Chapter 36

CHAPTER 36

L uca

I'm emotionally drained—and tired—weary of carrying around the weight of my past. I feel like a damp rag.

The relief of finally telling Jackson my story feels good. Anna was right of course, he doesn't leave—he does the opposite. He's so sweet and kind. And he asked me on a date. I haven't left the house and gardens since coming here, but I'm okay with that.

I know I'll feel excited about our date, but right now I can't raise the energy for it.

Even the knowledge that Jackson's gone to collect his things from the pub and is moving into the house has barely registered, despite it being something I've wanted for weeks.

I wander around the house. I know there are things I need to do to get the gardens ready, but I can't concentrate—I just feel empty. It takes me a long time to realise that it's because Jackson isn't here. Without his presence in the house, or even in the garden, it feels like something's missing—like a piece of me is missing. I've never felt this way before and I don't like it.

I lie down on my bed, unable to do anything else. Eventually, exhaustion overtakes me.

I wake up suddenly, but feel a bit too groggy to move. It takes a minute for my brain to process that the sound I can hear is Jackson moving his stuff into a room down the hall. I would love to have him in my room, but he says it might be better to maintain a bit of space. "Then I can invite you back to my place," he'd said with a cheeky grin.

Space from Jackson wasn't what I wanted right now, so I spring from the bed, down the hall, and to his doorway. Just seeing him again chases away the empty feelings.

"Hey," he calls, when he turns at the noise and sees me. "How ya doing?"

"I'm good." I'm better than good. I feel a lot more energised. I think the rest must have worked some magic—and Jackson, of course. "May I come in?" This house sharing is unfamiliar territory, and I don't know how to proceed.

"Of course." He smiles, sensing my hesitation. "How about, if the door's open it's ok to come in, even if I'm asleep."

"You think you'll be sleeping here alone?" I can't resist saying, as I put on my best saunter and cross the room to stand in front of him.

"Did you have anything else in mind?" The hungry look he gives me has me going from zero to hard in half a second.

"Lots." I look up at him from under my lashes, biting my lower lip as I know what it does to him. I watch him swallow and I can't suppress a smirk. He sees that and raises an eyebrow. He closes the remaining distance between us and tilts his head to place his mouth close to my ear.

"Show me something now." He husks. I take his hand and place it on the very defined bulge in my jeans. While he runs his hand over it, I pull my long-sleeved t-shirt off over my head. I lift his t-shirt and push it up. He has to release his hand to get his t-shirt off, and my cock almost follows it. I push him down onto the bed and unzip his jeans, pulling them and his boxers off together. I'm pleased to see he's as hard as I am. I just look at him for a second, marvelling at how gorgeous he is, before I pull off my own jeans.

"Do you have lube?" I ask, and it takes a few seconds for him to register that I've spoken. He drags his eyes up my body to my face.

"Huh?"

"Lube, do you have some?"

"Oh, yes, in the bag on the dresser." I cross the room, stepping over a large bag on the floor that he'd been unpacking when I disturbed him, and fish some lube out of the toiletries bag. His eyes are still on me as I make my way back across the room. I kneel on the bed and sit astride him, leaning down to kiss him. I try to pull away, but his hands cup the back of my head as his tongue explores my mouth.

Okay, I'll have to do this by feel then. I manage to get some lube on one hand. Throwing the tube down, I share it with my other hand and grasp his cock. He groans against me, but doesn't release me from the kiss. My own cock is aching so much to be touched. I take it in my free hand and slide it up and down a few times, then shift slightly so I can take us both in one hand. His eyes startle open and he releases his grip slightly, so I pull my head free and sit up, keeping my hand moving on our cocks. He looks down at my hand, then grins at me before dropping his eyes to watch again.

"This is so fucking hot," he gasps, as my hand moves faster, up and down our shafts. I just grin back. I can't speak right now. I'm too busy hanging in there, waiting for him. A few seconds later, he shudders.

"Ah fuck!" He comes, and there's no way I would have been able to hold back, even if I'd wanted to. In the next thrust, my cum joins his across his chest. I lean down, squashing our releases between us, and plant a kiss on his lips before sliding off to lie next to him, his arm around me.

"I, um, I never knew that was a thing." His voice sounds excited and full of wonder.

"Welcome to gay life." I laugh.

"Next time, it's my turn," he says, and the thought of his large, powerful hand bringing us both off together is almost enough to make me hard again.