19. Jase

"You may as well just find another career now because when this gets out, nobody in the NFL will want to have a goddamn thing to do with you. Gays don't play football. So if you want a shot at the big time," Dad hisses.

My breath hitches at his tense pause, hands balled at my sides because the knot in my gut confirms what he's about to say next.

"Or if you want to remain part of this family, you'd better find a way to hide it."

I grit my teeth, wrapping my fingers tight around the steering wheel. So many thoughts that I've kept buried over the years percolate in my brain like a freshly brewed pot of coffee, and each one that springs out of the lockbox in the depths of my mind sear the fuck out of my heart.

Traffic is pretty light right now, and the trip to Project Renewal on Reading Road only takes me about thirty minutes from my condo. My eyelids hang heavy because I barely got a wink of sleep last night after… everything.

"How the fuck could I have let that happen?" I roar, slamming a fist on the dashboard as I slow for a red light. "I kissed him. I let him suck my fucking dick. I came in his goddamn mouth!"

Hearing myself yell out those words makes every inch of skin explode in a burst of prickly sparks. My cock jerks, obviously remembering very clearly how hot and wet his mouth was, how fucking masterfully that tongue worked my shaft…

I grab a fistful of hair and let out a yell that reverberates between my ears, even despite the heavy metal music blaring through the speakers.

I kissed him.

Fuck me if it wasn't the most incredible kiss I've ever had in my pathetic, closeted life. His fingers pressing into my back, his cock hard and thick against mine.

Oh, yeah. He wanted it bad. So bad, he wouldn't let me go.

And it only made me want him more. So I opened myself up to what I've wanted for as long as I can remember—freedom.

Freedom to kiss who I want, freedom to fuck who I want, freedom to be who I want… even if it was only for a few fleeting minutes. And goddamn, those minutes were like heaven. No woman has ever sucked me off like that, like they knew exactly what I loved and delivered on it like a kid with his first lollipop.

But I keep forgetting one thing—all actions have consequences.

Now, someone knows the truth about me.

Someone whose mouth was full of my cock, and I'm pretty sure he would have let me fill other places with it, too.

It's his fault. I let my guard down because of him, because of how good he is and how hard he loves those kids, because even when I put him in the line of fire, he still welcomed me, still worried about me, still wanted to fix me.

That's a fucking joke because I'm unfixable.

I became a threat to his family because of my decisions and bad judgment, and still, he didn't cut me off. He actually wanted to be my friend, and while what I want is a hell of a lot more carnal than friendship, I really needed him to know I'm not the selfish asshole everyone thinks I am. For once in my life, I wanted someone to see the real me, the guy I'm afraid for the rest of the world to see.

All because of what I heard that night. What I came so close to hearing the other day.

Kyle's death was senseless. We lost him because of an accident that never should have happened. And what's worse is that even afterward, my dad was stoic, like it didn't hit him at all that he was to blame for the fucking devastation. He shut down and iced everyone out. That's when Bryce took the place of our deceased golden boy. And I was the guy who'd never be good enough on talent alone.

"I proved you wrong, didn't I, Dad?" I yell, taking a sharp right into the parking lot. "I got here when you thought I couldn't. And you're full of shit because you don't know what fucking strength even is!"

The bottom of my fist turns red from the number of times I slam it against the dashboard. I sit back, my head collapsing against the leather seat, eyes drooping closed. I drag my hands down the front of my face, the stubble thicker today since I didn't bother to shave.

I can still feel Lucas's hands on the sides of my face before he attacked me with his mouth. Tingles erupt in my groin. I groan and adjust my cock, replacing images of Lucas's head bobbing up and down on my dick with ones of the nastiest, most disturbing things I can think of to deflate my erection.

It's time.

I just have to figure out a way to keep myself far away from Lucas for the next four weeks of community service.

The building is red brick, a little dilapidated on the outside. The inside is the same. It smells faintly of food. The floor tiles have cracks, the painted walls faded and scratched, the furniture in the front of the building washed-out and worn.

People of all ages huddle around the television in what I guess is the living room. I walk past the space, looking for an office or someone who knows why I'm here. Down a short hallway, I see a clear glass window and rap on it. An older woman looks up and smiles at me while waving me inside.

She stands up from her chair, papers piled high on her old wooden desk. With an outstretched hand, she says, "Mr. Maxwell, welcome to Project Renewal. I'm Evelyn."

