Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

Trigger

I figured my girl crashed last night when she got back to her room. It took me a moment to deal with Shiv and make sure my buddy was okay and not going to choke on vomit in his sleep, so by the time I got down to the common area, at least half an hour had passed. I waited for Nick, thinking maybe she'd gotten wrapped up in some business issues, but when she never came out, I went to go find her. And when I saw the lights off in her room, and she didn't answer when I knocked, I figured she'd gone to bed. That girl had been up till the wee hours of the morning, so I couldn't blame her body for finally giving out on her.

But from the way she's been giving me the brush-off tonight, it has me thinking she got spooked for some reason and changed her mind about me. It was obvious she'd gone down a rabbit hole in her mind on our ride back to the clubhouse, and though I thought she'd climbed back out of it and was ready to give me a chance, I'm thinking she had second thoughts once she got to her room and had put some distance between us.

I watched her throughout the entire wedding ceremony and noticed how she didn't once look in my direction. As the vows were being read, I sought her out because in my mind I was standing on the altar with her and promising her my future devotion, but she—she was staring at the flowers in her hand, watering the things with her tears. I almost stepped across the altar to wipe her tears away and hold her, but I could tell she would pull even further away from me if I had. And now, given the fact that she's avoided me at every pass during this entire reception, I know she's got her walls back up and I'm back at ground zero.

Fuck!

What the hell happened to her to make her hate men so much? I'd ask her sister, but the happy bride is enjoying her moment and I'm not going to rain on her wedding parade. I'll have to be patient and wait to find out, but that being said, I'm not waiting to get close to my girl. When the DJ calls for the last dance, I finally make my move. I see Nick at the bar, talking to Riff, so I give them a moment before I step up to the plate and interrupt.

"You gonna give me the last dance, Nick?"

She turns in my direction when she hears my request and the smile on her face has me thinking that maybe I was misreading the situation entirely and should have approached sooner.

"Are you going to put those big hands of yours all over my body if I do, Trigger? Are you going to squeeze my ass and grind that cock into me while we move to the music? Make me feel the pulse of the song in all the right places?"

Hot fucking damn. I definitely read the situation wrong. And with her talking like that, I'm about to do a whole lot more with her than dance.

"Damn, babe. I was going to be a gentleman, but you talking like that, I might be dry-fucking you in the middle of the dance floor."

"Then, no thanks. I'm good." And just like that, Nicky turns her head back toward Riff with a smile that I know is fake as shit planted on her face. "Weren't you going to take me for a spin around the floor?"

My fists clench by my sides, as I watch the two of them make their way to the dance floor. Nick quickly trading places with her sister, who had been dancing with Shiv, and now I'm seeing red. She's willing to dance with another one of my brothers, just not me. Yeah, if it were anyone other than Shiv, I'd be over there putting a stop to that shit. But, man, that guy is all kinds of fucked in the head over his past girlfriend. Not only was it evident from the stuff he was spewing on the way home last night, but this entire wedding has been eating away at him. The guy has looked worse for the wear all evening, so when I see him smiling with Nick spinning in his arms, I let things be. I'll be making a move with my girl, but not until they're done.

After the happy new couples say their goodbyes and take off to go have their wedding night fun in private, the rest of us take the party inside the clubhouse. I watch as Shiv and Nicky head to the pool table, and I decide it's time. I start making my way over to them, and as soon as Nick spots me coming, she braces her hands against the table as if she needs the support to hold herself up. Good. At least I know she's still affected by me.

"I get next round with Nichole," I tell Shiv, letting her full name roll off my tongue and loving the way it rolls through her shoulders. My girl may have those walls back in place but they're not immune to earthquakes, so I'm going to be aiming for a ten on the Richter scale tonight to see if she can withstand the force of my desire and resist giving into hers.

Shiv nods and starts racking the table, and I turn my attention toward Nicky, but just as I do, Roxy, one of the sweetbutts, steps up into my space. I shake my head at the girl who's starting to get on my damn nerves. I'm doing my best to restrain my aggravation toward her because it's not like it's her fault I'm not interested. But I need her to get my message loud and clear, because obviously I didn't get my point across last night. Either that, or she ignored every damn word I said.

"Like I told you last night, Rox, I'm not interested. Not even in a dance. So I'd appreciate it if you didn't keep making me have to repeat myself. Now, why don't you go ahead on over to Shiv. I know he could use a distraction tonight."

"Your loss, Trigger." She shrugs and turns to make her way over to the man who definitely could use a pick-me-up. I'm tempted to argue that it ain't a loss at all, but there's no need to knock a girl down just because I happen to be falling for someone else.

