Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

" I … I don't…" I choke on my words.

It's a simple question, Montana. He's asking you about school. You should be able to answer him. As I chastise myself, I can feel my heart rate pick up. I'm spiraling out of control.

"Hey, Tanna, it's okay." Luke takes hold of my arm. "Just breathe. You're okay. You're safe," Luke says, squeezing my hand.

I count to six, out loud, over and over until my breathing returns to normal. I don't know how long it takes, but Luke doesn't move. He stands on the stairs, holding my hand.

"Why six?" he asks when I finally look at him.

"I don't know. I just like the number six." I shrug.

"Out of all the numbers you could choose, six is the one that you use to calm yourself."

"It's just a number, Luke." I don't let go of his hand as I continue to make my way up the stairs.

"It's also my jersey number, but you know that."

"It's just a number," I repeat. The fact that the number six seems to be what helps me has nothing to do with him or his jersey.

I'm about to turn and walk into the guest room, but Luke keeps walking, my hand still locked in his as he guides me into his bedroom and then the bathroom. Where he leans across the oversized oval tub, sets the plug into the drain, and turns the faucet on.

"What are you doing?" I ask him.

"Running you a bath. It'll help with the pain," he says, opening the cabinet and pulling out a bag of salts. "I use these after a particularly brutal game. Always does the trick." He pours a generous amount of the salts into the water before grabbing a small bottle of lavender. He adds a few drops of that too.

"You want me to take a bath?" I ask him.

"You soak, relax. I'm going to go make us some lunch."

"I can make lunch. What do you want?" I'm already turning to walk out of the bathroom when Luke stops me.

" I'll make lunch. You relax." He reaches out an arm, tipping up my chin and forcing me to look at him. "Please, just hop in the bath and enjoy it. Trust me. You'll feel so much better afterwards."

I glance at the tub that's filling up before refocusing on Luke. "You're not staying in here?"

He smirks. "No, I'll be in the kitchen… unless you want me to stay?"

I shake my head while my fingers wring the hem of the sweatshirt.

"Okay." Luke turns around and walks out, leaving me alone. With my thoughts and that tub.

It's just a bath. You can take a bath, Montana.

I give myself a mental pep talk as I close the bathroom door and strip off my clothes. Then I step into the tub and sink down. The water's hot, but it feels good against my sore muscles. I focus on my breathing as my eyes flick around the bathroom. The opulent fixtures and expensive tile work.

I'm in Luke's house. Andrew can't find me here.

I turn off the water, lean back against the tub, and allow my lashes to flutter closed. I will my body to relax as the warmth encompasses me. My mind is whirling. I don't know what I'm doing here. I don't know how long I can stay before he starts looking for me. The only thing I do know is that I can't let the mess of my life touch Luke. Because I also don't know what Andrew would do if he found out where I was.

I'm not afraid for myself. He could kill me for all I care. It's Luke I'm worried about. What Andrew might do to Luke, how the drama might affect his career.

Me? I can handle it. I've been handling it for the past three years. Whatever he dishes out as his punishment, I'll survive it. And if not, well, at least my hell will be over with.

I close my eyes and count to six in my head.

Hands clench around my shoulders, pushing me under. I fight to come back up, my body thrashing around the water as I struggle to break the surface. My fingers claw at the arms that are holding me down.

My lungs burn, and as the last bit of fight drains from my body, I'm lifted out and I suck in a lungful of air. Gasping, coughing, and sputtering. "Andrew, please, stop," I beg through strangled breaths.

"I'll stop when I think you're clean enough. You let that filthy piece of shit touch you. You think I'm going to touch you after that? No. You need to get clean," he seethes and pushes my head back under the water.

Again, my body thrashes, the fight for survival taking over as I try with every morsel of energy I have to get up. To suck in some air. Just when I think this is it, that he's not actually going to pull me back up this time, he does.

I don't plead with him anymore. It's useless. If I comply and take the punishment, it'll be over a lot quicker. I should know that he never listens to reason. The truth is I didn't let anyone touch me, but Andrew's convinced I let the server at the coffee shop caress my hand.

"Filthy fucking whore. This is your fault, Montana. If you just followed the rules, I wouldn't have to do this. But you can't do something that should be so fucking simple, can you?" he hisses at me. "So fucking beautiful, but so fucking stupid." Andrew pauses to cup my cheek, and then he's pushing me back under.

"No!" I scream as my head shoots out of the water, my chest heaving and my own voice echoing off the walls. As my eyes scan the room, the present comes back into focus.

I'm not there. And he's not here.

And then the sobs rack my body. I bring my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. The bathroom door bursts open, and my body stiffens until I see Luke.

"Fuck, Tanna." He curses under his breath before walking over to the tub.

I don't move. I barely breathe. I can't do anything but sit here and let the tears fall down my face. Luke climbs in behind me, closes his arms around my waist, and pulls me back against his chest.

"I've got you. You're okay," he whispers, his voice breaking, which only makes me cry harder.

I'm not okay. Nothing about me is okay. I don't think I ever will be either.

But right now, I let myself take comfort in Luke's hold as he continues to whisper promises against my ear. Telling me I'm safe, that he's got me.

Eventually the tears dry up and my body starts shaking from the cold instead of the fear. I have no idea how long we sit in the tub. Luke fully clothed. And me, well, not . "I'm going to get up and get some towels," he says.

I don't move, keeping my knees drawn up to my chest. I watch him as he pulls his wet shirt over his head and something on his ribs catches my attention. No, not something. A name.

My name. Written in script across his right rib cage. "Luke?"

"Yeah?"

"Why do you have the word Montana tattooed on you?" I ask while my mind insists that maybe he just really likes the state…

"It's not a word. It's a name. Your name," he says as he holds out a towel for me to take.

"Why do you have my name on your body?"

"Because I wanted a piece of you with me, in some way. I knew I couldn't have you, not really, but I could have your name. You were already stamped all over my heart, Tanna, so why not stamp you on my skin?" He shrugs like he hasn't just dropped a giant bombshell.

"I was stamped on your heart?" I haven't moved from the tub. I'm not sure that I can.

"You are stamped on my heart, Tanna. You're the only girl I've given it to. You just never knew."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it's not right. Sean's my best friend. I can't betray his trust."

I nod my head like I understand. But I don't. I don't understand at all.

Instead of asking Luke to explain, though, I take the towel, push to my feet, and step out of the chilled water. I probably should have asked Luke to turn around, give me privacy, because when he gets a good look at my body, a string of expletives falls out of his mouth. His hands fist at his sides and I take a step back. Except there's nowhere to go. My legs hit the edge of the tub as I wrap the towel tighter around me.

"Fuck." Luke runs a hand through his hair before moving towards the door to add more space between us. "I'm sorry. I'd never hurt you, Tanna. I fucking hate that you're scared of me. That I've done anything that made you even a little afraid of me."

"I…" I don't know what to say to that. It's instinct. I can't help the way I react.

"It's okay. The clothes Aliyah bought are all on the bed in your room. I'll be downstairs." He pauses, like he wants to say more. But then he turns, stopping when he's standing on the threshold. "Just know that you will always be safe here. No one is going to lay a hand on you in this house, Tanna."

It's a nice fantasy, but that's all it is. I realized that after the first few times Andrew hurt me, then promised to never let it happen again. And I believed him. I won't make the same mistake twice.