Chapter 15

15

Ethan

Maddie and I skipped the steakhouse and headed straight to my friend's bar. I suggested that because I was concerned the restaurant might not offer as much privacy as a quiet, dark corner in the bar would, and I figured tonight she might appreciate that. We arrived forty minutes ago and ordered tacos for dinner, which we've just finished eating. My buddy, Dan, has tried to get away from serving drinks but so far hasn't managed to, so Maddie and I have spent the time talking about photography. She's guided the conversation and I've gotten the impression she's doing her best to avoid talking about herself.

There was something different about her after she got ready for dinner. She walked out of the bathroom while I was wrapping up my phone call and the way her shoulders were pushed back, along with the look of determination on her face, was vastly different to the way she'd looked when she walked into the bathroom.

I didn't ask for her thoughts because I figured we'd already talked and she'd bring it up again if she wanted to continue the conversation. She's got a lot to think about and she doesn't need another man telling her what to do. I already felt I'd overstepped when I suggested she invite chaos in. I don't have a fucking clue about her work and the challenges she faces in it, so I need to start keeping my thoughts to myself when it comes to her career.

"So," she says settling back against the booth in the corner of the bar where we're sitting. "How long have you known Dan? And how long has he owned this bar? And"—she grins—"how are you friends with someone who loves bluegrass as much as Dan obviously does when you hate country music?" She's referencing the fact the music selection in the bar tonight has been nothing but bluegrass.

I chuckle. "I don't hate country."

She arches a brow. "That doesn't seem like a statement filled with truth."

Before I can reply to that, Dan slides into the booth next to Maddie, places a glass of bourbon on the table in front of him, and says, "What's that about truth?"

The smile Maddie gives him is lit like a Christmas tree. She gives him all of her attention, turning her body to face him. "Your boy here is telling lies about loving country music. I'm just calling him out on it."

Dan eyes me with amusement before looking back at Maddie. "I like you already, and I don't usually like any woman Ethan dates."

Maddie reaches for the bourbon I selected for her. She asked me to choose because the menu had too many options for her to wade through. "Mr. McHottie and I aren't dating,"

Dan laughs. "Mr. McHottie?"

She sips some bourbon. "That's what my assistant calls him." Then, giving me a flirty look, she adds, "It fits."

Fuck.

I feel every bit of that look she's throwing my way deep in my gut.

Dan eyes me over the rim of his glass as he sips his drink. I know him almost as well as I know my brothers, so I know what he's saying without uttering a word. Get your act together, dickhead, and fix the non-dating situation.

I ignore that and answer Madeline's earlier questions. "I've known Dan since we were kids. He grew up in New York."

"You went to school together?"

Dan nods. "Yeah. I moved here two years ago after inheriting this bar from my father."

"And," I say, "he's always loved bluegrass. Fuck knows why."

Maddie grins triumphantly, pointing at me. "I knew it! You do hate country."

"No, I'm not a fan of bluegrass, but your kind of country is okay."

That slows her down and she stares at me for a long moment. "You know my music?"

"Not before I met you, but I've listened to some since then."

"Wait," Dan interrupts. "You're a singer?"

"Yes."

"You sing country?"

Maddie's smile is huge, as is the way she relaxes right in front of me. Over the last few days, I've picked up that she's not comfortable with her fame and I think she loves the fact Dan hasn't recognized her. "You're my new favorite person, Dan. And yes, country is my first love."

He's fully engrossed in this conversation now. Dan's the biggest music nerd I know. "Would I know your music?"

I laugh. "You'll know it." He likely hasn't recognized her because he's only about the music not the star.

"Why are you two being so fucking evasive?" he asks.

"We're not trying to be," Maddie says with a hint of disappointment. "I was just enjoying the anonymity for a bit."

I tap my phone, pull up my music app and Maddie's profile before sliding the phone to Dan.

After looking at it, Dan peers at Maddie and says, "Fuck me. I love your music. I'm sorry I didn't know who you are but I don't know what most singers look like." Then, he shifts his gaze between us before resting it on me. "How the fuck did I not know that you know her?"

Maddie answers before I can. "We met three days ago. He let me use him for a kiss that saved me from having to get married."

"Kisses," I correct as my mind goes straight to those kisses.

Maddie's eyes meet mine, holding as much heat as I feel after thinking about her body underneath mine and my lips on hers. "Kisses," she agrees with the kind of sexy look any man would kill for. It's pretty clear she's remembering our meeting in the same way I am, but then that's no surprise. Not after the conversation we had this morning while some asshole sounded his horn at us.

Dan breaks the moment between us when he says, "And after that, you guys just decided to become friends and drive to Louisville to see me?"

Maddie laughs. "Yes, that's exactly what happened."

"Jesus, Ethan, this might be your most outrageous relationship yet."

"Fun, though, right?" Maddie says.

