4. ‘Ash’

FOUR

Slowly moving into Brenna’s cabin, I feel like a dead man walking. After all this time, this is the moment I’ve prayed, screamed, and hate to admit it, cried for late at night. I’ll never forgive my father for his part in ruining the best thing in my life. Son of a bitch, my heart is racing, my palms are sweating, and I feel like I’m about to puke. So much for that Montana rugged cowboy bullshit they spout on television with all the new series about our state, people all over the country are now in love with it and want to come see. Experience the cowboy life. My father is making a living from it, thank God, as he owes everyone in our family and more.

Watching Brenna working on the flowers, I noticed she’s gotten even more beautiful with age. Not that she’s old, for Christ’s sake. Shit, trying to think, she must be almost twenty-five as I’m just a bit older than her. Got held back in grade school. Yeah, my ADHD and just being a boy who clowned around all the time. Actually, that’s how we became friends, fighting to be the class clown. Brenna won.

Once the flowers are done, she places them on the small dinette with a cloth already across it. She grabs two bottles of water and sits on the small love seat as I’m already on one of the two recliner rockers. Then she stares at me, no emotion in her eyes. Shit, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say old badass skull face taught her to show nothing. Guess my time has come, but don’t know how to start. She shocks me first.

“Ash, even though I want to know the truth, I have something to say to you also. First, how could you? After all we supposedly meant to each other, how could you so callously just up and leave with that skank on that night of all nights? I really don’t give a flying fuck what your asshole father was into, we all know he’s a pond sucker. No, let me get this out. Did you think I couldn’t figure out it had something to do with him? It’s no secret your older brothers dumped their girlfriends also within that month of our engagement party. You’re so lucky my brothers didn’t beat your ass.”

I laugh loudly and her eyes pop.

“What makes you think they didn’t? Brenna, I wasn’t in school for two weeks after that rowdy bunch of O’Briens got done with me. Even your father, though he didn’t put a hand on me, but he sure the hell kicked the shit outta my dad. If not for Ollie, Oliver, and Orin he might have killed him, and I’m not just saying that. Ask any of your brothers or even your father.”

I watch as her head drops while she’s shaking it. I can see the pain is still there and for that I’ll always be sorry and feel bad. I did that because I didn’t have the balls to tell my old man to go fuck himself. And if it was just me, I would have, but I too have a family I was trying to protect. How Brenna knew Alder and Rue let their girls go too, as not many put two and two together, I have no idea. Taking a deep breath, I go to start but again she interrupts me.

“Before you start and I lose my courage, you need to know the consequences of that decision so long ago, Ash. You utterly obliterated my heart that night. I had planned to share something with you but then you embarrassed me and my family before topping it off with walking out arm in arm with Patsy Woods, swiping spit with her all the way out. Well, it’s been what almost six years, so sorry it took so long, but my news was I was pregnant with your baby, Ash. After you decided you needed something and someone else, I went into a deep depression. No one knew about the baby but Onyx so when I got really bad cramps, I called her. She was on the verge of enrolling into the Navy but thank God she was home. Long story short, I lost our baby. Now tell me what was so fuckin’ important that the life of our child was worth it.”

The instant pain her words cause once I finally am able to understand them sends me to my knees. My chest hurts and it’s hard to breathe. My hands are at my chest and I can feel my eyes fill up. Oh my God, what the fuck did I do? I can kinda hear Brenna screaming my name, but shit if I can make out any of what she’s saying. Before I know it, I collapse on the rug under me and start to shiver. I had no idea Brenna was with child, as my mom would say. No, don’t think of Mom right now. This is gonna break her heart.

I know I hear Brenna talking, to who, I have no idea, but I’m in my own world of pain right now. That is until four strong hands lift me up, which is not easy as I’m a big country boy. When I open my eyes, I’m looking into the greenest eyes I’ve ever seen in my life surrounded by straight, long black hair. Turning then, I see Avalanche whose face is filled with concern. Beside him is a huge dude who also seems worried.

“Lil’ sister, what’d you do to him? I told you to talk to him, not kill him. Come on, man, let’s get ya on the couch. Take a seat will ya? Raven, grab him a beer or shot of something, whatever shit you got. He’s in shock. Panther, grab that throw, cover it over his ass.”

