14

Bianca

Jager’s face fell, and he closed his eyes briefly. “I can explain.”

My body felt numb, but at the same time, I just wanted to jump out of the car. The fear that I couldn’t think straight enough to get home kept mein my seat.

“What the fuck?” I said, more to myself than to him. “How do you know Ruby? How…how…”

I knew it wasn’t that he knew Ruby, but that he was Ruby, yet I couldn’t even get the words straight. Or maybe some part of me wanted it to be true. He was into tech, after all. “Did you hack into her phone and set yourself up to receive her messages?”

I wasn’t sure if that was any better, but I didn’t want to imagine the alternative.

“No, Bianca. It’s not like that.”

“Then what is it?”

“We’re ten minutes away from my place. Let me get us there so I can explain everything to you.”

“I don’t want to go to your place, Jager. Don’t you get that? I want to go home.”

He swore softly under his breath. “Yeah. I get that.” Then he checked his rearview mirror and swerved to the right. A car honked, and a man shouted at us as he drove past.

Jager pulled into the back of some commercial building. I should have been more scared than I was, but I was too angry to be scared. “What are you doing?”

He undid his seatbelt and turned to face me. “I want to explain what happened.”

“How are you going to explain that you’ve been lying to me for two years?” I seethed. My chest rose and fell with each labored breath. “That you’ve misled, deceived, and mocked me by pretending to be someone else while I poured my heart out to you? I thought you were a friend, my best friend, but you are a fraud.”

My voice cracked, and I pressed my lips together. I was so angry I could smash the window next to me with my bare hand.

“You were my best friend, too. I couldn’t wait until I logged on and talked to you. You were the best part of my day.”

I scoffed. He was unbelievable. “How could you sit there and tell me these things?”

“Because they’re the truth. And I also didn’t know it was you I was chatting with until recently. I confirmed it when I saw you at the bar with John.”

Oh my God. Why hadn’t I thought about that? Did I believe it was just a coincidence that I had met him there? I was such an idiot. I dropped my head into my hands, humiliated. “I don’t believe this.”

“I couldn’t believe it myself. All this time that I wished I could talk to you, wishing you were still in my life, and I didn’t even know it was you.”

He reached for my hand, but I pulled away. I wasn’t ready for his touch. Although his voice sounded sincere, how did I know I could trust him? He’d been keeping this secret admittedly for days. He could’ve been lying this whole time. “Why didn’t you say something as soon as you figured it out?”

“I wanted to. I did. I even tried a couple of times, but chickened out because you were finally letting me in. This morning, I knew I couldn’t hold off any longer, but then Khan called, and I had to go. Then, I wanted to do it earlier, but I wanted to buy you clothes first.”

I shook my head. “Stop.”

He ran his hands over his face and slammed his head back onto the headrest.

“I swear, Bumblebee. I was going to tell you.”

“If you weren’t trying to hide who you were, why use a woman’s name like Ruby Tuesday?

He smiled, but not widely, but enough that I knew it was sincere. “Ruby Tuesday was my mom’s favorite Rolling Stones song.”

The Rolling Stones. Why would he choose—oh, fuck. Mick Jagger was the lead singer.

I tore off my bun and ran my fingers through my hair. “I’m fucking pissed, Jager. You should have said something right away. I feel like such an idiot.”

“You shouldn’t. You were amazing. You are amazing. I loved talking to SnowWhite87. Our conversations made my life bearable. I felt less alone. I felt heard.”

His words were like a balm to my ego, and the sincerity behind them was undeniable. “I looked forward to our chats, too. You were my best friend.”

He turned his head to stare at me. His brown eyes glistened under the sunroof. “I can still be your best friend. But I want to be more than that.”

I bit my bottom lip. My whole world had been turned upside down. Ruby was a lie. She wasn’t a stranger. She was the person who had broken my heart. How could fate be so cruel?

“How could this happen?” I said aloud.

“I don’t know. But it felt right, though. Despite everything that happened, we still found each other.”

He reached over the console for my hand and this time, I didn’t move away. He wrapped his hand over mine and rubbed my knuckles with his thumb. The caress soothed my nerves, and his words appeased my ego, but I hated that he had kept this from me.

With his free hand, he smoothed out the crease between my brows. “I see it in your eyes. You’re still angry with me.”

“I can’t help it. I don’t get why you waited to tell me.”

“I know. I’m so fucking mad at myself. If I had said something right away, we wouldn’t be here, and I wouldn’t be terrified that you’re going to shut me out again.”

I looked up, puzzled. “Again?”

He licked his lips and closed his eyes. “I’m sorry I brought it up, but I can feel a wall between us now and I don’t know what to do to tear it down. I’m scared.”

“Bring what up? I’m so confused, Jager.”

“I understand why you did it, why you never responded to my note. I was an asshole when I told you we needed some space. I’d only said it because I’d got into a fight with River that day and he told me it was either you or him. I didn’t know how to deal with that ultimatum, so I pushed you away. I wrote you a letter the night of the raid. I told my mother to give it to you. Wait…” He narrowed his eyes. “You never got it?”

