Chapter Three

Dot

"Do you ever fantasize about someone you don't really know?" My friend Sky and I talk like this all the time. She's open about her sex life and I'm open about mine. We met a few years back at a concert in Whiskey Falls. She was up there for the summer serving drinks for the concert series and I was consuming them. She was the wise owl that suggested I'd had enough. By the end of the night, she was the savior that drove me back to my hotel and we kept in touch ever since. Girls looking out for girls. It should be a regular thing.

"Yes. That's why they call them fantasies. I had like four orgasms last week thinking about Jason Momoa."

I laugh. "That's not what I mean. I mean like real life people. People in town or—"

"You're fantasizing about someone in town? Who?"

We tell each other everything, and I want to tell her this too, but there's a part of me that doesn't want the fantasy of Hank ruined by the reality of Hank.

"It's not important. It's—"

"It's very important." She raises her voice playfully as she says, "You cannot tell me something like that and leave out details. That's a total breach of friendship. You know that, right?"

"You probably don't even know him. He's—"

"If I don't know him, what difference does it make?"

She has a point there. Except knowing Sky, she'll make it her business to find out everything she can about him, and that's not what I'm looking for. I need to imagine this man just as I've mentally portrayed him. Perfect.

"Come on. I tell you everything! Last week, I told you a ten-minute story about how I nearly pissed myself walking down Main Street. I mean, if that's not embarrassing, what is?"

"You're pregnant. That's not embarrassing. It's a thing."

She laughs. "What about the part where I don't know my baby's daddy? Is that embarrassing?"

"Mmm… not embarrassing. It's more so just hilarious. I don't believe that story, anyway. I think you're holding back. You know who the father is."

"Really? I'd make up this elaborate story of how I'm a whore to protect the baby's daddy?"

"Yeah," I giggle. "Maybe."

"Okay," she groans playfully. "Tell me who this mystery man is. No more bullshit."

I sigh and cover my face with my hand, knowing for sure I'm about to make a mistake. "Have you met any of the guys that run the security firm in town? They're all brothers." I know this because I spent half of last night Googling them. Apparently, they're all ex-military and super buff with huge muscles. They've all got a similar look, but Hank is by far the hottest.

"Yeah, ugh, the Carson guy is best buddies with my brother. I'm considering using that company for a job I need done soon." Her tone brightens as she says, "Oh, Lord. Are you fantasizing about the security dudes?"

"Well, I'd recommend them," I sigh, "Hank specifically. He came out and installed my security system yesterday."

"Wait… the same security system you were bitching about last night? Why didn't you mention him then?"

I wasn't sure if I wanted to get into this conversation, but here I am. I still don't know if I should've let this sit longer. It's weird. I feel like a fourteen-year-old girl compared to him. He's all rough and tough, and suddenly, I'm awkward and totally unsure of myself.

"He's older than you, right? He's a lot older. I'm pulling up the website now."

My stomach tightens as Sky hem and haws her way through the webpage.

"Okay, so he's hot. You should definitely have fantasies about him." She giggles as she says, "Approved."

"Okay, well, thanks for the vote of confidence," I laugh, relieved she hasn't peppered me with hard facts. "What do you need security for, anyway?"

"Truthfully, I think it's stupid, but my brother wants Carson to play bodyguard for me on a trip up to Wyoming next week."

"What's the trip for?"

Her tone drops as she says, "That's another conversation. We're being happy for you right now."

"Wait, you wouldn't let me get away with this. Tell me what's up!"

She laughs. "I have to go up to Wyoming to see an ex, and yeah, Carson is coming with me." Her tone turns playful as she says, "Bodyguard for the pregnant lady."

"Why are you going to Wyoming to see an ex?"

"Because my things are there. Why aren't you calling this security guy?" She loves changing the subject away from herself. It's a thing. For right now, I let it slide. Whatever's going on with her and the ex is going to be a sit down, in person, tell me what's going on kind of conversation.

"We should get together this weekend and talk. Sounds like I need some holes filled."

"Yeah, you do!" she snarks with laughter.

"Oh, God. I walked into that one. Well, I spent like half the night fantasizing about this guy ripping my clothes off and doing dirty, awful things to me. So, you're probably right. I could use some hole filling."

"You need this. A rebound. A guy to have fun with for a while, ya know?"

I drag in a breath and let it out slowly. "Yeah, well, Hank isn't going to fuck with me. Have you seen him? He's hot as hell."

