32. Bea

Travis never came backto the hospital, even when the doctor said I was allowed to go home. I thought he would be here to take me back to his house, but no. Blake hasn’t left my side, he sent Quinn home an hour ago to bring me some clothes.

“How long will he hate me for?” I ask.

Blake isn”t much of a talker when he’s not around Travis and Logan, which surprises me as he seems like a man who knows what he wants, and will make it happen one way or the other.

“You tell me. If he knew your brother was alive, and in the basement of his dad”s house, and didn’t tell you. How long would you hate him?” Blake hisses out the question not even looking up from his phone.

I take a moment to think about what Blake has asked, I’m not going to answer him. I would be kicking and screaming at Travis for not telling me if it was true. And now that I think of it that way, I don’t think Travis will ever talk to me again.

“I think you’ve just answered your own question.” Blake finally looks up from his phone. “Get dressed, and let”s get out of here. Fuck knows how Travis has been doing it. A few hours and I want to kill someone.” Blake gives Quinn a nod and waits outside the room.

“No Travis then?” Quinn asks, putting a bag on the bed, and I start getting dressed, wanting to get out of here.

“Nope, you coming to the house?” Not sure I can do this alone, but I also know there is swim practice.

“If I miss one more swim practice, coach will kill me.” Quinn jokes. “I don’t think he will hate for much longer.” I’m not sure if he’s joking with me or not. I mean he”s been in the room with us, and he missed Blake’s comment. “Don’t forget your meds.” Quinn throws them into the bag, and grabs my bag, as I leave the room which I can’t wait to get out of.

Blakes talking on the phone as we walk out to the car. “If you think they are fighting you’re fucking crazy…I’ll kick his ass…Travis will too…fine if he wants to get his ass kicked I’ll think about it.” He ends the call, as I take my bag from Quinn and get in the car when Blakes opens the door for me.

“Call me after swimming,” I tell Quinn who smiles and nods at me.

Blake gets in the car and we make our way to their house. “How long have you and August been together?” I have to sit in the car with him. I might as well try and talk to him.

“Senior year.”

What? I didn’t think they were together in highschool, looks can be deceiving, and Blake has surprised me.

“Listen Bea, I like you. I like that you keep Travis on his toes, the fucker needs someone like you-” he chuckles to himself. “Give him time, once we find his mom he will be more relaxed.”

“He hates me.” I whisper more to myself, but snap my head towards Blake when he laughs.

“The guys in love with you. He might be angry now, but like I said give him time. Don’t push it, it will piss him off more.” Wow, I didn’t think Blake would be the one to help me, but here he is giving me advice. “Let him talk to you, if he doesn’t just don’t say anything.”

But how long do I have to wait for him to say something? It could be days, or even weeks. I don’t even know why I have to stay at his house if all he’s going to do is ignore me.

The rest of the drive is quiet, which I’m not sure is a good thing, because it only makes me think of things I don’t want to be thinking about.

I look down at my hands as they begin to shake, thoughts of being in the water start to make me fight for air. What is happening?

The doctor did tell me, there might be times I’ll remember what happened, but I thought it would be when I’m in the water, not just sitting in the car.

“Hey,” Blake grabs my hand. “You okay?” I look down at his hand, but still see mine trembling under his. “Bea, you good?” He shouts a little louder this time to get an answer.

“Yeah,” the word comes out in a whisper.

“We’re home.” He stops the car, and I take a moment to get my breathing back to normal. If I’m like this now, what am I going to be like when I’m in water? Am I going to be too scared to swim again?

Blake opens my door, and it takes me a second to get out of the car. Let”s see what mood Travis is in, hoping for a little talkative one. Walking into the house, I hear voices from the sitting room, Blake takes my bag from me and I follow him towards the voices.

“Miss me, Sunshine?” he asks August, kissing her neck which makes her smile.

“A little,” she jokes.

I look around for Travis, but don’t see him. “How are you feeling, Bea? Sit down.” I hear Meadow, but I glance over to the kitchen, nothing.

“He’s in his room,” Logan tells me. “We just got back, head up.” I give him a smile and head up to his bedroom.

Opening the door, I hear him playing his guitar, not a song I know. It sounds like he is just free playing but it sounds nice and calming. Not sure if he knows I’m here or not, but I walk closer to him, placing my hand on his back softly, and I don’t know why, but lean my forehead on his back as I move my hands to his chest.

