Chapter 20

Twenty

Finn ordered himself to sit still. He was almost thirty, but still, with one look from his mom, he was back to being ten years old and in trouble for riding his dad’s horse without asking for his permission. Like he had one time when his dad wasn’t around.

Today, his dad had gone to the beach with Jess’s dad and her half siblings. Primmy had decided to stay in the hotel room, which was why Finn and his mom were meeting in the coffee shop in the lobby.

Mom didn’t want to be too far away from her daughter, and he could understand that. He loved his sister, but sometimes she pushed the boundaries, so it wouldn’t surprise him if Primmy left the hotel and hit the stores—without permission.

“So, you and Jess, huh?” Mom asked after she took a sip of her orange juice.

There was no point denying it, as his mom had heard the doctor call him Jess’s fiancé after he’d visited. She hadn’t said anything, but he’d caught her raised eyebrow.

“Yes.”

“And you’re…engaged?”

Finn rested his hands in his lap. Getting a dressing-down from his commander was easier than the questions from his mom. Although they weren’t hard questions, just ones he didn’t want to answer. “It was the only way to get information about her when I arrived at the hospital. You know how it is; they don’t like to give out details about a patient to non-immediate family members.”

“I do.”

Damn. Mom was wearing her extremely unimpressed pants.

Was she upset that he and Jess were together? “Something you want to say?” he asked, determined to get to the bottom of why she seemed unhappy at the thought of him and Jess together—which went against everything he’d thought.

Her gaze flitted away, and she began to fiddle with the silverware on the table, as though she didn’t want to answer. Or his mom didn’t know what to say, which he was pretty damn sure wasn’t the case.

What the heck was going on?

Unease pooled in his belly. Finn was happy with Jess. Settled, even. They might’ve only had a few days together, but he’d felt in his soul what he’d known when he’d been a tween—Jess was his.

Always had been and always would be. While he’d love to have his mom on board, because family get-togethers would be awkward if she weren’t, no way was he going to leave Jess. Not when she needed his support now more than ever.

“Are you happy?” his mom asked, when the silence between them had stretched from normal to uncomfortable.

“I am. But I feel like that’s not what you wanted to say. Do you have a problem with me and Jess being together? Is it because her stepmom is my aunt, which kind of makes us cousins? But you know there’s no blood shared between Jess and me.”

Mom gasped. “No! None of that. I promise.”

From the moment his mom had picked him up at the children’s home the first time, she’d never lied to him, and he didn’t think she’d start now.

“Then if that’s not the issue, what is? And don’t say nothing, because you’re acting all squirrely, and I don’t like it.” Finn hadn’t meant for his words to come out as harshly as they had, but he was confused. His mother was never indecisive. Never at a loss for words, as she appeared to be right this second.

Mom laid her hand on the table, palm up, the universal sign of her wanting him to place his on top. He might be annoyed but he loved his mom and so he did, and her fingers closed around his, squeezing gently.

“I love you, Finn Spelling. I have from the moment I saw you when you were six.”

“I love you too, Mom.”

“I’m happy you and Jess are together. I knew that something special was growing between you when I picked you up from Poppy’s place when you visited her for the first time. Even way back then, when you were children, I saw it. It’s just, for the last few years, you’ve always shut down any conversation about her. I know your job takes you to all sorts of places you can’t talk about. But when you’ve been in the country and it was Jess’s opening night, you’d always beg off, saying you couldn’t make it. And I know it’s not because you couldn’t afford the airfare.”

He chuckled. For sure, money definitely hadn’t been the reason he’d been putting space between him and Jess.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is, what’s changed? And I know you’re happy with her. I can see it. The shadows in your eyes are lighter, as though her presence in your life makes all the burdens you carry from your job a little easier to bear,” his mom said.

Her insights didn’t surprise him. Even though he lived in a different state, she always seemed to know when he was down, or if something was wrong. There’d been many times when she’d video-called him when he’d been lost in his head.

Her happy face had always cheered him up. Her picking up on what he’d thought he’d carefully hidden about avoiding Jess wasn’t a shock. What was surprising was the fact she hadn’t called him out on it.

The question was, should Finn tell her the reason he’d pulled back? When he explained everything, she wouldn’t be happy with the way he’d treated Jess. She’d be angry on Jess’s behalf.

