18. ‘Raven’

EIGHTEEN

Slowly I feel myself waking up but as soon as I do, confusion sets in. This is not my bed and the light shouldn’t be getting in as I have darkening blinds. I pry my eyes open and the instant my eyes are focused it hits me, I’m in Ash’s guest room at his beautiful log house. Stretching to get my blood flowing through my body, it hits me, I feel pretty good. Must be this frigging awesome mattress. Like sleeping in the clouds.

I swing my legs off the bed and move toward the restroom. Once I’ve peed, brushed my teeth, and washed my face, I head back into the bedroom only to realize I have no clothes, except my dirty ones. Shit, I think to myself as I walk back to the bathroom, only to notice my clothes are gone. Come on already, the morning just started.

Grabbing the tie of my robe, I tighten it, then open my door to the smell of food cooking. Damn, that smells excellent as my tummy growls in agreement. Ash cooks too, hmm, what a guy. Though I can’t let my walls down because if I do and he does something like the last time, he’ll gut me forever.

Walking through the hallway, I’m looking at pictures hung up along the way. Most are of his family, mother, brothers, and probably his uncles and aunts on his mom’s side. Then I come to a complete stop because there are three photos bunched together. One is of our engagement party, one is of me by myself on my folks’ front porch, and the last is me coming out of the clubhouse, hands full of laptop, tablet, and iPad. This last one is recent. What the hell?

Ignoring what that could mean, I hit the kitchen to see Ash working over a couple of pans on top of the stove. He has a television on softly with the news playing. I stand here for a second or two just watching him. What a mess. This could have been our lives but instead we both got hurt, not because of what we did but because his father is involved with very nasty folks.

Ash must have heard me sigh because he turns and flashes that gorgeous smile of his.

“Damn, mornin’, A stór (uh STORE is Irish for my treasure). You have no idea how long I’ve dreamed and waited to see you come walking into this kitchen just like you are. Shit, sorry, Brenna, brain is still recovering. Didn’t mean to say that out loud right to you. Shit, I’m a moron. How’d you sleep? Can I get ya some coffee? Breakfast will be ready shortly. Your clothes are on the dryer, if you want to get dressed first.”

I can see he’s uncomfortable, but in a way, so am I, though him calling me that again has my heart doing flips. He used to call me that way back when, and every time it made me feel so special. How did I forget his nickname for me?

“Yeah, Ash, I’ll take some coffee. Just point me in the direction, I can do it myself.”

“Know that, Brenna, but this morning I’ll take care of it for ya. Three creams no sugar, right?”

I nod then walk toward the laundry room to grab my clothes. I walk into the half bath and get dressed then walk back to the island. This is a chef’s dream kitchen. The island alone is huge and I love the two colors of cabinets. The island is wood and the other ones are a very light green. It’s beyond gorgeous, I think as I pull a stool out and sit my butt down.

“How long have you been in the house, Ash?”

“Not long, maybe three or so months. Took a while and some of the stuff was on back order. It was worth the wait though. Whatcha think, Brenna?”

“My God, Ash, it’s a dream house. It’s perfect. I mean, look at you and how far you’ve come. You built your own home and I live in one of Tink’s cabins.”

“Don’t do that, Brenna. Those cabins are sweet and if I remember how you used to be, you have a nest egg somewhere just waiting to be used for your dream house. Am I right?”

He doesn’t wait. Just puts a huge mug of coffee in front of me, then goes to the toaster, pulling out four slices of toasted bread. He butters them and puts them on the island next to two kinds of homemade jelly and jam.

“Please tell me you don’t can too? Come on, you’re killing me. I’m lucky that I can cook decent.”

He smirks then outright laughs. That’s an awesome look on him, I think quickly then push that thought out of my head.

“Naw, Mom does all of that. My pantry has more of her canned goods than a grocery store probably has. Though I’m grateful, especially during our Montana winters. Her canned goods back in the day saved us all. I mean, she had five boys to start with then added a sixth one. And honestly, Brenna, I’ve never heard her complain once. She’s beyond phenomenal. That’s why I want this to end. She needs to move on and have a life of her own, no matter what it turns out to be.”

“I totally understand, Ash, I’m going to go to my office in the clubhouse today and do some research and catch up with Freak from the Intruders. He was put on doing the background searches for all of those taken into custody. Hopefully, he can find something or an opening we can use to get one of those bastards to talk to us.”

I watch all the emotions run across his face. It takes all I have not to run to him, putting my arms around his body and holding on to him tightly while he works through all the emotions, but I have to remember what went down years ago. That crushed me. I don’t think I ever recovered. I’ll do my best to help Ash and his family with the Thunder Cloud Knuckle Brotherhood situation, but got to protect my heart.

When I look toward him, he’s watching me intently. I give him a small smile, which he returns.

“Let’s eat, Brenna, since we both have shit to do. Hope this is enough for you.”

We both sit after he plated a ton of food on both plates. It wasn’t until I was looking at the food I realized how truly starving I am. So without further hesitation, I pick up my fork and start to dig in. Damn, everything is so good, I just keep shoveling it in until I hear Ash snort then chuckle. Looking up, he’s holding his coffee mug in one hand and his phone in the other. My God, I think he’s either taking a picture, or worse, a video of me eating like a pig in a trough.