He looks at her. "Fun is Ethan's middle fucking name. I hope you're buckled in tight because this guy will lead you astray in a million different ways if you let him." He narrows his eyes at her. "How long are you planning on staying friends with him?"

Maddie turns her attention back to me, her eyes demanding mine without even needing to. There's no one else on my radar. "I think forever."

The way her "forever" lands with me is unlike any response I've ever felt. I would have hated to hear anything else. And fuck me, we're in dangerous territory now. I want something that I can't have right now. Not when Madeline's in the thick of a breakup.

"Right." Dan stands, grabbing our empty glasses. "While you two eye-fuck each other, I'm getting another round of drinks that Ethan's paying for. And when I come back, we're gonna talk music. I have many questions."

"No more drinks for us," I say, ignoring the eye-fucking comment that was right on the money. "We've got a long day of driving tomorrow." And I promised Leigh I'd keep Maddie out of trouble tonight.

"Well, I'm not driving tomorrow, so I'm having more," Dan says. "And you're paying my tab. You still owe me for our last drinking session that I funded."

I study Maddie while she watches Dan walk away. That brunette wig she's wearing is fucking awful but even it can't hide her beauty. I could stare all night long.

"We could have had one more drink," she says when she finally turns back to me.

"You're at your limit, Miller."

She rolls her eyes. "I think you really enjoy bossing me around."

"Wait till you see what me bossing you around really looks like."

Her eyes flare with more heat and I remind myself to avoid any kind of comment that could be taken in a sexual way. I may want something more with her, but it can't happen while she's all fucked up over her ex. If anything were to ever happen between us, it'd have to be after she's worked her way through that and really knows what she wants. I'm not in the market for a relationship that's doomed from the start because my partner is unclear in her feelings and intentions.

Maddie doesn't make this easy for me, though, when she says, "Maybe you should try it and show me what I'm missing out on."

Fuck.

I'm hard now, thinking about the ways I'd like to boss her around. Mercifully, her assistant takes this moment to text her.

"Sorry," she apologizes as she checks the message.

She goes back and forth with Leigh for a couple of minutes, and I search her face for a hint as to her frame of mind. If I'd had my personal shit vomited all over social media like she has during the last three days, I wouldn't be as calm as she appears. It's confusing as hell to me, but that could be because my way of coping when someone hurts or angers me is to voice my feelings. And since the women I've dated have all been fiery and quick to temper, all I've known are showdowns. Maddie was angry earlier, but it was a quiet fury that she mostly kept on the inside, and she hasn't shown any sign of it during dinner.

"What?" she says after she finishes with Leigh and places her phone down. "You're looking at me like you're trying to figure me out."

"I'm trying to figure out if you're okay."

"I did promise to let you worry about me, didn't I?"

"You did."

She releases a long breath. "I'm okay."

"I don't understand that."

Her brows furrow. "What don't you understand?"

I try like hell to keep my mouth shut, to let her figure this out in her own way, but I've never been good at keeping my thoughts to myself. "How can you be okay after everything that's happened today?" I lean forward. "I don't understand how you can be so calm about it."

"You think I should be lashing out? Calling Tucker and unleashing my anger on him? Not enjoying myself with you?"

"Yeah, something like that. After you told me what happened and I had to go take that call, I expected to walk back into a trashed hotel room or to screaming and yelling. I've never met anyone who locks their anger up so tight."

"I'm pissed off, Ethan. Don't doubt that. In fact, I've never been so pissed off. I feel it violently in here." She jabs her finger at her chest with enough force that I finally see a speck of her anger. "I feel like I could explode. And like I can't breathe when I think about it. But, as much as I wish I could yell and scream to get it all out, I've never really let my feelings out in that way."

"You wanna try?"

She stares at me like this idea terrifies her. "No…. Maybe. I don't know."

I jerk my chin at her while standing. Reaching for her hand, I say, "Come on, let's go and do some screaming."

She doesn't take my hand. "You're joking, right?"

"Nope. Serious as fuck."

"Ethan." Her tone is all kinds of what the fuck. "This is a crazy idea."

I take charge of the situation and grab her hand so I can pull her up. "Have you forgotten we're trying to break some rules on this trip? This is a great fucking idea."

She allows me to lead her out of the bar. I let Dan know we're leaving, and he makes it clear I still owe him for drinks and that I also owe him a longer catch-up soon. A minute later, we're heading outside in search of somewhere I can encourage Maddie to let her anger out into the world.

Maddie's hand grips mine like she's relying on me to get her through this. Like she's as far out of her depth as she could be. I feel her apprehension in that grip, which makes me even more determined to help her.

There's a crowd outside Dan's bar, lining up for entry. It doesn't surprise me. His establishment is popular with its eclectic vibe and unpretentious charm. The crowd is rowdy tonight, thanks to a large group who appear to be here to celebrate something. Some of the guys in that group spill across the sidewalk, blocking our path, and one of them slams into Madeline after his friend pushes him.