I smile back because it's hard not to. Evelyn is so chipper and cheerful. Even her clothes are bright and happy. She's dressed in a yellow blouse, her curly gray hair held back with a matching yellow headband.

"Nice to meet you." I wave a hand behind me. "So, ah, I was supposed to show up today, but nobody told me what I'd be doing."

"Oh, we have big plans for you and Mr. Bentley." My gut clenches when she says his name, God help me.

"As you know, this is a homeless shelter. Project Renewal takes in families who are struggling to meet their day-to-day needs. Many of the families have children who are unable to participate in after-school activities because of cost issues. They also can't play sports for the same reason." Evelyn points to my cast and taps a finger against her chin. "Unfortunately, I didn't realize you were hurt when I came up with my idea."

I glance at my cast. "It's only an arm. I have another one."

She chuckles. "Good thing for that. And even better, you have another two arms that are about to join us!"

I turn and follow her gaze to the open office door. My stomach plummets into my Nikes.

Good God, does he have to look so fucking hot all the time? He's not dark, rugged, and gritty hot, he's like Captain America hot with his perfect hair, sexy smile, and boy-next-door fuck-me eyes.

I tear my own gaze away from his pained expression. Shit, he doesn't even look pissed off at me. Just dejected and disappointed.

Evelyn introduces herself, and Lucas flashes her a small, polite smile and it's like a kick to the gut.

She clasps her hands together. "Okay, gentlemen. I don't pay much attention to social media or the news because I have far bigger fish to fry here at the shelter. I don't really care what people are saying, only what you can do to help us. And as I told Mr. Maxwell, I have a great idea."

Evelyn looks at Lucas. "Mr. Bentley, I was just telling your teammate that since we have so many children here who can't participate in after-school activities and sports, I thought it would be great for you to work with them. You are football stars, professional athletes who know how to play sports. It would be so incredible to give them a little bit of what they've been missing out on."

"So you want us to like, form teams and teach them the game? Coach them?" I keep my eyes on Evelyn even though Lucas's fiery eyes burn a hole into the side of my head.

"Yes! Isn't that a great plan? You'd be giving them an opportunity they'd never have otherwise. And it would keep them engaged so they wouldn't be out on the streets, up to mischief. They could make friends with the other kids and be part of a team, learning how to work together. It would give them something to look forward to in the afternoons."

She sighs as she continues. "It's a difficult life for them. Some of the parents work, but they don't make enough to pay their bills. Some parents do odd jobs for a few bucks. It's lonely for a lot of the kids. They stick to their own and don't really connect. This would be a way for us to fix that and make them feel part of a community."

I look around. It's Saturday morning, and there are kids around, but like Evelyn said, they're pretty much keeping to themselves. That, or they're with kids who look just like them. Siblings, I guess.

Misery loves company. Maybe we could actually do some good here after all.

"We can make arrangements for them to come to the stadium. Bring them to a game, let them meet the players," I speak absently as my gaze sweeps over the place. "Like a team outing for them. They can see how important it is to be open and rely on their teammates."

I snap back to reality and turn around to look at Evelyn and Lucas. Evelyn couldn't look more excited. And Lucas…

Lucas just stares at me like I'm an alien.

I furrow my brow.

The phone on Evelyn's desk rings. She reaches for it.

"Yes. Yes. Okay, great. I'll be right there." After hanging up the phone, she points to the living room. "You'll have to excuse me. I need to check the cable box. I'll be right back."

She rushes out of the room. I shift on the floor, stuffing my hands into my pockets, squirming under Lucas's heavy stare.

"I hope that for the sake of those kids, you at least try to give something to this job." He folds his arms over his chest. My mouth waters as his biceps tighten. His t-shirt is just snug enough to skim his sculpted chest and make my mouth water. I just want to trace my tongue over every cut and line that lies underneath the fabric. "What an asshole I am for thinking we could actually be friends. You're too fucking selfish to have room for anyone else."

A deep freeze sets into my bones under Lucas's icy stare. I swallow hard, the lump in my throat along with the noose wrapped around my neck choking me to a slow, brutal death.

His caustic words are poisoned with rejection because of the way I left things yesterday.

But self-preservation is too important to me to care.

"We're not friends, Bentley. We're just a couple of guys being thrown together for a little while. We have a job to do. That's it. What happened yesterday was a mistake. And for the next four weeks, we're gonna stay far away from each other."

I snap my mouth shut, sucking back the next words before they tumble out of my mouth.

Because it's definitely gonna happen again if Lucas gets too close.

And no fucking way can I… or will I… take that risk.