Chapter 18

18

QUILLON

H ow could something be the best and the stupidest thing I'd ever done? Hours later, I was still reliving that kiss, the feel of York's mouth against mine, his beard rubbing against my skin, his tongue sliding and twisting in a sensual dance with mine, our bodies pressed together…

It had been everything I'd dreamed of, everything I'd wanted, but it couldn't happen again. I couldn't compromise my ethics and, even more importantly, York's safety, and getting involved with him would do both.

No, as much as it would hurt, I had to keep my distance. Maybe it would help to focus on the case and make it crystal clear to myself what was at stake. I'd called Coulson, but he hadn't been able to provide me with any updates other than the fact that the FBI was working hard on identifying the leak. He'd only said they hadn't found any evidence that suggested the leak was with the FBI or the CIA and that someone from within EDS was the most likely culprit.

I needed to update Auden—as far as I could share details about the case, which was very little—but I didn't want to call him because his phone was not secure. So I asked the two agents to guard York while I made a quick visit to the sheriff's office.

"Good to see you, Quillon," Auden said, his handshake firm. "Let's go into my office."

He closed the door behind us and perched on the edge of his desk. "Any updates?"

"I can't give specifics, but the FBI is confident of the nature of the threat. Kidnapping seems to be the most likely scenario."

"Fuck." Auden sighed. "Can you tell me if we're looking for Americans or foreigners?"

"Foreigners."

That much I could share.

"How's York doing with all this?"

"He's going a little stir-crazy, but other than that, he's been cooperative."

"Has he heard from his parents since the scene at the cemetery?"

I shook my head. "Not a word."

Auden slowly shook his head. "I gotta be honest. I have a hard time finding any sympathy for them. Look, I have two daughters and two stepsons, and I love them all dearly, so if anything happened to one of them… Well, heartbroken wouldn't even cover it. But I can't imagine I'd ever sink so deep into my grief I'd lose sight of my other kids, the ones who are still alive and need me."

"I don't have kids, but I lost my sister when I was a teenager. My parents were devastated, and it took a long time for my mom to smile again, but after a while, she did. Life went on. Not the same as before, but it continued. My parents raised my siblings and me, still rejoicing in our existence, so to speak. Maybe even more after losing Charlotte."

"That's how it should be. There's no time limit on grief, but you can't disappear in it, not when you're still a parent."

"How was York as a kid?"

Auden smiled as he pushed himself off his desk and settled in a chair opposite me. "A skinny boy, awkward and nerdy, but also adorable. He was always so super smart. It was a little scary. When he was in sixth grade, he could do the same math we were struggling with in twelfth grade. It still blows my mind."

"Did he have friends?"

"You know, I honestly don't know. He's much younger, so to us, he was Essex's little brother. We never paid that much attention to him. Which, of course, I now regret deeply."

"Were there signals? In hindsight, I mean?"

Auden pressed his lips together as he took his time to answer. "I asked myself that question so many times. What did we miss? Why didn't we see what was happening right under our noses? I don't know. Yes, some signals were there, and we ignored them. We knew Essex could be an asshole, especially to Fir. But we didn't realize it had gone beyond calling him ‘carrot' and ‘geek.' Still, we should've said something. I should have said something."

"Essex was a charmer," I said. "He definitely had two sides to him."

"Did you know him well?"

"We were in boot camp together, then ran into each other in the sandbox." I'd done a quick background check on Auden and knew he'd served in the Army as an MP. "He was arrogant but also charming. Overconfident and yet the best sniper I knew. A total dick at times, but also someone you could laugh and have a beer with. He had a dark side, but when he kept that hidden, we all liked him. And I'm not gonna lie. He was a great Marine."

"That was always the problem, that he was both. We'd been friends with him since kindergarten. We grew up together, and we knew that dark side, but of course, with us, he showed his good one. When I found out what Essex had done to York, the extent of it, I was sick to my stomach. It makes it very hard to look back and think of memories as good. How can I say I have good memories when he made York's life hell? I struggle a lot with that."

"Imagine being York and hearing your parents praise and all but anoint him as some saint…"

Auden shook his head. "What those people are doing is so wrong, so unfair. York deserves so much better. I hope he'll be able to find some peace now that he's spoken up. That he can move past this and live without his brother's shadow always hanging over him."

"I hope so too."

"Your presence has helped a lot. He wouldn't have been able to stand up to his parents before meeting you."

I wiped my hands on my thighs. "I'm not… That's not my doing."

