21. Liam

For a moment, I stand outside her bedroom. A part of me wants to barge back in and demand that she appreciate all I’ve had to give up to give her a life she wants. Or maybe to beg her to love me, which is fucking pathetic. My pride and annoyance have me stalking away to the kitchen hoping the owner has stocked a bottle of scotch or whiskey. No luck.

I pace the small cabin. I’m suffocating in my conflicting emotions. Letting anger lead, I call Niko.

“Liam, how?—”

“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me about Kate being pregnant?”

“Pregnant? What?”

I can hear murmuring on Niko’s side of the line.

“Don’t act like you don’t know. The bump is too obvious not to notice.”

“Did you know anything about Kate being pregnant?” Niko asks someone, presumably Donovan.

“No. Why didn’t she tell me?”

Not Donovan. Elena. I sink down into a chair wondering why Kate wouldn’t have told her best friend about the baby. Why was she hiding it? Because it was mine and she didn’t want to be in my violent world or theirs?

“What about Lucy?” Niko asks.

“She can’t possibly know. She’d have said something,” Elena replies.

“What is going on, Liam?” Niko demands in the phone.

“I thought you were looking out for her?—”

“We were, until you made a scene and abducted her from her home. Fucking hell, Liam, do you know what you’re doing?”

I scrape my hand over my face thinking no, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I should bring her back to Lucy and Donovan and let them watch over her until Dimitri is dead.

“Dimitri found her. More than once.”

“How is it he found her, but you haven’t found him?” Niko’s words are accusatory. He’s not wrong. I’m failing Kate right and left.

“I have my men scouring the area. I’m going to keep her out of the way for a bit, but then…” Then what?

“Why not bring her to the compound? Elena and I are planning to go there now that the weather is improving?—”

“What about her safety?”

“Babichev won’t get anywhere near my place. Not with my wife and kids there. You know that. You can send some of your men as well.”

“Then tell him to stay the fuck away from Kate,” Lucy’s voice echoes through Niko’s phone.

“Lucy—” Elena starts.

“No. He only brings her pain. Dragging her out of her home, and for what? Each time, she ends up traumatized. Let us do what he sucks at doing, keeping her safe.”

“He said Dimitri contacted her twice,” Niko informs her.

“But he didn’t kill her. Face it, fuck face,” Lucy says, referring to me. “Dimitri used her to lure you out.”

Fuck. Kate had said the same. Is it true? Probably, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a danger to Kate. Dimitri was the type of man who’d get great joy at having me watch him torture Kate.

There is quiet on the other end.

“I’m assuming the baby is yours,” Niko says softly. “The other answer is that you finish Babichev and allow yourself some happiness.”

If only I could do that. I can see it. Kate basking in the happiness of motherhood, safe in my embrace. But it’s a pipe dream. I should let the fantasy go instead of entertaining it.

“I have to go.” I hang up before he can say more. For long moments, I sit in the small living area overlooking the woods. The place is peaceful and serene, but so had been my cabin that was now a pile of ash.

I slip my phone into my pocket and head back to Kate’s room.

“Why won’t you go away?” Her voice has lost all strength.

“I keep trying,” I admit as I sit on the edge of her bed. I want to reach out and touch her, but I don’t. All I can do is stare into sad, haunted eyes that hate me. Unable to bear the way she looks at me, I turn my eyes downward. “I broke all the rules when I met you.”

“You broke rules long before you met me.”

“Those were different rules. When I met you… something happened.” I wish I could figure out what the fuck I was trying to say. “I overstepped the boundaries. I let my personal feelings get in the way, and they made you a target.”

“Personal feelings?” Her tone is dubious. As if I’m incapable of feelings.

I glance at her. “I know you’re angry, but you also know what I’m talking about.”

“You lied to me. From the start. How can I know what you’re talking about?” She’s right. Or sort of.

“I never lied to you.”

She gaped. “You’re a Mafia hitman.”

“I’m a Bratva leader.”

She purses her lips as if the distinction isn’t important.

“I grew up in the Bratva, just like your friends Elena and Lucy grew up in the Mafia. My father used to gush about how I’d one day take over. He was like a king and I was his prince. But then he died when I was young. My uncle took over, and yet some still thought I’d one day take my place.” I look down, not sure how to explain my choices in life. I wasn’t sure of them myself. “Perhaps it was my father’s death, but I decided to leave. I understood organizations and violence. I suppose that’s why I ended up in the FBI.”

“You were dirty. Just like my father.”

I shrug. “Niko has been my friend since we were kids. I looked out for him. Are you a criminal for looking out for Elena?”

“It’s not the same. You broke the law.”

I could argue that she broke a law by helping Elena. Maybe not a U.S. law, but Mafia law for sure. But she wouldn’t give any credence to the laws or rules of organized crime. “Maybe, but my reason was the same.”

“And what’s your reason for killing and kidnapping and whatever you do now?”

I sigh and then look at her. “Since the moment I met you, everything I do is for you.”

Her face contorts into disgust. “Don’t. Don’t put the taint of your world on me.”

I look away. “I’m sorry for all this, Kate. All of it. But the situation remains. Babichev found you, which puts you in danger.”

Her hand covers her stomach. “He knows about the baby.”

“All the more reason for you to stay hidden. For a little while. Until I can kill him.”

“You said that before.”

“Yes, but then I tried to give you what you wanted. A new life. But he found you. We’ll stay here if you like, or I can take you to Niko and Elena’s compound. But you have to stay hidden until this is over.”

“And then what?”

