Chapter 33

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c aptain’s voice droned on, the usual bullshit dirge about how fucked up everything was.

“The last mission was a disaster,” he said, as if we didn’t already fucking know that. “We lost too many lives, both military and civilian casualties were high.”

No shit, Sherlock.

My men were there. They saw the bodies, felt the heat of the explosions, and heard the fucking screams. I could barely hear his words over the pounding in my skull.

I wanted to kill.

That insatiable blood thirst. I wanted to tear apart anyone responsible for this mess limb by limb. And the captain? That bastard was right at the top of my list.

He stood there, spewing bullshit about strategy and ‘acceptable losses’ like it wasn’t him who threw us into that death trap. Like it wasn’t him who decided we were expendable, just another set of boots to be thrown into the fire for some bullshit objective that didn’t mean a damn thing.

As he rambled on, justifying the carnage with cold, detached logic, I felt a dark fury boiling inside me. I wanted him out of the equation. Wanted to take him down for every life he gambled with, every soldier he sent to die.

That bastard didn’t deserve to stand there and talk like we were just numbers on a fucking page.

I wanted him gone. Out of the equation. Erased. Because as long as he was calling the shots, we’d keep marching into the meat grinder, one mission after another. More blood, more death, more goddamn nightmares.

“Tomorrow, Task Force 121 is shipping out. We’re heading to Helmand Province, Afghanistan,” he announced, like it was some grand fucking adventure. “Both soldiers and med staff have trained hard for this.”

Yeah, we all knew what that meant. More blood, more death. He kept talking, laying out the details like it was some routine errand.

“You’ll be providing medical and humanitarian assistance. Set up field hospitals, distribute supplies, clean water, food, and offering support to the local population. This isn’t just a combat mission; it’s humanitarian. We need to win hearts and minds.”

Yeah, right. Fucking ‘hearts and minds’. The usual crap he fed us to make us feel like we were doing something noble.

But while everyone else swallowed the captain’s garbage, I had other plans brewing. I wasn’t about to keep following orders like a mindless grunt. Not anymore.

This time, I was getting intel on the move. Digging deep to find out what dark shit he had hiding under that ‘humanitarian’ excuse. Because no fucking way was this just about handing out food and bandages.

“That’s all,” Capt. said, finally wrapping up his bullshit briefing.

The usual curt tone, devoid of any real concern for our well-being. Simple, yet it was a death sentence for some of us.

As soon as he dismissed us, I turned to Pyro, and he gave me a subtle nod, already knowing what I was thinking. He was always on board with whatever I had planned.

We needed to talk, and we needed to talk now.

I motioned him to follow, and we made our way to a quieter spot. Raven showed up, with Viper trailing behind, still miraculously on his feet after that gnarly wound. Red came too, looking like hell, her eyes sunken and rimmed with exhaustion.

Raven stood to my left, her eyes locked on mine, waiting for my next move. Viper hung back, looking like he was already plotting his own angle.

When it came to him, I hesitated. Sure, he was back on his feet, but something about him still didn’t sit right with me. Yet, the more boots on the ground, the better our chances of sniffing out the truth. So I kept him in, even if my gut told me he’d stab me in the back if it suited him.

Once we were out of the briefing room, I pulled them into a huddle.

“Alright, listen up,” I said, gathering the team around me. “I’ve got some concerns about this mission. I think the captain’s up to something, and I aim to find out what.”

Raven spoke up first. “What makes you think that?”

“Think about it,” I said wryly. “How many times have we been sent on missions that seemed designed to get us killed? How many times have we been fed bad intel or left high and dry? It’s a pattern of fuck-ups that reeks of sabotage.”

Viper, that cynical fuck, just cracked his neck, not even pretending to give a shit. “In war, people die, Lieutenant. It’s a risk we take.”

Raven raised an eyebrow. My temper flared up at his cavalier attitude and I turned on him sharply. Pyro’s hand on my shoulder was the only thing keeping me from decking him.