"It is. You're bringing the best out in him, and your care for him shows him how it should be. What he's been missing all these years. He needed someone like you."

"Erm, you do remember I'm not actually his boyfriend, right? That it's just a ruse?"

Auden chuckled. "Do you think I'm blind? That I can't see how you look at him? You're in love with him."

Oh Jesus, was he serious? Had I been that transparent? "I don't know what—" Auden gave me a look that said, "Are you kidding me." Okay, then. "I wasn't aware I was broadcasting my feelings so loudly."

"I don't know what others saw, but the difference between when we first met you for dinner and the birthday party was staggering…and there were only a few weeks in between. You're together for real now."

"We're not." When Auden merely raised an eyebrow, I sighed. "We're not, I swear. I mean, we kissed. Twice. But the first time was because York wanted to make our fake relationship look real."

Auden snorted. "Seriously? He asked you to kiss him to sell your act?"

"The night of the dinner, when Marnin called us out, yes."

"Oh my god, I don't know whether to be impressed or feel sorry for you. He had no idea what he was asking, did he?"

"No." A softness filled me. "Completely clueless."

"And the second time?"

"That was this morning."

"More practice?"

"No, that kiss was real." Should I tell him the whole story? Oh, what the hell, why not? Auden didn't talk, that much I was certain of. Both he and Fir would keep secrets safer than Fort Knox. "York walked in on me yesterday as I was taking a shower and taking matters into my own hand, so to speak."

Auden winced. "Awkward."

"And he didn't leave."

"Intriguing."

"And this morning, I overheard him telling Fir he was in love with me. I swear I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I did, and that's what he told Fir."

"And so you told him you felt the same way?"

"And so I told him I was in love with him, but that he was my client and I couldn't compromise my professional standards or his safety. After we kissed."

Auden looked at me with compassion. "That's a tough call to make."

"The threat against him is real, Auden. I can't ignore that."

"I wouldn't expect you to, but can I offer some wisdom?"

"Please."

"I didn't meet Keaton until last year. I was divorced, and even though my ex-wife and I are still good friends, I was hurting and lonely…until I met Keaton. Because I'd always considered myself straight, it took me a while to figure out that what I felt for him wasn't friendship but something more. But once I did, I found a joy I didn't think was possible. My whole life, I've wanted to be a sheriff. My father was a sheriff, and I've always known that would be my path in life as well. But I'll tell you right now that if I had to choose between my job and Keaton, I would quit in a heartbeat. All I'm saying is that I understand you take your job seriously…but maybe York is worth more than your job. He's a great guy, Quillon. He deserves all the good things in life."

"He does," I said hoarsely. "On that, we fully agree. The universe owes him after what he's been through."

"He deserves to be loved…by someone like you. You're so good for him, Quillon. Please don't throw that away."

I left Auden's office and walked back home. Wait, when had I started to think of Tomás's house as home? Sometime in the last week or so, it had changed from a place to stay to being home. What had York told Fir? He makes me feel at home. He's become my home. It was the same for me. York had become my home, the place I wanted to return to every day.

Auden's words mixed with York's, tumbling around in my head. He'd given me a lot to think about. Was I wasting a chance at something real and lasting by prioritizing my job? I'd prided myself on my professionalism and ethics, but at the end of the day, did a job matter more than York? Than love?

Of course it didn't. The answer was so obvious it was laughable that I hadn't realized it. I'd clung to my instinctive need for professional boundaries, but those had been obliterated a long time ago. I'd thrown York a birthday party, for fuck's sake. That hadn't been about protecting him. It had been about loving him, about wanting him to be happy.

The next step was evident now as well. I would choose York, but I wouldn't compromise his safety, and right now, that had to be my priority. So I found a quiet spot where I could be certain no one could overhear me and called my boss.

"What's up?" Remington answered.

I usually appreciated his cut-the-BS attitude, but this time, I wouldn't have minded a little small talk to smooth things out before I dropped this bomb on him. Alas, it wasn't to be. "I need you to find a replacement for me to guard York Coombe."

Remington gasped in surprise. "Why? What's going on?"

I took a deep breath. "I'm in love with him. This isn't something I planned, obviously, but I've fallen for him hard. And he feels the same, and I can't, boss. I can't do that. I can't compromise his safety, but I also can't walk away from him. He needs me, and I…" I exhaled. "I need him."

