30. Liam

Babichev drops and gunfire erupts. Fire pierces my shoulder, knocking me back. I run for cover behind a box, not sure there is enough substance to keep bullets from penetrating.

I take a breath and then peek around, ready to fire. It’s probably a fool”s errand as I’m outgunned.

“Donovan… three o’clock.”

What the fuck? Niko shoots two men while Donovan takes out the man to his right.

“Boss!” Robbie comes rushing over, shooting Babichev’s body along the way. “You okay?” He takes cover behind the box with me.

“Yeah. One to the shoulder.” I could have more, but with the adrenaline, I don’t feel it.

“Three ran out,” Donovan calls over the gunfire. “I’m sure Lucy has them.”

“How many are there?” I ask Robbie.

“Right now? About half as many as when they started.”

I laugh. “Good.” A movement catches my attention behind Robbie. I raise my gun and fire. “Come on.”

It seems like hours, but it’s likely ten minutes when I emerge from the building with Niko, Donovan, Robbie, and our men. The carnage is the worst I’ve ever seen, and that’s saying something.

“You are one stupid motherfucker,” Niko says, heat in his eyes. “What were you thinking, killing him while his men had guns on you?”

“I was thinking I was a dead man and I wanted to take him with me.”

“You got balls the size of Everest.” Donovan slaps me on the back. I wince.

“What’s the damage?” Niko asks me.

I inventory my body. “Bruises. Burns. Dislocated finger?—”

“I can fix that.” Lucy grabs my hand, and before I know it, she’s yanking my finger.

“Motherfucker, cock sucker!”

Everyone laughs at me. “Pussy,” Lucy quips.

“Come on. Let’s call in cleaners and head home,” Niko says. “Ride with me, Liam.”

I arch a brow at his authoritative tone. But he’s not my boss anymore.

“As a brother,” he adds as if he knows what I’m thinking.

Since I need a ride, I join him. We ride in silence for a bit.

“How’d you find me?”

“You weren’t where you were supposed to be. We made a list, but then Kate mentioned the place you killed Igor. We had nothing to lose.”

“Kate thought of that?”

“We didn’t think he’d be dumb enough to go back there.” Niko gives me an apologetic look.

“Why is Kate even involved?” I’m irked. She’s supposed to be sheltered from all this.

He glances at me. “She wanted to be.”

“So. Tell her no.”

“Liam, if everything in life were perfect, what would you do with Kate?”

I look out the window. “Life isn’t perfect.”

“But if it was. Would you keep her?”

I don’t answer.

“Don’t be a pussy. What do you want?”

“I want Kate.”

“Well, good, because right now, she’s getting lessons on how to be a wife of a gangster.”

“What? No. Jesus… Niko’s, she’s?—”

“It’s what she wants.”

I shake my head. “No. She’s sad about us parting, but that will pass. Can you take me to Manhattan? To my place?”

“I’m taking you back to the compound where Doc will deal with that shoulder and whatever else you’ve got broken. Maybe he’ll fix your brain.”

“No. Look, maybe she loves me… but she’ll end up resenting me.”

“She resents you now.” Niko shook his head. “I love you, man, but sometimes, you’re an idiot. I get it. I felt the same when I fell for Elena. I wasn’t good enough for her. She didn’t want to be a Mafia wife. I’d ruin the beauty of her soul.”

Fuck. He does get it.

“Let me tell you. She’s what makes life worth living. I know you, Liam. Without her, you’re going to sink into that black vortex that overcomes you sometimes.”

“My darkness is?—”

“Come to the light, you fucking fool.” He bangs his hand on the steering wheel.

I grind my teeth. “Take me home, Niko. If you love me, you’ll respect my wishes.”

He drives for a bit without saying a word. “I promised you I’d protect her and get her back into her world. You’re not going to make me do that now, are you?”

“I’m holding you to it.”

He shakes his head. “No. If you want to break her heart, you do it yourself.”