“Glad to be home, Firecracker?” he asks, continuing to play his guitar.

“Yes,” I inhale his scent. I’ve missed him, I’ve missed him kissing me, touching me, choking me. I’ve missed him.

Travis finally stops playing, and takes my hand in his, and I tense up as he turns around fast. “Are you okay? You’re shaking.” He takes a step back, taking his guitar off and placing it on the bed, quickly removing his sweater, and puts it on me. “Why are you not wearing heavier clothes? Are you okay?”

“Quinn got my stuff-” I stop talking when Travis shakes his head, and says he will be having words with him. “I’m fine, just had a flashback in the car coming here, and it’s just made me nervous.” He cups my face, moving my hair away. “Promise I’m good. Happy to be out of the hospital.” I smile at him, hoping he will kiss me, anything to tell me he doesn’t hate me.

I know he doesn’t hate me, he wouldn’t be this worried about someone hehates. Yet I can see it in his eyes, he has no idea what he should be doing.

“Have you eaten?” he asks, taking a step back, and I stop myself from sulking because he didn’t kiss me.

“I told the doctor I would eat when I got to your house.” I watch him walking around his bedroom grabbing a few papers, then towards the door.

“Lets eat,” Travis opens the door waiting for me to leave.

Knowing he won’t hug me, or even kiss me I leave his bedroom feeling lost, and even more broken than I thought I would. But I remember Blake’s words, he loves me, and needs time to get past the fact I hid something this big from him. Blake was right though, would I forgive him if he hid my brother from me? No.

Joining everyone else downstairs I see Poppy is here too, laughing with Logan about something. “But you didn’t watch!” She shouts at him, and her eyes beam with joy when she sees Travis. “Travis you will watch, won’t you. Logan is being mean.”

“I’ve watched it six times!” Logan shouts, which makes Travis laugh.

“What do you want to show me?” he asks, and she takes his hand and pulls him to sit down on the couch, and I watch what’s happening, before Poppy can start, he turns to me. “Don’t make me come get you,” he nods his head for me to join him and without a second thought about it, I sit next to him.

“Today I was learning to skate on one leg. I wasn’t good. Coach said, practice. Watch.” She points to Travis, and he nods. Poppy takes in a deep breath, closes her eyes, and leans forward slowly lifting her left leg. She holds it for a few seconds, then drops her legs.

“Amazing Poppy, you’ll be doing flips and everything soon.” Travis puts out his hand for her to high five it, which she does, then hugs him.

Turning to Logan. “And that’s why he’s my boyfriend,” she sticks her tongue out at him, making everyone in the room laugh. “Was it good Travis?”

“It was amazing,” he reassures her, which makes her happy. Smiling, she sits in between Logan and Meadow.

“If he’s your boyfriend, why are you not sitting with him, why are you sitting here?” Logan asks her, which makes me laugh.

“Because she wants to ask you something, so she’s sucking up to you.” Meadow answers.

Travis hands Blake the papers, and tells him she’s not in any of these places.

“There is a partner skating-”

“No” Logan cuts Poppy off.

“Logan-”

“Poppy, you are not doing any competitions yet. I said you can, but not yet,” Logan snaps, and Poppy looks at Meadow.

“Logan said no, then no.” Meadow backs Logan and I think it’s really cute they are so good with her. Well all of them are, even Blake.

Travis and Blake are still talking about mental hospitals, and where his dad could have put his mom.

“Bea, there is something you need to know about, Mr Parker.” I move my chair closer to the bed, and I can”t believe she wants to talk about him in her last few days. But I don’t want to upset her, so I listen to everything. “They used to fight all the time, when Travis was born, he beat his wife over and over. Wanting her to sign the money over to him, but she wouldn”t, no matter what she wouldn”t sign the money over to him.” Mom starts coughing and I get her to drink some water.

“Mom, this can wait-”

“Bea!” she shouts. “He told his kids she died, but she’s not dead. Because he needed her money, he put her in a mental hospital. Something about him getting to sign for monthly money, I can’t remember. But she’s alive, and he has someone helping in hiding her, he has a friend out of town-” Mom starts coughing again, and this time I tell her to stop.

Which she does, taking her hand in mine, I smile at her as she starts falling asleep, but fights it.

