Chapter Eight

*Reggie*

Damn my bleeding heart, I feel bad. When I woke up in Ragnar’s arms, I reacted with surprise and all but ran away from him. Not unlike how I avoided him last night too. It is a lot to take in, and I needed time to process what he told me. Now, I think I’ve hurt his feelings. He won’t even look at me when he returns from hunting.

Nor will he look at me as he butchers the deer. Guilt and shame fill me and as much as I want to tell him the crazy thoughts banging around in my brain, I’m not sure I can do them justice. As it is, I’ve done a piss poor job of it. My face last night most definitely gave away some of my emotions. I have a bad case of RBF on a good day, much less on a day when a monster decides to tell me I’m his wife.

My reaction when I woke up isn't because I don’t want to be married to him though. A blush heats my face when I remember the feelings that rushed through me, strange unwanted emotions that I know all too well. The feeling of being pressed up against a wide, warm chest sent tingles through me and not tingles of fear.

The feeling of being so warm, safe and cared about seduced me far more than any six pack of abs ever could. Before my brain caught up with my body, I didn’t care that the person I was pressed up against was covered in scales. Nor did it care that the arms and face belonged to someone not quite human. All my body cared about were the feelings he gave me, and now that I sit watching him butcher his kill…I’m still throbbing. My core clenches again and I’m just not sure what to do with this information.

It doesn’t help that his scent weaves a spell around me. It rivals the tastiest cinnamon rolls mixed with a hint of spice. A walking chai latte if you will, and I have always been a sucker for a nice chai latte. The only problem is that my uncertainty keeps my lips sealed and my arms locked around my legs. I am frozen in the corner, watching as he works.

A sense of urgency fills the back of my mind, the need to accomplish my mission and get back to my sisters is a living compulsion. Even then, it can’t quite penetrate the fog that has taken a hold of me. Sexual attraction isn’t new to me. I wasn’t born yesterday, and I am no blushing virgin. I took advantage of my early twenties. Once I became a member of law enforcement? I shut that side of myself down.

Working in a male dominated field, it doesn’t do well to sleep with the attractive young coworkers. Once you break it off or something happens, you still must work with them. It was a situation I wished to avoid. I embraced my cold, dead fish reputation so that I could enjoy the job I loved.

Memories swarm me, not letting me escape the black hole of emotion that I have tried not to fall into for a long time. Not sleeping with my coworkers didn’t save me in the end. In fact, it is what destroyed my career, my life and forced me to completely rethink my future. Not all men are bad. I know that, but damn if the bad ones don’t ruin it for everyone else. I thought that working in the sheriff’s department would have weeded out the bad ones. I was so very wrong.

One night, after working a long shift I was performing my exit duties. A fellow deputy, an older man, decided that was the time to shoot his shot. He came at me in the dark locker room and trapped me against my open locker. Unwanted feelings of helplessness and rage fill me and I quickly shut down that line of memories, focusing on the situation at hand. Needless to say, my approach to sexual attraction hasn’t been the same since. Now that I am feeling attraction for a monster? I do not know how to react.

So, I don’t. I sit watching him as the day wears on, unsure how to approach him, our situation or this thing between us. To his credit, Ragnar doesn’t press. He simply works, not once needing me to tell him what to do or asking me to do anything for him. It is odd, not being needed. Not having to take charge of any situation I am in. For the first time in well over three years, I am able to simply exist.

After butchering the deer and discarding the carcass, he takes a handful of meat and eats it. The smell, though bloody, is divine and when he motions me over and attempts to hand me some of the smaller bits, I consider refusing. There is no telling how many parasites the deer has, but my mouth waters at the concept of eating real meat. Our stores ran out of it after the first year and for the past two all I have eaten is vegetables dusted with protein power.

Parasites be damned. With a small smile, I take the meat from him and tentatively take a bite. Just because I am almost desperate for real protein, doesn’t mean the taste of raw meat will be to my liking. Almost as if my body is on the same page as my mind, the flavor that bursts through my mouth is orgasmic. With a moan I shove the rest of the piece into my mouth.

For the first time since he returned, Ragnar’s gaze meets mine. Almost as if he is afraid of my reaction, he quickly drops his gaze once more, snatching up another small piece of meat to feed me. My instinct is to say no, that once raw piece was enough. That we need to cook it, but it wouldn’t be safe. The smoke alone would attract the attention of every predator in the vicinity. Add the smell of cooked meat? We would be in danger.

I smile again and take the meat, but he doesn’t look at me, nor does he see it. Sighing, guilt hits me hard. I did this. Something in my reactions has put this sadness in the big goof’s eyes and I do not like it. For all his inhuman looks, he has been nothing but kind to me. Some married humans don’t even treat their spouse with as much care as he has shown me.

Chewing the meat quickly, I reach out and place my hand on his arm. He freezes, a piece of meat halfway to his own mouth. Nothing is said but I can almost feel the war happening inside of him before he finally looks my way. Deliberately I smile, letting him see how much I appreciate his hard work before I say the words.

“Thank you. You have taken care of me and I haven’t been the most gracious about it. Without you I would be dead. I’m sorry I’ve been such a bitch. This is a lot and I just need time to process it. I can’t promise you I will be the wife you desire but if all else fails I want to be your friend.” My words seem inadequate, unable to encompass all I want to say.

His eyes bore into mine, as if seeking more. I do not flinch or look away, not wanting to spoil the moment. It feels pivotal, a turning point between us. When he nods, giving me a small smile in return, I could almost collapse with relief. I didn’t realize how much pressure I have felt since he revealed we were the alien version of husband and wife until now. Or how much his response meant to me.

