Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

Elliot

Nothing has changed.

Nothing has changed? Is he crazy? Everything has changed!

My goodness, the way he looked at me… A mix of betrayal and excitement that had me tossing and turning all night. His voice was so gravelly, so full of shock and need for the truth. I couldn't give it to him. The guilt I felt hearing his words cut me to shreds. I felt as if I was going to break in mere seconds. I don't usually run away from a fight or the truth, but I couldn't do it.

I had to run, and he let me.

Which I know won't be good for me later. He'll want answers, and I'll have to give him something. I don't know how to express what I feel because I don't want to be placid. I don't want him to just reassure me that everything will be okay, because how could it? Why would he love someone who has such a nasty, disgusting past?

My gaze falls on Eliza, where she is folding up Coleson's walker and then sitting in his lap. I cock my head to the side, watching them as Eliza wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him softly on the lips. He looks at my sister as if she is all the stars in his galaxy. A small smile pulls at the side of my lips when I remember what an awful manwhore he was. He slept with countless numbers of women before her, and Eliza didn't bat an eye at it. She didn't care as long as he was true to her.

And he has been.

I want what Eliza has, what Austen and Louisa have. But as much as I want to believe Alex when he says that nothing has changed, it has. He had the choice to want me, but now that I'm pregnant with his child, I don't know if he wants me or if he wants to be what his dad wasn't. Since the baby is mine too, I come with, and I can't shake that worry. It isn't surprising when I've been feeling every single emotion known to humankind since I confirmed Alex's suspicion. I still don't know how he put it all together. I did so well hiding this, but one day with him, and he knows.

I thought I felt guilt before. But shit, his words, his eyes, his voice? I wasn't prepared, and now, I'm riddled with the feeling. I've hurt him twice now, and the weight of that is overwhelming. I had no intention of ever hurting Alex, and while I want to keep running, I know I can't. It isn't fair to him. It isn't fair to our child. I need to grow some balls and face this head on. I can figure this out; he can be a dad, and I can be a mom.

We don't have to be together.

That way, no one gets hurt.

My baby takes that moment to kick me, and I swear, for a fetus, I think they're very intuitive.

As much as I don't want them to miss out on a two-parent home, plenty of kids have great parents who aren't together. Alex's mom didn't need his dad. She was both parents, and my parents didn't even raise me. My sisters did. Shit, there are kids in two-parent homes who aren't loved at all. No matter what, my baby will be loved.

Hard.

I'm currently using a box of books to hide my stomach as I sit on the floor with Clara and Austen. Louisa had a huge order come in of a kick-ass mafia romance, so we're helping split up preorders and what is going onto the shelf. Since our little coffee date was cut short yesterday, we decided to do brunch and help Louisa. She made sure to get chicken and waffles from the local café and even has mimosas. Mine is sitting on the counter, and every time I go to "drink" it, I pour a bit of mine in Clara's. I've become a pro at hiding this pregnancy.

Unless Alex Cruz is in the room.

I should have known better; goalies are weird. They tend to keep their eyes wide and trained on everything. They are always a step ahead and very intense. Alex is no exception. He saw right through my fa?ade. Asshole.

Louisa is on the ladder, putting books on the top shelf that Ciaran is passing her. Eliza has disentangled herself from her husband and is now cleaning, while Austen, Clara, and I open boxes. Dimitri is sitting with Coleson in the back part of the store, so it's only really Ciaran in this room. As much as I wish it were just my sisters and me, I'm getting used to my brothers-in-law-to-be being a constant presence now that they don't leave my sisters much.

I lick my lips and then reach for my phone. I don't know why, but I want to make sure it's okay with Alex before I tell them.

Me: Hey.

He answers right away.

Alex: Hey.

Alex: How are you?

Alex: Are you feeling okay?

I press my lips together, my stomach tightening.

Me: I'm fine, thanks. And yeah, no nausea or anything. I really think it was the lemon.

Alex: Good. Did you sleep well?

