Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

EDEN

"Hey, gorgeous."

At the sound of the familiar voice, I straightened up from my warmup stretches and turned to look behind me.

Jagger and Mitch stood side by side on the footpath, dressed in light track pants and Ghouls' hoodies. Both looked good enough to eat. Okay, when did they not?

"Hey." I managed to sound cool, normal. My heart pounded like crazy. "Fancy meeting you guys here."

It wasn't as though I didn't know where they did their morning runs and when. I'd joined them often enough. Casual and easy, friends out for exercise. Should I keep it that way? Did I really want to risk fucking them up?

"Yeah, what a coincidence," Jagger said dryly.

Like always, Mitch smiled and leaned over to fix his shoelace. "You coming running with us?"

"I thought I might," I said lightly. How could they not see through me right now? I was almost certain I was displaying all of my inner thoughts and turmoil right there on my face.

And yet, they didn't seem to notice.

Mitch glanced up and grinned. "Great. It's always more fun when it's the three of us. Right, Jag?"

"Yep, sure," Jagger said with his usual noncommittal tone and half shrug. Arm's length and no closer, at least emotionally.

"I don't have to run with you if you don't want me to," I said tentatively.

"I said it was fine, didn't I?" Jagger said sharply. "If I didn't want you along, I would have said so." He looked from Mitch to me and back again. "Are we running or what?"

Mitch rose. "We are running. Let's do this." He gave me a wink and started off at a slow trot, leaving me and Jagger to catch up.

I glanced at Jagger before hurrying to run beside Mitch, not wanting to get left behind.

Jagger settled into a slower pace right behind us.

"It's a nice day for it," I remarked. In spite of the bite of cold in the air, the sun was shining and the sky was clear. A perfect autumn morning.

"Small talk?" Mitch teased. "Okay, out with it."

"What makes you think there's anything to come out with?" I replied.

Of course he noticed. He'd probably seen it on my face the moment they saw me. He was warm and friendly, not oblivious.

"Because you don't engage in small talk unless there's something wrong," he said. "You're the one who said you think it's a waste of time. That we should have more deep and meaningful conversations."

"I don't think that's exactly what I said." I increased my pace as he did.

"Close enough." He slid a look over to me and raised an eyebrow. "Go on, what is it? You know we only bite when you want us to."

Yes, they did, and they did it very well. Of course, now the exercise wasn't the only cause of the increase in my heart rate. Both of them knew exactly how to get me going with the slightest glance, the right words. They didn't even need to touch me.

"It's…" This was my last chance to do this or not. I could chicken out and tell them something else. I could skip right to Brock's request.

I took as deep a breath as I could manage, given we were running. Passing out from lack of oxygen wasn't part of my plan.

"This friends with benefits thing is great," I started. "You guys are awesome."

"Fuck, yeah we are," Jagger said. "If that was all you wanted to say?—"

I looked back over my shoulder at him before turning around to face forward again. It would be just my luck to faceplant on the footpath because I wasn't looking where I was going. That was also not a part of my plan.

"It's not," I said quickly. "I think I want more."

"You think you want more?" Mitch asked. He frowned, seemingly confused.

"I know I want more," I corrected. "I don't just want to be fuck buddies with you both. I'm ready for an actual relationship."

"With which one of us?" Jagger sounded annoyed. More than that, he sounded pissed off.

I slowed to a walk so I could look at them both. "I don't want to choose."

They both matched my pace, although I was the only one starting to breathe more heavily. A couple of minutes of slow jog was nothing to guys as fit as them.

"If you don't want to choose, then…" Mitch frowned, letting the implications sink into his mind.

"I want both of you," I said. "And I don't want you to choose between each other and me. I care about both of you and I think you care about each other."

"Jag is all right," Mitch said with a laugh.

Jagger snorted. "Mitch is a prick, but he has his moments."

I'd be worried if I thought they were serious, but they shared a glance that confirmed what I already knew. Their feelings also ran deeper than fuck buddies.

"So, how does this work?" Jagger asked. "Theoretically." He gave us both the side eye.

"Theoretically, we go out on dates," I said. "We hang out together and see how things go."

"And we fuck?" Mitch asked.

"And we fuck," I agreed.

"Huh," Jagger grunted. "What happens if we don't want more?"

His question sank in and my heart sank with it.

"I don't know," I admitted. "I don't know if I can keep going the way we are. My feelings for both of you go beyond friendship. If you don't feel the same way, then… Then it might be best for me to walk away."

I took a couple of literal steps away. I was not going to cry, not until I was out of sight. Eden Wright didn't cry in front of other people.

