Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

Chrissy

T he lights are all blurred streaks, but I keep driving. I press on the gas, not exactly caring about the speed limit. I just need to get away from him as fast as I can. Everything is crumbling. My mind. My heart. The sadness is seeping into every single pore. How could he believe I had been cheating on him? All this time, he believed I'd betrayed him in the worst possible way. He never even listened to the messages or read my texts.

That night comes flooding back, hitting me like a ton of bricks. The nightmare of what unfolded so vivid. I had just left the coziness of Sean's bed. I'd been tucked in his warm embrace as he was making promises of a future that I wanted more than anything. Only to pull into my father's driveway and find the deputy's car parked in front of our house. The feeling of dread had me dragging my feet to the door.

"You're late, Christina." I glance at the grandfather clock in the front entrance. I'm only two minutes late. But I'll never argue with the man.

"Sorry, Father. The traffic was bad."

I wasn't good at lying, but the words rolled right off my tongue. Ever since I'd been dating Sean, I'd become an expert at lying to my father. He was none the wiser to where I truly spent my time. He believed I was studying at school, or the library, or was at an extra cheer practice. Whatever my excuse was, he never questioned it. Just as long as I showed up when he expected me to and did as I was told.

"You not only look just like your mother, you act like her," he sneered. "So deceptive. Such a perfect little liar. Well, thanks to Deputy Fink, someone I do trust, I now know the truth. All your sneaking around with that low-life scum is going to stop now, Christina. If I find out that you have disobeyed my order, not only will you suffer the consequences, but he will end up going away for a long time. Isn't that right, Fink?"

The panic nearly crumbled me. My father knew about Sean, and he was threatening to ruin him.

My dad turns to the evil man in uniform, the one who's made me understand the meaning of the term dirty cop. He wasn't a man of the law. He was a man who used his power to do favors for the ones who paid the right price. And my dad had deep pockets and paid well.

"I think that boy might actually be the one we've been looking for. The one responsible for all those robberies that have been occurring lately. Bet if I checked his place, we'd find some of the stolen goods."

Oh. My. God. No. He's going to plant something at Sean's place. They'll put him away for who knows how long. He'll lose everything. Everything he's built. Everything he's worked so hard for. I won't let that happen. I can't let that happen. I'll do whatever I have to to keep Sean safe.

"Yes, Father. You have my word. I will never see him again. I'm sorry I lied to you. Please tell me what I can do to make it up to you. I'll do anything."

My hands clutched my bag tighter. It was the only thing I could grip onto to steady myself.

"Well, first, you can start by going upstairs and putting on a dress. Tonight, you're going to be on your best behavior and act like a good little fiancée to Mr. Walken. We're going out to dinner to celebrate your upcoming nuptials. Congratulations, by the way, Christina. You're engaged."

I knew the part well. Knew exactly what my father expected. I was always the pawn he used in his schemes. The bait he would throw to the sharks so he could manipulate some business deal. Once the paperwork was finalized for whatever merger or acquisition the evil man was trying to accomplish, he'd pull the plug on the wedding. I always had to play along until everything was signed, sealed, and delivered. And if I didn't, Deputy Fink would be there to ensure I knew what would happen to me. Tonight, the threat isn't on me though. The threat is on the man I love. Therefore, I will be the most doting fiancée to Walken. I will not let my father down.

"Oh and, Christina? Just in case you're tempted to give into your whoring ways like your mother, we're going to be giving that boy the same warning. If he tries to see you again, or even contacts you, he'll be done for."

The fear I felt that night rolls through me and I shiver hard. When I realized which restaurant my dad had chosen and why, I knew that one wrong move on my part and Sean would be arrested on the spot. It was a threat I didn't take lightly. It was a threat I thought Sean had also received. But I was wrong. Sean didn't leave town because my father had threatened to take away his freedom. Sean left because he believed I'd actually been engaged to someone else. That I was in love with someone else. He believed the lie.

All this time, he thought I'd been stringing him along. That I was a lying, cheating whore. He didn't bother to listen to the voicemails I left, telling him the truth, begging him to forgive me for all of it. I thought he ran in fear. I thought he hated me for getting him wrapped up in my mess. I thought he was hurt I hadn't given him the choice, because I never painted the picture of who my dad truly was. I'd kept my dad's evilness a secret. So, I couldn't blame Sean for his decision once he learned the truth. I understood why he'd be angry.

But now I know none of that was the case. He didn't leave because of my father. He left because of me.

My foot presses down harder on the petal as the surge of anger rushes in. How could he have thought I would do such a thing? After everything that happened between us? After I poured my heart and soul out to him night after night? I thought he knew me. Knew my character. My values. My heart. But clearly, I was wrong. He didn't know me at all if he thought I was a little hussy who would screw two guys at the same time and choose money and a fancy life over love.