Me: Not at all.

Alex: Me either.

My heart hurts at his confession. This isn't what I wanted.

Me: I'm sorry.

Alex: Yeah, so, I'm about to hit the ice, but I'm free this afternoon. Wanna come to my place? Yours? Or meet somewhere?

I bring my lip in between my teeth.

Me: You can come to my place. Just follow the stairwell up the back.

Alex: Drippy Drip, right?

Me: Yeah.

Alex: Cool. I'll bring dinner.

Me: You don't have to.

Alex: I want to.

Me: Thanks.

I bite my lip harder.

Me: I'm with my sisters, and I wanted to tell them about the baby. Are you okay with that?

Bubbles come up and then disappear. They appear and once more disappear before, finally, his text pops up.

Alex: Do you want me there with you?

Me: It's okay. I'm sure they're gonna give me shit for lying to them for six months. I'll save you from that.

Alex: If you wait, I can be there with you.

Me: No, it's okay. As long as you are okay with my telling them.

Alex: I am.

Me: Have you told your mom yet?

Alex: No. We have more to discuss.

His text is six words long, and I feel each one like a puck to the gut. Breathless, I quickly type back.

Me: Oh yeah. Okay, cool. I guess I'll see you in a bit. Enjoy your ice time.

Alex: Thanks, and thanks for asking, Elliot.

His words pull at my heart as I lower my phone to find Austen watching me. I bring in my brows. "What?"

She eyes me. "Are you crying?"

At that, all my sisters' gazes fall to me, even Ciaran's. Shit, Coleson and Dimitri are now leaning over the wall to look at me. Great.

I swallow hard, waving her off. "I'm not."

"Who were you talking to?" Austen demands. "Did they make you cry?"

"I'll stab them," Clara adds.

"And I'll carry the body to the woods," Louisa offers.

"I know where the bears are," Eliza promises. "No one will find him."

I snort at that and shake my head. "Why do y'all just assume it's a guy? It's not that. I have allergies."

"No, you don't," Clara says, giving me a look. "What's wrong?"

Seven sets of eyes hold me hostage, and I squirm under their examination. It's crazy, but now I wish Alex were here. His big presence would have given me a buffer. Plus, his eyes always make me feel better. And that little smirk. Those dirty words of his.

I bite the inside of my cheek and wring my fingers. "I need to tell you guys something, and I know you won't be too happy with me."

Clara scoots in close, wrapping her arms around my bicep. "El, we love you. What's wrong?"

Austen leans in, pressing her hand on my ankle. "Are you okay?"

I nod quickly and swallow once more past the emotion in my throat. I move my gaze between my sisters, ignoring my brothers-in-law, and then I say, "I'm pregnant." I wait for someone to squeal, to scream, or even smack me, but that doesn't come. My sisters all watch me, giving no reaction whatsoever. Under their scrutiny, I feel like an alien on display. When no one says anything, I add, "With a baby. I'm six months pregnant with a baby."

I see Coleson grin as Dimitri scoffs. Ciaran moves to put his hand on Louisa's thigh, and her eyes burn into mine. I lick my lips as she says, "We know that, but we want to know why you haven't told us until now."

I blink. "Wh…what?"

Clara pats my arm. "We've known you were pregnant, El."

I gawk at my younger sister.

"You stopped drinking, and the baggy clothes were a dead giveaway."

"You stopped taking your meds—the last refill was in December," Eliza says, a small smile on her face.

"It was the food aversions for me, when you threw up all the Russian snacks that Dimitri's mom gave us," Austen says softly. "They were your favorite, and you have an iron stomach. You eat everything and anything."

Louisa sets me with a look. "I was logged in to your Amazon account and saw your cart."

Coleson leans over and waves. "If it makes you feel better, I had no clue till my wife told me."

Ciaran laughs, and Dimitri nods in agreement. I sit there, staring at the closest people in my life, and I feel like an utter idiot. "Y'all knew?"