"Shit, sorry," he slurs as he tries to get his bearings, grabbing her arms in the process. I hear how drunk he is, but that's also obvious from the way he's stumbling around.

My instincts kick in and within seconds, I've got my arm around Madeline's waist to steady her and to pull her in close, away from these guys.

"It's okay," she says to the guy while turning into me, letting me protect her.

"Oh my god," one of the girls in the line screams, her eyes going wide as she points at Maddie. "That's Madeline Montana!"

More screams of excitement erupt, and phones are pulled out, and before I know what's happening, the crowd is all over us. It's fucking chaos and Madeline appears bewildered.

"Get the fuck back," I growl to everyone while holding Maddie tightly against me.

One of the assholes shoves his phone in Madeline's face and I see fucking red. Moving Maddie behind me, I grab his phone from his hands. Then, I grasp his shirt and yank him to me, ignoring his outcry over the removal of his phone. "You need to get the fuck out of my face, and when you do that, you need to take all your asshole friends with you. And if I find any of these videos online, I will make it so whoever posted them really fucking regrets that decision."

He sneers. "Sure, you will. Fucking dickhead."

I clench his shirt harder, bringing his face right to mine and snarling, "Try me. You wanna violate Madeline's privacy by sharing an unauthorized video of her, you better believe I'll be sending my lawyer after you. And trust me, I have enough cash to waste on a million lawsuits if it comes to that. I also have people who know how to dig into a person's life and find the shit they'd rather stay secret. So yeah, fucking try me, asshole."

I shove him away as Dan's head of security joins us, bringing three other men from his team with him. He shoots me a look that says, "Fuck me, Ethan," before moving the group along. Some of the guys are hard to force away from me. It seems they're ready for a fight, but Jason isn't head of security for nothing.

Once he's got them all inside, he looks at me with a shake of his head. "I thought you were done causing me grief."

"It turns out I wasn't," I grunt, the words ripped from my chest. I pull Madeline in close again, a hard urgency to protect her driving me. My body is wired, my jaw is tight, and I have to force myself to loosen my grip a little so that I'm not crushing her.

"Do me a favor and get out of here. I'm not in the mood for trouble tonight."

I do him that favor. For Madeline. Keeping my arm around her, I steer her away from the bar toward the river a few blocks away.

"Thank you," Maddie says as I let her go once we're away from the bar.

I force a breath, trying to loosen the knot of tension in my chest. "I'm not sure I helped you back there." Fuck knows how videos of us surfacing on social media will pan out for her. Videos of me threatening people.

She shakes her head. "We don't deal in doubt, Black. And at this point, I don't think it matters what else is posted about me online. People are gonna think what they want, right?"

Fuck me. She's made a 180 since we talked earlier and certainty looks fucking good on her.

"I take it you and the security guy go back," she continues.

"A few years, yeah."

"And you and trouble are besties?" Her eyes twinkle with fun.

"Let's just say that some of those grays you saw in his hair were caused by me."

"How bad are we talking here?"

"You wanna know if I'm a bad boy, Miller?"

"Oh, I already know you are. I just need to know what to expect going forward."

"My bad boy days are behind me. You don't need to worry."

"I don't know if I believe that. Not from what I just saw."

"That wasn't me being a bad boy. That was me making sure those assholes wouldn't hurt you. And if something like that happens again, I won't hesitate to protect you again. That's what you can expect going forward."

She turns silent while looking up at me with eyes that hold a universe of thoughts and feelings. But while she doesn't respond to what I've just said, the way she moves closer to me while we walk tells me everything. She's grateful.

From the little I know about her, I'm not sure Maddie has ever had someone in her corner like I am now, and that pisses me the hell off. This woman deserves so much more than she's ever been given.

"Okay," I say as the river comes into view. "Are you ready to give your lungs a workout?"

She glances around, taking in the people we can see. "I don't know, Ethan. Screaming in a public area doesn't seem like the best idea."

"There's hardly anyone around." There are only five people in sight. "Besides, it's dark and I know a place tucked away from view. And if anyone comes running to see why you're screaming, I'll deal with them."

She scans the area again before taking a deep breath. "Okay, but let the record show, I think it's a bad idea."

I take her hand. "The record knows exactly where you stand on this and it thinks you might enjoy this, even if just a little bit."

When we make it to the sheltered area that's hidden from everyone, I let her hand go and turn her to face the river while I move next to her. Then, I start a conversation that I hope will help her access her anger. "How did you find out Tucker was cheating on you?"

She stands perfectly still, not answering my question. It's dark, so I can't see every line of her face to get a read on her, but her stillness and the way her breathing turns shallow give me the information I'm after. Finally, she looks at me and I see her torment. She still doesn't answer my question, though.