But apparently, I don't know him either.

The way he behaved tonight. All the hurtful things he said. The man I knew would never have been so cruel.

I park in front of my motel room, grab my mace and keys, and make a run for the door. Honestly, I'm not going to miss this place. It gives me the creeps, especially when I come home late at night from work. But this will be the last time I have to make a beeline for my room.

The second I'm inside, I lock the deadbolt and secure the table in front of the door. I go straight to the closet and pull out my suitcase. I'm not sure where I'm going to go. All I know is that I can't stay here. As soon as the sun comes up, I'm getting on the road.

The thought of leaving the friends I've made here hurts. For the first time in my life, I feel like I fit. But I won't be able to face the man who has just crushed my soul. Besides, he made it very clear tonight he wants me gone.

Boom! Boom! Boom!

The loud banging has me jumping from my skin. I crouch down, grabbing my mace off the table, tiptoeing quietly to look through the peephole. But it's not some creepy guest. Sean is standing outside, looking like he's going to break the door down. Did he follow me?

"If you don't open this door right now, Chrissy, I swear I'm going to bust it down."

I'm pretty sure he will. And I'd rather not have to sleep in my car tonight or pay for the damage.

I shift the table back into its place, turn the lock, and barely get the door open before he's pushing his way inside.

"What the fuck are you doing staying in a place like this?"

Seriously? He came here to yell at me some more? To bully me? Change of plan: I'm not waiting until morning, I'm leaving now.

"Because they take cash and don't ask questions," I answer. "Now, do you mind? I'm trying to pack."

He looks over my shoulder to the open suitcase on my bed and his eyes grow even darker.

"Why the fuck are you packing?"

Is he seriously asking me that question? What the hell is wrong with him?

"I'm getting out of your life like you asked, Sean. You want me gone, so I'm leaving."

He slams the door and steps right into my space. "Tell me why." His eyes drill in hard and I'm struggling to breathe.

"Why what?" I ask, taking a step back from him. Having to strain my neck to see him makes me feel small, and I don't want to feel weak right now. I'm not going to crumble in front of this man. I won't give him the satisfaction.

"If you were so happy with him, why'd you get involved with me?"

I shake my head. "I did tell you why. I told you in all those texts and voicemails I left, but you didn't want to hear it. You spent five years not caring what the truth was. Five years assuming the worst of me. You didn't want my apology. You had ‘no need for it.' Remember? So why do you suddenly give a shit now?"

He shreds the distance between us again. "You need to quit giving me that stubborn lip and start talking, Chrissy."

Oh, so now he's back to calling me Chrissy instead of Christina. I should ask him what his club name is and start calling him by it. Because he's definitely not the Sean I once knew. Or thought I knew.

Fine. If he wants to know, I'll share. But then he needs to leave so I can finally get swallowed up by the hurricane of emotion that's been brewing inside me since he walked back into my life.

"Did you ever ask yourself how I could have possibly been so involved with someone else when I was with you during every second of my free time? When I wasn't with you or at school, I was on the phone with you. Confessing my love to you over and over again. So, to answer your question, I got involved with you because I was in love with you. There was no him."

He looks shocked by what I just conveyed. But even more shocking is the fact that this is all news to him. All this time, he didn't even question the lie. He didn't even question my actions that night.

"Then what the fuck happened? You need to explain it to me, baby girl, because I know what I saw with my own two eyes."

"What you saw was me playing a part so my dad could win over the man he wanted to steal money from. I had to play the doting fiancée or else I'd be punished. It was a scheme he'd pulled a few times. It's amazing what people are willing to give up in order to have a young little virginal wife promised to them. It's sick actually. And my father preyed on that sickness to build his empire."

"What the fuck?"

Yeah. Exactly. The only thing I can be thankful for is that my father was adamant there was to be no physical consummation of the relationship until the wedding night. Therefore, I never had to actually do anything other than tease the men with my words and listen to all the dirty things they wanted to do with me once our vows were said. But my dad threatened he'd change his stance on the matter, if I didn't keep my mouth shut or cooperate. And Deputy Fink was always there to warn me I'd be sent to jail if I crossed my father.

There were moments, before Sean, I actually thought it would be a way out of hell. That prison would be better than living under my dad's roof.

Sean reaches for me, but I shrug away from him. He has his answer. Now he needs to go.

"Chrissy, why didn't you tell me? I could've helped you. Why didn't you give me a signal that night?"

I wanted to more than anything. But Deputy Fink was waiting in the parking lot. One wrong move and my dad would make the call.

