Chapter Nine

If Ben claimed he wasn't nervous, he would be lying. Rider had flown to Canada, leaving him behind at the office. Ben swung heavily between staying focused on work and keeping his gaze locked on Rider's location on his phone. He had forced himself to keep his phone put away for two hours now. It was fucking hell.

Ben knew Rider wouldn't let him go unemployed. But Ben didn't have the luxury of not totally worrying about it. Rider was amazing, but he didn't think too much about other people's struggles. He had no clue what it was like to live paycheck to paycheck. Ben wasn't sure what losing his job here meant for him. He couldn't control things if he didn't obsessively consider every angle.

A light knock on the open office door pulled Ben from his thoughts and brought his gaze shooting toward the door. Matt stood in the doorway, looking unsure of his welcome.

He gave Ben a small wave. "Hey."

A bright smile snapped to Ben's lips. "Hey. Come in. What brings you by?"

Matt stepped inside the office. His gaze moved toward Rider's empty desk before settling on Ben again. "I came to see my brother."

Ben chuckled. "I figured that much. This is just a long way for an unexpected visit. Not that I'm not thrilled to see you."

Matt's unsure smile turned genuine. "I'm happy to see you too." His light blue gaze moved over Ben's face. "What happened to your head?"

Ben winced. He knew it looked awful. What had been stitches yesterday was now also a large ugly-looking bruise. "I fainted and hit my head. It's a long story." He pointed at a chair next to the edge of his desk. "Sit. Tell me why you came all the way from Canada for an unexpected visit." Ben knew it wasn't his business. He still planned to be nosey.

Matt sat. The unease returned to his features. "Is Rider here? I hate to make you listen to this story twice."

Uh-oh. "He had a morning meeting with Tanner in Toronto." Ben pulled his phone from his desk. "Let me check his location." Honestly, he was glad for the excuse to check again. A smile he couldn't control snapped to Ben's lips. "He's thirty minutes away from the airport. So it'll be about an hour before he makes it back to the office."

Matt nodded. He rubbed the back of his neck. His gaze moved in every direction except Ben's. "Do you want to get some lunch or something while we wait?"

Ben's unease grew by the second. He couldn't think of any reason for Matt to be this nervous. "Sure. I can order us something, so we don't risk missing Rider's arrival."

"Sounds good." Matt finally met his stare again. "I won't get you in trouble, will I?"

"For what?" The question truly caught Ben off guard.

Matt shrugged. "I don't know. Rider doesn't seem to like it when we hang out."

Ben snorted. "He'll be fine. What aggravates Rider changes daily. You can't tiptoe around any perceived slights with him. What looks like anger over one thing could very well just be him pissed his suits weren't properly pressed."

Matt laughed. Some of the rigidness left his shoulders. "So he hasn't changed much over the years, then."

It always piqued Ben's curiosity when Rider's family spoke as if they hadn't seen him in several years. He knew Rider hadn't spent much time with them in the two years Ben had worked for him. In his defense, hockey had a packed schedule and his brothers both had pro careers just as busy. It made coordinating visits nearly impossible. Still, they were brothers. Ben had so many questions. Instead of asking a single one, they scrolled food apps on Ben's phone and found something to eat. They chatted about nothing while they waited. Ben made it halfway through eating before he circled back around again.

"Do you not have any upcoming games?"

Matt set his burger aside and wiped his fingers on his napkin. He went back to avoiding Ben's gaze. "I was released from the team."

Ben's heart dropped. "Oh no. Why?" It was a dumb question. Ben was the one who gathered Matt's stats for Rider. They weren't good.

Matt shrugged. "I'm not really living up to the same potential in majors that I showed in minors." He met Ben's stare again. "It's a shitty thing to do, I know, since we never speak. I'm really hoping Rider can help me find work, but I doubt he'll appreciate me asking."

"Nonsense. He's your brother, and he has connections. I'm sure he can pull some strings for you." Ben had to be honest. "It likely won't be majors, though. The Chuckers are too close to winning the cup for him to disrupt the team. If they don't go all the way this year, Rider and I will likely be out of the job too."