“Not like this, Viper. Not when we’re being sent in blind with no backup and no clear objective other than ‘go kill some bad guys’. So, spare me the platitudes.”

Raven stepped forward, her eyes probing mine and asked the question that needed asking:

“Rogue, do you have any concrete evidence besides your gut feeling?”

I took a deep breath before pulling out the ace up my sleeve—or rather, from Captain’s office files.

“I’ve seen some interesting documents in the captain’s office,” my voice dropped lower as I continued. “Seems we’re supposed to be equipped with some fancy new gear... but we haven’t received jack squat. And don’t even get me started on those ‘accidental’ ambushes we keep walking into.”

Pyro’s eyes narrowed as he processed this new information. “That doesn’t sound right.”

Red let out a quiet sigh, like this was the last thing she needed to hear, while Viper leaned in, still skeptical as fuck.

“That doesn’t mean shit,” he said, remaining impassive.

My jaw clenched. This prick was asking for it. “It means something ,” I said slowly, trying to choose my words carefully. “It means our CO [4] might be playing both sides against each other.”

Viper looked unimpressed still—typical— but Raven nodded, taking it seriously now. Red stayed quiet, as usual, but I could tell from her eyes she was thinking it over.

“You snooping around the captain’s office now?” Viper asked, flanking me.

My glare could’ve incinerated him on the spot. “You’d do the same if you weren’t so busy licking your wounds. Or his boots.”

Raven intervened before things escalated further. “Maybe it was just bureaucratic red tape?” she asked point-blank.

My laughter was bitter and harsh. “Red tape? You really believe that, Raven?”

She frowned. Viper scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “You’re basing this on a hunch and some papers you shouldn’t have seen? That’s some thin fucking ice, Rogue.”

I shot him a sideways glance that could’ve frozen water at fifty paces. This wasn’t about convincing Viper; it was about getting to the truth.

“Save it, Viper. You’re only here because I’m feeling generous.”

Pyro cleared his throat. “Rogue’s got a point, Viper. Something stinks around here and it ain’t just the latrines.”

Raven chuckled at that.

Red spoke up for the first time since we’d gathered around me. “We should be careful not to jump to conclusions—"

“Conclusions?” I interrupted her firmly but gently. “We’ve been getting our asses handed to us for weeks now. We’re not jumping to conclusions, Doc; we’re trying not to get ourselves killed!”

The corridor fell silent after that little outburst of mine. Viper looked like he was enjoying himself way too much; Red looked scared. Pyro cracked his knuckles—always a bad sign—while Raven’s eyes turned calculating.

It wasn’t exactly a rousing cheer of support, but it was enough. I’d take it.

“We use this mission to gather intel,” I said, my tone firming up. “Talk to the locals, get a feel for what’s really going on. If the captain’s playing both sides, we need to know. We gotta play this smart and watch each other’s backs.”

Viper rubbed his chin thoughtfully before speaking up again. “You really think our CO’s dirty?” he asked, still on the fence, probably wondering what’s in it for him.

My gaze swept the corridor once more before settling on each of their faces individually.

“I don’t think. I know ,” I spat back at him. “But I need more proof. We all do. The more of us there are, the better our chances.”

For once, Viper didn’t have some smartass comment ready. Maybe even he saw how deep this shit went.

“What are we looking for?” Pyro asked.

“Anything that links our captain to those insurgents,” I replied, watching Viper; his expression didn’t change, but I knew he was listening.

We started walking again. Red spoke up next.

“So specifically, what do you want us to do in the meantime?”

I cracked a grim smile. “We play along with the captain’s little charade for now,” I replied briskly. “But I want you all to keep your ears open and your mouths shut until we know for sure what we’re dealing with. We need information, not trouble. And Viper?” I turned to him specifically.

“Yeah?” he drawled.

“I’m including you in this because we need all hands on deck,” I growled low in my throat. “But don’t think for a second that I trust you completely yet.”

Viper smirked, but said nothing. That was his tell—he was interested.

“Well?” I asked finally, looking around at my team once more. “Are you all with me?”

