22. Aiden

Chapter twenty-two

Aiden

My fist slams against the white subway tile of the shower wall. I hang my head under the scorching heat of the water as it cascades down my hair to the drain at my feet.

She had me.

She played me like a fucking fiddle, and like a fool, I fell for it without stopping to question it.

Why would I believe she wanted anything to do with me after all the horrible things I’ve said to her? When she has Jackson, and apparently Kellan as well?

I was just a means to an end. A way to prove her point. To show me I can control her about as well as I can hold the steam from this shower in my hand.

I thought we’d made a breakthrough. She would finally share something real with me. And while I was weak and hopeful, she ripped my heart from my chest and squeezed it in her grasp until it burst.

I should have known better .

We were never meant to be anything more to each other than spiteful allies. If that. Even when I’d almost had her all to myself, when I’d taken the leap and kissed her back on the island, it wasn’t meant to be. We were over before we could really begin because fate decided that I find her birth certificate the next day.

I had one kiss with her. One night of hope and excitement before it was ripped away from us.

Now, the most we can share with each other is who can hurt the other the most. Now, any interaction we have just proves to me that any possible relationship between us would be toxic.

Even when I try to help her or open up, nasty digs and undercutting remarks fall from my tongue on reflex. I don’t even think about them, and they’re there. Past my lips and attacking her, to keep her at a distance.

I stare at the water circling the drain. I soak in the heat of the shower and the ache in my chest until they are both a part of me. I don’t hide from it; I latch on and breathe it into me so that I remember this moment.

I won’t be making that mistake again.

The bathroom door squeaks open, and I hear a curtain slide across the metal bar in a stall further down from mine. I take another long breath, drawing the steam into my chest one last time before slipping the mask of casual indifference over my features like a second skin. It’s a talent I learned a long time ago to keep my emotions buried deep and away from others’ notice.

Except when it comes to her , and it all comes out with the smallest provocation .

A quick glance over the stall confirms Dane is in here, as I’d guessed. Kellan would be training Raegan now, so Dane’s showering after his session. The stalls are just tall enough to reach his chin, but my entire head is exposed above the cheap plastic walls. I have no idea how Kellan showers in these when my head barely fits under the shower head if I duck. He must have to squat under it or bend over to get his hair and face clean.

Seeing Dane just reminds me of what she’d thrown at me on her way out. She ran once again because that’s what she’s good at, and left me with bricks of ambiguous information that gave me more questions than answers. If only I could restrain her again, keep her from running away so I could get the information I need. She seems to open up more to me when she’s angry than anything else, and I have a knack for getting her there.

But there was something she had given me this time that I might be able to work with. Something that I’d need Dane’s assistance for.

I clear my throat and step back, so the shower is hitting my upper chest. My palm drags back over my hair to push the dripping water from my face, and then I check that I have Dane’s attention. “What did Vera say to you about Raegan? She said she almost ran the other night because she was scared of us learning something about her, which I assume has to do with Vera sharing something with you. What was it?”

Dane’s brows pinch together. “What did she say to you?”

“She didn’t tell me more than that. I’d like you to fill me in so I know better what I’m dealing with.”

His lips firm into a flat line, and he shakes his head while reaching for his soap. “If she isn’t giving you that information, then I can’t tell you anything.”

My hands curl at my sides, but I force the tension in my body to relax before he can see it. This is getting ridiculous. The only reason there’s division between us is poor communication. And every chance where I try to fix it , I’m denied. Now, by the very person who should hate her the most.

“Dane. I’m serious. We can’t move forward until we get past this. I’m trying to help all of us.”

“I’m serious, too. I promised her I wouldn’t tell anyone or talk about it until she was ready. It’s not mine to tell.”

Deep, controlled breaths. “Since when are you standing up for her? Why wouldn’t you ask her about it? What am I missing?”

