Chapter 26

TWENTY-SIX

RYAN

Did you know that brown bears often part ways during winter? They hate the separation, though, and as soon as spring arrives, they’ll roam miles to find each other again, sometimes even fighting off attackers to reunite with their nearest and dearest. You can’t keep a bear separated from his friends or his honey for long.

—Bear Facts for Insomniacs, Episode 47

I stared at Zane’s assistant for a nanosecond before muscle memory and habit spurred me into action upon hearing the word fish . “We need to get this man medical attention. Micki, can you step outside and find out if anyone has any antihistamine? Kenji, can you breathe?”

Zane frowned at me and opened his mouth as if to tell me that Kenji was obviously joking. Not only was he not allergic to fish, but his grandfather had been a commercial fisherman in Misawa, Japan, before coming to the US and marrying an American woman. Kenji had grown up on family fish recipes. His claim of being allergic was laughable, which was why I didn’t understand Zane thinking I’d believed it for one minute.

“My throat feels a little…” Kenji made big eyes at Zane. “ Thick ,” he added drily.

Finally, Zane got it. Unfortunately, he was worse at acting than Kenji was. “Oh no. We should get you to a hospital,” he said robotically. He turned to the executives in the room. “I’m so sorry to cut our meeting short, but Kenji’s been with me for over ten years. I need to make sure he’s okay.”

The people from the label nodded and expressed their concern, offering to have someone call an ambulance if necessary.

I assured them we would take good care of him. “Zee has a personal physician on call. She can meet us at the house. Thank you.”

I ushered everyone out into the hall, where Paul and Miguel snapped to attention. “Fish,” I said, moving us through the lobby to the elevator. They nodded and fell in line, calling down to Claudia to bring the car around. Thankfully, she and Ed were waiting for us. Unfortunately, Micki joined us, too.

Once we were en route to the house in Malibu, Zane threw himself back against the leather seat. “Kenji, fuck. You’re the worst actor,” he groaned.

Kenji tilted his head at Zane. “ You —who knows I don’t have any allergies except for pretty-boy supermodels—believed me. I’d say that makes me a great actor.”

Micki looked between the two of them. “I’m confused. You aren’t allergic to fish?”

Kenji speared her with an icy glare. When he spoke, his voice was cold enough to skate on. “I’m allergic to people who expect a high-level celebrity to sign papers practically the moment he steps off an international flight, without his attorney present.”

While Micki stammered out an apology and tried explaining, I turned forward in my seat to hide my grin but caught Claudia’s eye. She lifted her eyebrow at me as if asking what the hell was going on. I didn’t dare tell her.

“Drop me in Santa Monica?” I asked softly instead. She nodded.

We’d done this many times before, back before Zane had needed round-the-clock close personal protection and we would part ways at the end of a workday, letting our team’s driver deposit him safely behind the monitored gates of his home.

Now, of course, he’d have Paul and Miguel with him for the next forty-eight hours, regardless of whether he was home alone or not.

As long as the threats continued and the Stamper was still at large, Zane’s life was no longer his own.

Or mine.

I let out a frustrated breath.

“Is that what Violet was talking to you about this morning at the airport?” Zane asked. I didn’t need to turn back around to know he was angry at me. “And you didn’t bother to give me a heads-up?”

“She didn’t say what it was, only that I needed to come into the office to sign some papers. She assumed I’d go with her immediately and knock it out before heading home.” I didn’t mention that Violet had also said she needed to talk to me about a temporary new assignment.

There was no point in mentioning that to Zane until I knew what the assignment was.

“This is ridiculous. Do they really think that piece of paper would have prevented what happened with… those other people?” He stopped himself from naming names in front of Claudia. “And what’s next, huh? Does my pool guy have to sign one? My hairstylist? My attorney? Does my housekeeper have to sign one? That stupid agreement isn’t going to stop someone from suing me, nor is it going to stop someone from being a dick boss. Come on! This is fucking ridiculous.”

Kenji remained calm, as usual. “It’s not going to go away just because you’re upset about it.”

Zane was on a roll. “Well, guess what? I won’t sign it. And why should I? What are they going to do, fire me? Good. I’d like to see them try!”

Micki cut in carefully. “What’s the problem exactly? It’s not like this affects your current situation. Lou’s a lesbian, and Ryan is straight. Why can’t you just sign it?”