They exchanged uneasy glances, and Viper stopped walking, shrugging like none of this really mattered.

“Fine by me. We’re getting paid either way.”

“Alright then, we’re agreed,” I said, clapping my hands together once to get their attention back on track. “We gather intel, we find out the truth, and we take that son of a bitch down.”

Red scribbled some notes on her pad. Viper remained quiet for a change—probably calculating how he could use this situation to his advantage. Pyro was always ready to roll, no questions asked, while Raven gave me a measured look.

“So,” she summed up, “we’re going in blind again.”

I nodded solemnly. Damn right we were. Another leap of faith, straight into the fire.

Red gave me a small smile of solidarity.

Pyro let out a low whistle.

“Well,” he said with a grin, “at least it’ll be fun.”

Oh boy, it would be.

“And remember,” I added as an afterthought, “if we find out anything concrete about Captain’s involvement... we take care of it ourselves.”

With any luck, we might just make it out alive.

Pyro shot me a silent thumbs-up behind Viper’s back; Raven followed close behind him like a shadow. Viper lingered for a moment, his gaze flicking between me and Red before he sauntered off after them.

I watched Red, utterly wrecked after her ex kicked the bucket, as she tried to slip away. The sight of her, broken and lost, pissed me off as much as it tore at me. I stepped in her path, grabbing her arm.

“Red, wait,” I called out, catching up to her. “Are you okay?” I asked, knowing it was a stupid fucking question.

She didn’t quite answer, just gave me this hollow, empty look that went straight through me. It made my blood boil how shattered she looked over that piece of shit.

“I’ll give you some space,” I offered, thinking I was doing the right thing. “You clearly need some time to process this.”

Big mistake.

She whipped around, her eyes flashing with emotion.

"I didn’t ask you to give me space."

I blinked, taken aback. “I thought that’s what you wanted,” I replied defensively.

She shook her head, a bitter edge creeping into her speech. “You never ask what I want, Rogue,” she accused. “You just assume.”

Fair point. Maybe I’ve made an assumption there. But come on, it wasn’t like she was exactly radiating ‘talk to me’ vibes.

“Why the hell should I?” I said aloud. “You’re falling apart over a man who did nothing but fuck up your life.”

Red’s gaze softened, just a little, but it didn’t make her words any easier to swallow. “I wanted to save him,” she insisted, her voice breaking into a sob. “I wanted to believe there was something worth saving.”

My grip on my temper began to slip. “He didn’t fucking deserve to be saved,” I argued.

“You don’t get to decide who lives or dies,” she countered, her voice fierce, like she still believed in that naive bullshit.

I sneered and my anger flared up another notch. “Neither do you, sweetheart,” I retorted, the words harsh but true.

She stared at me, hurt and anger warring in her eyes. In that moment, I realized I’d overstepped my bounds. But I couldn’t surrender now. Not when I believed I was right.

“You can’t save everyone, Red,” I added, trying to get through to her. “Some people are just—”

She cut me off, her shoulders slumping, a hint of sadness in her eyes. “You’re right,” she conceded. “But I don’t have the luxury of giving up. I have to try, because if I don’t, then what the hell is the point of any of this?”

I rolled my eyes at her idealism. “Sometimes, you have to let go,” I told her, knowing it was a lost cause. “You can’t keep carrying the weight of every dead soldier. It will break you.”

But she just looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language.

“I’d rather be broken than feel nothing,” she whispered, her eyes welling up with tears of rage.

“Well, maybe feeling nothing is better than this constant fucking agony,” I fired back, my fists clenched at my sides.

“I needed to try!” she said, wiping her tears angrily. “That’s who I am. I want to save people because it is the right thing to do.”

I grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to look at me. “And what about you, Red? Who’s going to save you ?”

She shoved me away. “I don’t need saving, Rogue,” she whispered brokenly. “I need someone who gets me. And you never have.”

That hit a nerve.

Right where it hurt.

I threw my hands up in frustration, her accusation digging in deep.