My brain struggled to remember where I was the night Jager was arrested. I’d been at a friend’s house, crying that I thought it was over between us. “I was at Jamie’s house. But River was home. He would have given me the note.”

“Would he?” Then he dropped his head into his hands. “Fuck.”

His eyes were red when he turned to me. “You never read my note?”

Pain crossed his features, his eyes watered, and my throat seized. Unable to speak, I merely shook my head.

“Motherfu--” he rubbed his face again. “I can’t believe he would do that.”

I panicked. I didn’t want to believe it, either. “There must be some mistake. Maybe your mother forgot to give it to him. A lot happened that night. She must have had a lot on her mind and that note most likely didn’t seem important to her.”

His face remained hard. My words bounced off of him, unaffected. He shook his head. “No. She knew it was important.”

I grabbed his hand and forced him to look at me. “What did the note say?”

He turned away and tilted his face toward the windshield. I waited with my heart in his hands, anticipating that his next words would change everything.

“It said—” he cleared his throat and inhaled deeply. Then he grabbed my hand and squeezed. “It said I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I chose him, even for a day. I’m sorry I was too weak to stand up for us and lose him if it meant gaining you. I’m sorry that I hurt you, made you doubt me, and doubt yourself. I’m sorry that I wasn’t the person you thought I was. I disappointed you and myself. And if you could ever forgive me, I would spend the rest of my life proving to you that I am worthy of your love.”

Tears rushed to my eyes, and then a sob wrecked through my body. I couldn’t control myself. I strongly reacted to the words I could never have hoped to hear or imagined he would ever say to me. All those years of wondering what I’d done, if I hadn’t been enough, or if I’d said something wrong…

Jager reached across and pulled me into his arms. I wrapped my arms around his neck and cried like a baby. I released every emotion I’d held for so long, all the insecurities and self-doubt.

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” I whispered. River was to blame.

“But it is. I was the one that fucked up.”

I pulled away to look him in the eye. “Yeah, but you tried to fix it. You tried.” Overcome with emotion again, I pulled him closer and squeezed. I’d just realized how much pain he must have been through, thinking I’d ignored his heartfelt apology. I had dismissed him and his love even when he ultimately chose me.

“Oh God, Jager. I’m sorry, too.”

He caressed my hair. “What the hell do you have to be sorry about?”

“That you had to go through that. That you went through the arrest and detainment thinking that I’d abandoned you.”

“Shit,” he said, and pressed the palm of his hands to his eyes. “I didn’t care about being alone. I just knew that I’d lost you forever, and I couldn’t live with that.”

I kissed his cheek and his temple.

“I wrote you a second letter. One more attempt.”

“When?”

“When I realized I wasn’t going to prison. I wanted you to know that I wasn’t a complete fuck up. I wanted you to think well of me.”

“Oh, Jager. I never received that letter.”

“I know that now. I wished I’d known it then. I think I would have taken fewer risks when I was out there.”

“God, I can’t even think about that. How you must have felt. How betrayed you were and how unfeeling I must have seemed to you.”

“Not unfeeling. Just unforgiving. But I convinced myself that I had deserved it for not choosing you first.”

I put my hands on either side of Jager’s face. “I’m sorry you went through that without me. I’m sorry you ever doubted how much I loved you.”

The words spilled out without me thinking about them. It was an apology I hadn’t prepared, but now that I said it, I couldn’t take the words back. I’d meant them. I loved him then, and I was in danger of falling in love with him again.

Jager pressed his lips to mine and filled my heart with his sigh. When he pulled away, he looked into my eyes, pleading, “Don’t go home. Come back to my place. I can’t let you go.”

“I don’t want to go home. I want to stay with you.”

He pulled me in for another kiss, this time deeper and slower than the other. My head spun from all the revelations, but none affected me more than knowing that Jager had always cared about me. He hadn’t just walked away.

He reluctantly broke from the kiss and started his car. He held my hand and pressed his lips to it while he drove to his place. It soothed my heart, and a little of my anger toward River. But only a little.

I knew Jager lived on Park Avenue, but I hadn’t realized he lived on the top floor of one of the most luxurious buildings I’d ever seen. Large flower bouquets lined the entrance and rich woods and granites lined the walls. Jager inserted a card to press the penthouse button in the elevator, pulled me against him, and kissed my neck as we ascended to his apartment.

The thumbprint scanner at his door surprised me more than it should have, but everything seemed new suddenly. Perhaps because I’d never imagined being here until this weekend.

“Make yourself comfortable while I grab you a bottle of water,” he said after opening the door. “You’ve had quite the shock.”

“So have you,” I said, walking up to the windows. “Wow, this view is incredible!”

“Thank you.” He passed me the bottle, having opened it already. I sipped the water slowly. It was European and somehow tasted better.

“Fancy,” I said with a smile.

He smiled, too. “What can I get you to eat? You must be starving.”

