15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Hayden

Something is different that morning. I don’t know if it’s because we just slept without fucking our brains out, but the floaty feeling that accompanies me during practice and lectures is both pleasant and scary. Just like the lingering feel of Leander’s arm wrapped around me and his soft kisses first thing when we woke up.

I panicked when I heard the commotion coming from Leander’s room, and so I ran there only to find him clutching the vase he’d broken without even realizing what he’d done. I know that he lied to me when I asked him what was wrong, but I had no right to call him out. Not after I did the same in the car.

“Earth to Haydeeeen!” Nick swats me on the arm, shoving a fry in my mouth. “You there?”

We are out with the guys from the team, but even though I’ve been looking forward to it since Park couldn’t come, I’m not really feeling it.

Chewing the greasy goodness my friend fed me, I sigh. “Yep.”

He gasps, throwing an arm over my shoulder. “Dude, what’s up with you? Still worried about the game? You’ve been out of it all day.”

Coach actually pulled me to the side after practice, praising my behavior. So I’m feeling confident that he will let me play. Park’s frequency of jibes hasn’t changed, but I’ve gotten better at ignoring him. For the most part. I still almost smacked his irritating mug first thing this morning, but I remembered Leander’s order and stifled the urge down.

Leander, who I’ll only have for less than two weeks…

“It’s not the match…”

Nick leans back in his seat, perching one eyebrow expectantly.

Should I tell him? He knows I’m banging Leander and crashing at his place, but that’s about it. Obviously, I can’t mention the vampire stuff, but the fake dating’s fair game. And so is the drama stemming from the fake part of it.

“So, Leander and I are fake dating because he needs to get his aunt to stop trying to marry him off. I agreed to help him, and he lets me stay at his place in exchange. The sex is… a bonus we were both happy to include.” He’s also going to pay me, but that’s not important right now.

“Okay… A bit strange, but I don’t see any issues with such an arrangement. He gets your help and you get somewhere nice to live, plus a cock to rub against. So, what am I missing?”

I wipe the condensation off my soda glass and take a big sip. No alcohol for me tonight, because I wanted a clear head to think things through, but I’m already regretting it. “It’s temporary. Until this event he needs to attend, where we’ll put on a lovey-dovey show for everyone.”

Nick bobs his head slowly, shoving a handful of fries in his mouth. “Okaaay. Still not seeing an issue. With the way you two eyefuck each other during Guitar, I’m positive you’ll pull this off.”

I wave my friend off, snatching more of his food. “I’m not worried about that . It’s… I think I like him.” I give him a quick rundown of the way Leander has been acting and how hard it is not to search for more just because he’s being extra nice.

Nick’s forehead creases as he glares at me and processes what I just said. “Right. So you think you like him… But you are only fake dating for… another week, because of his smothering aunt. Plus, he’s treating you like a king.”

I grunt, downing the rest of my soda. “Ditto.”

He hums, rubbing his chin in the way men with actual beards do. “Okay, but can’t you just ask him to date you for real, then?”

I’d considered it, but pussied out. He wants to escape marriage, because he likes it casual. Asking him to date me is the opposite of casual. What if he turns me down? Kicks me out of his house because I’m trying to tie him down or something? I’d rather we remained on friendly terms, because maybe he’ll agree to stay in touch after our deal is over. That would give me a chance to show him how big of a catch I am. Seriously, I’m positive I’m boyfriend material. It’s just that before him, I hadn’t met anyone I wanted to be with.

I shake my head. “He’s the no-strings attached type. He wouldn’t have asked a random guy he met at the bar to pose as his boyfriend otherwise. Besides, what if he turns me down? That would ruin any future chances I might have with him.”

Nick’s frown grows. He purses his lips, tracing the rim of his glass. “Yeah, okay. I sorta get where you are coming from. This is a mess.”

