Chapter 20

Chapter

Twenty

CALLISTO

"Hey," Silas murmurs.

I slowly open my eyes and look at the man I'm half on top of. Like what the hell was I doing in my sleep? Consuming him with my body?

"Sorry," I say.

"No, you're fine. I'm going to quickly run out for supplies and didn't want you confused why I was gone when you woke up," he tells me as he manages to retract his body from mine, letting cold air creep in where he'd been.

"Yeah, of course," I say, not wanting to let him go, but well aware if he wants to get something, he needs to get it and get back up here before daylight. "Are we heading out today?"

"No. Let's stay one more night and then we'll move out. I want to get some supplies, and it might take me longer than I hope. Okay? So even if I'm not back before daylight, just sit tight. They have plenty of hay down here; I don't foresee them needing to get up in the hayloft. Just keep your monster quiet and don't let him eat anyone."

"Okay," I agree. "Please be careful. I don't like you going out alone. Maybe we should go together."

"I'm positive people are on the lookout for you and you're not quite so easy to hide," he says as he ruffles my white hair. "There aren't too many fae in these parts. Just sit here quietly. Play with your ball of fluff and your murder mount."

"Fine," I respond as I look up to where Titus is bobbing around. I poke him a little and he lands on the tip of my finger.

Once Silas is gone, I'm immediately bored. It feels like I've slept half my life away, and it's not like I could possibly sleep any more . So I crawl over to Dandelion and grab his face in my hands, squishing it and then kissing his forehead.

"You are just too cute and so kissable," I coo as I kiss him again. "When we get to our destination, Papa's gonna scrub you so damn clean. I need to stretch my legs. You want to too? You need to go potty?"

He just stares at me, so I get up and climb down the ladder as he leaps off, scaring half the animals. Since it's still dark, he heads outside as I stretch my legs and wander around until I find a horse brush that will hopefully help in getting his hay-filled tangled hair fixed. It isn't long before Dandelion nearly prances back into the barn, clearly quite pleased with himself. I'm uncertain why until I realize with horror he has a chicken in his mouth.

It's still alive and also as horrified as I am.

"Don't eat their chickens!" I growl as I rush over.

He grumbles at me, displeased I won't let him eat their livestock.

"Let it go," I demand as I grab his face.

He spits it out, obviously pissed about it, and while he clambers back up into the hayloft, I'm stuck trying to figure out where he found the damn chicken! It's mad and keeps flapping its wings and pecking me. I finally find a pen in the back and toss the startled creature into it. The pen looks pretty secure, but he must have snatched it through a wire or something. Since the chickens are off limits, I go over to a fruit tree and pick some apples before heading back up into the hayloft.

"No more chickens," I say.

Dandelion ignores me, so I offer him an apple.

He looks positively disgusted as he sniffs it.

"I know it's not meat, but you could have gone hunting," I remind him. "Now be good, and let Papa brush you all up."

I start at his head, and using the horse brush, I flick all the hay out of his thick coat. The area around his neck and behind his ears is extremely matted, and since I'm tired of leaning over him, I climb onto him, straddling his shoulder as I pick at the mats. There are quite a few, but he just lies there and doesn't attack like Silas seems so paranoid that he's going to do.

I hear a noise and sink down onto him as a man comes in and starts feeding the livestock. I really hope Dandelion doesn't jump up and expose us to him, but he doesn't seem to care about the man and is, instead, more peeved that I've paused the grooming.

I stay completely silent on top of Dandelion, squeezing myself to him, until I hear the man pull one of the horses out, harness jingling as he goes. It's not long after that I hear hushed movement before Silas slips up the ladder.

"That was risky," I whisper.

"He's out working in the field," he assures me. "What's risky is whatever the hell you're doing here."

"Where?" I ask.

"Is he now your bed? Or are you just straddling his head for fun?"

"I'm getting the mats out. Do you have a knife? Or I could use that sword!"

"You're not using my sword," Silas says as he comes over with a knife and helps me cut away the mats.

"He's such a good boy," I say as I give him extra scritches for lying there. "You're Papa's good baby, aren't you?"

"You're going to baby that thing, and then one day, it'll turn around and eat you."

"I don't only baby him. I made him drop a chicken he tried eating," I inform him.

"He allowed you to pry a chicken out of his mouth?" Silas asks in surprise.

"He sure did," I proudly respond as I keep brushing.

Dandelion looks over at Silas.

"He likes you," I say.

"No, he's thinking of ways to murder me," Silas counters as he scrutinizes the beast like he could possibly not see how cute he is.

"He would never. Look at his cute face," I say as I smoosh his face all around. "How could this thing be evil?"

Dandelion opens his mouth, showing off his wicked fangs as he yawns, so I poke his nose.

"Dear god, you want to be eaten," Silas says as he tries dragging me off the beast.

"I'm not going to be eaten," I assure him as I pull free and wave toward a mat that he could be helping me with.

Silas sighs but dutifully cuts it out. "When we're done here… can we talk?"

"I don't know. I'm going to be here at least another day or two or three or… however long it takes for you to forget that you want to talk," I say.

"Callisto."

"Hmm?"

"That is your real name, right?"

"Yeah."

"I want to talk."

"I don't want to," I whine as I fall face-first into Dandelion's fluff and bury my head in the thick mane around his neck. Maybe if I bury myself deep enough, I won't be able to hear him.