“Then make me understand,” I pleaded, my anger melting away into concern. “Explain to me why you’re so hell-bent on saving everyone when it’s clear it’s a losing battle. I’m not a fucking mind reader.”

But instead of explaining herself, she just shook her head vehemently and turned away from me.

That was it. That was the spark that set off the powder keg of rage inside me. My face went hot, my heart racing like a jackrabbit on steroids.

“Oh no, you’re not pulling that shit on me again,” I exploded, grabbing her arm and spinning her back around to face me. “You always do this—get all high and mighty and then clam up when someone calls you out on your bullshit.”

Red’s face went white-hot with rage as she yanked her arm free. “ My bullshit? You’re the one who’s always so quick to give up on people!”

Her martyr complex. That damn fucking martyr complex.

“Give up on people?” my voice rose to a shout. “You’re the one thinking you can fix everyone and everything!”

And just to make matters worse, a soldier walked by, staring at us like we were the main attraction at a fucking circus.

I shoot him a look that could peel paint off a fucking wall, and the bastard got the hint, scurrying off like a cockroach when the lights came on as he continued his patrol.

Good choice, buddy.

The whole base could hear us for all I cared.

Red looked at me like I’d lost my mind and we were suddenly nose-to-nose, our faces inches apart. I could feel her breath, and she could damn sure feel my anger.

“You don’t know what it’s like to lose someone you love !” she shouted back at me, spittle flying from her lips. “You don’t know what it’s like to feel responsible for their death! You don’t know what it’s like to live with that guilt every day!”

“You’re such a fucking hypocrite!” I roared back, my voice booming. “You think you’re the only one who’s lost someone? You think you’re the only one who’s felt guilty?!”

She looked at me with tears in her eyes. “How dare you!”

I knew we were both saying things we’d regret later, but in that moment I didn’t care. I was sick of being lectured by Miss Goody Two-Shoes over here about what was right and wrong. Sick of being told that I didn’t care about anyone else when that was far from the truth.

“You’re so caught up in your own self-righteousness you can’t see the bigger picture!” I yelled at her.

“And you’re so caught up in your own apathy you can’t see the human beings right in front of you!” she flung over her shoulder as she stormed off.

“Oh, so now you’re just going to walk away?” I called after her, grabbing her arm again.

She spun back around to face me, another tear slipping down her cheek. “What do you want me to say, huh? That I’m sorry for trying to save people? For caring about their lives?”

“No,” I said stubbornly. “I want you to admit that it’s futile . That sometimes people are beyond saving.”

She tried to pull away again, but this time, I didn’t let go. I held her tight. “You’re so cold-hearted!” she shouted at me.

“And you’re so naive!” I hissed in her ear.

She stared at me, her chest heaving with sobs, and I felt my own anger drain away, leaving only a deep, aching sorrow.

“You’re going to fucking kill yourself trying to save everyone,” I replied, my own voice hoarse and exhausted. “And I can’t stand by and watch.”

I stood there, helpless, hopeless, and utterly fucking lost.

Me and Red couldn’t possibly work. We were fucking toxic together. I was too selfish to be able to handle her selfless nature. She’d always put others before herself, and I’d always put myself first.

“Then don’t,” she said coldly, turning away from me.

She knew it too. We were fucked . Fundamentally incompatible.

That hit me harder than any bullet. It wasn’t just the words; it was the look she gave me. Like if I wasn’t on board with this suicide mission of hers, then I’d better just step the fuck aside.

And damn it, she knew I wouldn’t. That was the problem. I cared too much to just watch her burn herself out, but no matter what I said, I couldn’t fucking put out that fire in her. She was determined to torch herself to the ground.

We were just two lost souls, clinging to each other in the hope of finding some fucking salvation. But there was no salvation here. No happy ending. Just pain and heartache and a fuckload of bullshit.

I took a step back from her, feeling like I was walking away from something precious but ultimately doomed from the start.

We were never gonna make it. Not in this lifetime, not in any fucking lifetime.