Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

Nicky

J oeJoe once again gets swept up into a giant man's arms for a hug as another member of the club comes over to congratulate her and tell her how happy he is for her. It touches my heart to see how much love these people have for my sister and how protective they are over her. They truly do treat her as if she's one of their own. In fact, all the men are like that with all the women in the room. And even with each other. It really does feel like they're all one big happy family. A family with some seriously superior genes because every man in the room is tall, strong, and sexy as all get out, and every female in the room is absolutely stunning.

I turn to the sexy man to my left who hasn't taken his eyes off of me throughout dinner. The look on his face has me thinking about his fingers and the most incredible orgasm he gave me. I have to shake the thought away before I grab for his hand and put it under my dress again. "Why did you join the club, Trigger?" I ask, needing a safe topic of conversation to distract myself with.

His eyes turn thoughtful and almost sad, and I worry I've asked too personal of a question.

"You don't have to answer that if you don't want to," I quickly add, hoping I haven't upset him.

He reaches for my hand under the table and locks our fingers together, shaking his head. "Nah, babe. You can ask me anything. I was just thinking that the reason I joined the club isn't the reason I stayed. I joined because I wanted to find the guy that murdered my dad and get my revenge on the fucker. I didn't know the Savage Knights other than what I'd heard through rumors, and I knew that if anyone was going to help me find the lowlife scum, they would." He shakes his head with a grimace on his face because like he told me earlier, they still haven't found the man who killed his father.

"But I stayed, not because that job hasn't been accomplished yet, but because I learned pretty early on that these men don't just want to make the streets safer for the kids that live in this town, but they're brothers. They took me in with my angry lost soul, and helped bring me back to life. They healed me and became my family."

Once again, it seems like the perfect word to describe the club. Family .

"I know they'll always have my back. And I know where their hearts are at. These men are good, babe. Through and through. They believe in good and they fight for justice. And even if our ways of handling things aren't always on the right side of the law, our intentions are right in line with the law. So that's why I'm still here, and always will be."

I'm not sure what he means about "right side of the law," but just as I'm about to ask, a clanking sound erupts around the room, signaling that it's time for the speeches. The room goes quiet as Axle, the president of the MC, gets up and goes first. Addressing both of his two brothers and their soon-to-be wives, and once again using that word: family.

When it's my turn to give my speech, I nervously stand from my chair and feel all the eyes in the room focused in on me. I look across the table to Joe, and her smile gives me the confidence I need to begin.

"I've never been good at this talking in front of people thing so please just bear with me." I give a quick glance around the room, but immediately find my sister again so I don't lose my nerve.

"Sis…" I barely get the word out and already feel the emotion clogging my throat. I take a deep breath and try to push on. "I'm not even sure where to start, Joe, or what to say, and maybe that's because there's too much I want to say. But I'm going to keep this short and sweet. Mainly because I'm not a big fan of bawling my eyes out in public either."

I pause as my nerves get the best of me and the tears I just mentioned blur my vision. There's a brush against my skin as Trigger's hand moves up to brace the back of my leg, holding me up in more ways than one, offering me the comfort I desperately need. It's amazing how one simple touch from him can calm my nerves and soothe my soul, and with his support, I'm able to find my words again and continue.

"When you first told me about moving in with the Savage Knights, you know how much I was worried. I was worried because I didn't want to see you get hurt. I was worried because my baby sister"—I wink as she rolls her eyes at me. I'm only older than her by two minutes but I love teasing her—"was going to be living in a house full of men that would see you as nothing other than a piece of hot meat. But now, I realize, I was so wrong for ever having the thought. Because I see now how this truly is a family, just like you told me it was. And one you're definitely a part of. They care about you, Joe; it is so obvious what you mean to them."

I look up and glance around the room full of big, lethal-looking men who all seem dangerous on the outside but are nothing but teddy bears on the inside, especially the one sitting right by my side and giving my leg a gentle squeeze of reassurance.

"I want to thank you all for adopting my sister into your family. For protecting her and for making her happy. And mostly, for helping her find her place in this world." I scan the room again and see the guys tipping their chins in my direction, letting me know they appreciate my words. Then I look back down at Joe.

"When you called me and told me you met someone, Joe—that you met ‘your one'—I was afraid once again. Because of, well, you know why…" I shrug, not bothering to fill in the gaps because Joe knows exactly what I'm talking about.

"Mostly, I was worried that you'd end up with a broken heart. But, once more, I was proven so wrong. Not only do I know from the way Riff worships the ground you walk on how that will never be the case, but I feel it with every ounce of my being. That twin sense we've always had, well, it's telling me that the love you have found is going to last a lifetime. I know you guys aren't just going to make it, but your future is going to be so happy. So, thank you, Riff." I smile at the man I'm lucky to soon be able to call my brother-in-law. "Thank you for loving and protecting my sister." He gives me a loving smile in return, and I turn my eyes back on the ones I see every day when I look in the mirror. "I've only ever wanted you to find your dreams and be happy, sis. Now, I see that you have. So, cheers to you both and the incredible future that lies ahead. And cheers to your entire family. To all of you!"