I rub my temples. Tell me about it. It was meant to be a simple exchange, minus the vampire reveal. I help him, he helps me, and we go our separate ways. I wasn’t supposed to like him or start wanting something more than casual sex.

I groan again, burying my head in my palms. It’s all Leander’s fault! He’s too nice. He doesn’t care that I’m piss poor or have no filter. He’s even getting a stupid horse just because I made hearty eyes at one. And don’t get me started on his sudden interest in hockey. What fake boyfriend does that?

“Oh, boy. You are fucking serious. You actually like him.”

I aim my nastiest glare Nick’s way. “Shut up.”

His amused smirk doesn’t even falter. “Okay. You are not confessing. So, what are you going to do?”

“Fuck if I know. Would I be asking you if I had any clue?”

Scrunching his nose, Nick casts his gaze around the club. “Good point.”

We sit in silence for a while, the music and conversations blasting around us. Half the guys are at the bar getting wasted, while the other half are shouting and cheering from the game area. They are gathered around one of the pool tables, and Jimmy, our goalie, is half draped over it, lining up a shot.

I watch him pull it off flawlessly, wishing my current predicament can be so easily solved as well. I don’t know what to do. If I did, at least I would have a goal. Then it’s all about working toward that goal. Like Nick suggested, I could talk to Leander about it. Confront him and tell him I want to give this thing a real go. But I’m scared shitless. I’ve never confessed to anyone. What if he laughs at me and tells me he never wants to see me again? That’s worse than keeping my crush a secret and trying to get over it.

On the other hand, not telling him kind of sucks too. But the way I see it, at least it leaves open a door if he doesn’t cut ties with me. We can start off as friends… who fuck? Would he be up for that? No-strings-attached. Just fun and sex and occasional hanging out.

“Hayden, chill man. You are drilling a hole in the pool table.” Nick pokes me in the forehead with his index finger. “Don’t make this more complicated by overthinking it. See how you feel after the event. If you are still unsure about confessing, then don’t, and just move on. But don’t stay friends. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Nick is probably right. Clinging onto my infatuation in hopes that maybe Leander will start liking me will be torture. It’s either I confess and risk getting hurt, or I don’t, and I forget about him like originally planned.

The rest of the night goes by in a blur. I get to Leander’s place very late, the dim light in his bedroom the only part of the house that’s still awake. Quietly, I slink inside the building, shutting the door gently so I don’t wake him up in case he’s fallen asleep.

Shoes off, I just stand in the hall, feeling the luxurious hardwood under my feet and taking in the paintings hanging on the walls. All of them are familiar now, the closest to me a landscape from a trip Leander went on to Rome. The canals of Venice spy from the next one. Then a country house in Zagreb. The clock tower in Novi Sad. That’s as far as my eyes can see in the gloomy corridor. But I know what follows. I asked him one night, and he told me about every one of them, his expression softening toward the last of the paintings.

I walk over and stand in front of the bridge painting of Bucharest, though my attention inevitably shifts to the magnificent Bran Caste near Brasov. It’s where Leander’s family is originally from, before his parents immigrated to the States.

Tracing my fingers along the canvas, I close my eyes and open up my other senses. Everything is so familiar. The bumps of paint, the hint of breeze from an open window somewhere on this floor, the smell of night and sea mixing in and clinging to my skin. I inhale deeply. This feels so much like a home. Like a place where I could belong. Where I’d like to belong. And that’s terrifying because I don’t know if I have any right to want something like that.

Me, a poor and currently homeless nobody, who is only good at skating on the ice and chasing after a black disc with a stick in my hand… Okay, and guitar too, but I’m not nearly as impressive as when I’m playing hockey.

Someone like Leander is way out of my league.

I pad up the stairs and enter my room. I don’t think it’s a good idea to sleep with him today, not after how right it felt to wake up in his arms in the morning. I shouldn’t get used to it.

A shower later and I lie in my bed, staring at the white ceiling as softness and warmth lull me to sleep.