Mitch reached out with one of his long arms and grabbed hold of my wrist. "Eden, wait. What if we do want this?" He looked meaningfully at Jagger. "I mean, we all get along really well, don't we? We know we're sexually compatible."

His grip on my wrist was firm and comforting, but he was quick to let go and let his hand drop against his muscular thigh.

I got the impression he felt like he was walking a tightrope between me and Jagger, mindful he might fall. Apparently he didn't feel like there was a safety net underneath him. Instead, he was trying to keep his balance.

Jagger made a sound that could have been in agreement but I wasn't completely sure. He looked like he couldn't decide if he should step all the way onto the boat, or jump back onto shore and bolt.

I had considered the possibility one of the guys would be agreeable to trying this out while the other wasn't, but I had no idea how to move forward from it. I didn't want to come between them, but I didn't want my heart broken either.

"What are you thinking?" I asked Jagger.

He shook his head slowly. "Fucked if I know. I thought we were all happy with our arrangement. If it ain't broken, don't fix it, and all that shit." His jaw clenched as though he was ready to bite some rocks and chew them into dust.

"We were happy with it," Mitch said. "But if Eden needs more from us, I don't see why we can't try. Plenty of the guys on the team have relationships like this. Who's to say we can't do it too?" He spread his hands out to either side, like it was that simple.

Other people did it, so it must not be a big deal.

Except that it was a big deal, and we all knew it.

Jagger squinted at me. "Are you going to want another guy or two?"

Would I? I couldn't deny Brock had gotten under my skin somewhat with his request. But an actual relationship with him? That was something I hadn't considered until now. Should I be considering it at all? He hadn't suggested we might be any more than what we already were, only the added bonus of him being in the stands, listening and cheering us on.

I shrugged one shoulder. "I don't know. Can we try this out and then see what the future holds?"

It was Jagger's turn to shrug. "I don't know. You're going to have to give me some time to think about it. When I get my head around it, I'll let you know." He nodded with finality before sliding past me and Mitch and breaking into a run.

I watched his back for a few moments before resuming the slow jog.

Mitch trotted beside me. "I'm guessing that wasn't the response you were hoping for?"

"Not exactly," I agreed. "But I did spring it on you both. I can't expect you to know what you want immediately. Not when we've continued the way we have for so long. Things were comfortable, and easy."

"They were," he agreed. "But sooner or later, something was going to give. One of us was going to either want more, or want to walk away."

"Is that greedy of me?" I asked. "Plenty of women would have felt privileged to be in my position."

Mitch grinned at my use of the word 'position.’ Of course he did. Sometimes I thought he was nothing more than an overgrown teenager. That was one of the things I liked about him. He didn't take life too seriously, and nothing got him down for long. He was the most easygoing guy I'd ever met.

"I don't think it's greedy to want love," he said. "Sex is great, and all, but it's not everything."

I raised my eyebrows at him. "Did I just hear you say that? Mitch Ward, centre for the Opal Springs Ghouls, thinks there's more to life than sex? Next thing you'll tell me there are women out there who aren't puck bunnies."

He laughed. "If you tell anyone I said that, I'll deny it. Lucky for me, there's no one else around to hear."

"I heard," I said. "And I happen to agree with you. Sex is fantastic, but it's not everything." I wanted great sex and great love, like my friends seemed to have. Was that too much to ask?

"For the record, I care about you too." He was starting to get slightly breathless. "Jagger also does, just give him some time. He's not good with change. Once he realises this is a good idea, he'll be on board."

"Yeah," I said without conviction.

I wasn't as sure about that. Jagger might just as easily walk away. If he did, who would he walk away from? Just me, or Mitch as well? If that happened, it would be all my fault. I would have been the one who ruined everything for them and for myself.

I felt like the instigator of one of those Internet threads, where the person asks if they were the asshole or not. Chances were, the Internet would agree that I was, in fact, the asshole. Why else would I not be satisfied with what I had? Maybe I wasn't meant to be loved like that. My father walked away, then my mother, why shouldn't everyone else?

"Come on, let's catch up to him," Mitch said. He increased his speed, but not so fast that I couldn't keep up. He was thoughtful that way. Fierce and violent on the ice, but sweet and charming off it. He could have had his choice of puck bunnies, but somehow he'd found Jagger and me.

Or I thought he had.

I couldn't shake the feeling that I'd screwed up. Maybe Mitch was just being nice to me until this run was done. If Jagger wanted nothing to do with me, then Mitch might also make the same decision for himself. They could find themselves a new woman to be their fuck buddy. Or several of them. Why stick to just one, especially when anyone else might also start to develop feelings for them?

Fuck. What the hell had I done? I didn't know, and what was worse, I wasn't sure I could fix it.