Chapter 20

TWENTY

RYAN

Bears might seem like lumbering tough guys, but they’ve actually got some strong emotions going on! Scientists studying bear behavior have noticed that bears show curiosity, playfulness, and affection toward each other. Beneath all that thick fur and muscle, bears are a little like giant, furry softies with serious heart.

—Bear Facts for Insomniacs, Episode 6

I was angry at Kasper for monopolizing my time and implying I should be prioritizing the royal family’s security over Zane’s. Ventdestinian royal protocol had been a pain in the ass when I was actually employed by the royal guards, but it was utterly intolerable when I had a job to do and the man I loved might be in danger.

There’d been three new emails from the Stamper since the one Zane had received in Norway, each creepier and more aggressive than the last as the Stamper grew more frustrated by their inability to get their hands on Zane. I was glad Zane had been spared the turmoil of reading those emails, but replaying them in my mind had made my separation from him during the VIP meet extra torturous.

By the time I was able to extract myself from the king’s box and make my way backstage to watch the concert from the wings, I’d mentally lectured the head of the royal guards about where he could shove his bullshit Ventdestinian traditions.

Thankfully, Zane was doing what he always did onstage—he was killing it.

The crowd had lost their minds when he’d walked onstage wearing the T-shirt he’d been photographed in last year while eating Rijsttafel in a place in Culver City. The shirt was heather gray with a stylized bicycle cartoon on the front with comically large tires and a tiny seat in front of a recognizable Amsterdam canal. He’d purchased it on a previous trip to the city, and the resulting social media posts had tagged him an Amsterfan.

It had been the perfect way to set the mood for the show, and now, his set list was knocking them dead.

Gerhard and Kasper’s offers to lure me back to the royal guard had made me uncomfortable. Gerhard’s entreaties had been personal, talking about how I’d been one of the family and his father had trusted him with his life. He’d mentioned the long-held belief that fate had brought me into their lives, and he truly felt it had happened for a reason.

“The winds put people where they’re meant to be, Ryan,” he’d said with such confidence. “Trust you were brought to us for a reason, and even if that reason was for my father’s protection, it doesn’t mean your time with us needs to end here.”

It had been so long since I’d lived in a place with those superstitions and odd beliefs that it took me off guard. Kasper, on the other hand, had been more pragmatic. “We need your experience. We need people we can trust.”

It hadn’t been hard to politely decline. There wasn’t a single part of me that wanted to go back, despite the ridiculous amount of money they’d offered. Not only was I happy being back in the States and closer to my family, I was also happiest with Zane.

I wasn’t giving that up for any amount of money. And the next time Kasper emailed me a job offer, I might not be quite so polite about refusing.

I quickly typed several messages to Violet, letting her know what Boomer had said about Bodhi and also informing her that Noelle had been here. When I’d checked the VIP guest list, she hadn’t been on it. I’d sent Dennis—one of our local guys—to interrogate the security personnel at the entrance to the event to find out how the hell she’d gotten admittance.

As I approached the backstage area, where Lou was waiting and watching Zane, I nudged her. “I’m here. Thanks for holding down the fort. How the fuck did Noelle get into that reception?”

“She said she’s here with the Ventdestinian delegation. She’s consulting with them on something.” Lou shrugged. “I pulled Zane away as soon as I saw him with her, but Ryan… you should know Noelle was actually the one who brought him back to me when Gisella pulled him away to take a picture with her kids. We were separated by the crowd, and Noelle was the one who noticed. She could have taken that time to make her pitch to him about hiring her back or whatever the fuck she’s been trying to contact him about, and she could have stamped him if she’d wanted to… but she didn’t.”

That seemed strange, but I didn’t have time to figure it out right now. My eyes were riveted on my principal, and my goal was to make sure no one else touched him tonight but me.

“This next one’s a new one,” Zane began, reaching over to switch out guitars. The crowd went wild, and he laughed. “I thought you might appreciate that. It’s… I dunno. Maybe you could say it’s a coming-of-age song. I hope you like it. It’s called ‘Mending Fairytales.’”

As he began to move his fingers gracefully over the strings, I felt the familiar wash of awe and pleasure stream over me as his music filled the air. I’d never heard this one before—it wasn’ t the light, catchy tune he’d been humming—but I remembered him mentioning a second song, one that was more serious. And as the words unfurled, I realized this was about his mother.

It wasn’t a tower, and you didn’t save me.

The animals were feral, but you let them raise me.

I needed more, but you didn’t guide me.

I reached for the stars, but you tried to

Hold

Me

Down.

And now you’re gone,

Left in a

Blissed

Out

Haze.

Left me alone and

Afraid

For

Days.

Some days, it seems kinder

But then I remember

The way

You

Sang.

Oh, how

I wish

You’d

Stayed.

It wasn’t a tower, and you didn’ t save me.

The animals were feral, but you let them raise me.

I needed more, but you didn’t guide me.

You went away, and you fucking

Left

Me

Here.

I stared at him as he belted his anger and hurt into a crowd of fifty thousand people. Lou grabbed my sleeve while we stood there, transfixed.

The crowd was stupefied. The drummer hammered each short line with a bass kick drum as Zane wailed the words into the night air. His hair flowed out behind him as he tilted his head back and closed his eyes, singing to a woman who would never hear his words.

Tears sprang to my eyes, and I wondered how many people in that crowd of thousands saw themselves in his story.

And then the music shifted into the bridge, and his voice lightened.

Today, I see clearly

You only whispered your warnings

Out

Of

Fear.