I raise my glass of wine and the room erupts in a round of cheers and whistles, and my sister erupts in a pool of sobs. She comes rushing around to my side of the table and wraps her arms around me, hugging me so tightly I think she may crush my bones. But I love it.

"Thank you, Nick. Thank you for always being there for me. And thank you for always accepting my choices even when you were scared. I love you, sis. And I really hope you'll consider moving here permanently because I really don't want to live without you again. They may be my family now, but you will always be my blood and the one I need most in this life."

And now, I'm a blubbering mess, and I'm pretty damn sure I'm going to be packing up my apartment and making a move. Not just for her, but for all of it. Meeting everyone tonight and seeing how caring and kind everyone is, knowing that everyone in this room has each other's backs, makes me long to be a part of it. Makes me want to be one of them. And Trigger…he makes me think that my future really will be brighter than my past. He makes me want to give him a chance. Just like he asked. And he definitely makes me want to have more of those incredible orgasms that none of my toys have ever come close to providing.

Joe finally pulls back from me and gives me a smile. "Okay, now I need chocolate."

I can't help but laugh. My sister has such a sweet tooth and chocolate is her go-to comfort food.

"Are we sharing?" I ask.

It's what we always do when we're together. Order one of every dessert on the menu and then share them all. She nods excitedly, and then Riff calls over the waiter and places the order. That man pays attention to everything when it comes to her and doesn't miss a beat. Yeah, he's definitely a good one for my sister and I'm glad she's keeping him.

When the celebration comes to an end and everyone has said their goodbyes, Trigger escorts me back out to his truck. As he lifts me up inside, I see the neon light that shines his name over the bar and wonder if that's where his club name came from.

"Is that why they call you Trigger? After this place?"

He leans in and pulls my seat belt across my chest to buckle me in just like he had earlier, and looks up once it's clicked in place. "They gave me my name because I'm quick to pull the Trigger, babe."

My eyes are definitely relaying my shock over what he's telling me, but I can't help it. I think he just admitted that he's quick to shoot people. I'm starting to panic. My mind is going into overdrive and I'm not sure what to do with the information. Should I be running? Should I be calling for help? I really have no idea how to process what he just said. He did say that they don't always handle things on the right side of the law. Maybe this is what he meant by that.

"No, baby. It's not what you're thinking. Damn, you really do have us pegged wrong." He's shaking his head like he can't fathom how wrong I am about him and his men, and relief starts to seep in. "I'm quick to make a decision, babe. And once I do, I go all in. I pull the trigger and land my target every time. Meaning, if I want something, I don't stop until I get it."

Relief floods in. And so does the heat. Because the way he's looking at me right now, I think I'm something he wants. And if that's the case, he's not stopping until he gets me. Honestly, I don't think I'm going to be putting up much of a fight. I swore off men because I never wanted to let a man have that much control over my emotions like my father did my mother's, but right now, I think it's too late. I'm already too far gone. What I feel for Trigger is unlike anything I've ever felt before and I want to explore it. I want to learn more about the man in front of me. The man who stormed into my life last night and now has me wanting to change my course and rethink the decision I made seven years ago.

"You gonna give me what I want, babe?" His question pulls me from my thoughts.

"What is it that you want, Trigger?"

He leans in to where he's nearly touching my mouth and it takes everything in me not to run my tongue out and taste his lips. He looks as yummy as the desserts my sister and I just shared.

"You." His breath fans across my oversensitive skin and I nearly groan.

"Hey, Trig!" A deep voice comes from behind him, and he pulls away and turns in the guy's direction. I look over and see Rake holding up what looks to be a drunk man, who I think goes by the name Shiv.

"You mind taking him back to the clubhouse? The guys and I will get his ride back, but there's no way he can drive or ride on the back of one of our bikes."

Trigger nods. Then helps his friend into the back seat of his truck.

Once inside, Shiv starts mumbling about love and marriage, and how he thought he'd found the same thing Grit and Riff have, but she turned out to be a bitch. It's hard to make out his slurred words, but I gather from some of what he's saying that whoever she was, she left him for someone with money. That Rake wasn't good enough for her. I also gather just from the raw emotion I hear in his voice, that he's still in love with her and is still hurting from the betrayal. His words dig at me and have me thinking about my parents.

When Dad cheated on Mom and she found out, she was so devastated. It came as a complete shock to her. Something she never saw coming, and the betrayal destroyed her. Eventually, the pain of her heartbreak became too much for her to bear and she found a way to make it stop. Shiv's words are a reminder of how someone else can control your emotions whether you want them to or not. He's miserable and is hurting right now all because of falling in love with a woman who, in the end, hurt him. Who, in the end, chose someone else.

I quietly listen to the pain in his words and think. The way I already feel for Trigger, a man I barely even know, scares me. What if he does the same? What if he betrays me? What if he finds someone else he'd rather be with? Will I be like Shiv? I know I'd never leave my sister alone in this world the way our mom left us, but would I be drinking away my pain and hurting like the man in the back of the truck? Struggling with the loss of what I once had, day in and day out for the rest of my life?