I closed my eyes and inhaled through my nose. This wasn’t the time to come out to Zane’s manager, but I also knew Zane would be uncomfortable letting the misunderstanding lie.

“It’s the principle of the matter,” Zane said stubbornly. I wanted to laugh. This wasn’t the first time I’d heard him use the expression, or even the hundredth time. “Besides, why should I sign anything at all? What’s the payoff for me?”

Micki sighed. “The payoff is that they sign it, too, and your personal security team doesn’t target you the way Addison Canto’s obviously did. No offense, Ryan.”

I clenched my jaw against the desire to snap at her that saying “no offense” usually indicated big offense. The assumption that the close protection officer was a gold digger was annoying as fuck. But maybe it was a good reminder of the attitudes I’d be confronted with when our relationship went public.

Micki turned to Zane. “Violet’s company is embracing the same policies. If they don’t, the label will drop them. If the label’s clients don’t sign, then Violet’s company will have to drop the label. Zee, everyone in town is doing this right now.”

“It’s reactionary,” Zane snapped.

“Yes,” Micki agreed patiently. “That’s how this town works, and we all know it. No other label is going to accept you if you don’t sign a no-frat policy after this.”

They hadn’t been paying attention to the drive because when Claudia finally pulled over at the end of my street, Zane made a squawking sound. “Why are we stopping?”

He’d obviously not recognized my neighborhood despite stopping here several times before to let me out. I chose to think it was because he was upset and distracted rather than take it as a disappointing reminder he knew very little about my life outside of the job.

I opened the door and nodded to Paul in the next vehicle to come up to this one. “I told you earlier, I have to get ready for a meeting. Claudia, thanks for the ride. Micki, thanks for going along with the lie. Kenji, if anyone crowdsources acting classes, you can count on me for a donation.” I locked eyes with Zane and felt my heart tumble.

Warm brown eyes were wide with concern and a hint of betrayal. But they were still so fucking sweet.

Honey.

“Z. Text me later.”

He didn’t open his mouth. Didn’t nod. Didn’t react at all. Only stared at me while I grabbed my bag out of the back and began walking up the street to my place.

I heard the slam of the car door as Paul took my place in the SUV, and the two vehicles pulled away.

Before I reached my apartment, my phone buzzed with a text.

Zane

I AM NOT FINE.

I closed my eyes and took in a shaky breath before texting him back.

No, honey. Neither am I.

And then I opened my eyes and walked home.

Alone.

The meeting with Violet came with a curveball.

“King Gerhard wants to hire us to provide supplemental security to the royal family for their holiday visit to the US. Isn’t that amazing? ”

I blinked at her in surprise. “That’s great. Congratulations. They’re very picky about the local companies they work with. They usually give their business to Alliance when they’re here. At least that’s how it was when I was in the royal guard.”

“They originally hired Alliance and had it all set up, but then something happened, and someone dropped the ball. Since they trust you, and you trust us, they reached out. Only… they do have one condition,” she said, pursing her lips and raising her eyebrows in a “pretty please” expression.

I gritted my teeth and forced myself to stay calm. “I already have a principal, Violet.”

“Your assignment will only change temporarily. You will travel with the royal family for two weeks and be done in time for Christmas with your family in Montana.”

I shook my head. “Zane is currently the target of a?—”

She held up a hand. “I know. And we’re obviously taking it very seriously. I doubled up Zee’s coverage like we talked about, and I’m putting Joe Dudley as lead, starting tomorrow and for the whole time Zee’s in Majestic. Bodhi Sorrentino’s been eliminated as a suspect, and I’ll be assigning Lou to shadow Noelle here in LA. If she gets any sudden urges to go to Wyoming, we’ll know. Zee will be as safe as we can make him.” She bit her lip. “I really need you to facilitate this royal visit for me, Ryan. You know what a big deal this would be for us in terms of getting other dignitaries to sign with us… and even the Ventdestinian royal family on future trips to the States. I really need your help on this.”

She was right. Landing the royal family of any country would be a big deal for the company. And Violet had treated me incredibly well since hiring me. She’d paid me more than she was comfortable with and did her best to make sure I had schedule flexibility and first choice in shifts with Zane. Once she noticed how comfortable Zane was with me, she’d taken me out of any rotation that would remove me from working directly with him.

She must have seen my hesitation because she jumped in to reassure me. “Zee’s going to be busy at the recording studio all week anyway. He’s working on the Marian Foundation project, remember? And the studio will be locked down with so many high-value targets inside.”