It wasn’t a tower, and you didn’t save me.

The animals were feral, but you let them raise me.

I needed much more, but you didn’t guide me.

A child with a child, you just

Did

Not

Know.

He smiled and opened his eyes, turning for just the briefest moment to find me in the wings before looking back at the crowd with a big smile still on his face.

And now, the sun glances

Off gingerbread houses

And I get to taste all the

Red candy apples

And confess all my dreams to

The welcoming grizzly

And laugh in the wind

While the fairytale happens

And spin in the wild

Broken dreams become mended

And breathe in the air

While my

Heart

Runs

Free.

I couldn’t breathe. I watched as he patted his chest as he sang the final three words, and then he flung his arm out, thanking the crowd and turning to thank the band.

The crowd went wild. The noise was deafening, causing Zane to huff out a laugh and turn back to me with a giant grin.

He was so fucking happy. So proud of bringing joy to all of his fans. Of not fucking up. Of being his authentic self. Of living his dream.

I love you.

The words hammered in my throat, begging to come out.

I love you.

I’m so fucking proud of you.

I couldn’t say them. Instead, I put my hand on my heart and mouthed, You’re amazing .

“Holy shit,” Lou said. “He’s going to make a million dollars off that song.”

I laughed. “More than a million.”

The rest of the show seemed to pass in a blink. Zane was still high off the success of the new song, but I knew from experience that he would crash and crash hard. After the encores and his final good-nights, he came jogging off the stage, sweaty, smiley, and goddamned sexy as fuck.

I shuttled him through the backstage crew shouting kudos and down the corridors to his dressing room, where I stopped everyone else but the two of us.

As soon as I got him inside and closed the door, he was on me. “Fuck me, please,” he said, grabbing at my clothes, my face, my hair. “All I could think about when I saw you in the wings was that I get to feel your cock inside me tonight. No one else gets that, just me. I get to know what it’s like to— hngh !”

I turned him and pushed him face-first against the door, moving his hands up the smooth surface and growling at him to keep them there while arching my hardening dick against his ass and nipping at his earlobe. “Do not make a sound.”

It was reckless and wrong, unprofessional and debauched, but I couldn’t help it. Hearing that he was thinking of me, of sex with me, while he was performing in front of a crowd of tens of thousands of people was heady as fuck.

I fumbled for the front of his pants and shoved them down before wetting my fingers and reaching under the edge of his shirt to find his hole. He gasped and pressed back onto my hand. “Fuck, Bear. Fuck me. Want you to fuck me right here.”

I was too far gone to let rational thought stop me. After opening my pants and pulling out my cock, I spit into my hand. “Don’t have lube.”

He spun around and dropped down in a squat before slathering my cock with his saliva and sucking it as far into his throat as possible. He gagged as he came off. Then, he grinned at me. “Okay?”

I spun him back toward the door and bent my knees before shoving the head of my wet cock against his entrance. It wasn’t pretty, and it sure as hell wasn’t slick, but it worked. Both of us were too riled up to care. I reached for his cock and jacked it as I used his hole to get off.

Our panting breaths mixed together under the sound of workers slamming doors down the corridor and people shouting instructions. The arena vibrated with the sound of tens of thousands of people all exiting at once. Thankfully, it was enough racket to drown out the sound of the two of us coming our brains out in the dressing room.

As soon as it was over, Zane said something about a shower.

“Showering at the hotel, remember?” I said, zipping my pants back up.

Zane looked up at me comically from where he was standing with my jizz dripping down his inner thighs. “What?”

I grabbed some tissues from the dressing table and handed them to him with a grin. “Do the best you can, honey. It’s part of the security protocol. In and out of the venue as quickly as possible.”

He narrowed his eyes at me while swiping ineffectually and then tugging his pants and underwear back up. “Just for that, my personal security detail is going to be personally responsible for cleaning this mess up when we get to the hotel.”

I grasped the back of his head and leaned in to kiss him hard before whispering in his ear. “What the principal wants, the principal gets.”

His little shiver was the cherry on top of a very unexpected sundae. After straightening up our clothes and grabbing Zane’s few personal items from the dressing room, we headed out.

The crowds outside the arena were unbelievable. Zane stared through the limo window as we made our way through streets packed with fans singing and celebrating. The energy of the crowd was magnetic, and I knew it gave Zane a thrill to see it up close like this after a show.

We drove through the city in silence until pulling around the back of the hotel and meeting the security team waiting for us. Once we made it up to Zane’s suite, I excused everyone to their rooms or duty stations and closed us up for the night with the security wedge.

Then, I shot Zane a predatory look, which sent him racing off to the bathroom with a squeal and a laugh.

I caught up to him and grabbed him around the waist, pulling him in for another kiss. “That song was amazing, Z,” I finally said when I caught my breath. “So beautiful. Are you going to let Gran and Rinny hear it?”

He shrugged. “I mean, they won’t be able to avoid it, but I’m not going to make a point of sending it to them or saying anything about it. Gran already knows how grateful I am she took me in, and they both know how bad it was before that. I hope if and when they hear it, they’ll realize it’s…” He shrugged as he yanked off his T-shirt. “It’s part of the healing process. I’m proud of it. And I loved that the crowd loved it, too.”

I grinned, loving that I got to be with him like this—just the two of us, relaxing and spending an enjoyable night together talking over the rest of the concert.

Then Zane turned around to drop his jeans…

Revealing a very clear, red-inked target stamp in the middle of his lower back.

And I lost my ever-loving mind.