An unwanted flashback of a dark locker room, of bodies pressed up against each other, of ‘no’ not being heeded, of immense pain and fear hits me and steals my breath for a moment. My smile fades and I shove a piece of venison into my mouth so that my face will not spoil the moment. These are not Ragnar’s problems. He is not responsible for the sins of others, and yet I cannot control the deep fear that threatens to make me go numb.

This is the root of my reaction to his declaration that we are married. Not that a monster wishes to claim me. This is a new world and I would be an idiot to not recognize that in a new world, new solutions must be considered. No, it was the implication of intimacy. Married people have sex. He never voiced as such, maybe aliens don’t do that. Maybe they reproduce through osmosis. Regardless, the potential for that expectation is there and it terrifies me.

I didn’t even know the aliens were anything other than beasts until yesterday and now I am having to come to terms with a new fear. A new thing to worry about with them. The memory of his massive cock worms its way into my mind and even as fear runs through me, so too does desire. I’m ten shades of fucked up and I have no way of explaining that to Ragnar, not that he would even understand. Fear of not being believed keeps me silent, stops me from even trying.

Ragnar, sensing the change in me, shuts down. His face falls and he almost seems to shrivel back, putting space between us. Something in me breaks and a tear slips down my face as words tumble out. This alien doesn’t deserve this emotional limbo. I can’t give him an answer, but I can give him some semblance of peace.

“Please don’t. This is too much, too soon and it isn’t your fault. I feel nothing but appreciation for you. I can make no promises past friends but the looks on my face, the silence, have nothing to do with you.” My hand on his arm stops him from moving away and his eyes search mine, as if seeking the truth. Whatever he sees, he relaxes and nods.

“Friends.” He confirms, though the word is grumbly. A radiant smile splits my face. Hesitantly he smiles a toothy grin back before offering me another piece of meat, providing for me even though we are in this weird limbo. Shaking my head, I smile to soften my denial.

“It has been years since I had real meat. I shouldn’t push my luck and get sick. It was truly delicious though, thank you.” I murmur the words, even now assessing my body. My aches and pains are minimal, thanks to his magic saliva no doubt. Even my leg has healed, a thin scar the only sign I was even injured. Better to be safe than sorry though, even when my whole body desperately wants more of the deer.

We have too much traveling to do for me to gorge myself and get sick. Which reminds me of my original mission and my mood sours even further. This time, I am careful to school my features into nonchalance, not wanting Ragnar to think he has displeased me…which is crazy that I even care, but I do. He has been a godsend this entire time. A beacon of light in the darkness of this damn world.

Movement startles me and I watch as Ragnar scoops up the remaining meat and heads outside. Unsure what he is doing, I am distracted from my thoughts as I watch him walk into the clearing. His shift into his more monstrous form is almost instant and in one bite he consumes what is left, leaving no trace before shifting once more and striding towards me. Now is the best time, if any, to tell him of my plans.

“Ragnar I must keep going to the nearest town. My sisters need medicine.” Expecting an argument, I am pleasantly surprised when he only nods, moving around me like a twister to clean up all signs that we were here before ushering me out with my bag. Like a toddler, I let him jostle me around before closing the doors behind me.

My bubble of safety pops when I stare into the surrounding woods, barely biting back a groan at the thought of all the walking I must do. I should have anticipated that Ragnar would have a solution for that too. He seems to be the king of solutions. When I start walking, expecting him to follow, a deep vibration rattles through me, bringing me to a stop. Turning back to look at him, I find him in his monstrous form simply staring at me like I’ve grown a second head, waiting for me to stop.

We stand like that for a few moments before I grow tired of the lack of communication and turn to keep trudging through the underbrush. Another vibration stops me again and this time I turn with an exasperated sigh.

“What do you want? We have to keep going. Town is this way.” I point in the direction I was walking, my compass in my hand. He has the audacity to shake his massive head at me. “What do you mean no? You agreed we could go. If my sister doesn’t get this medicine, her infection could grow and she could die. I’m not losing another person I love. So, if you won’t get your prehistoric ass going, then I’ll go without you.” The words fall out in a rush, my anger and disappointment tingeing each one until I am panting at the end of my rant.

The big, dopey, alien idiot rolls his eyes at me! Mouth gaping open, I am fully prepared to turn and continue the journey without him when he takes pity on me and walks over. With another vibration, he flops to the ground, baring his neck. Confusion takes hold of me for a moment as I stare at the bare spot on his back. It is where the spiked sail on his head stops and right before the sail on his back begins.

I stare dumbfounded as to why he is showing me this when he vibrates again, close enough that the sensation rumbles through my entire body and it feels like a caress. My nerves begin to tingle, and a gasp escapes me. I’m frozen in place, unable to focus when his tail curves around to push at my back, urging me towards that spot.

All at once laughter bubbles up out of me as understanding hits me like a freight train. He wants me to ride on his back. Another vibration turns that laugh into a moan and I bite my lip to contain it as the sensation goes straight to my core. An amused huff escapes him, and I find myself lifted from the ground, his tail tight around my chest before depositing me upon his back.

This time his vibration feels like a direct shot to my clit, and I can’t quite contain my moan. His laughter is no longer a huff, it shakes his sides as he stands, and it makes me want to bludgeon him in the head. My moan turns to a squeak of fear as the ground falls away from me, distracting me as he gains his footing.

My head is literally in the trees, a perspective that not even the tallest horse could have given me which is disorienting. My hands grapple for a hold as he readjusts, his shoulders shifting beneath me. I am hit by a wave of awe at the sheer power within him. The bunching of muscles feels like sitting upon something untamed, dangerous. A roar in the distance should sober me, should bring me back to reality but sitting upon his back I suddenly feel invincible. When he roars a warning in response, my entire body shakes with the force of that sound and all my worries disappear. A savage smile ghosts across my lips. For this moment, I am free. I am untouchable.