When she starts grinding on Shiv and dancing with him like she tried with me last night, he wraps his arms around her and then hits me with a look. "You mind taking over for me, man? I'm gonna have to take a rain check on that game."

I tip my chin as he lifts a giggling Roxy into the air and carries her toward his room. Have to say there's a twinge of longing twisting up my gut. I'd give anything to be able to take Nicky back to my room and make sweet love to her. I'd give anything just to be able to kiss her freely. Honestly, at this point, I'd give anything just to hear her giggle.

The horrified expression I see on Nick's face as she watches them leave the room has my stomach twisting even tighter. I sure as hell hope she wasn't starting to develop some feelings for Shiv, because that shit would burn me to the core.

"What's with the look, babe?" I step up to her side and brush her hair behind her shoulder so I can get a better look of her eyes and cheeks when she answers. I need to be able to read the truth on her face.

"I don't get it." She shakes her head. "It's like it doesn't even matter who it is. Like she doesn't even care who she fucks. She just wants sex."

The relief hits me when I hear that her issue is over how casual things are around here when it comes to the sweetbutts. I know she's not familiar with our world, and I don't get the impression her sister filled her in on too many of the details, probably for fear of planting more worries in my sweet girl's head. But I think it's time I explained the life of a sweetbutt to Nick once and for all. That way she not only understands how things work, but also, exactly how things were between her sister and me.

"Yeah, babe. She's a sweetbutt. That's why she's here. The relationship is just physical, and everyone involved knows it. No one's leading anyone on here. It is just sex. For both of them."

She turns her head toward me and her brow is narrowed like she's pissed. "It's never just sex, Trigger. If you think all girls think like that, you're wrong. For some of us, it's so much more."

I step in front of her, caging her in against the table. Making sure she doesn't have a chance of getting away until she's up to speed on exactly what my intentions are with her because for some damn reason, she seems to be lumping herself in with the sweetbutts and that is the furthest thing from the case. "I'm not talking about with you, babe. I was talking about Rox. With her it's just sex. With you it's everything."

She crosses her arms and narrows those eyes even more, and I watch those walls of hers become fucking skyscrapers right in front of my eyes. "Oh, I see. You want to have your cake and eat it too. You want both of us. Her as your instant access line to what? A quick fuck? And me—for what? The cooking, cleaning, and raising your damn kids while you're off just having sex with a sweetbutt."

What the fuck? How the hell did this conversation get so turned the fuck around? Well, I'm going to flip this shit right back on its axis. I lean down so we're eye to eye. One narrowed brow to another.

"I don't want her, baby. I only want you. I'm just trying to explain the life of a sweetbutt, and the deal with Rox. Why the hell would you think I want her when I just turned her ass down?"

And there she goes looking at me like I'm full of shit. "Well, last night you seemed to want her. You seemed very interested when she was dancing all over you. And maybe you turned her down this time, but you may not in the future. After all, this is the life you're used to. Sex offered freely with no strings attached."

Holy fucking shit. It all clicks into place. She saw. Nick did come out of her room last night and she saw Roxy trying to convince me to take her back to my room. I didn't take Rox up on her offer so the girl forced an attempt and started grinding all over my ass, like a striptease would sway my decision. I gently stepped away from her and went to go find Nicky, who I thought had gone to bed. Now, I know she'd seen and she'd run. She ran away thinking I was messing around with a sweetbutt just like I had with her sister. And that explains why she's been icing me out all damn night.

Yeah, I think it's time I made things extra clear for my girl because apparently she hasn't gotten my message. At all.

"If you had stuck around for one second longer, babe, you would have seen me turning that girl down. I'm not an asshole, Nick, so forgive me for not shoving the girl away or giving her a hard time for flirting with me. But I did put a stop to it, and then I came straight to find you." I grip her cheeks and hold her in place so there's not a chance in hell she can turn away from me. I need her paying close attention to every damn word that's about to come out of my mouth.

"I told you I was interested, but obviously I need to explain what that means so there's no confusion about my intentions here. I'm not just interested in getting to know you, babe. I already know enough to know that I'm interested in what lies ahead for us. I turned that girl down because the only girl I want is the one I'm looking at. And just like my name, I pull the damn trigger and I don't stop until I get what I want. And what I want isn't just a date, or a girlfriend, or a casual fuck. What I want is grandkids and a best friend to grow old with. I want a marriage and babies, and to wake up next to the woman I'm in love with every damn day, knowing that I'm the luckiest son of a bitch to ever walk the planet. I don't just want a chance with you, baby. I want it fucking all. So, you're damn right—for some of us, it's a lot more than sex. Now, do you finally get what I'm saying? Because I'm dying to move on to the good stuff."

