Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

MITCH

"That was fucked up." I pushed my toes into a skate and leaned forward to pull it all the way onto my foot.

Jagger looked over at me like he had no idea what I was talking about. "You gonna elaborate?"

"The thing with Eden this morning," I said slowly, as though I thought he was dense for not knowing what I was referring to.

He knew, and we both knew it, but I couldn't resist the chance to get under his skin. He was too easy to rile up, some days.

"What about it?" he asked flatly. He didn't meet my eyes, instead busying himself with laces that were already tied and double knotted.

"You running off like that," I said. "What was that?" I crossed my arms over my chest and looked down my wide nose at him.

Watching him take off ahead of us, this morning, I didn't know what to do or say. At the time, I had to let it go, but now… Now I needed to confront him about it. I needed to know what was going on in his head.

"That was me exercising," he said tersely. "What the fuck did you think it was?" He gave up on his laces and started to adjust his padding. Padding that didn't seem to need any adjustment.

"You being a coward," I said. "The moment you understood what Eden was saying, you bolted for the hills." I mimed running away with my pointer and middle finger.

He straightened up and scowled at me. "I saw no hills, dumbass."

I mimicked his tone. "I didn't mean it literally, dumbass . You said you needed time to think, but I saw the whites of your eyes before you ran." I hadn't, but close enough.

"You're full of shit. I meant what I said. I needed time to think. You pressuring me is not going to help." His dark brown eyes were darker with annoyance.

I preferred when they were darker with lust. In spite of his visible anger, my cock throbbed. It always did when I was close to him, or to Eden. When I was around both of them, I was permanently hard. Some days, I was so aroused by them, I thought my balls might drop off from the weight. I couldn't get enough of either of them.

"What is there to think about?" I asked. "Eden is incredible and we both know it. Do you really want her to walk away from you? From us? Because I don't. What we have, the three of us, is something unique and special. It went past being fuck buddies a long time ago."

I pointed my finger at him when he opened his mouth to deny that claim. "Don't tell me it didn't, because you know that would be a load of shit."

He got that 'I'm about to chew rocks and spit them out' look on his face. The one he always had when he was backed into a corner.

"So what if it did?" He grabbed up his stick and started to wind tape around it, more aggressive than was technically necessary. Better that than hitting me over the head with it, which, frankly, he looked tempted to do.

He was violent on and off the ice, but never toward me. Partly because I was at least as big as he was. He'd have to work hard to kick my ass.

"That doesn't mean we have to run off and get married."

I shoved my shoulder into his. "Who said anything about getting married? All she asked was for us to go out together and see where things go. We've both taken bigger risks on the ice."

When he didn't answer, I said, "That's what you're afraid of, isn't it? Taking a risk with her, in case it doesn't pay off."

"What happens if it doesn't?" He broke off the tape and smoothed down the end with the pad of his thumb. "What then? We both know things won't go back to the way they were. Things never do. We get one shot at goal and if we miss, we're out."

"So you'd rather walk away than take that chance?" I picked up the tape when he set it aside and started on my own stick.

"No harm to anyone if I do," he said. He stood and grabbed up his helmet. "Might save you some hassle."

I frowned at him before I finished taping my stick and tossed the roll of tape to Cole Davis.

"Is this about Eden, or do you not want to be with me?"

I won't lie, that fucking stung. Jagger was my teammate, my best friend and my lover. I didn't want to lose any of that, much less all of it. Not to mention that playing together would be difficult if we ended it. One of us would end up transferring out for the sake of the team. Or we'd be thrown out on our asses, because without doubt, our performances would be negatively impacted.

Mine would anyway. Jagger would probably spend more time on the bench after slamming opposition players into the boards to let off steam. That was one of his favourite activities to begin with.

"I don't—" Jagger cut himself off with a click of his teeth. "This isn't about you."

"The hell it isn't," I snapped. "This is about you, me and Eden." My voice was getting louder. A couple of the guys had stopped to stare.

Cruz Brewer sauntered over like he owned the locker room. "As one of Cat's partners, I feel it's my duty to tell you that if either of you hurt Eden, I'll be obliged to shove a puck down your throat." He smiled threateningly.

"Fuck off, Brewer," Jagger snarled. "This is none of your business."

Cruz was unfazed. "I'll make it my business. And Easton, Shaw, Toby and Cole will too. Right guys?"

"Only if Cat is upset," Shaw Moss said. "Otherwise I'm staying the hell out of it."

"I can make it my business," Easton Grant agreed.

"Me too," Toby Glover said in his American drawl. "I like Eden, she's cool."

