Chapter 11

The day Sharp arrived in California he called Wild and asked to meet up with their team for some physical training. The next morning, he showed up on base, not sure if he'd made a mistake by asking Wild's team to help him get back in shape. Working with an established team would help him keep his focus and he needed that more than ever.

No question, he loved working with the guys, but they didn't back off and rode him hard. A small part of him regretted coming out for this. Maybe he should have spent a week working out on his own, but he wouldn't have pushed himself as hard.

Sharp hated that he was slow compared to the other guys. Archer and his team were on the obstacle course working hard and Wild's team joined them. All the guys seemed happy to see him, and thankfully, none of them asked questions about where he'd been or why he was out of shape.

"Come on, Sharp, you're not even trying to keep up!" Jax yelled as he passed him again .

"Shit, I'm way too out of shape for this." Sharp knew he needed to have his ass beat, but they were pushing him to the edge of his ability.

"Come on," Archer said as he blew past Sharp.

He groaned, knowing he sounded like a wimp. "I'm trying."

"There is no try, only do!" Slayer called out.

"Don't throw that sci-fi shit at me," Sharp wheezed.

The guys laughed as they started quoting old movies. They were razzing him hard, but he didn't hold it against them. It was exactly why he'd called Wild. Having someone to be accountable to would push him, which he needed.

After another round of the course, Sharp collapsed in the sand in a heaving mass next to the finish line. He rolled to his side and coughed, wondering if he was going to toss his cookies.

"Shit, man, you are so out of shape," Peach said.

Sharp nodded. "I know." He wiped his face with a towel Jax had tossed to him. "Thanks for kicking me into gear. I need to get back what I lost."

"Fuck, man, what the hell were you doing?" Sugar asked.

That was the first direct question about his activities, and he couldn't answer. He noticed all the other guys going quiet as they glanced away.

"You know I can't tell you where I was or what I was doing."

"Damn," Sugar said. "More and more of this is happening. A few other guys have ended up off on their own, who knows where. It's getting weird out there."

Archer rolled his eyes and slapped Sugar on the shoulder. "Dude, you know stuff is classified. And we get it. You can't tell us. If we need to know, we'll be told. "

"Do you know which team you're being placed on?" Wild asked.

Sharp shrugged. "I've been told, but I don't know if it will really happen. I'm waiting to see if something changes." He shook his head while thinking about the friends he lost. "The last year has been weird."

"Yeah." Jax patted him on the shoulder. "Losing men like that sucks."

He stood and wiped his face, anger and grief mixing. "It sure as hell does. I'm heading over to the memorial later."

"Fuck," Archer said. "I've not been able to go. I'll shower and go with you."

"Sure. It will be nice to have someone else there."

They made their way back to their lockers, and he showered then found his CO, Dominic. The man had his back and was the best CO he could hope for. Dominic had secured Sharp extra hazard pay while he'd been in Russia and got him a visit with a few high ups in the department of defense. It was stuff like that which would make a difference in his career long term if he decided to stay until retirement.

After he grabbed some food, he met up with Archer, Sugar, Dog, Slayer, Mist, and Flip before heading over to the memorial for his fallen buddies. It was hard to think about everything that had gone wrong that day. A part of him wanted to push the thoughts from his mind and never go back there, but his friends deserved to be remembered.

"Have you talked to Betsy?" Archer asked.

Betsy had been married to Bennet, their team lead. She'd taken his death hard. Sharp had tried to get with her a few times, but she said she didn't want any reminders of the military. She blamed the Navy and all the SEALs for his death. He understood her position and didn't want to antagonize her.

Sharp closed his eyes and shook his head. "No. She still blames me for not dying in his place."

"That's rough," Sugar said. "Death affects us all differently."

Archer put his hand on Sharp's back, offering comfort. It was hard knowing that his buddies would never be with him again. He'd thrown a fit, acted irrationally, done some destructive shit, and then got counseling and picked up the pieces, but it would be easy to shatter again. Keeping himself together was hard, but he vowed to make his buddies proud, and he couldn't do that by being a wreck.

"I can't destroy myself," Sharp said.

"None of us want you to. But I get it," Sugar squeezed his shoulder. "When my first wife died, it nearly destroyed me. I wanted to rip the world apart, and I knew I could do some damage. But it wouldn't have brought her back."

"Those guys want you to succeed," Slayer said. "They want you to make the most of living. If it was me in the ground, I'd want every single one of you to live life to the fullest."

Sharp drew in a slow breath as his emotions rose. "Fuck, it's just tough knowing they'll never have a beer again, or fuck, or love, or even hate. They are done."

No one spoke as they stood in front of the memorial, their thoughts on their friends who'd died in a blast. Sharp knew he'd been lucky. Not only had he survived, he'd made it out of an impossible situation. Because of how everything went down, a part of him felt like his days were numbered. Maybe that's why he'd fucked Danika. He'd cheated death and knew he was a marked man. The next time something terrible happened, his number would be up.