Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17

Elliot

"Jesus…swoon," Austen says in a dreamy little voice. "Like, I'm pretty sure that could be said by a book boyfriend. Particularly, a thousand-year-old vampire with a primal kink."

Clara and I both eye our older sister before Louisa says, "Um, excuse you. I'm the kink lover of the group."

Austen snorts. "Um, you wouldn't know what kink was without me."

They glare at each other as Eliza says, "We all love kinks in this group. The only one who really acts on them is Clara."

Clara beams. "Yup. Haven't tried primal, though. Kind of scary."

Louisa and Austen just grin. "Try it. It's hot," Austen says. "Especially if he wears a mask."

Louisa smiles smugly. "And Ciaran is really good at it. Fast."

I give her a dry look. "You've got a busted ankle! Of course he's fast, 'cause you're slow! Easy prey."

At that, my sisters all explode in laughter as Louisa's face fills with a flush, but she laughs just as hard. "Shut up!"

Clara giggles beside me. "Enough." She turns her gaze on me. "I want to know what you said! Are you going to do it?"

Clara is giving me that wistful look that I usually find adorable, but today, it's annoying. Mainly because I didn't want to go shopping or even get together with my sisters. They guilted me. Honestly. They said I had to go shopping with them because they hadn't been able to buy anything for the baby because they weren't supposed to know about it.

Assholes.

I'd demanded lunch before we went, and of course, they obliged. As I dunk a chip into some spinach dip, I admit, "I didn't agree or disagree. We started making out."

Then had mind-blowing sex.

Followed by some food.

Then more sex before we both passed out.

He left for morning skate and promised to be back this afternoon so we can work out the details. Just thinking of him coming back has butterflies going nuts in my belly. While I am excited to see him, and to see how he intends to make this plan work, I am scared that I'll be gung ho for this but just end up broken like I knew I would be nine months ago. I knew that Alex Cruz had the potential to break me in two if I ever gave myself to him, but I didn't expect a child to be involved.

Makes things a whole lot more complicated.

One thing is for sure, I slept like the dead, and I woke up feeling more relaxed than I have in months. I know it's from all our extra activities, and I'm disgusted with myself for wanting more. I need to keep my libido in check until I know what is going on. Do I want to allow myself to fall for him? Because I know I will. No doubt about it. Or do I want to do this to make him happy and keep my heart locked away and make sure we can raise our child together?

I watch as my sisters look at one another with surprise but also a bit of concern.

It's Eliza who speaks first. "So, what's the plan?"

"I don't know," I admit before taking another chip. "It's entirely too easy with him."

"That's a good thing," Eliza points out, and I nod.

"Yes, but also dangerous," I counter, holding her gaze. "I feel like he's blinded by the whole I'm-pregnant-with-his-kid thing and doesn't want his child to go through what he went through."

Clara makes a face. "But he said he loved you before he knew about the baby."

"And he wouldn't be like his father because he wouldn't leave them behind. He'll be in their life. He is a determined little shit," Louisa adds. "He and Ciaran had issues when they were growing up because he was the youngest of the family and truly acted like it. He also used to give Ciaran shit for reading romance. But when he was living with us in Nashville, he was great. Super clean, helpful, and respectful."

"Coleson thinks very highly of him," Eliza adds, looking over her drink at me. "He said he's never seen him so caught up on a girl like he was when you two started your thing."

I press my lips together. "I get all that," I say, waving my hand. "But I deceived him and pushed him away. How can I really trust that he wants me for me when I'm obviously an asshole?"

"Because he loves you," Clara says softly from beside me. "I applaud him for his reasonings behind forgiving you."

Austen nods. "For sure. You didn't deceive him on purpose. It all got out of hand, time got away from you, but you told him as soon as you two were face-to-face."

"I still waited six months. I should have told him sooner," I say, hating that he forgave me so easily. I don't deserve his forgiveness. I don't. Which I know is my anxiety being a cunt to me right now, but it's hard when I know I should have done better by Alex.

"Then accept his offer."

My gaze snaps to Louisa, her eyes trained on me and a small smile playing on her lips. "We can see the guilt in your eyes, El. Give him three months, let him prove what he claims, but make a deal that if it doesn't work out, you two agree to raise Baby Bit together as a team."

"But you need to let him in," Eliza says, setting me with a look. "After these last six months, we all can see you'll close yourself off to anyone. Even us."

"That's not her fault, though," Clara pipes up, leaning into me. "She went off her meds, so I'm sure she is riddled with anxiety, and her brain is probably lying left and right."

My throat tightens at Clara's wholehearted defense. She has always been my best friend and the one I feel the most regret about hiding my pregnancy from. I squeeze her hand, and she beams at me.

"Are you still going to therapy?" Austen asks, and I exhale.

"Yes, I am. And wow, y'all are being a lot right now," I say, rubbing my temples.

When two hands grip my wrists, I look up to see Louisa's eyes on me. "What happened?"

I bring in my brows. "What?"

"What happened before you left?" she demands, her eyes searching mine.

I know exactly what she is asking, but there is no way in hell I'm telling her.

"I get the feeling something happened, and I need to know."

I'm unable to speak, fear of hurting my eldest sister suffocating me beyond belief. It's Clara who saves me.

"It doesn't matter. We aren't there anymore. We've escaped and are all living. We don't need to bring that up."

"She's right," Eliza says, pulling Louisa back. My sister drops her hands from mine but doesn't stop staring into my eyes. "Whatever they did or said was a lie, Elliot. They don't own you. They don't have anything on you. You are free."

"I know," I whisper, and I hate that my eyes fill with tears. I'm an emotional basket case. "See, this is why I don't want to do what he wants," I say, wiping away the tears that fall. "I'm too emotional."

Clara wraps an arm around my waist, her hand coming to rest on my stomach. "Good, because you gotta feel to fall in love."

Eliza smiles. "I vote for you to try."

I lean into my sister, wiping my face. "So my baby has a dad?"

Her smile falls. "No, so my sister is loved deeply by a good man."

"As much as we love that baby, we have loved you longer, and we want what is best for you," Austen says softly, reaching out to hold my hand. "You deserve the world, and if Alex wants to give it to you, then he has my vote."

"I didn't know this was ending in a vote," I say, the emotion too much, the feelings overwhelming as the tears continue to flow freely down my face. "I just don't want to get hurt or hurt him."

"Then trust him," Louisa suggests, tears flooding her eyes now. "I wouldn't vote for just anyone when it comes to you four. I got very lucky with Dimitri and Coleson, and I trust that Alex is the man for you."

I want to fight her on that, but she has been living with him for the last six months. Clara leans in, kissing my temple. "Like we said, no matter what, we got you."

I don't doubt what my sisters are saying. I know they've got me, and I trust them with all my heart.

I just don't know if I trust myself.