He scrubs the soap into his hair with rough fingers and a pensive look that’s so at odds with the scowl he’s been wearing for years that I’m wondering what I’ve missed these last few weeks while helping the Guild. Has she changed the others this much just by being around us?

“We’re…starting over. Vera showed her true colors the other night, and I have no choice but to believe Raegan. No,” he corrects himself, then pauses to consider his next words. “I have a choice, but I choose to believe her now. She’s protected me all this time from knowing what Vera’s turned into, even though we all hated her for it. If Vera wasn’t still around, she would have died with that knowledge, and I would still think that Raegan killed my innocent sister.”

“She still killed your sister,” I remind him flatly. Something that would once trigger a temper tantrum from him or make him pull his hair from grief.

Instead, he simply nods. “I know. I haven’t forgiven that completely. But I know why she did it.”

“So, what? Now you’re pals again?” I fight to keep the sarcasm from my tone, but hearing that another one of us has worked something out with her has me livid. I’m the only one left. The only one she refuses to talk to, to hang out with, to tease. I see the way she looks out the window for Jackson. And now I better understand the looks she gives Kellan. The small smiles she’s beginning to share with Dane.

She’ll never look at me that way.

“We’re figuring that out,” he tells me at last, but I’ve already moved on from caring about his answer. I need a stiff drink. And fresh air.

Every time I come back to Old Red, I feel like I’m suffocating. Maybe that’s the real reason I’ve been avoiding it. Why I’ve been coming up with excuses for them to hang tight and not move on GE. I want Raegan to be constantly around me and under my control, but then, when I have her in arm’s reach, all we do is poison the air between us, and she runs away.

I turn off the shower and grab my towel, wrapping it around my waist and leaving the bathroom without another word to Dane. I don’t know what else to say to him until I can get this shit figured out in my head first.

I go right for one of the suits that fill my closet, picking out a black one this time rather than the usual gray. I take my time pulling on each item of clothing, and I can feel my self-assuredness returning to me. It’s like I’m putting on my armor for the world, for Raegan, for the thoughts and feelings that constantly haunt me, with every layer. Confidence oozes from me once I’ve finished the getup with my silk tie.

I run my hand down the tie to the buttons on my jacket and smirk into the mirror.

Much better.

I’ll go get a drink, breathe in the crisp night air, and gather a fresh perspective before coming home with a new game plan.

I park my Aston Martin in the reserved spot at the bar the Guild owns in the city. A member of the Guild owns every establishment that holds one of the secret tunnels to the bunker. The Guild isn’t listed on the ownership papers, of course, but it is the Guild that funds and supports the business, and the member just manages and runs it without worrying too deeply about the financials.

When I walk inside, half of the patrons are members who each catch my eye and smile or nod at me while I’m scanning the room. The rest are regular people of society who don’t look twice at the man in the suit entering a bar at this hour. It’s just after nine in the evening, so it’s still early by bar and drinking standards.

I stride over to an open booth to sit rather than the bar. I’m not looking to chat with anyone tonight. I need to drink and process everything Raegan and Dane said to me so I can decide our next steps of how we move forward.

Jack’s the first problem we need to solve before we can re-focus on GE.

I haven’t told Raegan yet, but he’s completely lost it. He may say that he’s on Raegan’s side, but all I’ve seen is him killing people left and right with no rhyme or reason. He’s leaving nothing but blood and terror in his wake. He must have become so consumed by bloodlust that he’s forgotten his original goal.

The last time I saw him was when he’d been in her room the other week. There’s been no sign of him coming back to see her since.

Yahaira places a glass of bourbon before me with a smile. “I’d ask if you wanted someone to talk to, but seeing as you’re here and not at my bar, I’ll assume that’s not what you want.” She places a hand on her hip and tucks her brunette hair behind her ear. “But I can kick everyone else out if you change your mind and need some privacy for it.”

My hand wraps around the glass, and I raise it in a salute to her. “I appreciate it, Yaya. But I need to work this out on my own.”