“Bea-”

“Mom-”

“The friend, he wasn’t nice-” She stops and I take the moment to tell her to stop talking and save her strength.

“Go to sleep mom-” kissing her cheek. “I love you.”

I don’t even know if she knows what she is talking about any more, the meds are making her talk about things which I don’t know if I should believe or not.

“Bea?” I look over at Travis patting my leg. “What do you want to eat?”

“Umm?” I ask, rubbing my forehead as the voice in my head is playing tricks on me. “Have you told Travis about his mom?” His hand is around my neck, and pulls me closer to him. “You won”t get the chance to tell him.”

“Bea!” I hear Travis shout my name, and I look towards him. “You’re shaking-”

“It’s cold, I’m fine. Your dad has-”

“Bea, you are shaking!” He snaps, and I focus on the room, as he wraps a blanket around me.

“Your dad has a friend.” I stop when Travis sits next to me, wrapping his arms around me, rubbing my arms trying to warm me up. “He knows where your mom is.”

“Bea, you’re still not yourself. My dad has two friends, and they are both assholes.” I push Travis’ hands away from me, because he isn”t listening to me. He wants to find his mom. I”m helping him.

“I’m not sure how much my mom was making sense towards the end, but she told me he helped your dad with your mom.” I take his hands in mine. “Travis, just look into it…please.” I beg him, if there is anything I can do to help I’m going to do it.

“Okay, I will, but you need to calm down first.” He holds my hands now, and all I can do is nod, because I don’t know if he thinks I’m going crazy myself. “Lie down-” Travis sits back on the sofa, and pulls me closer to him. “Sleep, you’re shaking, and I’m right here.” I place my head on his thigh, and he pulls the blanket over me. Travis rubs my lower back, and now I do feel my body shaking.

“Need to look into his bank details again.” I hear Travis, but my eyes are feeling heavy, and sleep might be the best thing for me. Just being close to Travis is good enough for me, I’m close to the only person I care about.

I wake up fighting for air, and look around Travis’ bedroom to make sure this is really where I am. How long did I sleep for?

Looking over at the bathroom when the door opens, Travis walks out in his boxers, rubbing the towel through his hair. He throws the towel to the side, and leans on the dresser. “Morning.”

“Did you find anything?” It’s the only thing I can ask, I need to know if I”m helping him or making things worse. “Travis?”

“We’re looking at something which looks promising.” He opens the dresser, and pulls out a black t-shirt, and sweatpants. Then leans on the dresser once he’s dressed, arms folded over his chest.

“I’ll pay you back for the deb-”

“No you won’t, so don’t even try it.” He snaps, his voice telling me I can’t fight him on this, but it’s not his debt, it’s mine.

“Travis-’

“I opened my sister”s letter.” He cuts me off with a harsh tone, I sit up in bed. I remember Travis’ telling me about this letter. “Top draw.” He points to his side of the bed, I laugh to myself, his side of the bed like we’re married, and I live here all the time, and have a side of the bed.

Leaning over, I open the draw and take out the letter. I turn to Travis to make sure he wants me to read it, and he gives me a nod.

Travis,

So how long has it taken you to open this letter? Did you open it right away away because you needed to know what I had to say, or did you wait until something has happened. I’m going to say the second one.

The reason I’m writing this letter is because I don’t know what will happen, something has happened, and I think dad has found out about it. Trust me, when I say, what I’ve done isn’t something dad or his friends are going to like.

I always told you to watch out for dad, the man is a snake. I’ve found a few things out, and I’m writing them in the letter, because I have a feeling dad has a plan, and I don’t know what it involves.

Not sure if I will be here tomorrow or not, because the man is a greedy bastard, and will stop anyone who will get in his way, you know that. He got rid of mom, and our grandparents, I wouldn’t put it past him to get rid of us too.

So I need you to do something for me, if for some reason I’m not here.

I want you to find someone, her name is Carol Foster, she looked after me, protected me. Dad raped her repeatedly night after night, all because she was protecting her daughter, or protecting me.

Yes, Travis, you read that right. Dad tried to rape me, and if it wasn’t for Carol he would have too. Me and her daughter Bianca would be locked in the wardrobe, while we had to listen to dad raping Carol.

I don’t care what it takes, you find them, and help them with anything they need. You look after them, the way they looked after me.

Now I have to tell you about the thing I’ve done which will get me killed. I’ve fallen in love with a man dad and his friends HATE!