"Well?" I prod.

She releases a breath and turns back to the river. "Things had been off between us for a while and then he came home the night before our wedding smelling of another woman's perfume, so after he passed out, I checked his phone. It wasn't hard to guess his password. I found messages that went back years, from women he'd had one-night stands with and women he'd carried on affairs with." Her chest rises and falls as she closes her eyes briefly. When she speaks again, pain bleeds into her words. "His actions were so blatant that night. Coming home smelling of her ...he didn't even care if I knew." She finds my gaze again, her face a mess of hurt. "And that's what hurt. He didn't care about me. He never cared about me."

The fucking asshole.

"And?"

Her pain twists across her face. "And what?"

"How did you feel that night? Did you really think you could go through with your wedding the next day?"

"We've talked about this, Ethan. I don't really want to go over it again."

I move into her space, in front of her. "I know. I know you just want to force this into that box you have inside you for the hurtful things in your life, but that's not going to help you move on. You need to get this shit out of your body. Unless, of course, you just want to sit in your mess and pretend it never happened."

Her eyes widen, and I don't blame her. My tone was intentionally sharp. I want to help her get to her anger and if I have to make her angry at me first to do that, so be it.

"Do I look like I'm happily sitting in my mess?" she demands, and I sense the first stirrings of what I'm looking for.

"No, but what are you doing about it? Because from where I'm sitting, it looks like you're scrambling to find all the ways to go on without letting it out of that box."

Now, her eyes are blazing with outrage. "And to think that I thought you didn't have any asshole in you."

"Everyone has some asshole in them, Maddie." I dip my face down to get even more in hers. "Tell me how it made you feel to know Tucker was out there fucking other women, for years, while he forced you to perform perfectly for the world, wearing what he told you to wear, writing what he told you to write, saying what he told you to say, and—"

"I hated him!" She smacks her hands to my chest, pushing me away. "I hated that he made me feel like a fool! I despised him and Darren for making me give myself up. But mostly, I hated myself for being so fucking na?ve and stupid."

I want to tell her she's not stupid, but I don't think my opinion will count for much. Not when she's got years of wiring to untangle so she can believe it herself.

"Say it louder, Miller. Scream that shit out."

Her eyes, wild now, search mine madly. "I want him to hurt as much I am."

I make a hand movement to indicate I want her to turn this shit up. "Louder."

"I want Darren to hurt too." Still too fucking quiet.

I move back into her space and yell in her face, "Louder!" I jab her chest. "Here! Scream it from here!"

She snaps and it's so fucking beautiful to watch someone let it all out when you know they never have. She throws her head back, opens her mouth, and screams so fucking loudly that I'm sure I'll have to fend people off who will think she needs rescuing.

When she stops and brings her gaze back to mine, she's breathless and her eyes shine with freedom and abandon. Then, she lifts her face to the sky and screams again. This time, she extends her arms out and shakes them while her entire body vibrates with the release, her feet pounding the ground.

"Fuck!" she exclaims after finishing, still shaking out her hands and bouncing on the spot. "Maybe you're not really an asshole. That felt pretty good."

I chuckle. "I'll take the asshole tag. Plenty of people would agree with you."

Still breathless, she says, "I don't remember ever saying I hate someone."

"You feel bad about saying it?"

She thinks about that for a moment and just when I wonder if she'll say yes, she shakes her head. "No. I do hate them and I'm okay with feeling that." Lifting her face to the sky, she exhales a loud breath and flings her arms out, releasing more of the wild energy that I think has been trapped for a long time. "I kinda hate having to tell someone they were right." She turns her face to mine and smiles. "But you were right. Screaming was what I needed."

I have no idea what I did to earn this woman stumbling into my life and bringing a refreshing amount of realness with her. She's a breath of fresh air for me.

"You wanna scream some more or can we get out of here before the cops show up ready to arrest me?"

Her smile turns to a grin. "Now you're worried about the police? What happened to being a rule breaker, Black?"

"I'm not worried about myself. I'm thinking of you. I don't wanna give social media something else to slam you with tomorrow."

Her grin fades, and her eyes—fixed on mine—hold a heat that makes my gut tighten. There's gratitude there, maybe, but there's also a simmering intensity that feels a hell of a lot like desire. "I'm done screaming." She steps closer to me, bringing with her that floral scent I like far too much, and says softly, "Thank you."

She may have uttered only two words with absolutely no context, but I don't need that or a whole speech of what she's really saying. I know what she's thanking me for.

I nod. "You got it. Anytime." My voice is rougher than I intended because that's what she's doing to me. Stealing my ability to get a handle on myself.

I lift my chin at her. "Come on, let's get you back to the hotel." And out of this moment, because if she continues looking at me the way she is, fuck knows what I'll do with it.