She nods. “Understood, Ma—Aiden,” she finishes after the look I give her, then leaves to return to her post at the bar.

I never wanted to be master of some Guild. I wanted to keep my brothers safe and take down the organization that took our lives from us. It had always been about us. It still is. But, I’ll admit, it’s become more than that.

While I never planned on this, I don’t hate it. I like looking out for the others. And now I’m not just taking down Gifted Enterprise for myself and my brothers, but for them, too. And for the non-Gifted, who don’t know that this shadow organization plans to rule the world without them even realizing it.

“You’ll go out of your way to give everything you have to complete strangers at your Guild, but when I needed help, you abandoned me!”

She’s wrong , I remind myself. I’m not choosing the Guild over her, if that’s what she thinks. She’s choosing herself over depending on us. On me. She would have everything, too, if she would just talk to me.

“You stopped deserving any explanation the second you knocked me out on that island and left me for dead.”

I take a long drink of my bourbon as her voice, full of pain and sorrow, rings in my ears. The sound carves a hole in my chest, shredding my heart to ribbons as I remember the day that’s burned in my mind.

I catch her with one arm before she falls, dropping the debris I’d used to knock her unconscious and then swinging her legs up. A trickle of blood escapes the scrape I’ve inflicted on her temple. Tightening my hold, I draw our foreheads together and force myself to take a calming breath. To remind myself why I’m doing this.

I try to breathe in her vanilla scent, but it’s nowhere to be found. Maybe it’s the copper and sulfur in the air that’s hiding it from me, and I tell myself it’s for the best. That it’ll somehow make what comes next easier.

The ground rumbles, another aftershock jarring the island and reminding me that I have to hurry. The adults were busy trying to save their equipment and their own lives at first, thinking the kids wouldn’t see a way off the island. The idiots had a book on boating in the library, and I made sure to read it. I wonder how many others had the same idea. It won’t be long before the adults realize some of us are escaping and they come after us.

There’s another pier close to here, so I break into a run, seeking out any other brave prisoners trying to leave. I catch a small group of students on a boat and angle toward it, stopping in front of it with gasping breaths. “Tara!” I shout when I see Raegan’s roommate. The one who always covered for her when she’d slip into our room.

The red head turns, the frown on her face changing to surprise when she sees Raegan in my arms. “Shit, is she okay?”

The boat jerks as I step onto it, and I turn so my back hits the cabin to catch us. My teeth clench as I brace myself against it through the strong rocking motion. “I need you to take her with you,” I manage once she’s standing in front of me.

“Are you not coming?”

“I’ve got another boat to catch.”

Tara’s brow pinches. She knows how close we all were, but I don’t have the time to explain everything to her.

“Her Grams is in Alaska. I need to know that you’ll help get her home.”

“Why can’t you—”

“Can you help her?”

“Uh, yeah. We’re all trying to find our homes anyway. We can do it together.”

I breathe a sigh of relief. “Thank you. I’ll put her in the bed below, if you can check on her injuries once you’re out at sea.”

“Sure.”

I’m not thrilled by Tara’s answers, but there’s no time to find anyone else. I’m lucky enough that another group is trying to escape like us.

Carrying Raegan below deck to the tiny captain’s quarters, I lay her carefully on the bed.

“I hope you lied,” I whisper, stroking the hair from her face. “I hope you don’t work for GE and you didn’t kill Vera. I hope you go home to your Grams in Alaska and live a happy, quiet life away from all this.” Leaning forward, I press a kiss to her uninjured temple, holding it there with eyes closed as I say goodbye. Because this should be the last time I ever see her again.

If she makes it home, there’s no reason for us to ever run into each other.

Or else there is no Grams, and she told the truth about being with GE.

My chest tightens to an unbearable chokehold now that it’s time to walk away. To leave her forever.

I wish...

