Chapter 33

Chapter Thirty-Three

I roll over and reach out for Luke. The stitches in my stomach pull, slowing my movements. When my hand lands on cold sheets, I open my eyes. He's not here. He's always here when I wake up. I listen for a few moments, thinking maybe he's in the bathroom. But he's not in there either.

Where is he?

I pull myself out of bed. My body is still a little achy first thing in the morning. Usually, the pain eases a bit once I start moving around more. I grab my robe from the hook on the back of the bathroom door and make my way downstairs.

I hear them when I reach the top landing. The voices. Aliyah and Liliana. How long have I been asleep? When I look outside, I see the sun is only just rising. It's early, and they're here. Something isn't right.

I turn around, quietly shutting myself back in the bedroom. Whatever has them here, it can't be good. No one just drops by someone's house at this hour because they have good news to share.

Where is Luke? Is he downstairs with them?

I can't hear any more bad news right now. I don't want to. Especially if it's about Luke. Oh god, what if something's happened to him? What if Andrew found him?

I pick up my phone from the bedside table, find Luke's number, and dial. "Tanna, you okay?" he asks as soon as the call connects.

"I… ah… I woke up and you… Why are Aliyah and Liliana in your house?"

"I had to run an errand. I'm on my way back now. I didn't want you to wake up alone so the girls came over," he tells me.

"You're okay though, right? There's nothing wrong with you?"

"I'm fine. Promise. I'll be home in fifteen minutes. Where are you?"

"In the bedroom," I say.

"Okay. You didn't go downstairs?"

"I didn't want to see anyone. I thought… Last time I woke up this early to people in my house was when Sean died… I thought that something happened to you," I admit.

"Shit, I'm sorry, Tanna. I didn't think… Fuck, I'm sorry I didn't think. But I'm fine. Promise."

"It's stupid. I know that. I just can't imagine losing you. I love you," I say, clutching the phone like a lifeline.

"I love you too. I'm picking up breakfast. If you see Liam, tell him to stop eating my snacks."

"Okay." I laugh. Luke is very serious about his food. He always has been. "I'll see you soon."

Luke hangs up and I get dressed in a pair of yoga pants and a sweater, brushing the tangles out of my hair before I head downstairs. I find Aliyah and Liliana in the living room with their husbands .

"Morning."

"Good morning. How'd you sleep?" Aliyah asks from her spot on the sofa.

"Good. I'm sorry Luke had you all come over here." I feel slightly embarrassed as I twist the hem of my shirt.

"Oh, it's fine. Don't worry about it." Liliana smiles at me.

"He's on his way home with breakfast." I lower myself onto the sofa before landing my glare on Liam, who's currently shoving a handful of chips into his mouth. "And he said to tell you to stop eating his snacks."

"But he gets all the good stuff." Liam pouts.

Aliyah rolls her eyes. "You don't need all that sugar in your life, Liam King. You need to stay in shape if you're gonna be my meal ticket to an early retirement."

"You own a hockey team, Aliyah. You can retire whenever you want," Liam reminds her.

"My father owns a hockey team. Not me. I own a Liam King." She smiles wide, and I watch as Liam leans in and kisses her.

"Yes, you do."

"Okay, well, you can eat whatever you want then, I guess. I'll just order more." I laugh. And then it hits me. I've never done a single bit of grocery shopping since I arrived. I haven't cooked, and I've barely cleaned anything. I'm the world's shittiest houseguest.

I need to do better. I'm not a houseguest anymore. I'm his wife. I wonder what he expects of me in this new role. We haven't really discussed anything. I don't know if I should be picking up groceries. I don't even know where the grocery store is located. Or how to get there…

"Does anyone know where Luke buys his groceries?" I ask aloud.

Travis is the one who laughs this time. "He doesn't. Aliyah orders it all for him."

"You do?" My eyebrows knit in confusion.

"I've done it for years. But I haven't ordered anything in weeks. He's been doing it himself," she says.

I've been waiting for everyone to leave. Luke and Grayson turned up with breakfast; Kathryn and Graycee came over as well. It's nice to be surrounded by Luke's friends. I guess they're my friends now too. But one look at his face and I wanted to ask him where he went. What he did.

Then I saw his hands and my stomach dropped. I grew up with a brother who got into as many fights as he played hockey games. I know what it looks like when your fists have been hitting something… or someone. And right now, Luke's knuckles are swollen and raw.

As soon as the door closes and Aliyah and Liam are safely on the other side, I head upstairs. I want to ask Luke what happened. I just don't know how. What if it's none of my business and he gets angry that I'm prying into his life?

"I ask the questions, bitch." A palm lands across my cheek with a loud slap. At least it's open-handed this time. It hurts worse when it's a closed fist.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to," I plead. "How about I make you your favorite pasta?" As I go to step around him, towards the kitchen, I'm pulled back by my hair.

"I don't think you're sorry enough yet," Andrew sneers into my face, his saliva splattering across my cheek.

"I am, Andrew. I'm sorry," I insist, while trying to wiggle out of his hold.

His grip on my hair tightens as he pushes me up against the wall before his free hand wraps around my throat. "I should squash your vocal cords. Maybe then I won't have to hear your annoying fucking voice, Montana," he says as he gradually presses down on my neck.

My head shakes from side to side as much as it can. Tears stream down my face, and I try to speak but I can't get the words out.

Andrew chuckles. "That's better. That's how I like to hear you. Just like that. Nothing."

"Montana, open your eyes."

I look around the room for Luke. I recognize his voice. How is he here? He wasn't here. Andrew was .

"Tanna, open your eyes. You're okay. I've got you," Luke says.

I blink, and then it's Luke's face in front of me. Not Andrew's. I push myself back, away from him, and scan the room.

Where is he? Andrew's here. I know he is. Except, when I take in my environment, I see that it's not the shitty little apartment I used to share with my ex. This is Luke's house. I'm on the second floor landing with my back pressed up against the wall.

"Tanna, it's okay. I'm not going to hurt you," Luke says while slowly reaching out to me. I don't move away from his touch this time. Instead, I jump on him, wrapping my body around his.

"Don't let me go," I whisper. "Please, don't let me go."

"Never. I'm going to hold you forever and ever, Tanna," Luke promises. He's moving, but I don't open my eyes. I keep my face buried in his neck. My arms tighten around him when I feel him sit down. I can't let go. His hands run up and down my back. "Shh, it's okay. I've got you."

I can't stop crying. I haven't had one of these memories for a while. And I guess this one's made me realize I'm never going to escape them. I'm never going to escape what Andrew did to me. What I let him do to me. That's the worst part really. The guilt. Feeling like I let him. Because I stayed, time after time.

What's wrong with me that I'd let someone treat me that way? Am I that desperate to be loved?