Matt's relief was palpable. "Minors is fine. Anything is better than nothing. I don't want to go back to living with Mom."

Ben patted his arm. "It'll be okay. You'll see."

"What will be okay?" Rider asked as he strolled into the room.

Matt turned in his chair so fast, it had to have hurt his back. "Rider. Hey. I've been waiting for you."

Rider flashed a kind smile. "I see that. This is a long way to come to have lunch."

Matt looked like he might puke. "Actually, I came to beg for a favor."

Rider took off his suit jacket and draped it on the back of his chair. Ben's gaze followed every move. His mouth watered. He was so in love and hungry to touch Rider.

"That's unsurprising. What's up?"

Ben's hackles rose a bit at Rider's tone. This was his younger brother, and he needed help. Ben stepped in, ensuring Rider understood he expected Rider to help.

"Your brother needs you to pull some strings for him. He's been released from the Canadian league. You have a ton of connections. Surely the Blue Fires would love to have him."

Rider stared at Matt as if he was the one who spoke. "No."

Rage unexpectedly punched Ben in the chest. Matt was obviously scared for his future and Rider was being so callous. "Please wait in the hall, Matt. I need to speak to your brother privately."

Matt didn't hesitate to run for the hills. Ben didn't know what he heard in Ben's voice, but Matt darted into the hall and shut the door behind him.

The moment they were alone, Ben went both feet in. "What the fuck was that? Your brother needs you and you're just ‘no?'"

"Yes."

Ben blinked. "Why? Surely if you needed help, and he had the connections, he would help you."

Rider sat on the edge of his desk. He cocked his head to one side, studying Ben. "Why does this matter so much to you?"

"Because he's family," Ben answered, wondering why that wasn't obvious. "He loves you, admires you, and needs you right now."

Rider didn't budge. "Trust me. If I get him a spot with the Blue Fires, nothing will improve for him."

The way Rider dismissed his brother's plight made Ben feel a way he didn't like. "I don't know if I can love someone who so callously dismisses their baby brother. He came to you for help. He needs you." Ben heard the way his voice cracked. He couldn't help it. Rider's attitude unlocked something in him Ben didn't like. It triggered things he tried to keep buried.

"I didn't say I wouldn't help. Just not that way. If I get him a spot on the team, he'll always know he didn't earn it and he'll play like he doesn't deserve it. Everyone on that team will treat him like he's a pity player. If he wants to play this game, he has to work for it. What I don't understand is why you're this upset by my decision. Do you have feelings for my brother?"

Ben didn't have the energy to yell the way he wanted. Rider's coldness cut him. "No. I want you to feel something for your brother. If you can't or don't, what hope is there for me? I'm no one. You have these people who love you and you act like they don't exist."

Rider slid from the desk and moved to the chair Matt had vacated at the edge of Ben's desk. "You don't understand, baby. This is when I hear from them. When they need something, this is the only time I see or hear from my family."

"You're the one who doesn't understand. At least Matt is here. You don't know what's it like. It's obvious you don't know how much you have. You've never had to stand outside your parents' house and beg them to let you back inside. Plead for them to love you unconditionally the way a parent should. Or hell, just let you have your shoes and jacket, so you don't freeze. You have a family that loves you. Stop shutting your brother out. He still wants you." Ben shrugged, feeling insecure now that the words were out there. Still, he didn't stop. "I've never had that." Even Ben heard how defeated he sounded. "How can I trust that I'll get it from you when you act this cold?"

Rider stood. He headed for the door. Ben focused on his desk and blinked. He didn't want to cry. His eyes burned. He hated everything about everything he had just said. Ben had exposed himself in a way that left him raw. He had projected, and he knew it. Until that moment, he hadn't realized how insecure he felt about this relationship. His skin felt cold. He had to get out of here.