"And so are you!"

"No." I shake my head. "I appreciate the compliment, but he's way out of my league. He could do so much better than me."

"Why do you do this to yourself?"

"Do what?"

"Cut yourself down. You're literally gorgeous. I would pay money to look like you." There's conviction in her voice when she talks, but still, I'm not sure I believe her. "That asshole in Seattle said those things to cut you down, Dot. They're not true. Trust me."

My ex, Lonny, was great at first. He filled my ego in all kinds of ways. That probably should've been my first hint. No one is that good at compliments. Two months into the relationship, when he had me right where he wanted me, he turned into a psychopath. Suddenly, I was too fat, my nose was too big for my face, and my tits sagged far too low. My confidence went down slowly, and soon he found reasons to keep me from friends and family as well.

I decided to leave when he showed up at my office one day, shoved me into the back room, and threatened to leave if I didn't quit and come home right that moment. Everyone at the news station saw it and I should've pressed charges. Instead, I came running home with my tail between my legs.

The amount of shame I felt … feel… for trusting someone who could do something like that is immense. I don't want drama in my life. I don't need it. That said, I left that relationship with lower self-esteem than I've ever had in my life.

I used to be proud of my shape and size. Sure, I've never been considered thin, but it never bothered me before Lonny. I love my curves, and I show them off every chance I get. Well, I used to.

Rationally, I know that my self-worth is determined by me. Unfortunately, the things he said are hard to get out of my head.

I pour out a bowl of cereal and smother the flakes in milk. "A night of sexual escapades would be good, but I'm not going to be bumping into security man anytime soon. So… doesn't matter."

"Oh my God, this is an easy one. Set off your alarm. It'll trigger a response with their system, and when they call, tell them no cops are needed, but ask if they can send a tech to make sure everything is okay. Hank shows up, and boom, you lure the milk man into your house."

"What? Milk man?"

"Yeah, you know… like the pizza boy or the pool guy. Insert your flavor of sexual servant here. You just wear something skimpy, bend over, pick something up, his dick mysteriously slides in, and boom, you're pregnant with the man's seven-foot spawn, and you live happily ever after." She laughs. "What aren't you getting about this?"

"Sounds like you have a plan all figured out. Is that what you did? Is that why you need security? Is your ex the big, bad, milk man?"

"I wish! He wouldn't be my ex then. You should play that out with Hank and see how it goes. I can't wait to hear the details."

"I don't think Hank and I are getting a milk man moment, but thank you for the advice, professor. I have to leave now and search for a job I don't want."

"Ugh. I know you don't have the same opportunities here, but I'm glad you're back in town. This baby needs an auntie and you're going to be the best of the best. I love you."

"Love you, too. Let's catch up this weekend."

"Sure thing." The line disconnects and I spoon into my bowl of cereal before pulling up the town website. Being that we're such a small community, jobs aren't usually listed on the usual job-hunting sites. Instead, there's a running list on a local trade site that keeps people up to date with the latest news and information regarding the mountain, including Mrs. Robinson's gossip column. Aside from my parents, she's the one person in town I missed the most, and she's always got the greatest advice. I should go see her when I get my life back in order. Then again, maybe I should see her before that. She'd probably point me in the right direction.

I click toward the employment page and scroll down the list. There are few things here that weren't listed yesterday that I'm qualified to do, only a couple of them take advantage of the four years I spent in college, and none of them pay enough to reduce the size of the student loan bills that are piling up.

That said, I have to start somewhere, and who knows, maybe a job at the diner will open up to something more. I never dreamt of being the manager, but I'd take it if it means paying my own bills and leaving this house of constant surveillance.

I glance back down at the screen. I need to focus. Job hunting will get Hank off my mind. I don't know what I was thinking last night. I've never thought about anyone in real life the way I thought about him while I was masturbating. Maybe other people do this all the time. Maybe it's common and I've been overthinking it. Maybe everyone has fantasies about everyone and I'm the last to know. Maybe it's perfectly normal to Google a man you just met and read everything you can find about him.

My clit throbs again at the thought of him wrapping me up and bending me over. Maybe Sky is right. Maybe a rebound isn't such a bad thing. People do it all the time, and clearly, I need to work something out of my system before I lose it.

That said, I know Hank isn't looking at me for anything. No matter which way I slice it, he's way out of my league.