She's staring at me, not saying a damn word, and for the first time in my life, I'm scared as shit that the one thing I want most is going to be unattainable.

"I'm scared, Trigger."

I press my forehead to hers as her words soothe my nervous soul and take a deep inhale of her sweet scent.

"Me, too, babe. Me, too. Look"—I pull back, needing to see her eyes again—"I know it's happening fast and we just met, but I can't slow down my heart. And I'm terrified you're going to run and not give us a chance. I'm not going to be like the other assholes who came before me in your life and have made you afraid to open yourself up again. I'm not going to hurt you, Nicky. I promise."

She swallows hard and shakes her head, and I can see she's struggling.

"There haven't been others, Trigger. I…" She pauses and I watch as her nerves grip onto her and her body begins to shake.

"Baby, you can tell me anything. I'm never going to judge you for your past or for anything."

She swallows hard. "I made a vow to myself the day of my mom's funeral, Trigger. I made kind of a personal vow of celibacy." Okay, so that's the last thing I was expecting to come out of her mouth, but I keep quiet and wait until she's done unloading her demons. I don't want her clamming up on me, and I sure as hell want to understand why she'd take such an extreme stance.

"My dad cheated on my mom and it destroyed her."

The tears fill her eyes, and I think I'm finally understanding why those walls of hers are so damn tall and so damn strong. The picture is coming together: her father betrayed her mom, and in the end, her mom couldn't handle the pain and left Nick and her sister without a mother.

"I never wanted to be in her shoes, so I decided I didn't have to be. And that day, I vowed never to let a man in. But you, Trigger, have gotten in and I'm so scared I'll get hurt."

"Baby." I lean down and press my lips to hers, wishing I could bear all her burdens for her. Wishing I could take it all away. "I'm so damn sorry for what he did and for what happened. And although it's hard to trust someone you barely know, I promise you, I'm not like him. Betraying the ones you love is a crime in my book and I am no criminal. So, hurting you would never happen."

My heart pounds hard when I see a hint of a smile forming on her pretty face. "Look, Nick. I'm not going anywhere. And there is no need to rush this because we have the rest of our lives. So, if you want to go slow, we'll go slow. You're in the driver's seat here, babe. All I ask is that you give me a chance. The speed is up to you. And if things move too fast and you want to put on the brakes, you won't hear me squealing about it." I give her a wink, and this time I've earned myself a giggle, which is the sweetest sound I've ever heard. "But I'm serious, babe. You call the shots."

She stares at me long and hard. Her mind obviously toiling over her fears. I wish there was something I could do to eliminate her doubts where I'm concerned, but trust is earned in action not just words Finally, I see it in her eyes. Her walls crumbling. It's as if I'm watching them fall into a pile of rubble at our feet. And when she opens her mouth to speak, the rocks turn to dust and blow away with her words.

"Okay, Trigger. I want to give us a try."

I pick her up and slam my lips to hers. She just sealed our fate, and my heart feels like it's about to explode. My tongue dives in and the moment it catches hers, it hooks on and doesn't let go.

"Whoa," she gasps as I pull back to let her catch her breath. "So that's what I've been missing," She grips the base of my head, pulling me right back to her lips, and I go willingly. I'm already thinking my girl may be breaking her speed limit soon, because she's trying to climb my body and is accelerating things fast. Not that I'm complaining. But as her tongue tussles with mine again, her words rumble around in my head. Hold the fuck up. Is she saying what I think she is? I break our seal once more, causing her to groan at the loss of me, but I can't help it. I need to know.

"Babe, are you a virgin?"

Her eyes flutter open and she stiffens against me. "Um…yes. Is that…um…a problem? Am I a bad kisser? I've never kissed anyone before. I'm sorry if I am. I…"

I place my hand gently over her mouth to stop her nervous ramblings. She has no idea what a gift she's just given me. The idea of being her first, has my dick cheering in my pants. I can't wait to show her sexy little body everything.

"Babe, the last thing you ever need to do is apologize for your innocence. And if you hadn't just told me that I was your first, I'd be sitting here worried about how many guys came before me because you're the best damn kisser I've ever known."

Now, I understand how her need to go slow isn't just solely about her fears; it's also because this world is unchartered territory for her and she has no idea what to expect. Well, when the time is right, I'll help her navigate through every single one of her desires. And I'll be giving her the full tour of everything. In the meantime, until she's ready, I'm getting the full tour of her incredible mouth.