be stronger and braver. To spread my wings, even in the face of extreme adversity. I did this.” He reaches to his back. “For her and as a reminder to me because her advice was sound.”

“Is she still around? Your mom, I mean. Do you see her sometimes?”

His eyes cloud. “I haven’t seen her in a while.” He looks down at his feet for a moment.

“But she isn’t—?”

“Dead? No.” He shakes his head. “I haven’t been home in a while, that’s all. I need to fix that.”

“Four years?” I ask. “Is that how long you’ve been away?”

He gives a shake of his head. “Let’s not go there, Jen. Not today.”

I doubt he will ever tell me. Everyone seems to know. The general’s PA doesn’t like Steel because of it. Rex thinks he’s a legend despite whatever happened. Ultimately, everyone seems to know but me. Whatever happened, I know it’s bad. He lost his job. He hasn’t been home since. At least, I doubt he has. He feels the need to look at every single woman on the street, trying to find the person who did something terrible, who wronged him. He looks sad talking about his mother in much the same way as I must look when I talk about home and my own mom.

“Will you tell me about The Pit? Rex said you were a legend in The Pit. What does that mean?”

He shakes his head, making me want to groan in frustration. “No, I don’t think so, Jen. Let’s leave it alone.”

“Will you tell me anything?”

“Nope. I don’t think I should. I think we need to draw a firm line in the sand, so to speak.”

“Because I’m your ward?”

He takes a step toward me, and I have to crane my neck to keep looking him in the eyes. The oxygen seems to leave the room because I can’t quite catch my breath. The way he’s looking at me has my nipples tightening.

Down girls. Down! No, he’s not for you.

“I’m not going to mince my words. I’m just going to say it like it is.”

“Okay.” I nod far too many times. This is where he tells me that I’m his prisoner and blah, blah, blah.

“We’re attracted to one another. I’m seriously fucking attracted to you, Jen. I know you feel the same way, so don’t even try to deny it.”

There was, in fact, a denial on the tip of my tongue. I close my mouth instead of saying the words, which would have been a bald-faced lie.

“Maybe somewhat,” I croak. “I might think you’re okay.” I hold up my hand and let it dip from side to side, as if I’m not sure.

He laughs softly under his breath, and just like everything else about him, it’s sexy. “We have to share an apartment for the coming weeks while you meet with a bunch of males, one of whom you’re going to mate with. You’re doing it to save your family. I’m not judging you…not anymore. I don’t believe all the terrible things the general told me about you.”

My eyes go wide. “He told you bad things about me? Why would he do that? They’re not true. I’m not bad, I swear. What did I ever do to him? What did he tell you?”

“It doesn’t matter. He did it to get me on board. He said what he needed to say to push my buttons. At least, I suspect that’s what he did and why he lied. It isn’t about you at all. He said what he did to ensure that I would accept this role. So that I would take it very seriously. We have history. I owed him one. It’s a long story.”

“Four years old.”

“Something like that.” He gives me a half smile.

“You’re not going to tell me about The Pit? Or about what happened?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “Nope. We need to keep our distance. There will be no chitchats—”

“And no flirting,” I say, pulling a face. “And absolutely no spanking of any kind. It doesn’t matter whether it’s serious spanking or spanking of a sexual nature. Both would be off the table.”

“Jesus.” His shoulders shake a little as he tries his best to hold back a laugh, failing dismally. “We won’t even talk about any of that, let alone do it or even think about it.”

“You’ve had thoughts about me involving spanking?” I brighten up.

“Stop, Jen! I mean it. It has to stop, all of it. This right here.” He gestures between us. “It stops right now. I’m not fucking you. It doesn’t matter how much I would love to bury myself inside you. It doesn’t matter how good I know you would feel.” His jaw tightens. “Or how much I’d love to hear the sounds you would make when you’d come all over my cock. None of it matters because it can never happen.”

Holy shit!

I hold back a deep moan. My lower belly tightens.

I make this little squeaking noise. “You’re right, but you really can’t talk like that ever again. Not ever! You have one hell of a dirty mouth, and I never knew this about myself, but I love it.”

“Fuck! Damn…okay…noted. No thinking about sex, no talking about it. No dirty talk, no flirting, no spanking, no chitchat. No being friends. We can’t be friends.”

“We can never ever be friends,” I agree.

“We avoid each other as much as possible when we’re at the apartment, but when we leave, I’m sticking to you like a second skin.”

“Sounds good.” My mind goes straight to the gutter.

“Jen,” he warns.

“I mean, yay, that would be nice. It’ll be good to feel safe. I have to say, I do feel safe with you, Steel. I used to have these nightmares about something that happened to me, but I don’t get them anymore. Not since you’ve been watching me.”

“I would ask what happened, but I won’t because we’re not doing that.” He shakes his head.

“Got it,” I say.

“Are you good with salmon for dinner?”

“The one with rice noodles, soya, and broccolini?” I am sure I sound excited because I really enjoy that particular salmon dish. I can pivot and change the direction of our conversation in an instant, just like the next girl.

“I’ll put the order in,” he says. “Let’s try to stick to the rules, and we’re golden.”

“Sounds like a plan.” As much as I hate it, I have to agree with him. Muddying the waters with sex would be completely the wrong thing to do. It would be stupid. I might be a lot of things, but stupid isn’t one of them. Steel isn’t stupid, either. Not even close.