Cain Crawford. I hope one day you get to meet Cain, he is everything to me. He makes me smile, makes me laugh, and he will protect me until the very end. I know he will. I got to see him tonight, and it was the best night of my life, because the man I love asked me to marry him, and I screamed yes to him, Travis. Even being where he is, he’s been able to protect me, asking for favors or doing something to help me here. He will do anything for me, and I’ve told him to look out for you too. I’ve put the ring in here, dad finds it, he will kill me, so you look after it for me.

I know you’re asking yourself how, when everyone thinks I’m with Jasper I’m not. That’s another one of dads ways to control my life. I hope I get to explain this, but if not, talk to Cain, he knows everything.

If for some reason dad has fucked up my life and I’m not here, please give this back to Cain, and tell him I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough, and I love him.

Watch your back, Travis. Don’t trust him, and always trust your gut.

I love you more than anything.

Love Tess xoxo

I wipe the tears away from my cheek, I didn’t want him to know what my mom did for Tessa. There is nothing thatwill change how much my mom hurt, cried, and begged. No matter what, I still hear those sounds.

I put the letter back in the drawer, and look at Travis watching me. There is so much I want to say, but I don’t want to fight with him.

“You’re hiding a lot more about what your mom did, aren’t you?” Travis asks, and I shake my head slightly looking away from him. His dad did so much to my mom, I’m not reliving those things by telling anyone about them. “Bea-”

“And you’re hiding what your dad did to you,” I snap back, I’m not sure I have the energy for this, but I don’t see Travis dropping the subject.

“You’ve never asked me anything for me to answer. Ask away?” Travis stays where he is, as if this conversation is boring and there’s no need for it. But it gives me a moment to think about what it is I want to know. There was one thing I had wanted to ask him, so I might as well go with that.

“How did you get the scars on your back?” I know I can’t have this conversation with him, and I don’t want to tell him what my mom used to do to protect me.

“Every time I asked about my mom, my fucked up dad would beat me with a pole until my back was covered in blood,” he tells me, as if he doesn”t care about what happened, because that is horrible.

“Travis-”

“What else are you hiding?” He cuts me off, which makes me snap my head towards him. “I don’t need you feeling sorry for me, he will get what”s coming to him.” Travis pushes himself off the dresser and walks over to me, and stands by the foot of the bed.

“I’m going to take a shower.” I get off the bed, to make my way towards the bathroom, but stop in my tracks when Travis shouts out my name. “What? What do you want me to say? Your dad tried to rape me and if it wasn’t for my mom he would have. How he threw me in the closet, but kept the door a little open so I could hear everything he did to her. How there were days when your sister would cover my ears so I wouldn’t have to hear my mom crying out in pain when she was hit. What do you want to know?” I scream at him, I’m not reliving it, not for anyone.

“And why didn’t you tell me?” he shouts.

“Because you’re his son, and I hated you!” I shout at him.

“So you fuck the men you hate?” He deadpans, and I shake my head.

“If it meant finishing him, yes. I fucking hate him, he took my mom, killed my bother, you think I was going to let him walk away-”

“Why didn’t you tell me!” Now his voice does make me jump and a fearful tremble runs through me.

“Because I thought you were with him, and then I found out you hated him, and told Quinn maybe I should tell you. Then your dad knew who I was, and because the Parker family is so fucked up, I thought you were playing his game with me. I wasn’t risking it.” I take in a deep breath, and wipe the new tears which escape my eyes. “I was going to tell you everything, I was, because-” I stop talking as it becomes hard to talk. A panic attack is coming, and I wrap my arms around myself, hoping to calm myself down.

“Because?”

“Because I fell in love with you,” I whisper the words, it’s the first time I’ve said them to him. “I will never forget my mom’s cries, pleas, or how she told me everything was going to be okay, but it wasn’t. You dad killed my…brother when he saw what he was doing to mom...to keep him quiet-” I wipe the tears away, the last time I cried was when my mom died, I don”t cry, but I’m tired, I’m angry, I’m hurt. “-he killed my brother…I had to watch him hold my brother under water.” I stop talking because I feel myself shaking now. “How did you expect me to trust a Parker?” I sigh, as the piercing pain hits my chest. My body just gives up on me, as I hit the floor, my bare knees hitting the wood floor, and I try to take in a deep breath.