Chapter 9

Nine

The sun warmed Finn’s back as he and Jess walked along the beach. After grabbing some food, they headed to the base and she appeared to have enjoyed the tour, but she’d been subdued from the moment they’d left the hotel room.

He was the cause of it. He should’ve kept his mouth shut about people being used as human shields.

There’d been so many times when the fuckers they were assigned to take out used women and children as a form of protection. His team had always done their best to ensure innocents weren’t collateral damage, but sometimes, even their best efforts weren’t enough.

“Do you like living here?” Jess asked after he’d spread the blanket he’d grabbed from his room onto the sand. The waves swished in and out, the sound soothing.

“I do. Although, I admit I do miss the openness and quiet of the ranch. There’s nothing like riding across the land on horseback. Reminds you of how large the world is and how small you really are. What about you? How do you find living in New York?”

Jess dug her hand in the sand, scooped up some of the fine grains, and let them trickle through her fingers. “I’ve lived there for over seven years, and I still don’t think I’m used to the mass of people on the sidewalks every day. I mean, we’re always traveling, too, so maybe that could be the reason why I’m not used to it. And it’s expensive. I have to share a space with four other dancers and so there’s little privacy.”

“I don’t think I’d like to live in a city as big or busy as New York. I mean, San Diego isn’t a small city, but I rarely go there. When I’m not on a mission, I spend most of my time here. I love the ocean.”

“Well, that’s a good thing, seeing as you’re in the Navy and a SEAL,” she teased.

“Yeah, it is. Mom and Dad were surprised I chose the military. Dad thought I’d become a paramedic like he’d been, but I don’t know. I wanted more. To do more. I could’ve chosen the Army, but here I am.”

Jess smiled, and it made his heart skip. “I’m sure they’re very proud of you.”

“They are, but Mom wishes I hadn’t become a SEAL, because I go into more dangerous situations than I would’ve as a sailor. Not saying they don’t do dangerous shit, too. Before I became a SEAL, we were involved in some hairy situations, but yeah…” He shrugged, not wanting to freak her out even more than he’d already done earlier.

“Hey, Hive. How’s it going?”

A couple of guys plopped down on the sand in front of them. “Hey, Smiley. Flash. When did you guys get back?”

“Last night. Just came down here to go for a run and a swim,” Flash replied, his gaze flicking between Finn and Jess.

“Oh, this is Jess. She’s…”

What was Jess? His girlfriend?

She was a friend. Should he tell them she was his cousin?

“Um...a dancer with the Baxter Company. I caught their final show last night.”

That sounded even worse. It sounded like he’d picked Jess up and had a one-night-stand with her.

“Hey, Jess. I’m Flash.” His buddy held a hand toward her.

When she placed her small hand into his large one, jealousy speared Finn’s gut, and he wanted to slap Flash’s hand away. And, as if his fellow SEAL could tell he was getting under Finn’s skin, he held onto Jess’s hand a little longer than was polite.

“Hi, Flash.” She smiled up at him.

“Nice to meet you, ma’am.”

“I’m Smiley.” Like Flash, the guy held out his hand for Jess, but he didn’t keep hold of it like Flash had.

Finn appreciated it.

Both men lounged on the sand, appearing not bothered that they were going to get covered in the fine granules. Like him, they’d gotten used to relaxing just about anywhere, so a few grains of sand weren’t going to bother them.

“How long have you been a dancer, Jess?” Flash asked.

“Since I could walk. My dad enrolled me in classes when I was two,” Jess said.

Finn smiled as he recalled some of the earlier videos Slick had shown him one of the times he came to visit them. Jess had been at a class, and Slick had a fit of nostalgia and brought out the old footage he’d taken of her at her first recital. “And you were such a cute dancer back then. Twirling and jumping around in your glittery costume,” he teased and bopped her nose.

“If you want to continue breathing, you won’t say anymore.” Jess glared, but there was no heat in the look.

Finn laughed and made the motion of zipping his mouth shut.

“You’ve known each other for a while then?” Smiley asked.

He nodded. “Yep, we have.” He reached over, grabbed her hand, and brought it up to his lips, kissing her fingers.

The action had staked his claim in front of his fellow SEALs.

Finn didn’t care. He wanted the world to know he was with this beautiful woman beside him.

“Right, well I think that’s our cue to bug out.” Flash stood, and Smiley followed suit. “See you at PT in a couple of days?”

“Yep, it’s good to have you guys back,” Finn said. His team and theirs often met up to do their morning PT.

“Glad to be back, too.” Smiley saluted as they headed for the water.

“I take it they’re SEALs, too?” Jess gave his fingers a squeeze.

