Chapter 33

CHAPTER 33

Riggs

Goddammit.

Fuck.

That fucking golden goose of mine is a dead man.

The look in her eyes, the betrayal, has my heart dropping to the pit of my stomach. "Clara, love, I can explain."

She looks at me expectantly. "Please do."

She's too calm. Fuck. In a rush, I explain, "Alex caught us kissing, and I lied. I did. I told him it was a mistake and that we'd both realized it."

"Why, though? If he caught us…oh well."

"Because, obviously, he doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut. He's a pain in my ass and loves to get under my skin," I stress, my heart beating so hard, my vision is fuzzy. "I didn't want it getting out or him teasing me in front of everyone. I didn't realize he'd tell Elliot, though. I'm sorry."

She lets out a breath, brushing her hair off her shoulders. "I mean, I understand that you didn't want him to know, but why say that it was a drunken mistake? That I mean nothing to you? You could have just ignored him."

"You're right, but I had to nip it in the bud. I didn't mean anything I said."

Her navy eyes burn with anger as she narrows them. "But didn't you realize that saying that to him would get around to my family? You said it to my sister's baby daddy, the sister who has a tendency for violence and holds a hell of a grudge. I don't understand why you had to say those things."

"I was drunk."

"Sure, but a drunk mind speaks the truth," she throws back at me, her eyes filling with tears.

"The fuck it does. I was trying to cover for us, and I failed badly," I plead, but when I try to grab for her, she moves out of my reach. "Clara, don't do that."

"Don't stand there and act like you can touch me when you said I don't matter."

"I never said you don't matter. I said it was nothing because Alex was playing the big brother, and I had to say something to get him off my tail." Her eyes narrow to slits. "I didn't mean any of it. You know how I feel about you."

She shrugs. "I know, but when you had the opportunity to say that, you said the opposite."

"Because Alex is a gobshite and runs his mouth. Clara, I was trying to protect us, to keep things good for this wedding, like you wanted," I practically yell, and she glares.

"Don't yell at me," she demands, her eyes dark but full of so much hurt. It's killing me.

I blow out a breath. "You're not hearing me. I didn't mean it."

"But now that Alex told Elliot, she'll tell everyone else, or she'll hit you at the wedding. She's crazy and hormonal."

"I can handle Elliot. And baby, I'll go to Dan right now and scream my love for you. Do you want me to call Alex, set him right?"

She looks away, slowly shaking her head. "I just don't know why you had to say that. You could have gone about it so differently. Calling me nothing, a mistake… I mean, fuck, Riggs, that's really shitty."

When I see the tears gather in her eyes, I reach for her again, and I don't allow her to pull away. I wrap my arm around her, holding her to my body as I press my lips to her temple. "I knew when I said it, I'd fucked up. I'm so sorry."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was out drinking, and you were with the girls."

"Still, you could have told me when it happened so I could have gotten to Elliot first."

"I'm sorry. I fucked up."

A small sob moves through her body, and I hold her tighter. My soul feels like it's shattering into a billion pieces as I hold her close. I kiss her temple and close my eyes, emotion suffocating me. "Please tell me how to fix this. I'll do anything. I'll go to Dan. I'll go to each of your sisters. Hell, I'll go kick Alex's arse and let Elliot kick mine. Tell me, Clara. Please." She slowly shakes her head and pulls out of my arms. I try to tug her back, but she moves away toward the closet. "Clara."

"No, Riggs. I need some time."

"Time? No fucking way. We can figure this out now."

She shakes her head. "I need to go."

"Go where? You're home."

She looks over her shoulder at me. "Or is this a mistake?"

I roar with anger. "Don't you fucking say that. Nothing about us is a mistake, and you know it. I said what I did to get Alex off my back. I'll call him right now." I reach for my phone, but she shakes her head again.

"The words have already been said. I'm sure before Elliot called me, she called each of my sisters. God, this is such a fucking mess."

A lump forms in my throat. "I'm sorry. Tell me what you want me to do." She exhales heavily, wiping her face. Each tear that falls is like a knife to my chest. "I should have told you what I said so you wouldn't hear it from your sister."