"I'll be damned." Remington let out a dry chuckle. "That's the last thing I had expected from you, yet it's strangely fitting at the same time. You're as loyal as they come, Quillon, and I appreciate you being honest with me."

"Thank you." The tension seeped out of me. "Do you have anyone else available?"

"That's a bit of a challenge, not gonna lie. You're the best I have. Are you comfortable handing over that responsibility to someone else?"

I pondered that question. The idea of leaving York in someone else's hands didn't sit well with me. But what choice did I have? "I'll still be around him, protecting him. Just not in any official capacity."

"It'll be hard to find a reason for another guy to move in with you two. I'm assuming two boyfriends wouldn't work in a small town."

Despite everything, I laughed. York Coombe in a triad, now there was a thought. Nope, not gonna happen. I wanted him all to myself. "I'll talk to him and Auden, see what we can come up with."

"Auden?"

"Sheriff Frant, the local sheriff."

"Sounds like you're already settling in there."

He wasn't wrong. I did feel at home in Forestville. "It's a cute town."

"There's one more obstacle…and it's a big one."

Shit. What had I overlooked?

"Whoever replaces you is going to need security clearance. The FBI is not gonna be happy about that…and they may not even cooperate. I don't like that part, Quillon. You'll have to sort that out yourself and make sure they know this was all you. I don't want my company to take the blame for that."

Fuck. He was right. I hadn't factored that in, but Coulson wouldn't be happy about giving someone else clearance. "I'll talk to Agent Padman."

"Please do. Once he's on board, I'll see what I can do."

I ended the call and twirled my phone in my hand. I didn't like being away from York for this long, but I didn't want to make these calls where he could overhear. So, steeling myself, I hit the speed dial for Coulson.

"Quillon, everything okay there?"

"Yes, but can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Of course. Gimme a second." I heard some muffled conversation in the background. "Sorry, just needed to tell my husband to watch our daughter."

Shit, he was home already. He was on Eastern time, of course, so three hours ahead of me. "I apologize for disturbing you at home."

"It comes with the job, so no worries. What's on your mind?"

"I don't know how to say this, but I need to be replaced."

"You're quitting?"

"No, I'm…transferring, I guess you could say. I've decided I want the job as York's real-life boyfriend more than my position as his bodyguard."

Coulson was quiet for a beat, then burst out laughing. "You had to pick the one reason I can't argue against, huh?"

"I didn't do it on purpose."

"I would imagine so. Love has a funny way of showing up when you least expect it."

"It does, but I am sorry. I know the timing couldn't be worse."

Coulson sighed. "No, unfortunately, you're right about that. I was going to call you tomorrow, but now that I have you on the phone anyway… We've found the leak, and it wasn't inside EDS."

"Then how did they get that name that was only used internally?"

"Did York ever mention he had a housekeeper?"

"Yes, Ania."

"Did he happen to mention she's Russian?"

Oh fuck. "No, he didn't."

"Well, it took us a while to do background checks on everyone within EDS who had knowledge, and when that didn't reveal anything, we widened the circle. Ania popped up on our radar, and when we saw she immigrated from Russia in the nineties, we dug deeper. They threatened her grandkids. The terrorist cell contacted her and threatened to kill her grandkids unless she cooperated. She gave them info she came across in York's apartment, though we're not sure yet what exactly."

A cold hand of fear clamped around my heart. "Does that mean they also know where he is? Because she knows he's out of town."

"That's what we're afraid of, yes. Four extra agents are already on their way and will arrive around midnight. We'll have to figure out a reason for them to be there."

"I'll talk to the sheriff, but if they already know he's here, does it really matter?"

"They may not know for sure, and we don't want to give it away. But he's on house arrest now. You can't leave the house anymore, Quillon. It's too risky. We may have to relocate him to a safe house, but we'll make that call when we have to."

"So what do I do now?"

Coulson was quiet for a while. "If you ask me, you need to stay on as his bodyguard, even if you are his real-life boyfriend now. I can't get someone else cleared this quickly, and besides, you know him better than anyone. You know how to keep him safe."

I swallowed. "Yes, but if I fail…"

"I know." Coulson's voice was as soft as mine. "But no one will protect him as well as you."

He was right on that one. "I'll do it. I'll have to get permission from my boss because this is an obvious violation of our rules, but I already told him about us, so he knows."

"Let me know how it goes. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry you can't focus on being his boyfriend at a time when he might need you the most. But trust me when I say he needs you more as a bodyguard."

I wasn't too sure about that.