“Then you’ll be safe and go back?—”

She shakes her head and sneers. “Why do you care what happens to me now? You never did before?—”

I move quickly, putting my face in hers. “You can hate me all you want, Kate. You can wish I’d never fucked you or implanted that baby in you. But never, ever question my motives. You are the only reason I’m doing any of this. You.”

Her eyes are wide. Her mouth rounds into an O. I want to kiss her so fucking badly, my heart aches with it.

Instead, I rise from the bed. “Is there anything else you need… for you or the baby?”

“No. Not right now.”

I give a curt nod. “I’ll be in the other room if you need me.” I leave her, shutting her door behind me, willing it to shut off the emotions in my heart. It’s impossible for me to keep emotional distance from Kate, but I’m doing all I can not to feel anything for the baby. What would be the point? She and the kid are better off without me.

But I’m failing miserably. What sort of sick bastard am I to abandon—that was the word Kate used—her and the child? The thought makes me want to go back and claim her and the child. But it would be against her will since she wants a regular life, one without the crime and violence I live in. So, it’s noble of me to provide whatever they need financially while exiting the picture so Kate can have the life she wants, right?

I really want a drink, but since there’s no booze in the cabin, I head to the bathroom and shower as if it will wash away the pain inside me. When I finish, I go to the other bedroom but then decide I’d rather sleep in the living room where I have a better view of all areas in the house that could be breached.

As I lie on the couch, Robbie texts me telling me men are positioned around the cabin and the little town nearby. He also informs me that there’s no sighting of Dimitri in New Jersey around Kate’s home. He’s been elusive. Maybe I should have considered that he wouldn’t leave Kate alone once under Niko and Lucy’s protection. I have to admit, he’s got balls the size of Everest to go up against them. But what pisses me off the most is that the fucker got too close to Kate and it’s my fault. I can’t fail her or the baby. I need to protect her and kill him. She won’t like it, but from now until Dimitri is dust, she’s going to be locked away.

Exhaustion tugs me into a fitful sleep. Anger and pain swirl in a toxic mixture even in my dreams. My arms are tied, and Dimitri shows up with a smug smile. Kate is there, at his mercy, and I’m helpless to save her. The ineptitude tears me apart as I watch him put a gun to her head and pull the trigger.

“No!” I lever up. My heart is beating a million miles a minute. Sweat is pouring off me.

“Liam?”

My attention goes to Kate standing in the doorway of her room, fear on her face.

“Kate.” The need to hold her, to verify she’s real, is so powerful it takes all my strength not to go to her. But she doesn’t want me. She hates me. “Everything is okay. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

She stares at me for a moment, then with a nod, she shuts her bedroom door.

I scrape my hand over my face. “Fuck.” I rise from the couch, get a glass of water, and do another tour of the cabin to make sure it’s secure. I lie back down on the couch and pray Dimitri stays out of my head so I can rest. I need all my wits about me to protect Kate.

As soon as I drift off, Kate appears in the doorway of her room. “Why do you care what happens to me now? You never did before.” She repeats the words she said earlier.

How can she believe that? “I’ve always cared.” This time, I do go to her. I wrap her up in my arms, and better yet, she willingly allows it. She leads me into her room and pulls me over her.

I kiss her, not wanting to hear any protest or any doubt from her. There are no words. Just my lips on her mouth, her jaw, trailing down lower and lower to suck her tits in the way I know she likes. My hands roam over her soft skin and sexy curves. I’m no stranger to fucking, but I can’t remember ever being so wrapped up in a woman. Like my very being was made for her.

She opens for me, and I slide in. A mixture of sweet and sadness pierced my heart. This is where I’m supposed to be, and yet, I shouldn’t be here at all. I think of the baby. Fucking hell… I’ve helped create life. How is it possible a monster like me was able to do that with a woman so gentle and caring and perfect as Kate? God, I hope he or she is like her.

“Liam.” Her voice pulls me in. Loving. Passionate. I move, sliding in and out, in and out, in the sweetest rhythm. I want to be here forever, basking in love, savoring the sensuous sensations of being inside her, a part of her.

“Liam.” She arches, and her body tightens around me, gripping me, and I cry out, not from pleasure, but from the pain in knowing that this isn’t real. She’s not loving me. She doesn’t want me.

Just leave me alone. I hate you.

My eyes snap open, and wakefulness consumes me. Even so, the dream lingers. The sweetness of it. I glance toward the door of Kate’s room, and a yearning to go to her, to ask her to be with me fills my chest. It’s followed by the pain of knowing it’s not possible. Hell, even if she were open to it, how could I live my life always worried about her and the child? That level of paranoia and fear isn’t something I want to experience. How Niko manages it is beyond me.

I sit up and notice my dick tenting my pants. “Fucking hell.” I head to the shower, noting that the sun’s rays are beginning to filter through the darkness. I turn the water to cold, not wanting to deal with my dick. But the image of Kate so soft and pliant fills my head. I turn the dial to hot and wrap my hand around my dick. In my mind, I’m back there… sliding in and out of her hot, tight pussy. Her soft gasps echo around me. Her fingers clutch at my back.

“Liam.” Her body arches. Her pussy clenches hard.

“Kate.” I throw my head back as my hand works my dick, my cum shooting out against the tiles.

When it’s done, I dunk my head under the spray, wondering why my life has become such a shitshow.

I push my pity away and accept my lot in life. By the time I clean up, I’m back to the warrior I need to be. I have a mission—keep Kate and the baby safe and deliver them into a world filled with light and happiness. A world far, far away from me.