Matt stared at his shoes as he walked away from the arena. Downtown New Orleans had several bars. He would find one and drown his sorrows. There had been no sense in waiting for Ben to berate Rider. Rider was right. Matt didn't deserve to have Rider pull any strings. He had come here out of pure panic and desperation. Matt had always been the disappointment in the family. The black sheep. Rider was the rock. Harlan was the wild child. Matt was the one who always fucked up. He got it. Matt made Rider tired. That was why he tried staying away. Rider didn't deserve to continually deal with the family's bullshit, and everyone always turned to him. He was the only one of them who wasn't a complete flake. Rider had his shit together. Maybe Matt could go back to school or something. His shoulders fell. He already had an engineering degree, and that was the last fucking thing he wanted to do with his life. What would he do? Get a master's in uselessness? He was so fucking done with everything.

With his head down, Matt nearly plowed some guy down as they crossed paths on the sidewalk. "Oh, shit. Sorry."

The guy didn't even look his way as he climbed into the back of a waiting car. Matt watched. The guy had wide shoulders and dark hair. He was built like a fucking linebacker in an expensive suit. It was obvious even a stranger on the street knew Matt wasn't worth their time.

Matt started to walk away. He noticed a wallet on the ground. Matt scooped it up and flipped it open. It belonged to the guy in the car. Matt ran toward it. "Excuse me. You dropped your wallet."

The car pulled away from the curb. Matt's shoulders fell. He checked the guy's information. William Slater White. He lived in town. Matt pulled out his phone and searched for the listed address. It was a thirty-minute walk. Matt had time. He had nothing but fucking time. Matt's phone rang. Rider's name popped up.

With a sigh, Matt answered. He deserved a lecture. "Hello?"

"Where in the hell did you go? Get back in here so we can discuss your options."

For a moment, Matt stared at nothing while he chewed his bottom lip. All the times Rider had stepped in and swept up his mess ran through Matt's head. He couldn't keep doing this to Rider. Their entire family had already turned Rider cold. Matt didn't want to be part of that anymore. "Nah. I'm good. You're right. I don't deserve to ask you for help. You can do me another favor, though." Matt didn't give Rider time to speak. "Love Ben the way he deserves. He's so fucking in love with you. I can hear it when he talks about you, and he lights up every time you walk in the room. You're an idiot if you don't give him the world. Plus, you deserve to be the kind of happy he would make you. Love you. Have a good life." Matt disconnected the call and went back to staring at the directions to his stranger's house. He had a long walk ahead of him and nothing but time.

Ben wouldn't look at him. He threw Matt's and his lunch away with his head down and gaze averted. The darkness vibrating from him made Rider feel a little sick. He had never been good at expressing his feelings. Rider came from a family dynamic Ben didn't understand. Ben was right. They loved Rider. But they had always loved what Rider could do for them more than they loved him.

Before today, Rider thought he wanted Ben to open up to him about his past. Now that he had caught a glimpse of the pain Ben kept hidden, Rider just wanted to make the past disappear.

"I tried."

Ben didn't look his way. "I know."

Rider couldn't do nothing. "Look, Ben. I know you want to believe I have a good family."

"No," Ben said, cutting him off. "I should've stayed out of it. Your family has nothing to do with me. How did the meeting go with Tanner?"

Damn. Rider knew that tone. Ben had put him firmly back into the role of being his boss. "I told him this was my final season with the team."

Ben's head shot up. Rider nearly took a step back at what he saw in Ben's eyes. He was angry, broken, and maybe even hated Rider a little. Rider couldn't breathe. Before he could explain, Ben went back to cleaning his desk. "It's your decision, of course. I still have three weeks of personal time accumulated. Since there's only two weeks left before the cup is awarded, I'll use what I have left to finish out the season."

It hit Rider. Ben was cleaning his desk. He was clearing it out. "What are you doing?"

Ben didn't stop. "Hopefully, the team will go all the way and make it easier for me to find a new job."

"Seriously, Ben. What in the fuck are you doing?"

"Please forgive my recent indiscretions. I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't mention that if anyone calls for a reference. I can't afford to be out of work."

Desperation clawed at Rider. He couldn't lose Ben. "For fuck's sake, Ben. Just stop. I would never kick you to the curb and leave you homeless the way your parents did. My love is real."

Ben's hard gaze met his. Rider realized his mistake too late. "How do you know that about my parents?"

Rider's gaze slid away. "You just told me while arguing Matt's case."

"No. How do you know that?"

