19. ‘Ash’

NINETEEN

Damn, am I tired, and it ain’t even noon yet. This is gonna suck if we have to keep the animals sectioned off like this in Mom’s pole barn. I mean, fuck, she has the mare and foal in her three-season room with an electric heater to make sure the foal is warm enough. That room will never be the same, though Rowan and Mom laid down huge, thick plastic first then some lime before putting down the straw. When I went to check on them today, Rowan was already in there mucking it out. I mean, horses piss whenever and wherever they want. That is way worse than their shit.

Now that everyone is taken care of here, got to go and make sure all the other animals are also okay. Then need to check on the herds. Fuck, not sure I’ll make the day and not sure why because I slept really good last night. I mean, Brenna was in the house and safe. Only thing that would have made it better is if she had been in my bed, but can’t rush this shit.

“Ash, honey, come on in and grab some lunch. Also, you got to stay hydrated, Son, you’re busting your hump, sweating like a pig. Wash up and come in. We’ll wait for you before we start.”

I walk over to the spigot and turn it on. Then I rinse off my hands, arms, and face. Afterward I run my wet hands through my hair to try and calm it down. Looking down, I again wet my hands, shake them off, then run them down my T-shirt and jeans. I start to walk back to Mom’s house, wiping my hands on my jeans once again. I grab the screen door, walk into the mudroom, first take my boots off, pushing them to the side, and then go directly to the sink. I turn the water on, wet my hands, then grab the bar of soap. After scrubbing for a couple of minutes, I rinse and grab the hand towel that hangs off the hook on the wall behind the utility sink.

Walking into the kitchen, I see Rowan, Rue, Reed, and Joshua already at the table. Shit, had no idea my brothers were here.

“Hey, y’all, what’s going on?”

Reed’s head snaps up and I can tell something is going on, I can feel it in my gut.

“Bro, no one has heard from Alder yet. Mom’s really worried and I’m not far behind her. Sheriff is coming up with some men to go up and search the area. I’m gonna go with them.”

I’m watching Rue, who’s looking right at me but something is missing, and I can’t figure out what it is. Reed is also watching me but not saying a word.

“Mom, can I go with Rue to look for Alder?”

Mom turns from the stove, glancing at Rowan then Rue and back to Rowan.

“Don’t think so, Son. This isn’t for fun, it’s serious business. No, I’m not saying you won’t take it like you should, just I’d rather you stick close to the ranch and me. I feel safer when you’re here, Rowan, and so does Joshua.”

I know Mom added that at the end to make my little brother feel better. And looking at him, it worked. Lost in my thoughts, my head jerks when I hear something hit the table. I focus and can’t believe the huge pot of soup Mom just put down. Then she adds freshly made bread and finally it looks like sliced beef for roast beef sandwiches. Damn, she must have been up at the crack of dawn to do all of this.

We sit and Mom says grace before we all dig in. About halfway through, there’s a knock on the door. Rowan gets up but Mom puts a hand on his shoulder, shaking her head. He lets out a huge sigh but doesn’t argue with her. She goes to the pantry, opens it, and puts her hand on one of our portable gun safes. She pulls her weapon out, puts it in the back of her jeans, and walks to the door. Rue gets up and follows, hand to his holstered gun under his flannel. I look to Reed with huge eyes and he returns the look. Seems like he doesn’t know what the fuck is going on either.

I hear Sheriff George’s voice as he heads into the kitchen. Mom has tears on her face and Rue has his hand on her shoulders. Fuck, please don’t be Alder. Then the sheriff shares the news.

“All right, boys, some hunters were out before dawn this morning. They were up by that cabin but it was the smell of burning wood that had them hightailing it to the area. When they got there, Alder and his crew were hog-tied around a dying fire. They are beat to hell but besides that seem okay. Also by the fire were the women who were held there with Bray. They are in serious shape; one is being air lifted to Bozeman from what I hear. I called Brenna’s sister, Bray, to come into town, see if she can talk to them, make them more comfortable. It’s gonna take a lot of therapy to help them poor women. Anyway, Alder is at the emergency room in town. Wanted to let ya know. He’s gonna be sore and bruised but otherwise okay. Now, I gotta go down by where the Thunder Cloud Knuckle Brotherhood was staying and make sure no one is back there. I got Judge Jones to give me a criminal trespass citation. Also giving them a ten-day notice to vacate the premises. We are gonna follow the law but saying that, there is no way in hell—pardon me, Gertie—that I’ll allow them to stay if I have to physically remove each and every one. Now gotta get going. Gertie, need a favor. Can I get a refill for my travel mug? This is turning out to be a very long day and will need my caffeine to keep myself moving and clearheaded.”

“Sure, George, go get it. I’ll also make up some beef sandwiches for you to take along. Go on now, get that mug.”

The sheriff shakes his head then moves through the house back to his squad car, coming back in with his huge as fuck travel mug. Mom looks at it and grins, then goes and starts a fresh pot of coffee. We talk as Sheriff George waits for Mom to fill him up. When she finally hands him his travel mug, she also hands him a small cooler. He looks at her then a look of confusion appears on his face.

