34. Rose Quartz

thirty-four

Violet

"Was it you?"

Brooke stands in front of me, a beaming smile across her face as she holds out a Staples gift card.

Okay, I know that sounds like a terrible Secret Santa gift, but if you knew Brooke, you would know it's everything she could ever want. I try not to let a smile break across my face, to not give it away, but it forces itself out of me.

"Maybe." I grin. Brooke throws her arms around me, squeezing tightly.

"You are the best!" she squeals, jumping up and down. I chuckle.

"Yep! Have fun with your… sticky notes," I tease. Brooke waves a hand in the air.

"Sticky tabs," she corrects. "And I will. Merry early Christmas boss!"

I wave at her as she skips, literally, out the front door of the facility. I look at the clock.

7:02.

We closed a little over thirty minutes ago, but since it's two days before Christmas, everyone stuck around to hangout, eat snacks customers had brought us, and show off their Secret Santa gifts.

I think my Santa forgot because, when I checked my locker this morning, it was empty. That's okay, of course. I don't need physical gifts. And besides, Christmas isn't really my favorite holiday anyway. Ruthie and I always spent it alone because the casino held an annual Christmas tournament, which our parents always attended. We'd trade our old toys with one another as presents. Sometimes, we'd make paper snowflakes and tape them around the living room.

Through the window, I can see Cam's car still parked in the lot, a thick layer of snow draped over it. I think about that day in the rain, when I gave her a ride. And the week after, when I considered, very briefly, unhooking the battery so it could happen again. I would never do that now, knowing how much that car means to her. If I could make him last forever, I would.

27"I'm heading out," I say, watching as she tediously oils the straight-edged shears in her hands. Cam's eyes flick up to me, light pooling in her eyes as they lock onto mine. She sets her shears down and props a hand on her hip.

"That's it?" she asks, her brows furrowing. "You're going to be in Clarkston for a week and all I get is a ‘I'm heading out‘?"

I know she wants me to pretend the smile tugging at her lips doesn't exist. But it would be criminal to not acknowledge the sanctity of it. That sweet, angelic smile invented divinity. I feel a smirk pulling on the sides of my mouth and lean against the door frame.

"Are you saying you're gonna miss me, Sparky?" I tease, my arms crossing over my chest. Cam, in her truest form, rolls her pretty brown eyes.

"No," she says, but her cheeks flush and she looks away. "I'm just tired of the wait."

Both of her eyebrows lift for a moment, proving exactly what she means by "wait."

"You know fair and well I'd fuck you right here if you hadn't got your head smashed in a week ago," I say back. Cam's cheeks redden even more, but her eyes simply challenge me.

"I told you," she says, walking toward me. "I'm fine."

This has been a theme for the past week. Cam, trying to convince me she's in any type of shape to be fucked, and me, against my biological wishes, turning her down out of pure concern. I shake my head.

"That black eye might be healing, but I want to fuck you so hard your brain rattles. So, no."

Cam lets out a scoff but says nothing else, so I know, in its rarity, that I won. A small shimmer catches my eye, drawing my gaze down to Cam's chest. Sitting in the center, on a thin, tiny chain, is a small silver hammerhead shark. I glance down at my own hammerhead, the ink sunk into my skin as a permanent reminder of her. I take the charm into my palm, admiring it.

"Secret Santa?" I ask. Cam nods, smiling.

"Yeah, Avery got a discount on it." She glances up at me, her eyes narrowing curiously. "You?"

My cheeks get hot as I shake my head. I don't know why they do. I really don't care that I didn't get a gift.

"I think mine forgot," I say, shrugging. "But it's okay."

Cam's brows furrow, her head tilting slightly.

"What do mean they forgot?"

A wrinkle forms between her brows as she presses them together, her lips turned downward. I chuckle.

"Really," I say. "It's okay. I don't care about that stuff."

But Cam shakes her head.

"Nope," she says. "Not okay. That's like, one of the only rules of the game. Bring a gift." Her eyes meet mine, something unrecognizable flickering in their depths. "Are you sure they forgot?"

It's cute Cam cares so much, but I don't dare point it out.

"Well, everyone's gone, and it's—" I look at the time on my phone. "7:18."