“Ash, for Christ’s sake, put that damn phone down. No, better yet give it to me so I can delete whatever you have on it. What are you thinking, man?”

Instead of answering me, all he does is grin then take a huge swallow of coffee. He pushes his phone to me. When I wake it up there’s no security to get into the phone, so the first thing I see is a picture of his house as a screensaver. Awe, cute. Then I start looking for what he was doing. Yeah, there it is, he took a few pictures then a video. When I go to delete everything, I sneak a peek at him and he looks anxious as hell. It dawns on me he didn’t take these to show to anyone to make fun of me. He wanted pictures of me so he took them for himself. Oh shit, there goes my frigging heart again. Instead of deleting, I close down his phone, and slide it back to him, saying nothing. Then he blows me away with his sincerity.

“Thanks, Brenna, for not deleting them. It means a lot. Now eat, will ya, still have more on the stove.”

Just when we start to dig back in, I hear a knock on his front door before the beeping and boots on his wooden floors. I look up to see Rowan and Joshua walking our way. The little boy is all smiles and Rowan has a smirk on his teenage face.

“Mom told us to make sure you were feeding Brenna this morning, so the two of us took a ride on the four-wheeler to check on both of you. Good morning, Brenna. I see my older brother went all out with his favorites. Guess we’ll head back, come on, Joshua. I got some chores that I have to tend to.”

Feeling like Ash’s little brother wants to stick around, I look at Ash and do a half-assed chin lift at him then his brothers. He smiles hugely at me then looks at his two brothers.

“Hey, there’s plenty, pull up a chair and I’ll fix you both a plate. Joshua, you want some eggs or pancakes?”

“Both pease.”

Joshua is so cute. Then it dawns on me, he’s the same age or very close to what our baby would have been. That hits me right in the gut and immediately it feels like I have acid in my stomach. Shit, I’ve been around other younger children and it never hit me like seeing Joshua just did. I feel two hands on my shoulders and when I glance up, Ash is looking down at me, concern on his face. Then he mouths, “Are you all right?” I take a breath then nod, but he looks to Joshua then me, and back at his little brother. It’s almost like I see the light bulb go on above his head. His hands squeeze my shoulders then he leans down and kisses the top of my head before walking away to fix the plates. I hear a kid’s giggle and look to see Joshua staring at me.

“You kissed her hair. Why?”

I don’t say a word, figuring I’ll let Ash handle this one. As he makes his way to the table, he puts the plates down then scrunches down to his little brother.

“I kissed her because I like her a lot, and she was sad for a quick minute. When you care about someone, you show it with your actions. Like when you fall and Mom cleans and puts a bandage on your sore.”

Ash leans and ruffles Joshua’s hair before going back to the fridge and grabbing some orange juice. He pours two glasses and places them in front of the boys. Then he sits back down and resumes eating. Watching them all eat, it’s like being with my family. We never wasted food growing up. We weren’t poor but we sure weren’t rich. Mom and Dad did their very best, but they had eight children, so the meals Mom cooked were made to stretch a long way. It hits me right then how lucky we were. No, we didn’t have a new house, fancy cars, or even designer clothes. What we had no amount of money could buy. That thought brings a smile to my face as I grab my mug and slug back some coffee.

Joshua is staring at me and he is as cute as a button. His skin tone is almost like a light caramel and his hair is more curly than kinky. What grabbed my attention is his eye color. They are a weird grayish blue and look awesome with his skin tone. Damn, Gertie is going to have her hands full when that one grows up, for sure.

After we finish, Rowan and Joshua leave to take care of chores. Well, not before I get a hug, snuggle, and kiss from cutie Joshua. Rowan just smiles and says see ya later. I help Ash clean up the kitchen then get myself together, put my shoes on, and tell Ash I am going to leave. He walks me to the door then onto the porch, not saying a word. When I get close to my cage, he grabs my hand, stopping me.

“Brenna, I want you to come back. Will you? I don’t care if it’s for a meal or to watch a movie or play a game. It felt good to have company last night, especially since it was you.”

I squeeze his hand and gently try to explain where I am at.

“Ash, not sure that’s a good idea at the moment. So much is going on and, I’m sorry, don’t want to hurt you but this thing between us is confusing as hell. I thought I pulled myself together after I lost our baby, but seeing Joshua it dawned on me. He’s close to the age our baby would have been. That just about crippled me at your kitchen island. So let’s play this by ear. Maybe I can come out if it’s not just us but more of a group get-together. Would that work?”

“I’ll take whatever you’ll give me, A stór, and I’ll be happy with it. There is no time clock on us, and shit, it’s been years, maybe we aren’t even compatible. All we can do is see, right? Now be careful and text me later. Let me know you’re okay.”

Then he leans down and gently kisses my nose before rubbing his nose against mine. He waits until I get in my cage, start it up, and do a three-point turn. As I am driving away, I look in my rearview mirror. Ash is standing, his hands in his pockets, watching me. That right there gives me butterflies in my stomach. Shit, I’m so screwed.