4. Grace

FOUR

GRACE

What the hell just happened? Did I pass out? Am I dead? Because I could've sworn Tanner Lake, the hottest guy I've ever seen in my entire life, just told me he's coming back tonight to do unmentionable things to me. But that can't be right.

Right?

As much as I'd like to say my thoughts for him have always been pure, I'm not dumb, and my vision is perfect. So, of course I've fantasized about Tanner. More times than I'm proud to admit, but whatever. He's always been so protective and caring toward me. Pair that with his gorgeous blue eyes and sharp jawline… ok, fine. And his eight-pack abs …who wouldn't make him the star of their dirty daydreams?

But that's all it was. Just a fantasy. A way to get from point A to point O when my usual audio porn app wasn't doing the trick. Never in a million years did I even consider making those thoughts into a reality.

First of all, both Tanner and my brother have never had a shortage of girls vying for their attention. I've seen the revolving door of cleat chasers that they've gotten to experience since everyone in school realized they both had futures as professional athletes. They've always been open and honest, never promising more than a night of fun, but the girls are always all too happy to take whatever they can get. From the outside, it looks a little desperate, but also, good for them getting that dick.

Well, not my brother's. That's gross.

Another reason why I never thought anything could ever happen between Tanner and me is our age difference. He's three years older than me, and when you're a freshman in high school lusting over a senior, the last thing you'd ever expect is for them to look your way. But now, I'm eighteen and he's twenty-one. That seems like less of an age gap, even though it's the same as it's always been.

And lastly, I know Tanner has always seen me as a little sister. He's never been shy about the way he's so protective of me. All through high school, he and Riggs scared away every single boy that looked my way. They may think they were sneaky about it, but I knew. I guess they're both partially to blame for the fact that I've never had sex. Kind of hard to find a guy who would be willing to risk four broken limbs in exchange for deflowering me.

And then, there's that problem. It was easy for Tanner to be all up in my business when we went to the same school, but I'm sure he assumes I found a way to hook up with guys since he graduated. And I mean, I could have , but it just never felt right. So, I never did.

I'm going to guess that he thinks he's coming over tonight to let me further explore my sexuality, but he probably has no clue that there will be no further involved, since the only thing I've ever done with a guy is kiss and let him put his hands in my pants. It was last year with my ex-boyfriend. We were at a party after one of his football games and I decided to let him go further than we ever had. But when he wedged his hand between my legs, it felt more like he was trying to double-click his mouse in the computer lab than he was trying to actually massage my clit. Needless to say, it was a subpar experience, and probably the main reason I decided against having sex with him. If he couldn't give enough of a shit to see if what he was doing felt good in that situation, he certainly wasn't going to take care of me during sex. There was one other instance with an older guy a couple months ago, but it never even moved below the belt.

Will Tanner even go through with this when he finds out? Maybe he won't want to have to deal with my inexperience. Maybe he'll be turned off when he realizes I'm a virgin.

Maybe I should call him and call this off .

But fuck, I want to get this over with. And who better to do it with than the one person in this world who I know will make sure I'm okay. As confident as I pretend to be, I'm terrified of having sex for the first time. From what I've heard, it hurts, you bleed, and you don't even get to have an orgasm. You just have to wait for the guy to stop thrusting and grunting so you can push him off and hope the next time is better.

But it's the means to an end, right? You can't have good sex without having bad sex first.

Not to mention, if we actually get to the point where we get into all the kinky stuff, it'll all be worth it. Because I wasn't lying. Watching that movie really did make me curious. I've always had a pretty high pain tolerance, and this isn't the first time I've wondered how close I'd be able to toe the line between pleasure and pain. With any luck, we'll really go through with this, and Tanner will help me find out.

I head upstairs, stopping by my room to grab some clothes before walking into my attached bathroom. I'm too wired to go back to bed, so I may as well shower and get ready for the day. I undress, catching my reflection in the mirror as I peel off my clothes. It hits me in this moment that hopefully, after tonight, the next time I see myself, I'll be different. Will there be a visible change? Will my skin have that glow I've heard so many people talk about? Will I look older? More womanly ? If anyone could have that effect, it would be Tanner. He's so hot, I can't even imagine what it'll be like watching his face as he pushes inside me for the first time. It's almost too much to think about.

I step into the shower, turning the water temperature up as high as I can handle. After a few minutes of letting it run down my body, relaxing my tense muscles, I shave from head to toe. Normally, I keep my bikini area cleaned up, but I decide to go completely bare. I've watched a lot of porn, and it always seems like that's how the women are. I know Tanner has been with a lot of girls, so I don't want to look like an amateur compared to them, even though I am. It takes me a while to make sure everything is clean, but once I'm done, I'm feeling confident that I'll at least look the part.

I turn off the water and step out, drying my entire body with a warm fluffy towel. Instead of putting on the clothes that I brought in, I walk back out to my room and lie down on the bed. I don't know why, but for some reason my hands begin to roam my body. I turn my head, looking into the full-length mirror that sits in the corner of the room. I let my fingertips drift down my stomach, stopping to ghost along the newly exposed skin of my mound. I watch my face in the reflection as I put pressure on my clit and start rubbing in slow circles. I try to focus on my expression as pleasure sparks to life in my core, wondering if this is exactly what Tanner will see when he finally does make me come. Even though I know everything will happen naturally, I try to practice looking sexy as the most delicious pressure builds within me.

When I can no longer keep my eyes on the mirror, I close them, imagining Tanner's face instead. I try to conjure up the noises he would make as he thrusts into me, using my body to make himself feel good. Will he just moan and grunt? Will he talk dirty like the guys in the videos I watch? I'm equal parts scared as fuck and turned on at the possibilities.

I envision him between my thighs, his tight abs and that delicious V that sits below them, rubbing against my clit as I grind it against his skin. I can almost feel his large hands squeezing my hips to hold me in place while he moves. I want it so badly. I want to feel his fingertips digging in hard enough to leave behind bruises that I can look at every time I want to remember how he felt inside me.

"Fuck, Tanner," I moan. "Just like that." I barely recognize the sound of my own voice as my orgasm hits like a speeding train, making me still as my muscles contract and shake. When the waves of euphoria finally fizzle out, I sink into the bed, waiting for my breathing and heart rate to slow.

When I can finally put my thoughts together, I expect to feel a little bit of shame for thinking of him in this way. Every other time I've fantasized about him, I've had a little twinge of regret after because I knew I shouldn't think of Tanner as anything more than my brother's best friend. But it seems as though he's given me the okay by offering to help me explore my sexuality, so maybe that's why I'm not feeling bad about what I just did. The only thing on my mind is actually getting him under me. Hopefully, after everything is said and done tonight, I can find out what it feels like to be fucked by the most gorgeous guy I've ever seen.

By the time I'm back up and dressed, the sun is peeking through the morning clouds. I make myself some avocado toast and a cup of coffee, retreating to the backyard to eat. I'm mesmerized by the lapping of the water in our pool as I enjoy the peace and quiet. It's not a rare thing for me to be home alone, but after so many years of Riggs and his friends running around being obnoxious all summer long, it did take some getting used to. Now I love the silence. Most girls my age are always on the go, but I'm perfectly happy just sitting in my backyard, thinking about all the things I have to be grateful for in this life. I graduated high school with honors, and I'm going off to college across the country to pursue a career in fashion design, which has always been my passion. Now, I have one more thing to be thankful for, because by the end of tonight, I'll get to live out something that has only ever been a fantasy.

And it's just the beginning of our summer together.