Cam's lip twitches, but she just nods.

"Well, that's shitty."

A laugh slips out of me, but my stomach twists for just a second.

"Yeah," I say.

I stare at her for a moment, soaking in every inch of her in order to tide me over for the next week. I don't know how I'm supposed to get through seven whole days without seeing her. Without feeling her skin against mine or listening to her ridiculous comebacks that tip me over the edge. I'm regretting agreeing to go to Clarkston at all now, but I know I need to do it for Ruthie. For Willow and Tyler too.

"I should get going. I've got a long drive tomorrow."

Cam nods.

"Right," she says, her gaze falling to the floor. Her thick brown lashes flutter against the apples of her cheeks, reminding me of that night at Monsey's. The first time I saw her.

I should have known, from that moment, that the word "platonic" was never an option for me. From the second I saw her, looking at anyone else felt pointless because nobody could ever be quite as beautiful as her.

"Did you check the weather?" she asks, her tone worried. I smile.

"Yes," I say. "No avalanche warnings."

Cam nods, but that nervous expression stays glued to her face. "And you'll text me when you get there?"

My stomach flutters as I answer. "Yes, Cam."

She looks at me, her eyes scanning mine anxiously. I can see all the gears turning behind them, all the potential possibilities flashing through her mind like a torture device, planted permanently inside her. I grab her hand, not caring at this moment what it might tell her.

"I'll be safe," I say. "I promise."

Cam shakes her head as she leans into me, her cheek resting against my shoulder. Her hair presses against my nose, the familiar aroma of her shampoo flooding my senses. If it were the only thing I'd ever smell again, I would feel privileged.

"You can't promise that," she says, and I can almost hear a break in her voice. My hand cups the back of her head as I pull her in tighter, my other hand finding its home against the small of her back.

"Hey," I say softly. Cam's eyes flick up, those beautiful brown irises dancing in the fluorescent lights. "I'm a better driver than you."

Cam tries to fight the sweet laugh that slips through her lips, and she pushes me off of her, flipping her middle finger into the air.

"Get out of here, loser," she shoots back, a glistening smile engraved into her cheeks. I fight my own smile and take a step backward through the door frame as my eyebrow quirks, the metal piercing grazing my forehead.

"That's boss to you," I taunt. Then, I turn around and walk out.

The metal latch is cold between my fingers as I pull it open, Reese erratically wiggling as he steps out of the suite.

"Come on," I say, scratching gently between his ears. "Let's go home."

We walk to the lockers, the metal ringing as I pry the door of mine open. My fingers grip the soft brown jacket inside, the fabric like butter and the color like brown agate.

But when I pull it out, something tumbles to the ground. Reese jumps back, startled, then leans down to press his nose against the object. My brows furrow, and I reach down, grabbing a little black box. I pick it up and examine the outside. It's plain. There's no bow or ribbon, no text. Just a black box, small enough to fit in the palm of my hand. I open it.

Glimmering on top of crinkled teal paper is a pink, heart shaped crystal. A soft gasp slips through my lips, and I pick it up, holding it to the light. Different shades of light pink swirl throughout it, and I don't need to keep staring to know exactly what it is.

It's rose quartz, the crystal for unconditional love.

Tears prick my eyes as my grip tightens around the rock. I know who it's from, that isn't a secret. Back at the farm, a conversation I can hardly get off my mind, Hayden said Cam had feelings, and he said I would see. Maybe this is what he meant.

Cam likes to be in control of every situation she's in. She needs to know what's going to happen, to prepare for it. Maybe, all this time, she was just getting ready. To prepare to tell me she violated rule #2 just as I had.

My eyelashes flutter rapidly when I step into the salon, trying to force the welling in my eyes to go away. Cam's gaze flashes to me, a wide smile sewn into her cheeks.

"I was wondering when you'd find it." She laughs, turning back to the clippers in her hand. She scrubs between the teeth with a disposable toothbrush, loose hairs floating in the air around her. I step closer, swallowing down the ache in my throat.

"This is… from you?" I ask, but I already know the answer. Cam chuckles, her back still turned to me as she cleans the tools.

"I've been waiting the entire day for you to open that stupid locker."

My lip quivers, and I can't understand why she makes me feel so weak.