Rider blew out a breath. "I had you investigated."

"When?"

Rider held Ben's stare. "When I found out about the cancer and realized how much you've been keeping from me." Rider stood. His anger brought him to his feet without him noticing. Ben wasn't the only one who had a reason to be pissed. He leaned on the desk, going nearly nose to nose with Ben. "For two years, I've let you all the way in. We've spent countless hours talking about my neurotic mom, my playboy brother who probably has at least three kids he doesn't acknowledge, and my other brother who can't seem to function as an adult. You've been privy to my every thought while you keep me at arm's length." Rider tapped his chest. "I'm the one who gets treated like I'm not human, and maybe I am colder than most people, but there's no damn way you don't know I love you. There's nothing I wouldn't give for you. Hell, I quit this job because Tanner said I had to choose, because—according to him—my relationship with you is just a lawsuit waiting to happen. There's nothing or no one who could tear me away from you. You're the one who can't say the same. You're the one not letting me in. Maybe I'm not the one who's cold."

A tear slipped down Ben's cheek, ripping out Rider's heart. "Please don't quit because of me. You love this team."

Rider's anger disappeared at the quiet pain in Ben's voice. "I love you more." Rider moved to Ben's side. He sat on the edge of the desk and pulled Ben to stand between his knees. Rider held Ben so he couldn't get away. "There's so much more I want from life than working myself into the ground so Tanner's team can be the best. I want to marry you and take you to see the world. Baby, I'm tired. I just want to be with you."

More tears fell. Ben sniffed. He looked so beautiful with his red nose. Rider's heart had never stood a chance. The phone on Ben's desk rang. Without looking away from Rider, he pressed the speakerphone button. "Rider Bailey's office."

"Hey, Ben. This is Tanner. I have a plane waiting to bring you to Canada. We need to discuss your future now that Rider is leaving us. On your way, think about what you'll need to move here and work for me personally."

"Get fucked, Tanner." Ben disconnected the call. His arms wound around Rider's neck as he shuffled closer. "Well, I just ensured I'll never work in this field again."

Despite how terrible the day had been so far, Rider couldn't stop smiling. He knew Ben. Ben wouldn't leave him. "That's okay. Working would get in the way of us traveling."

"I never said yes."

"You will."

Ben shook his head. "I can't even imagine what it must be like to be as cocky as you."

Rider swiped the tears from Ben's cheeks. "It's not cockiness. I love you. I love you so fucking much that it's impossible for you not to know we belong together. When I got to Tanner's, and he started his usual bullshit, it hit me. It's not this job that I've fought so hard to keep to the point of giving myself ulcers. I want to stay with you. I knew if I lost this job, then I'd lose you."

Ben shook his head. His shoulders lifted in a small shrug. "I'm not sure it's possible for you to lose me. Not really." He took an unsteady-sounding breath. "I'm sorry I projected my past onto you. For the most part, your family is horrible."

A bark of unexpected laughter burst from Rider.

Ben didn't stop. "However, I do honestly believe Matt wants a real relationship with you. In Mexico, he had a lot of pride in his voice when he talked about you. Everything aside, though, you're right. I am cold."

"I shouldn't have said that—"

Ben covered Rider's mouth, cutting off his words. "No. You're right. I'm terrified of being shut out by the person I love the most. It's already happened once in my life. There has been a small part of me I kept locked away from you. I love you. More than anything. That gives you the power to completely destroy me." Ben took a ragged-sounding breath. "But I know you won't."

Rider kissed Ben's fingers, reminding him he still had Rider's mouth covered.

Ben dropped his hand.

"Marry me."

Ben took another shaky-sounding breath at Rider's words. "Okay."

Rider touched his forehead to Ben's. Up close, his hazel eyes looked more yellow than green. Beautiful. "I still feel like shit, baby."

Ben chuckled. "You shouldn't have come back to work yet. No fever doesn't equal not sick."

Rider nodded. "Let's go home." He kissed Ben's forehead and slipped from the desk. It had been a hectic day. He had experienced every possible emotion before noon. Now he just wanted to get better so he could marry Ben. Nothing else mattered anymore.