However, his mom deserved to know the truth, and he was willing to face her disappointment. “You’re not wrong in saying I was avoiding Jess. I was in New York at a Naval Ball four years ago, and a couple of friends and I hit a club. Jess was there with her dancer friends. She was just twenty-one, about to embark on her career with Baxter.” The memory of that night slammed into him, and he couldn’t stop the words even if he tried. “Mom, I saw her, and I forgot to breathe. She was so beautiful and carefree. Really happy. She was a little tipsy, but not so much that she didn’t know what she was doing. I couldn’t stay away from her, and we danced. I kissed her in the middle of the dance floor. When I pulled back, I stared at her, and I saw something in her eyes that freaked me out. I pushed her away and said that it could never happen again. I avoided her calls and messages. And, as you know, avoided any opportunity to be near her.”

“Oh, Finn, why? Just hearing you relay what happened, I can tell that you care deeply for her.”

“I do, Mom, and I guess that’s what I saw in her eyes, too, and it scared me. I was thinking about becoming a SEAL, and I needed my focus on that. And Jess, well, she was about to experience life. I thought it best if I put as much distance between us as possible.”

“Didn’t work for you, did it? You couldn’t stop thinking about her, could you?”

Finn chuckled, shaking his head at the same time. “No, to both those things. When I agreed to go on that double date with Oak and his ex, I never expected to see Jess, even though I was thinking about her because we were going to see a dance performance. I walked in and saw her face on that poster, after learning that my ‘date’ had bailed on me, and I stopped, not believing what I was seeing. I almost walked out, but I stayed, and it was amazing. She’s such a beautiful dancer.”

“She really is.” His mom smiled.

“I knew then I had to see her, but she blew me off when I went backstage.”

“I don’t blame her. I would, too, if you treated me the way you treated her.”

He deserved his mom’s censure. “Yeah, it wasn’t a surprise, even though I hoped for a different outcome.”

“Well, seeing as you’re together, I’m guessing you did get the outcome you wanted.”

Finn nodded. “I did, but the circumstances of how it came about weren’t ideal.”

“So, what now? You’re based here. She’s in New York. How are you going to make it work?”

“I’m going to put in for a transfer to another team, one based in Virginia. There will still be distance between us, but a shorter plane ride than if I were here.”

Mom sat back, studying him. Her gaze didn’t give anything away. Her eyelids sparkled with her glitter eyeliner, and he smiled.

Perhaps there was something to her saying that glitter brightened up everyone’s day. Not that he’d start wearing glitter eyeliner, but maybe he could persuade Jess to. She was a dancer, after all, and she was bound to have some glittery eye shadow in her makeup collection.

“Is that what you really want?” his mom asked after a few beats of silence.

“I mean, I’ll be sad to leave my team, because they’re a great bunch of guys. But I love Jess. I don’t want the whole country between us.”

Mom’s eyes widened at his declaration, and he silently cursed himself. Jess should’ve been the first one to hear he loved her, not his mom, but he couldn’t snatch the words back.

“Then you do what you have to do. You know Dad and I will support you, no matter what you want to do. I know between the two of you, you’ll work everything out. It’s not going to be easy, though,” she cautioned. “Once she’s recovered, she’s going to be traveling a lot, and you will, too. When you do spend time together, you need to make sure that you put one-hundred-percent effort in. No more ghosting.”

“I promise, no more ghosting. Now that I have her, I’m not letting her go. And I love being a SEAL and serving my country, but I know it’s not the easiest of occupations for my family to deal with. I won’t be doing it forever.”

Mom took his hand again. “Whatever you decide, it will be the right thing. You know you always have a place at the ranch and, with your skills, you could easily get a job as a paramedic, too, if that is what you want.”

“Or be a volunteer firefighter,” he said, a nod to his dad’s volunteering and how his parents had met.

“That, too.” She glanced at her watch. “Now I think it’s time we headed back to the room to make sure Primrose hasn’t escaped.”

Finn laughed. “I’ve been watching the foyer; I haven’t seen her.”

“You think you haven’t, but that girl...she’s wily.”

He stood up and pulled his mom’s chair out. The second she stood, he tugged her into a tight hug. “Thanks, Mom. I miss you. And I love you.”

Her arms tightened around him, and even though he stood a good foot taller, he managed to feel like he was that six-year-old who’d first met Cerise Spelling. “I love you, too. And I think your Aunt Poppy is going to be so happy about you and Jess.”

“I hope so. Slick, on the other hand, I may have to win over.”

Mom pulled out of his embrace and patted his chest. “He knows the type of person you are. I just wouldn’t mention that everyone at the hospital believes you and Jess are already engaged.”

Yeah, that was something he needed to rectify. Finn would do the right thing, ask Slick for Jess’s hand in marriage and present Jess with the ring he’d snuck out and bought a couple of days ago. He’d pledge his life and love, and hope she didn’t turn him down.