Cole said nothing, instead keeping his head down over his stick.

"I have no intention of hurting Eden." I gave Jagger the side eye.

What would I do if he decided he was done? With me or with Eden? Would Eden and I work without him? Would we want to? Frankly, I didn't want to find out. I meant what I said when I told her I was willing to give this a try, but I wanted to be with them both. I wasn't ready to contemplate anything else.

"Are you guys here to train, or for a social gathering?" Kage Foster called out from the doorway that led out to the rink.

"Jagger is here for a social gathering," Cruz replied. "You know how much he loves people." He grinned when Jagger flipped him off. "See what I mean? He's all sunshine and rainbows all day long."

"You're an asshole," Jagger told him.

Cruz just grinned more broadly. "You wouldn't be the first person to tell me that, and you won't be the last. Not even today. In fact, the first thing I did this morning was look at my reflection in the mirror and say, 'Cruz, you're a magnificent asshole.'"

Jagger muttered something that sounded like, "You're a fucking idiot," before walking on his skates toward the rink.

"You really did that?" Easton asked Cruz.

Cruz chuckled and patted Easton on his padded shoulder. "No, but tomorrow I will. Or better yet, you can say it for me." They headed out to the ice together, followed by Shaw who was shaking his head.

I watched them step out of the locker room with some measure of envy. Their relationship with Cat, and each other, were life goals, as far as I was concerned. They seemed to have everything together. Whereas my relationships seemed to be falling apart.

"I didn't mean to overhear," Cole said softly. "You can tell me to mind my own business if you want, but I get where you're coming from. When I first got together with Marley, Toby and Oliver, things were rocky and difficult. For a long time, I thought there was no way we would make it work." He glanced down at the floor. "I didn't think I was good enough to be with them. But Toby and Marley, they never gave up on me. And then, when it counted, I didn't give up on us either." He looked back up.

"You think Jagger doesn't think he's good enough?" I guessed. Only a couple of days ago, he was buried balls deep in my ass. I didn't do that with just anyone. Had I told him that though? I supposed I hadn't.

"If you want it to work, you have to communicate," Cole said. "You can't keep secrets, not even small ones. Definitely not big ones. All they do is eat away at you. They'll tear you apart at the seams. I know how hard it is to talk about your feelings and shit, but you have to. You just…" He shrugged. "You just do."

"Do you think I was too harsh on Jagger?" I asked. "He asked for time to think. I guess that's not unreasonable."

"Give him time," Cole said. "But let him know you're there when he's ready to talk. And maybe don't let him stew for too long."

"Right." Jagger would get himself worked up if I let him. Then the chances were, everything would go to hell. Once they'd slid down that slippery slope, coming back would be harder.

"Thanks." I gave him a playful punch on the bicep as we followed the rest of the team out to the ice.

"So…" I wrapped a towel around my waist and tucked in the side. I ran a hand through my damp hair to straighten it, before shaking it out. I liked it when it dried with that freshly fucked look.

"Save it," Jagger snapped. He rubbed the towel over his hair for about three seconds, tossed it aside and stomped over to his locker to pull out a pair of black boxer briefs.

"Chill out," I said. I followed him over and leaned my shoulder against the locker beside his. "I just wanted to say if you need some time, I'll give you time."

He barely glanced at me. "I do need it. That's why I fucking asked for it. This isn't a game, Mitch."

"I didn't think it was." I was tempted to step back from his anger, but I held my ground. "That's the point. This is important to me." I wanted to say he and Eden were important to me, but the words wouldn't come. Maybe he wasn't the only one who needed a bit of time. I might need some myself. If there was anything I was good at, it was jumping in with both feet and regretting it later.

Or sometimes, not regretting it later.

Either way, I was impulsive and maybe I shouldn't be. If there was any chance rushing in too fast got Eden or Jagger hurt, it wouldn't be worth it.

"You're right," I conceded. "We should take our time and move forward slowly. What's the rush?"

"Exactly," he said. "There's no fucking rush." He dragged a T-shirt over his head and stepped into a pair of grey track pants.

"Yeah." What more was there to say? He turned his back to me, pulled on his hoodie, then sat down to put on socks and shoes.

I stared at his hunched form for a while before I pushed myself off the locker and walked over to mine to get dressed. I felt as though someone had thrown a bomb in the middle of me, Jagger and Eden, and this was the fallout from it. Honestly, this might only be the beginning of the explosion.

In pushing Jagger, I might have pushed him away. In turn, that might drive Eden away from us both.

The problem was, what the fuck did I do about it?