This is what Hayden meant, it has to be. Cam wouldn't give this to me unless she meant it. That's the thing about her. The truth always prevails.

My hands shake, and I'm so scared to say the words coming from my mouth, but I don't care. I don't care about the contract, or my job, any of it. All I care about is this. Her.

The first person to really know me.

The first person I've ever cared to know back.

"Cam." My voice shakes, and I step closer to her. Cam turns around, her eyes widening as they land on me. My stomach flutters rapidly, powerful wings grazing the walls inside, trying to find their way out.

Don't think. Just say it.

"I love it. I've been trying to figure out how to tell you. And at first, I didn't believe Hayden. But this—"*

28Cam's brows furrow, and she takes a step back.

"Hayden?" she asks.

I nod, taking another step closer.

"I didn't believe him when he said you have feelings, but-"

"Violet, I don't—" She swallows, her brows knitting together. The corners of her lips pull down, regret pooling in her eyes. "I don't know what Hayden said but this isn't—" Cam's head shakes, and the fluttering in my stomach begins to harden, sinking into my feet. This isn't right. She takes the stone from my palm, holding it up.

"The employee at the emporium told me that this was for self-love. I figured, with seeing your parents in Clarkston and everything, you might need the reminder. The reminder that, no matter what they say or do, you're worth it. You're an amazing person. But—" Her voice breaks, and she looks to the floor. "That's all. I've been trying to stick to the contract. I don't—" The words get caught in her throat, and she swallows hard before she continues. "I don't feel that way. I'm sorry."

I blink, wet streaks trickling down my cheeks, and I step back, taking a shuddering breath. This doesn't make any sense. The way she held me in the shower, the way her body melted into mine moments ago. This is wrong, every bit of it.

I'm either so much stupider than I thought, or Cam is doing what Cam does: run.

I sniff, the muffled sound piercing the air around us. Then, I shake my head.

"I know it wasn't supposed to happen," I say. "I know it violates the contract, and you like to stick to the rules. But think about it, Cam. Are you really going to say, after this, after everything, that there isn't the slightest hint of something?"

Tears prick her eyes, a thick glossy coat washing over them. I know there's more to this. There has to be. But Cam steps back, her nose growing red, her lip shaking.

"It isn't about the contract," she says flatly. "There just isn't more. I got close to you because that's what I do. I form toxic dependencies on people. I'm sorry if I made you feel like there was more to it, but—"

"No," I shake my head, the room around me growing blurry. Tears stream down my cheeks, a foreign saltwater river pooling around my lips. Cam's just pulling away, like she did at Monsey's, like she did after seeing Cody. But she doesn't need to be scared with me. "I know you're scared but—"

Cam's face grows red, her nostrils flaring suddenly as her lip twitches.

"Scared?!" she snaps, her brows weaving tightly together. "What the fuck would lead you to believe I'm just ‘scared'? Have you ever thought that maybe I just don"t—"

"Snow," I cut in. Caught off guard by my interruption, Cam stares at me, her eyes unblinking. I continue. "Red 40. Road trips. Wine." Her lips part, ready to speak, but I don't stop. "Airplanes. Lakes. Intersections where the light blinks yellow. Pinworms. Windows that don't slide open. Water that isn't filtered a thousand damn times. You're scared of everything, Cam. And you know what I think?"

Cam scoffs, but tears ripple down her cheeks.

"I think you're scared that you have feelings for me too."

Cam's head shakes, and she sniffles, her eyes dropping to the floor. I see it, the hurt traveling through her veins. I hate that I'm the one who put it there. Regret floods my body in a wave, a sharp sting piercing my chest.

God, I'm such a fucking idiot. I think I just created our demise. I know, actually, that with those stupid words, I just ended the contract. All I had to do was keep my mouth shut. All I had to do was pretend everything was fine.

"Cam, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have—"

"Get out," she says.

There's no waver in her tone, no uncertainty. But complying is the furthest thing from what I want to do. I want to wrap her in my arms. I want to tell her all the things I'm scared of too. Vulnerability. Intimacy. Losing her.

Her throat bobs as she swallows, and she finally looks up from the floor, every word of what I said circling around her pupils.

"Leave, Violet."*