"You're being ridiculous," Silas decides, speaking quietly so no one can hear us if they happen to come back into the barn.

"I'm being ridiculous? Maybe you start off by telling me why you killed the prince!"

"Maybe you could tell me where we're going."

"Maybe you could tell me how you're not a normal tavern keeper!"

"Or you could tell me why you decided it'd be a good idea to pose as the prince!"

"Or you could tell me why a seer saw you murdering the prince!"

"Or you could tell me why they want you even though they know you're not the prince!"

We both stare at each other for a moment but I won't give in.

Silas sighs and then dutifully sits down and starts picking at mats with me. We're both quiet for a long time, each of us refusing to admit anything.

"I don't want you to hate me," I announce.

"I don't hate you."

"Yeah, but if I tell you where we're going, you're going to hate me."

Silas glances up at me. "So… that means you're from Langsten. Because that's the only place I would ‘hate you' for being from," he says with another sigh. "I still don't hate you… I hate that place."

"It's not a bad place."

"They killed my family," Silas says. "We don't know that they're not the ones controlling the king."

"If someone from Langsten was controlling the king, I would know. I assure you, they're not. Don't you think they'd have told the literal person they sent off to Vermillion if they were going to do something like that?"

"I… I will get you to the border, but that's as far as I'll go."

That makes me hesitate as that ball of worry gnaws at my stomach again. "You'd leave me there?"

Silas takes a deep breath. "When you're done… doing what you're doing, you can come find me. But I'm not helping Langsten. They literally saw a country at war and decided to beat us while we were down. With you being from Langsten, you don't understand what the war was like."

"I didn't say I was born in Langsten," I say as I look over at him before brushing with vigor. "I know what the war was like. I might not have been old enough to fight in it, but I know what it was like. I know how awful and cruel the people were… on both sides. I hated all of them. All they wanted was to kill and make others suffer… and then I ended up in Langsten where everything was so much better. It's nothing like the lies we've been fed over here. I mean… I don't know much about Vermillion now, but the Vermillion I knew back then was absolute hell."

Silas is quiet as his fingers work. "Who is Markson?"

"The military advisor."

"The advisor of Langsten?"

"Yes."

I can't even find it in myself to look at him. I just keep brushing Dandelion because it's easier than facing his rejection.

"I'll take you to the border."

"Please?" I beg.

Silas takes a deep breath. "Please what? I would risk my life going there not only as a Vermillion but as… as someone who fought against them in the war. This Markson already knows who I am… who I was."

I hesitate before realizing that's why Markson threw that weird cryptic shit into the message. "I want to prove to you that I'm not a bad person. Please."

He reaches out and cups my face, forcing me to look at him. "They went into villages with no soldiers and slaughtered hundreds, including my family."

"They wouldn't do that," I say, unable to look him in the eyes.

Silas sighs and sets his forehead against mine.

I can never have anything. Why can't I have this? I just want this. It's all I'm asking for. "Just go with me and listen to what he has to say, please? And then you can leave."

"And you expect they'll just let me leave?" he asks. "You expect they won't want to kill the man who killed many of theirs in the war? You don't understand."

I sigh heavily and set my head against his shoulder. I really don't know what to do. Obviously, I understand his side, but they're not the monsters he's built himself up to believe they are. And… I can't fathom them having killed innocents for the fun of it… but then again… I saw how ugly the war was. I saw how many people died. How it turned people into monsters.

"Okay. Sorry, you're right… I don't understand. My mother died giving birth to my sister who also didn't live. My father was an asshole, and I didn't even shed a tear when he died. You're right that I don't know what it means to lose someone since I've never had anyone. Taking me to the border would be really nice, but you don't even need to go that far. When I'm done… I'll find you. Maybe you'll have a new tavern, and you can poison me with some more food."

"I didn't mean that you don't understand about that… I meant… fuck. I'm sorry you didn't have a close family." He doesn't say anything more, so I turn back to Dandelion and groom him some more before sinking down on him.

"I'm tired. I'm going to sleep so I'll be ready when it's dark," I say.

"Don't sleep on him. Come sleep with me."

I ignore him and close my eyes. Of course I can't sleep. Whenever I try, I just see all the dead faces judging me for what I stole from them. Silas is over here judging me for who I ended up with, but isn't it his own damn fault? He ended up leaving me, and what the hell else was I to do?

It's his fault. I never would have stumbled on Markson if it hadn't been for him.

Who am I kidding? He was a kid himself, caught up in a war that took everything from him. It's no wonder he has hate in his heart.

I dig my fingers into Dandelion's fur, wishing everything could just be perfect.

"I'm sorry," Silas says, probably realizing that I'm feigning sleep.

I refuse to open my eyes until he picks me up and carries me back over to our makeshift bed.

"I will go with you to meet this Markson. But as I'm lying there dying after having been blown to bits by magic and murdered, I want you to remember that I never fucking poisoned you with my food."

"I promise it'll be okay," I say, my stomach clenching. I'm afraid to be happy that he's going. I'm afraid that I'm making a mistake, but I'm even more afraid of walking away from him.

I wrap my arms around him and press in close to him. "Thank you."

"Sure…"

I don't know what more to say. I know we have so much more to talk about, but I feel like just being silent and holding him for right now is more than I could ever want.