"Where'd you go on me, babe?"

Trigger's words pull me from my inner turmoil. I realize we've stopped moving. My eyes finally focus in on where they've been blankly staring and I see that we're parked out in front of the clubhouse. I turn and look at the man to my left and see the concern on his brow, the kindness burning in his eyes, and feel his hand brushing against my cheek softly. I don't have any of the answers to the questions running through my mind, but I do have one more question. What if I don't give him a chance and end up losing out on something magical? Something like what my sister has found. To that question, I do have an answer. I want to give him a chance, but…I will proceed with caution.

Until I know exactly who this man is, I'm going to keep my vow to myself and remain a virgin. That doesn't mean I'm not willing to do other things with the sexy man. But I'm going to hold some things close, for now.

"Sorry, I just went to the past. But I'm here now and ready for some new memories."

He smiles at my words and leans in. "That's good, baby. That's real good." His lips barely brush against mine before he's pulling back. "Let me get Shiv inside and then I'm all yours."

I nod. "Okay, I'm going to go in and change. How about I meet you at the pool table? You up for a game?"

He arches a brow, looking amused by my request. "Only if there's a wager on the line."

I can't help but smile. "Always," I purr.

"Good. Well, I already know what I want if I win. So, you better decide what you want."

Lots of things come to mind. Lots of things that bring all kinds of tingles between my legs and once again have my panties needing to be changed.

"Damn, I think I may just throw the game. It looks like I'd rather be the loser from what I can tell is going through that gorgeous head of yours."

"You never know." I wiggle my eyebrows at him. "We may both want the same thing."

"I want you in my bed tonight. What is it that you want, babe?"

Oh my God! If I wasn't so good at pool, I'd be freaking out. How will I ever resist giving him my v-card if I'm in his bed? Judging by my pussy's reaction, she thinks we should forget our billiard skills and become experts in some new skills.

"I want a kiss." I tell him, and the moment the words leave my mouth, he leans forward, grips my neck, and pulls me toward him.

"You don't have to win the game, babe; I'll give you whatever the fuck you want. All you have to do is ask."

I'm about to ask for a hell of a lot more than a kiss when Shiv groans in the back. "I don't feel so good. Need a bathroom."

Both of us pull away from each other and jump into action. Trigger rushes around and gets Shiv out of the back and braced around his shoulder, and I shut the door behind him. He tells me he'll meet me at the pool table once he's gotten his friend taken care of. And knowing I have a little bit of time on my hands, I head to my room.

Once I'm locked inside, I decide to quickly rinse off, hoping to cool my nerves. I can tell that something is going to happen tonight, and as much as I'm excited about what's to come, I'm also totally freaking out. I have no experience when it comes to men. None. Other than what Trigger did to me at the table earlier tonight. So, I have no idea what I'm doing.

I feel like I'm so out of my league here. The guy has definitely been with women before, including my sister, which if it weren't for the way he stared at me the entire night and didn't even glance in Joe's direction other than when she spoke to him, I'd have a problem with their past. But my issue with their intimate knowledge of one another faded away tonight. For both of them, it was purely physical and nothing more. No one knew what the future held for me and Trigger, and I still don't know what it holds. But I know I'm not going to hold a grudge against either of them.

After I'm dried and dressed, I finally make my way out to the common area. My palms are sweating and my stomach is filled with butterflies but there's no turning back now. I want Trigger and I know he won't force me to do anything I'm not comfortable with, so I keep walking down the hall. But as soon as I walk in the room, I wish I'd stayed locked in my bedroom. Trigger is by the pool table but he's not alone. He's with a girl. A very pretty girl who's practically naked and dancing in front of him.

She's swaying her hips right against his front and he's not pushing her away or putting a stop to it. In fact, he's smiling at her. When she swivels herself down his front to where she's in line with his crotch before grinding her way back up, I know I've seen enough. I turn and head straight back to my room, locking the door and shutting myself in the darkness. I can't believe how wrong I was. I can't believe how close I was to giving into a man and breaking the vow I made to myself. The pain I feel right now hurts, and we've barely just begun. I can't imagine what it would feel like had I traveled down that path and let him all the way in.

I'm just so damn thankful I learned the truth now instead of later. I'm glad I saw how easy it was for him to flirt and give his attention to another. Because that's how it starts. First, it's a friendly smile or a look. Then there's a casual conversation or a dance in this case. Then comes an accidental physical encounter which, of course, no one intended for it to happen. And the next thing you know, there are feelings. Feelings that lead to broken hearts. Feelings that lead to mass destruction.

When the knock comes at my door, I freeze. My heart pounds in my chest and my breath freezes in my lungs. I'm afraid to even breathe because I want him to think I'm asleep. Another light tap comes, and finally, after a long pause, the shadow of his feet moves away from under my door, and his footsteps retreat down the hall. I hear his door, which is only two away from mine, open and close. And finally, I take a breath and unfreeze my lungs, but the pounding in my chest doesn't stop and the feeling in my stomach doesn't go away.

I feel sick. But not like the kind of sick where I need to go throw up. I feel lovesick. Sick over losing the idea of finding love.