I’m watching them all move around but nothing is penetrating. Once I have a cold beer in my hand, and I’ve taken a couple of pulls, the large man with the green eyes looks to Brenna.

“Raven, what did you say to him that set him off in a tailspin? No, you called us so better just suck it up and spill. We ain’t leaving ’til you do. And just so you know, don’t have much time because your club sisters are on the way. So either spill now or when they get here, and you know better than I do what they’ll do to find out. Make a decision, lil’ bird.”

That endearment, as strange as it is, fits her with the name they all call her. Raven. Watching her as my body starts to warm as the fire is stoked up, I don’t say a thing. Maybe I am in shock. Who the hell knows? How could this day go from unknown to the worst day of my life? Well, second worst day. The first was when I walked away from this woman, and I’ve never gotten over that. Over these years I’ve put everything into our ranch. Built it up so much more than my old man ever could have but that night still gives me chills, not to mention what happened to our family afterward.

So stuck in my own nightmare, I ignore what is being said until Maggie and Shadow show up. Knowing this is about to get out of hand, I carefully stand up, wiping my eyes before I clear my throat, causing all in the room to look my way. To my utter surprise, Brenna walks toward me, standing at my side though she doesn’t touch me. Glancing at her, I can see she wants us to continue our conversation, which I do too. So I need to get this shit off my chest. Hoping I’m not stepping over anyone’s feet, I look first at the men then at the women.

“I wish I was a speaker of words but I’m just an average rancher. To you guys, thanks so much for coming at the drop of a hat when Brenna called, but we have unfinished business and both of us want to get to that. Not that it’s anyone’s business, but she told me something I didn’t know and it knocked the shit outta me. Saying that, can we please have some privacy to get through this finally? It’s been years in the waiting and it’s between us and our families. Yeah, don’t, Shadow. Please, it’s been a trying day and I get y’all are family now too. Not being a dick, we just need some time. I’d appreciate it.”

Brenna leans into me slightly and, damn, that little movement makes my day. The man I now know as Panther grabs Shadow’s hand and they leave together. Well, hello, that gentle man is with that devil of a woman. Opposites do attract. Maggie and Noodles leave next. Avalanche walks up to us silently.

“If either of you need anything, reach out. I mean that. And, Ash, if you hurt her again, I swear to all that I find sacred there won’t be enough for your family to claim. I’ll check in later, lil’ sister.”

When we are finally alone again Brenna takes a seat, this time on the couch, and pats the cushion next to her. She leans into the arm with one leg crossed under her. I can see all kinds of emotions running across her face. I’m not sure why I do it, but something drives me to place a soft chaste kiss on her beautiful lips. It’s brief but by the time I look at her face, her mouth is open in a perfect ‘O’ and her eyes are twinkling. Good, something to put her at ease because this ain’t gonna be easy at all. I take a deep breath and try to get the words together to explain to her why I did what I did that not only broke her heart but mine also.

“Okay, give me a minute or two, but to give you some background, my father is not who any of us thought. My mother was totally in the dark until the day before our engagement and she begged him to not ruin our day. Being the selfish bastard he was and still is, he didn’t think twice. Let me back up. Mom had no idea everything he’d told her over the years was a lie. He didn’t lose his entire family to a fire when he was a kid. His family is living and right here in Montana. Everyone knows what your club does, Brenna. Well, I do now too since Alder found Bray. Your momma told my momma that Bray desperately needs some kind of help with what she went through, and your momma said to take her to the Devil’s Handmaidens because that’s what they do. Sorry, going off track again. My mom found out the night before our engagement party that my dad has ties to a racist group who believes their kind is the only kind who should live in Montana. How she found out was in the worst way possible. Dad told her he was staying at the summer camp because of having to fix fences or shit like that. She felt bad so she told Rowan where she was going and went up there to surprise him with some things she thought he might need and a good meal.

“What she walked into was her worst nightmare. He wasn’t fixin’ fences, no him and a few of his boys were holding women up there against their will. Mom didn’t know a bunkhouse was built and there were eight women being held up there. Women who didn’t matter in their eyes. Some of color, some of Hispanic origin, and some they considered white trash. All in horrific shape. You could tell they had been mistreated by these men repeatedly.