“George, there’s ten sandwiches in there. Some waters, granola bars, and homemade cookies. No, don’t say a word, you’re doing this for our family, the least we can do. Right, boys?”

We all agree then strangely enough, Mom walks out Sheriff George. I look to both Rue and Reed. They shrug their shoulders, shaking their heads. By the time Mom comes back in we are all done, dishes are loaded in the dishwasher, and Rowan is finishing up the pots and pans. She looks around but seems to be avoiding our eyes. Oh shit.

“Rowan, can you take Joshua into the great room for a second? Want to have a word with Mom.”

He looks at me then at Mom. He waits until she nods then he picks up Joshua and they both leave. The three of us are staring at Mom, not sure how to start this fuckin’ uncomfortable conversation. Thank God she does.

“I’m not going into details. I’ve been down that road with Rowan. So this is all you three are gonna get. Sheriff George has been coming around lately to visit. We are not dating or how do you young folks say ‘hooking up or bumping nasties.’ He’s a friend and I’m overdue to have a friend, a man friend, in my life. End of conversation.”

Then she walks out. Rue, Reed, and I watch her ’til she disappears around the corner. My eyes meet my two brothers, but it’s Rue who beats me to it.

“Bumping nasties. For fuck’s sake, I’ll never be able to unhear our mom saying that or the picture that popped into my head. Holy shit never even gave this any thought. But Mom’s right, she deserves it and she could do a whole hell of a lot worse than Sheriff George. Don’t you agree?”

As we hash it out between us, at one point Rowan comes in and sits at the table. We shut up but he smirks before he drops his bomb.

“Sheriff George is a good guy. He’s been over for both lunch and dinner. He always brings Mom flowers or chocolate, and Joshua and I always get something. He listens to me when I talk, which is more than I can say for any of you. You still treat me like I’m a six-year-old not sixteen-year-old. Plus, you’re always too busy for me, while he makes time to listen and give advice. So I like him and I think him and Mom are cute together. More importantly, he’s good with Joshua, doesn’t treat him like less. And our little brother adores our sheriff. Just thought you should know.”

Before he can scramble out of here, I reach out and grab his hand. He looks to me and sits back down.

“Damn, Rowan, sorry if my head’s been up my ass and I’ve not been around for ya, bro. I’m always here for you, just like these guys and Alder are. Sometimes when you grow up, responsibilities hit you so hard you feel like you’re drowning, but that ain’t no excuse. Thanks for sharing with us. I totally appreciate all you do around here, lil’ bro, for Mom, Joshua, and all of us. Never doubt that, little brother. Now do you want to take a ride with me to check on the herd in the northern pasture?”

Must be the teenager hormones ’cause I can see how excited he is, but he’s trying to play it off.

“Yeah, I guess, as long as Mom is okay with Joshua staying here with her. I’ll go run it by her, give me a minute or two.”

I watch Rowan walk away and when I turn, Joshua is staring at me wet eyes. What the fuck?

“What’s wrong, buddy?”

“I wanna go witt you and Rowan on da horsies.”

Oh fuck, this kid’s always paying attention. Well, I mean what can it hurt? He can ride with me and that gives Mom a break. I go and pick him up, shifting him to one hip then follow the path Rowan took. When I get to the three-season room, Mom is sitting on one of her chairs watching the momma horse and foal outside hooked up to the clothesline. Rowan is talking to her as she looks out on the ranch. Mom looks tired, damn it. Yeah, Joshua can come with us I decide.

“Rowan, dude, hang on. Joshua brought it to my attention that I didn’t ask him to go ride horsies with us. So the three of us will go check on those cows. That sound good, Mom? Gives you some time for yourself.”

She nods but it’s the look of gratitude in her eyes and the small smile that lights her face up. Yeah, gotta do this more often so she has some time to do what she wants. She’s our mom but she’s also a woman living and working on a ranch filled with men. Unfortunately, I’ve only been looking at her as our mom, that has to stop. We talk for a quick minute then the boys and I jump into my truck after I put Joshua’s car seat in it. Then we make our way to the huge horse barn about a half mile from my home. While Rowan and I get the horses ready, Joshua has a ball with the two donkeys he and Rowan named: Batman and Robin. They were out in the small pasture off the side of the barn. Watching him laughing and running around makes me happy. To be so innocent and young. I just hope we can protect him from the hatred and despair out there for as long as possible.

When we were ready to head out, I lift up on my horse, Warrior. I get situated then look to Rowan, nodding. He lifts our little brother up into my arms and I place him right in front of me, close to the horn on my saddle. Then I take the breakaway and wrap it around his tiny waist and hook it to my belt loop. If something happens, I’ll have a chance to keep him with me. If not and say Warrior goes down, the breakaway will give if Joshua falls or moves suddenly off the horse. We played around with this when he was a baby because as soon as he would see a horse, his arms were up in the air.

As we head out, my thoughts go to Brenna. I hope she’s having a good day. Not sure how to play this, but I’ll send her a text once we get to the pasture. Just a check-in. After that thought my attention is on both of my brothers.