I was hungry, now that he mentioned it. “Do you want to order a pizza?”

“I can do that. Anything else?”

“I wouldn’t say no to wings.”

He chuckled. “Of course. Give me a minute to call the concierge.”

“The concierge. I can order a pizza and wings on my phone.”

“Yes. But then we’d have to stop what we’re doing to open the door for delivery.” He walked up to me, put the bottle I was holding onto the table, and wrapped my arms around his neck. “And I plan to keep you occupied for the next hour while we wait.”

“Oh, that’s smooth,” I said and pulled his face down to mine. “Real smooth.” I kissed him and he pressed me closer to him, feeling how much he wanted me.

The sensation turned me on, and I looked up at this much larger, muscular, confident man than the boy I’d loved and realized I wanted him more now than I ever did. I wanted him to know how much I regretted the past and all the years that we had wasted, and that if I could take it all back, I would. If I could strangle my brother, I would.

So, I dropped to my knees and looked up.

Jager stood frozen, as though confused at first, and then surprised.

He bent down to grab my hand. “B, you don’t have to do that.”

“Of course not. I want to.”

He groaned and ran his hands through his hair.

My fingers undid his belt first, then his button, and slowly unzipped his pants. They dropped to the floor, and he stepped out of them.

“Take off your shirt,” I said, and he slowly unbuttoned his crisp white shirt. He tore it off one arm at a time and I licked my lips, watching his muscles flex at the movement. He was beautiful to look at. His body would have made DaVinci weep.

“If you keep staring at me like that, I won’t be able to keep my hands off of you.”

Focusing, I hooked my thumb on the elastic of his black briefs and pulled them down, releasing his eager erection. My body responded as much as his, anxious to move forward.

I licked him tentatively, tasting him. His dick bobbed as I teased him. “Fuck. You’re killing me.”

I smiled at the desperation in his voice. Power rushed through my veins, knowing that I had this man in the palm of my hand.

And mouth.

I sucked the velvety tip and swallowed his building excitement. His breathing was labored and his chest heaved as though he were running a marathon. He held himself back. I could feel it.

“Damn it, B. My fucking knees are weak right now.”

I found it hard to believe as he stood there looming over me, looking dominant and strong. I couldn’t imagine anything or anyone bringing this man to his knees.

But I would try.

I pulled him into my mouth until his blunt tip reached the back of my throat. He was too big to fit completely inside, so I had to wrap my hands around his base.

Jager groaned when I sucked him hard, and he swore softly under his breath. When my lips moved rhythmically over his shaft, he placed both hands in my hair and massaged my scalp. But as my head bobbed faster, his fingers pressed deeper, and I knew he was close.

I latched onto his body with both hands, and he trembled, but then pulled me away. “Stop,” he panted. “I don’t want to come yet.”

I kneeled there, looking up at him, my pussy wet and throbbing. He must have read the lust in my eyes because his eyes darkened and he pulled me up.

With his hands on my hips, he lifted me until my legs circled around his waist. Carrying me to the bedroom, he kissed my neck and shoulder and pulled my white shirt over my head.

My pants were next, and he made quick work of removing them as soon as he placed me on his bed. I reached for him, but he pushed me back onto his pillows and I squealed when he licked my inner thigh. I was so damn ticklish.

It felt good to laugh after such an emotional day. It felt even better knowing that he had wanted me. Loved me all along.

Jager’s tongue swiped my clit, and I moaned, laughter leaving as quickly as it came.

He flicked it over and over again, circling, then sucking, and doing things with his mouth that I couldn’t even picture, but could only process how they made me feel.

Alive.

Like I was soaring above the trees and the clouds. I had been so turned on when I had him in my mouth that it only took a few minutes of him pleasuring me when the floodgates of my orgasm burst open.

“Yes!”

I closed my legs when he lifted his head, trying to capture every last ripple that passed through me. Jager leaned over me to his night table and opened the drawer. Through hooded eyes, I watched him roll a condom over his bulging erection and stroke himself a few times. “Ready?”

I nodded and opened my legs in wanton invitation. But Jager shook his head. Instead, he turned me to my side and lay next to me. Grabbing my thigh, he pulled it over his leg as he guided himself to my entrance. His hands were on my breasts, and he teased them as he pushed himself deeper inside of me.

My whole body was highly sensitized after my orgasm, and yet his movement pushed me toward another great leap. My nipples hardened under his fingertips as he brushed them back and forth.

I knew I could lose myself in Jager’s arms. I’d always known it. But now I knew exactly how easily I could get lost. With just his touch and his love, I would surrender myself to him.

My orgasm grew, and I panted on the pillow, his breath heavy next to my ear. He was close too, as his dick thickened inside of me. His lovemaking wasn’t fast in this position, but consistent and overwhelming. When my pleasure hit, it was hard and breathtaking—leaving me gasping when he shouted next to me.

“My God, I love you,” he said.

I closed my eyes, and my heart exploded in my chest. Struggling, I turned in his arms to face him. “I love you, too.”