"Yeah," Clara says softly, rubbing my bicep. "But we knew not to say anything until you were ready to tell us."

"Especially when you weren't taking your meds." Eliza gives me a small, reassuring smile, and I feel tears flooding my vision.

"Why didn't you tell me you guys knew?"

"We wanted you to tell us." Louisa's gaze holds mine. "We figured when you wanted the support, you'd ask."

"And we figured you wanted to tell the dad first," Austen adds.

"How's Cruz taking it?" Coleson asks, and I gawk at him.

"You even know who the dad is? We hid our relationship."

Clara pats my arm. "Oh honey, you suck at hiding things. You wear it all over your face."

"And Cruz did walk around like a cock in the henhouse around you," Coleson supplies, giving me a sheepish grin. "I'm the one who told them you were sleeping with him."

"Wow, maybe I should blacken your other eye," I threaten, and he laughs.

"Not in your condition."

That has everyone giggling. "Is he being supportive?" Louisa asks, keeping her eyes on me.

"He just found out yesterday. But yes, he is."

"Why did you wait so long?" Eliza asks. "Why did you hide it?"

"I was scared," I answer softly.

"Why? We'd be here for you." I can see the hurt in Austen's eyes. Hell, in all their eyes.

"I didn't want to tell you guys until I told him, and I was too scared to tell him."

Ciaran leans against the ladder, stroking Louisa's leg. "Cruz is a good dude. He will be there for you."

"I know," I say softly. "I think that's the problem."

Clara leans in. "What is?"

"I could fall for him, and what if he only wants me because I'm pregnant?"

While the guys all look confused, my sisters know some of my fears. Only Clara knows what I did in the cult because I don't want what I did to get back to my older sisters. They had to get out when they did, and I don't fault them for it.

"No, El, he wants you to be with you," Clara insists.

"He always asked about you," Ciaran adds, and Dimitri agrees.

"Anytime we were with him, he would ask Austen too."

Austen nods and points to her fiancé. "I didn't even put two and two together until Coleson said you two had been hooking up."

"I've known him my whole life, and he doesn't get hung up on girls. But he seems pretty damn hung up," Ciaran says, leaning into Louisa.

"He's a sweet guy, and you care for him. Give him a chance," Louisa says, looking at me. "And if he's a jackass, I'll kill him."

Eliza nods. "Like I said, I know all the bears. Coleson doesn't let them eat me, so I'm sure they're hungry."

"Not that you need a man. You've got us," Clara adds quickly.

"But if you have a chance at a happily-ever-after, take it," Louisa says, our hopeless romantic through and through.

"But no matter what, you and that baby will be loved by us." Austen leans forward, cupping my face. "Always by us."

Tears spill over my cheeks, and I find that I'm too emotional to even form words. A sob breaks from me, and soon, I'm enveloped in a big hug, all my sisters wrapping their arms around me, their lips to my cheeks, temples, and forehead. Clara is the first to lift my shirt, and she squeals when she sets eyes on my little bump.

"I love you, little bit! I'm Aunt Clara!"

Austen rubs my belly. "I'll be AA, Aunt Austen. It works."

"I'm Grammy," Louisa giggles, and such pride burns in my sister's gaze.

"Does that mean I'll be a grandpa?" Ciaran asks, and she grins back at him.

"A sexy, hot grampy."

Clara gags as Eliza leans in, cupping my belly. "You're so little!" I can only nod, the emotion too much, before Eliza says to my belly, "And I have no clue what I'll be, but I'm going to love the heck out of you." Eliza pokes my belly button, and I giggle before her eyes meet mine. "Just as I love you."

A sob breaks from me as I wrap my arms around my sister, hugging her close. Against her ear, I whisper, "I love you all, so much."

And knowing that love that my sisters give me freely only strengthens my belief that my baby will be loved. I know Alex will love and be there for his child, but I can't romanticize our situation.

I know the truth.

I can only ever be his baby mama.