“You promised.”

“Yeah, well, you don’t deserve for me to keep my promise. She’s having your baby, you dumbass. She wants to be with you. Are you really going to throw that away?”

I don’t want to, but nothing has changed. Not really. I have to follow through so Kate and the baby can have a full life away from the darkness of mine.

An hour later, Niko drops me in front of my building. “Liam?—”

“Don’t. I’ve made my decision.”

I hate the disappointment in his eyes, but I can live with it.

I enter my building and call Doc for a house call. Then I call Robbie and Artyom to meet me as well. With Babichev and most of his men dead, the Bratva is fully mine. I can now focus one hundred percent on strengthening it, growing it.

Idon’t know about other people, but for me, I’ve found that the treatment for wounds hurts worse than getting the wound in the first place. After Doc digs into my shoulder for a bullet, puts medicine on my burns, and yanks on my finger again, I take a shit-ton of pain relievers and sack out.

I wake the next morning to lingering dull pain everywhere. I down more pain reliever with strong coffee and stand at the window of my apartment overlooking the East River. My home isn’t as large or opulent as Niko’s penthouse, but it isn’t a hovel, either. I don’t need a lot of shine and polish. I like simple, straightforward.

I bask in the warmth of the new morning light. I did it. I achieved my mission. I eliminated Babichev and nearly all his men. Kate and the baby are safe and can resume a normal life. And now, I’m one of the most powerful, feared men on the east coast.

So why do I feel like shit?

I do have a few loose ends. We didn’t kill all of Babichev’s men. But any of them who survived and scattered to the wind will be hunted down and sent to hell. I’m still not sure if I was betrayed.

Ah, hell, who am I kidding? I feel like shit because there’s a gaping hole in my chest. It’s not from any gunshot or torture. It’s from Kate.

I know I’ve made the right decision to leave her. Well, perhaps know is a strong word. But I’m pretty confident that her life will be much better off without me in it. Maybe she loves me, but that doesn’t mean she wants to spend her life with a man who breaks the law and kills people for a living. In fact, I know she doesn’t.

I think back to our last goodbye and stopping her from saying the words I knew I wouldn’t be able to fight against. I did that for her sake. She’s caught up in this world for now, so maybe she feels she can manage in it. But she deserves a life away from the brutality of my world. She can’t run a bookstore and be a Bratva wife. She doesn’t want to worry about taking her child to the park or school in fear of one of my enemies.

No. I made the right choice. But fucking hell, I’d rather be shot a hundred times than feel this pain.

My phone rings. Checking the ID, I see it’s Robbie. Good. I’m not in the mood to talk with Niko or Donovan or Lucy. I answer, and Robbie gives me an update on the hunt for the missing Babichev men. He also gives an update on my business, something I haven’t been giving enough attention to. When I hang up the phone, I still feel like shit, but now I know I can distract myself by reengaging in business. My first stop is to connect with my online gambling managers. A shit-ton of money is made through that segment of my business, and better yet, it’s fantastic for laundering my illicit income.

For the next few weeks, my days are filled with power. I take it. I wield it. There’s no question who is Boss.

But at night, the emptiness consumes me. Drinking it away doesn’t work, but it doesn’t stop me from downing a fifth of booze every night. I even bought ecstasy at my club one night, but it brought on hallucinations of Kate. Sexy, sweet Kate.

The other day, I walked into the FBI to confront the agent I felt betrayed me. I should have been arrested. Not only because I’m now head of the Bratva, but because I assaulted an FBI agent. But I walked out of the building unscathed. I’m still scratching my head about that.

Driving too fast in the country. Daring my enemies to take me on. Starting a fight in a bar. I’ve done it all, and none of it works to fill the gaping hole in my soul. Nothing works. I think I’ll end up committed if I have to continue to live like this. That’s in my future, I suppose. The psych ward or death. I hope it’s the latter.