"Because my dad threatened he'd have you sent away to prison if I didn't behave or if I ever saw you again. The officer was there to reiterate what would happen. He was parked in the parking lot that night, waiting for me to slip up. I risked texting you and calling because I couldn't stand you not knowing the truth. I wanted you to know how sorry I was and how much I loved you even if we couldn't be together. Father told me he was going to give you the same warning. That's why I believed you moved away so fast. I paid a taxi driver to deliver a letter to your trailer for me, but it came right back. He said you were gone. And according to your neighbors and the places where you worked, they all said you weren't coming back."

"Holy fuck." He looks like he's just seen a ghost or is going to be sick. I'd offer for him to sit down, because it looks like he needs to, but I want him to leave.

"So, you did it all to protect me?"

Of course that's why I did it. I was so in love with Sean, I never would have played along anymore with my dad's schemes, and I think my dad knew that. He knew I was a flight risk, waiting to be swept away by the man I loved. So, the monster made it to where I wouldn't be able to refuse. He made it to where I'd be locked in his clutches for as long as he needed me— until he finally forced me to marry one of the men and let me be their burden.

"Fuck, babe. I'm the one who's supposed to protect you. Not the other way around. Had I known, I would've taken you away from that man the first day I met you. Why the fuck did you keep the truth from me? Why didn't you tell me what he made you do? All you ever shared was that he was strict and would ground you if you were late or didn't live up to his expectations. You never told me he threatened you. Dammit, baby. Didn't you trust me?"

I take a slow, steadying breath. My nerves a shaking mess. "Because all my life people only wanted to be a part of my world because of who my father was, Sean. Or they didn't want to have anything to do with me because of the man he is. They either wanted something from him or were afraid of him. I didn't want who my father was to alter your opinion about me. I knew you would never use me to get to him because you were too good of a man. But I feared that as soon as you found out exactly who he was and how cruel he is, you'd want out. You'd fought your way out of hell. I knew you wouldn't want to be thrown right back into the inferno. I didn't want to lose you." But in the end, I did anyway.

He reaches for me. And this time, with the foot of the bed pressing against my calves, I have nowhere to go.

"I would have risked anything to protect you, angel. I would've taken him down and destroyed his entire world. Nothing would have stood in my way of keeping you safe. And that dirty fucking cop would have found himself staring down the barrel of his own gun. They're both going to pay for their crimes, babe. I'm going to make damn sure they suffer for what they did to you."

I know he means every word. He'd destroy those horrid men and rid me of my nightmare. But I still don't understand why he didn't trust me.

"Why, Sean? Why was it so easy for you to believe the lie and not even question the truth?"

He grips my cheeks. His throat bobbing as the pain creases his brow. "Baby, no one in my life wanted me. Not one fucking person who shared my DNA could even stand to be around me. They tossed me onto the next family member like I was trash just so no one had to face the consequences of CPS knocking on their door for child abandonment."

My stomach knots as I think about what Sean had told me about his past. How he'd been the unwanted accident. Handed over to his grandparents, who handed him over to his uncle, then aunt, and on and on until he was sixteen. Then he couch surfed at friends' houses until he was old enough to get a full time job. After that, he lived in his boss's basement on a cot, saving his money until he could buy his trailer. He'd fought hard for everything he had and was still fighting to make something of himself. Sean was never going to let anyone take him down. And neither was I. Which is why I obeyed my father.

"When I saw you that night, I really couldn't think past the pain, babe. It was easy for me to believe what I was seeing. That you'd want a better life. That you'd want a man without scars. You were used to living in a mansion, and all I was offering was a dirty tin box. It seemed like the proof was staring me in the face." He takes a deep breath, letting it out slow, like the truth is knocking the wind out of him. "It all made sense in my mind. You not wanting me to meet your dad or your sister. Never wanting to be seen on your side of town. All the sneaking around. In that moment, it was like the picture was coming together. And I was so hurt, I couldn't stand the thought of seeing the words in writing or hearing the final blow on the phone, so I rejected the messages. Then I blocked you out so I'd never have to face the pain again."

His forehead presses to mine, his eyes squeezing shut. The weight of it all is crushing him. I can see the pain. I can see the guilt. I can feel his body trembling.

"Baby, I'm so fucking sorry. I'm sorry I ever doubted you. I'm sorry I left you to fend for yourself with those wolves."

The tears fall faster down my cheeks. I wish we could go back in time. I wish I'd told him the truth about my dad. I wish I'd begged him to run away with me that night. I wish…

"Please, angel. Give me another chance. Tell me we can pick up where we left off. Tell me we can take back what your father stole from us."

And there goes my beating heart, pumping back to life. I'd wished for this moment upon every star, and the dream is unfolding right in front of me. I place my hands on his chest, steadying my shaking body, feeling his heart pounding hard which makes mine pound harder. No matter what transpired. No matter how much time has passed. There's always been one truth. "I've always been yours, Sean." And I'll never love anyone else.