I wanted to say no immediately… but how could I? In light of the Addison Canto debacle and the no-frat policy Zane had refused to sign, would it seem suspicious if I refused to take a temporary assignment? Would it reflect back on Zane and force his hand to come out as a couple when he wasn’t ready?

“What’s their travel plan? What would the expectations be for me?”

As she described the royal family’s trip to DC, New York, and the recent addition of Majestic, I hid a grin. Zane must have made an impression on the royal family for them to change their trip to accommodate a visit there.

Violet continued. “Apparently, they know someone with a hunting lodge near Majestic who’s offered them accommodations. We’ve started researching the area, but since we’re already familiar with that part of Wyoming because of Zee’s visits, we’re already one step ahead of any of our competitors.”

“When would I have to meet them?”

“They land in DC tomorrow afternoon,” she said with a wince when she saw my expression. “I know I’m asking a lot. You probably want nothing more than alone time and your own bed. I get it. But there’s a bonus in here for you and my eternal gratitude. I can’t make you do it, but I’m asking as nicely as I can.”

I wasn’t going to say no. Accepting it was the right thing to do. But I did make one condition of my own.

“Alright, I’ll do it. But I’m heading home right now, and I don’t want to hear from anyone for the rest of the day.”

She grinned. “Done! I just need you to sign that paperwork before you go, and?—”

I held up a hand and smiled back at her, friendly as could be. “ Nope. No paperwork. No work of any kind. I’m out of here. Catch me after the holidays for any admin stuff you need.”

I made it sound like it had nothing to do with the paperwork itself, and she seemed to take it in stride. “Okay. I really appreciate this, Ryan. Go rest. I’ll send you flight details in an email. Most likely a painfully early flight time in the morning. I apologize in advance.”

I waved over my shoulder as I headed out the door. As soon as I got home, Zane buzzed me again.

Zane

This is me waiting patiently for you to tell me how your meeting went.

I couldn’t help but smile at his text. There was nothing patient about Zane Hendley when he was curious about something.

I kicked off my shoes, yanked off my clothes, and slid between cool sheets before video calling him.

“Did you sign it?” he asked as soon as he accepted the call. His face was crinkled in concern, but he was still the most beautiful man on the planet.

“No.”

He relaxed back against his pillow. He was obviously lying in bed like I was. “You didn’t?”

“I managed to put her off until after the holidays. But… I think you should sign it, Zane,” I said, tackling the no-frat topic before breaking the bad news about my assignment.

He reacted the way I expected, squawking out an indignant response. “Why the fuck would you say that? I know it’s not because you want there to be another obstacle keeping us apart. So are you saying I should just sign it and ignore it? In which case, it’s ineffectual… which proves my fucking point. This is a performative piece of theater that has no teeth. What happens if someone breaks it? It means nothing.”

I took a breath and tried to stay calm when inside, I was just as angry and afraid as he was. “Zane. You spent your entire career avoiding sexual and romantic relationships because you didn’t want your reputation ruined by salacious rumors or a sex scandal. Think about that. If you don’t sign this agreement, it’s going to get out. Everyone’s going to speculate on your reasons for refusing to sign it. After all this time avoiding scandal, you’re going to be the one inviting it in.”

“I’m not the one inviting it in!”

“I know, honey,” I said gently. “And I’m so sorry you’re— we’re —being put in this situation. But I also understand why they want to cover their asses this way. People deserve to work in safe environments, free from harassment. And before you open your mouth, no. Of course I don’t feel like you pressured or harassed me.”

“Bear,” he said, his voice sounding smaller suddenly. “I agree people should feel safe. I only disagree with the idea that a piece of paper is going to make a material difference in providing that environment.”

He let out a breath. I heard the sound of his blankets as he shifted under the covers. I wished so badly I could be there with him, provide comfort and security with my own arms and lips.

“I’m tired of other people telling me how to run my business. I’m tired of feeling like I need to act a certain way or avoid acting a certain way. I’m tired of being told I should be a bad boy or a good boy. I just want to write and perform music. I want to help people. I want… I want to be myself. And I want to be with you.”

I loved hearing those words, but I also knew how important his career was to him.

“Baby. Take some time to think about this. Think about what you want. What your dream is. You want to be a role model for kids. Maybe being a role model is making a public show of committing to this policy. Or at least not making a public show of opposing it.”

“Is that what you think?” He sounded hurt.