She rolls her eyes as she reaches for a shirt to throw on. "That wouldn't have made it better, Riggs."

"What will?"

"I don't know," she says, and everything feels like it's moving in slow motion.

"I didn't mean it," I plead. "I love you. You aren't a mistake—you are everything." I reach for her, taking her wrist in my hand and pulling her to me. She resists, but I'm stronger. Wrapping her up in my arms, I cup her jaw. "I was taking you to Nashville to get my ma's rings, love. Would I be doing that if you were nothing?"

Shock fills her eyes as they search mine before her tears spill down her cheeks. With a shaky breath, she reaches up and strokes my jaw. "Don't come to the wedding tomorrow," she whispers, her tears falling quicker. "I'll do damage control, and then we can figure this out."

"Hell, fuck no," I demand, shaking my head. "We do this together. I fucked up, let me fix it."

"You don't understand," she insists. "I'm the baby. They all are so protective, and I can't have you there. It will set everyone on edge, and I'd rather my sister doesn't swing on you when she's pregnant. I don't want to ruin Lou's wedding. Please, just don't come."

"Clara—"

"Please," she pleads, her eyes swimming with tears. "I'll go over and explain what happened and see if I can get Elliot to calm down. Hopefully she didn't tell anyone else."

I don't like this at all. "Let me come with you."

"No," she tells me, her eyes imploring. "I gotta do this alone."

"It will mean more from me."

"I need to do this alone," she insists, her eyes still dripping tears.

"Clara. Why? Let?—"

"Please, Riggs, let me handle this."

I fight back my own tears as I gaze down at her. "And you'll come back home?"

She shakes her head. "Not tonight."

"Clara—"

"Riggs, your words hurt me. Even if you were only saying them to get Alex off your back, they hurt. Let me process."

"Process with me," I beg, cupping her jaw so she can't look away. "Let me make it up to you, prove that I meant not a single one of those words I said."

She sinks her teeth into her bottom lip, and much to my dismay, she shakes her head. "I can't think straight when I'm with you."

"Good. I like how you think when you're with me." Her lips tremble, and she moves out of my arms, breaking my fucking heart. "Clara, stay."

She ignores me, and I watch as she throws on a pair of leggings before grabbing her charger. I follow her out of the room, the dogs hot on our heels. "I don't like this."

"I don't like that you said what you said."

"I said I'm fucking sorry! I didn't mean a fucking word."

She whips around, her eyes narrowed. "Don't yell at me or cuss at me. You messed up, not me!"

"Clara," I plead, sucking in a deep breath. "I don't know what to do here. You're killing me."

"Now you know what your words did to me," she throws back at me.

"I didn't mean them," I roar. "Stop this. You're overreacting."

Her brows slam together, and her eyes look as if they could cut glass. "You said I was nothing, I was a mistake. But I'm overreacting? Okay, Riggs."

She moves through the house, and I'm following right after her. Thankful that no one lives around since I'm in my boxers, I follow her to her car. She lets Darcy in, and when she stops Gordie and Gretzky, her tears start to fall faster. "Not today, boys. It's okay. Mommy loves you."

Her words make my insides explode. "That's right. You're their ma, and you can't leave them—or me."

Her eyes cut to mine. "I'm not leaving them or you. I'm giving us space."

"I don't want fucking space, Clara." I hold the door, my eyes burning into hers. "Please, don't leave."

She gets in the car without another word, her tears like waterfalls down her sweet face. As she backs down the driveway, Darcy barks out the window, making me realize I love the fool as much as I do his ma. The boys whine beside me, and I reach down, cupping their scruff when I'm met with the taillights of her SUV when she turns to drive down the road. As the pain eats me alive, I'm reminded why I never wanted to fall in love. The problem with that thought, though, is that there was no way in hell I wasn't falling in love with Clara Drew McDavid.

She was made for me.

Not a fucking thing will change that.

Feeling helpless, I let my head fall back, and at the top of my lungs, I yell, "Fuck!"

And the dogs howl beside me.