“Yeah, they’re on a different team, but we’ve gone on missions together, and as you heard, we do our morning PT together sometimes.”

“PT?”

“Physical training. We come down here every morning. Do exercise drills. Go for a run and then a swim. It helps to keep us in top physical condition so that we can do what we do,” Finn said.

“Oh, that makes sense. It’s kind of like me rehearsing daily and keeping myself fit, even when I’m on a break. Although I don’t imagine you’ll be kicked off the team for a bad performance, unlike me. If I make too many mistakes, I’m either demoted or off the team.”

Finn had been unaware dance was such a cutthroat industry, but then again, he shouldn’t be surprised. He’d seen some of the dance moms at Jess’s recitals.

“You said something about this being the last stop on your tour. How long are you on a break for?” he asked. If she had a long break, could he convince her to come back out here after she’d visited her parents?

Or maybe Finn could take a long weekend and visit them with her.

“Could be indefinitely,” she murmured.

“What? What do you mean?”

Jess shrugged and looked at the ocean. “I’m waiting on a new contract. My current one was up at the end of this tour. I don’t know if I’ll get another one or not.”

Finn stared, shocked that whoever was responsible for handing out contracts hadn’t already given her one. “That’s ridiculous. You’re the best dancer in the group. The solo you did last night was amazing. You were breathtaking, Jess.”

Unable to help himself, he leaned forward and captured her lips with his.

Now that he’d given himself permission to touch her—be with her, kiss her—he couldn’t stop doing it.

He wanted more, but he didn’t want to rush her. This situation they’d found themselves in was all too new for the both of them.

Finn hauled her across the blanket so she straddled his lap. Her hands cupped the back of his head, as if she didn’t want him to stop kissing her.

He didn’t want to, either, but the need to breathe had them breaking apart.

Finn hugged her tight against his chest and closed his eyes when she buried her face in his neck.

“What are we doing?” she muttered. “You live here, and I live in New York. This is never going to work.”

Jess’s words were like a bucket of cold ocean water tossed over his head, cooling his desire in seconds. The problem was, what she was saying wasn’t anything but the truth. “We’ll work something out.”

She pulled away and sat back down, putting more of a gap between them than had been there before. “How? Are you going to give up your career to follow me around the country? Or do you expect me to give up mine and sit here, twiddling my thumbs while you go off to who knows where, for who knows how long?”

How had their conversation got so serious so quickly?

Had Finn made a mistake showing her around?

Seeing where he worked and knowing what he did for a living could be hard for some people. Marrying anyone in the military was hard, but he’d known people who’d made it work.

Heck, her dad was a former firefighter. His job could be just as dangerous as Finn’s.

But he wasn’t going to ignore her concerns. They were as valid as his worries.

“I don’t know, Jess. I don’t even know what we’re doing here. All I know is I don’t want to let you go. Walking away from you in New York all those years ago was the hardest thing I ever did. I thought it was for the best I didn’t contact you after our kiss. But there wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think of you.” Finn cupped her face. “Thoughts of you got me through BUD/S. When I thought about ringing that bell and quitting, I’d think about you. How you’d made it to the top of your class at Julliard. How you didn’t give up when you were injured. I may not have been there, but I heard about it because of Mom and Aunt Poppy. I know our situations are completely different, but I kept thinking, if Jess can do it, I can, too. So I’d push through the pain. Endure whatever crap was thrown at us. The taunts, because I wanted to succeed like you did.”

Finn held his breath, waiting to see her reaction.

He hadn’t meant to blurt all that out, but everything he said was the truth. Thoughts of Jess had gotten him through the hard times. When his muscles were screaming for him to let go of the pole he was hanging on. When his whole body was numb from being in the ocean for almost a whole day.

At the end, when he’d gotten his trident pin, Finn had wanted Jess in the audience to celebrate, but he’d joined the SEALs after their kiss in New York, and he hadn’t been brave enough to send her an invite. Even after all he’d endured, he hadn’t sent the invitation that still sat in one of his dresser drawers.

“Finn,” she whispered and launched herself at him.

He caught her as he fell back on the sand, her body on top of his.

“I know I keep saying it, but I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Jess breathed.

“There’s nothing wrong. A lot has happened in the last twenty-four hours. And your concerns are valid. One thing I’ve learned from being a SEAL is we need to live in the moment. Will it be difficult? Sure, but now that we’re here, I don’t want to go back to what we were before.”

“I want that, too. I’ve got the next two months off. I’ll come back after I see Mom and Dad.”

Joy swept through him, and he pulled Jess down for another kiss. Finn had meant what he’d said about living in the moment. Before Jess came back, he’d better look at finding a place where she could stay with him. Because after last night and learning what had happened to her, he wanted her close by.