I had to take a deep breath to calm my desire to burn the whole world before I could continue. “I think it’s my job to protect you, Zane, and I don’t want to see your reputation negatively impacted by this, that’s all.”

“Your job,” he said in a dull voice.

My heart filled with love for him. “My job as the person who loves you most in this world, Z,” I said softly. “Yes. My job.”

Thankfully, that made him smile. “You think you love me most? That’s a high bar. Gran thinks very highly of me. So does Landry.”

“Landry can fuck right off, and I’ll even give Gran a run for her money. I’ve loved you for a long time, Zane. Longer than you know.”

There was silence on the line for a beat.

“I introduced myself to you as Zane the day we met. I never do that in business. It’s always Zee.”

I thought back to his other interactions with people—other close protection officers, vendors, fellow artists. He almost always went by Zee in his professional life. It wasn’t until the relationship became more personal that people called him Zane.

“Why?” I asked.

His eyelashes fluttered nervously. “I got flustered. Up walked this beautiful giant of a man, and suddenly, my tongue felt too big, and my skin didn’t fit on my body anymore.”

I loved imagining a flustered Zane in the recording studio. “So you spilled the beans. Gave me your legal name by accident? Should I have been calling you Zee all this time?”

“I want you in my bed.” His words were soft and hot.

The man was less than fifteen miles up the coast from here in his sun-filled Malibu home. It wouldn’t take me long to get there, half an hour this time of day.

But as soon as I arrived, I’d face Paul and Miguel.

“Will I see you tomorrow?” he asked hopefully.

My stomach dropped. This was the part of the conversation I’d been dreading the most. “Violet is pulling me off your detail temporarily.”

His eyes bugged. “What? Why? Because I didn’t sign the papers? I’ll sign the papers, Bear. Jesus. ”

“No, honey. It’s not about that. King Gerhard and the royal family are coming to the States. They’ve actually decided to come see you play in Majestic.”

I could tell he didn’t give a shit about that part. “So? What does that have to do with my protection detail?”

“They want me on their detail while they’re in the US. They’re willing to hire Violet’s company to provide domestic coverage, but the catch is that it has to be me.”

He stared at me in shock. “Are they for real? Do they not give a single shit about the fact you already have a job? You already have an assignment, and I don’t say this often, but he’s kind of a big deal .”

I bit my tongue against a laugh. “He is. But he’s not royalty, despite the fact Pop-Rocks Daily once called him the King of Cool.”

Zane’s glare was comical despite being serious. It was rare to see him this annoyed. “Don’t try to make me laugh right now. I’m extremely pissed off, Bear.”

“I can see that, honey. You’re not the only one. I wasn’t happy about it, either.”

“But you agreed to it.”

“Yes, because I felt like I owed Violet a solid. She’s taken good care of me since I came to work for her.”

Zane propped the phone on a pillow and rubbed his face with both hands. “This is the opposite of how I wanted things to be when we got home. When the hell am I going to see you again?”

“Majestic,” I said with a grin. “At least now I’ll get to see you ring the bells or whatever the fuck.”

His face softened into a reluctant smile. “Good. But then you’ll go to Montana, right? To see your family? They’re not keeping you from your visit home, are they?”

I wanted to tell him that I no longer wanted to go to my sister’s place if it meant not being able to spend some time with him first, but I kept my mouth closed to keep from making promises we weren’t ready for.

“The Ventdestinian designation is flying home after Majestic Bells, I think. I’m not sure. But yes, Violet specifically said I’d be off for Christmas.”

We spoke for a few more minutes before he was interrupted by a call from Micki. “I have to take this, Bear. I think it’s about the recording schedule. Call me later?”

I nodded and blew a kiss at the screen. “Go easy, baby. Give yourself a chance to rest.”

His smile made my heart too big for my chest. “You still looking out for me, Bear?”

“Always, honey. I love you. More than anything.”

That night, we missed each other between catching up on work commitments, laundry and packing, and being carried away by jet lag. The following morning, I was two hours into my flight east by the time he woke up and texted me.

It was a video of him sitting out by the pool with the sunrise a warm peachy pink on his skin. He wore rumpled pajama pants and his Jude Marian hoodie. His hair was in an early morning tangle, and his first cup of coffee was still steaming by his side. He had his favorite acoustic guitar in his lap.

Damned if he didn’t look right into the camera, grin and wink, and start right in playing “Sanctuary.”

It was the last time I saw his face for ten days.