“When Dad saw Mom, instead of getting her the hell outta there, he brought her in then taught her a lesson so he looked like a man in front of his friends. I didn’t learn about this until recently because if I knew back then the outcome would have been different. When they got home, he was trying to act like everything was okay but Mom was in so much pain, though none of us knew why.

“The night of our party, Rowan was just a little kid, so when he walked into my parents’ room asking Mom to help him with his little bow tie, he screamed when he saw her back. She’d been whipped, Brenna. Slashed to pieces. We all ran in and, fuck, didn’t know what to do. Reed went to the barn and got the udder ointment we used on the cows. Gently he put it on her back and it must have helped after a bit because she let out a breath and just about collapsed. That’s when he walked in and point-blank lied to us. Told us he was being blackmailed and they did that to our momma. Then he told me I had to call off our engagement because he owed them a ton of money and they wanted to take our ranch to use it for bad things. Mom’s head jerked up and the look she gave him, I’ll never forget. It was filled with hate and disgust. Dad said if I didn’t let you go, they would attack Mom worse and then start on you and your sisters and momma. Brenna, fuck, I was a kid myself. Seeing my mom like that tore a part of my heart out. I couldn’t live with you gettin’ hurt. After he strutted out of the house, Mom came to my room. She sat down and told me what he said wasn’t true but she couldn’t tell me the truth, not yet. But what she did know was my father wasn’t who she thought he was and she didn’t want to put you in danger. She loves you too, I hope you know. We talked about it and decided to try and do it discreetly. Little did we know, my dad had planned it with his friends. That’s how Patsy Woods got in the mix. Her father is one of his cronies. Ya know, she tried to kill herself like three months after we broke up. Sent me a note apologizing for what happened and told me to watch my back because those people are evil. Her words, not mine.”

I take a few minutes to breathe and try to read Brenna. I can see the pain all over her face, and for that I’m so sorry. The situation sucked all around. And I’ve been fighting it now for years. My mom finally told me to tell Brenna everything and get her club to help before it’s too late.

“So, Ash, you’re telling me your daddy had some bad friends and because of that you broke up with me. He’s been with you since then, living high on the hog at your ranch. Come on, I’m supposed to believe this story? Do you take me for a fool?”

Like I planned it, we hear a vehicle drive in. We both get up and step onto the porch, looking and waiting. I see the vehicle making its way down the road of cabins to park next to my truck. Reed, Rowan, Rue, and Momma step out. I know Alder wanted to be here but he’s probably home waiting on Brenna’s sister, Bray, to get back. Another fucked-up story that intermingles with mine. I watch as each of my brothers greet Brenna like long-lost family. Momma is last and she pulls her in for a kiss and a hug. Never realized how much she’s aged. We need to stop this. Brenna opens the door and we all walk in, finding any seat available. I nod at Momma when she looks into my eyes. Yeah, she figured Brenna wouldn’t believe such an outrageous story.

Brenna is on one of the stools when Momma walks up to her, turning around. When she pulls her sweater off, I can hear the gasp from Brenna. Then Momma pulls the tank top off leaving her in a thinner racerback top. We watch as Brenna reaches out, placing a hand on the scars showing.

“Brenna, this happened a long time ago. My boys and I have been fighting to get that piece of crap off our land since then. He’s invited that crowd of hooligans and they’ve taken up on the acreage farthest away from our homestead. Yeah, right next to the forest preserve. Yeah, that’s where Alder found Bray, and I think it’s his friends who took her and those other women. Reason we are coming out to you now is we heard your club has been having trouble and when we heard the name, we had to come clean.”

Brenna is looking between all of us when something clicks and it’s like watching a light bulb go on. Then she asks the million-dollar question.

“Mrs. Sterling, is the group your husband is hanging with and causing all this trouble for your family the Thunder Cloud Knuckle Brotherhood?”

Momma looks at her for a bit as tears start rolling down her face. Looking at her sons, my mom then glances at Brenna before she nods and softly says,“Yes, it is.”

Watching Brenna’s face go white, her eyes huge in her face as she turns to look at me, it hits me in the gut. Yeah, my father is part of that fucked-up group that is doing horrific things, not only in Montana but in the entire country. My family needs help and fingers crossed Brenna and her club sisters will be able to get us out from under this shit.