No. Don’t do that. This is for the best. I’m getting her away from GE. Getting her home and somewhere safe.

Leaving this island isn’t going to be the end of GE for me and my brothers.

Shifting back, I trail my hand down her torso to her skirt, wanting to see her injury for myself so I can make sure Tara knows what to do for it.

The boat lurches to the side, and I slap my hand on the wall before I fall onto Raegan. Shouting starts outside, and it sounds like my time is up.

I rush above deck, not allowing myself to linger anymore. If I let myself, I’d stay on the boat with her. I have to force myself to leave, to get back to the others and hope they aren’t under attack because I’ve taken too long.

A few scientists are running this way, and I curse to myself.

Jumping onto the dock, I cut the last rope holding the boat at the pier and toss the student who’d been trying to untie it onto the boat as the motor kicks on.

Goodbye, Raegan.

She should have been safe. She should have gone home.

What aren’t you telling me?

Now that I know killing Vera was an accident, I’m forced to wonder if I made the right choice. If I brought her with us, would she have told us about Vera? Or would she have kept that secret while she thought Vera was dead?

What would our lives look like now if I’d taken her with us?

Did she ever make it to her grandmother? Did Tara keep her promise?

What happened after I left her on the boat? And what happened to her that year she was separated from us on the island? I’d thought it was the same classes and training, just isolated from the rest of us. But then her reaction to Gordon...

What did he do to you?!

That question alone triggers a visceral rush of anger through my veins, throwing all rational thought and action from my mind. It’s what drives me every time I see her, clogging my lungs and spewing sharp demands for her to tell me.

I need to know. I won’t be able to rest until I know everything about her. Every detail that she guards like her life depends on it.

I need to make it right.

“You want my trust enough to tell you my secrets? You have to earn it.”

I’d thought bringing her with us to Old Red would have been enough, but hearing her list out every time I’d failed her rings like a death knell in my head.

I don’t know when I stopped caring about her birth certificate. At this point, it’s clear she’s not working for them. I think I always knew. It was just a convenient excuse to push her away. To keep her from getting too close before she could work her way back into my life. Into our lives.

But it’s too late now.

If we ever had a chance.

“Oh, Aiden! Funny to see you here!” A sharp giggle follows before Cassandra slides into the bench seat across from me without my permission. “Are you meeting someone here?”

I take in the fiery red curls spilling from her head to her woodland eyes and freckled nose, and then the oversized beige sweater she’s wearing. She’s small and pixie-like and always tries to keep an upbeat attitude around everyone she’s with. She’s been an invaluable member of the Guild, especially as of late. She’s a sweet and nice girl if I put aside the repeated advances that I’ve been forced to fend off.

I sigh and shift back against the thick wooden booth. It’s a strategic move on my part to add more distance between us while she leans over the table. My hand is still latched around my glass of bourbon, and I suddenly feel as if I’ve traded places with Kellan somehow and the drink has become an extension of me. “No. I’m here by myself.”

Her smile stretches across her face. “Can I join you?”

“Maybe another time. I need to think alone tonight.”

Cassandra’s face drops into a pout, but I can see the wheels turning in her mind when her brow furrows. “Is this about her ?”

“Who?” I ask casually. She can’t be talking about Raegan. I’ve been very careful to keep my history with her a secret outside of our group and Cibrina, who I know would never break my confidence. I consider each encounter Cassandra has had with Raegan, between healings and the Guild, and I had been sure to be visibly distant from her.

She laughs softly, like she thinks I’m messing with her, and settles herself more in the seat. “Raegan, silly. Is that why you came out here to think? Because she’s staying with you?”

My face remains stoic as I take another sip of my drink to give myself more time to think. Apparently, I’ve been more obvious than I thought. Though Cassandra is the only one to have seen her with me more than the one time when I’d brought her to the Guild. I often show newcomers the Guild, so to the others, there would have been nothing odd about that visit.

Cassandra smiles at me when I don’t answer right away. “You know, a woman’s intuition is pretty accurate, so I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself. I would’ve been able to tell you had a thing for her even if I’d only seen you together the one time.” Her fingers trail over the lines and cuts in the wooden table. I follow them with my eyes and then look back at her face.

“I don’t have a thing for her,” I deny, lying through my teeth without hesitation.

She shrugs, and I take it as if she’s agreeing to disagree without trying to start up an argument. “So, what’s the problem?” I raise an eyebrow at what she means by that, and she adds, “The one you came all the way out here to solve by yourself? Maybe I can help.”

“No. I appreciate the offer, but this is a personal matter.”

“Did she reject you? I mean, she stormed off on you when you showed her the Guild, right? Seems kinda childish of her, if you ask me. And she got snippy when I was healing Kellan. And she wouldn’t let go of Jackson the entire time I healed him. Seems a bit possessive and controlling for a girl who showed up out of nowhere. I think you’ll need to keep an eye on her with them if you’re trying to go for her, and be careful she doesn’t fuck your friends behind your back.”

“Enough!” I stand and slam my glass down on the table hard enough that it shatters in my grasp. I don’t even feel the glass cutting into my palm past the burn in my chest while I turn a heated glare on Cassandra. “Talk about her like that again and I won’t be able to hold myself back. You have no idea who she is or what she’s been through to spread slander like that.”

The rest of the bar has gone quiet, but she doesn’t bother looking around at anyone else. Cassandra smiles up at me and then takes my hand in both of hers. I jerk it back, but not hard, because she keeps her grip on it and shoots me a look. Then she turns it palm up and lightly picks out any glass there. “Maybe if you were more honest with yourself about her and how you feel, then she would be more honest with you.”

I frown at that. She holds her palm over mine once the glass is gone, and her healing warmth fills in the cuts until there’s no sign of what I’d done.

“Is everything all right over here?” Yahaira appears at our table.

“We’re fine,” Cassandra answers without looking her way.

Yaya glances over at me for confirmation, and I give her a curt nod. She nods in return and cleans the glass from the table with her wet rag. “I’ll get you a fresh drink then,” she says before turning and leaving us be.

I realize then that Cassandra has yet to let go of my hand, even though there’s nothing more to heal.

“Cassandra…”

Her fingers tighten as she gazes up at me. “I know you’ve told me you’re not interested in me that way. And now I know why. But, if it’s too hard for you and her to be together, won’t you try with me? I swear, I would be a good partner. I can cook, I’m great to have around after a fight, and I can take care of you. I’d listen to anything you had to say, and I wouldn’t give you any trouble. I would love you better than anyone else could, Aiden.”

I pull my hand free of hers, and her face falls. “Stop selling yourself short. You deserve to be with someone who will care about you just as much as you care about them. But that person will never be me.” It’s blunt and callous, but I’ve tried letting her down softly before, and she still comes back. I’m ready for her to realize that this is never happening between us. I gave away my heart a long time ago, and I don’t think I’m ever getting it back.

I also know it’s not me that she really likes. It’s my power and position. She’s hunting for safety and security, and right now, I’m fitting that image for her.

She sighs and leans her face into her hand. “Alright. I give.” Yahaira delivers another bourbon to me and a glass of red wine to Cassandra without a word before Cassandra continues, “Do you think Kellan might—”

“No,” I interrupt before she can even finish that thought. “And no to Dane and Jackson, too.”

She huffs, and the curls on her forehead scatter. “Fine.” She raises her wineglass at me and waves her hand at the seat to remind me that I’m still standing. I sit and raise my glass, but I don’t move to clink it against hers until I know what she’s toasting to. “Here’s to a night of drinking, reflection, and unattainable love.”

I fight not to roll my eyes at the last part but meet her glass halfway before taking a long swig of bourbon.

Because she’s not wrong.