20. Liam

Idon”t want to be an asshole, but I can”t seem to help myself. I knew it was going to be hard to see Kate again and had worked to prepare myself, to guard against the overwhelming yearning.

What I hadn’t anticipated was seeing that she’d moved on. She has her normal life that apparently includes a normal man. Seeing her pregnant was a kick to the gut.

Feeling betrayed makes no sense. Intellectually, Kate living her own life is exactly what I wanted for her. I wanted her to be free and happy. But it guts me to see she’s achieved it. She forgot me and met someone else. A someone else who knocked her up and then left her. In my book, that means he needs to die.

I glance at Kate after tossing her phone out the window as I whisk her away from danger. Her head is turned away from me, looking out the window, but I can see the tears. I hate myself for hurting her. It’s a reminder of why I can’t be with her. But fucking hell, I can’t seem to survive without her, either. And she’s paying the price of my selfishness.

For a time, I simply drive with no destination in mind until I’m sure we’re not being followed. Finally, I make my way toward Atlantic City, stopping at a roadside diner to switch cars. Kate doesn’t say anything as she obediently exits the SUV and gets into the sedan. I was wrong to tell her I liked it better when she was obedient. I miss the woman who would butt up against the rules.

”Where are we going?” She breaks the silence as we get on the road again.

“Somewhere safe.” I head north.

“Why can’t I go to Donovan and Lucy’s? They’re safe.”

“Not safe enough.” I’m sure Lucy would argue that point, but when it comes to protecting Kate, it’s my job. A job I tried to abdicate because Kate is right, I’m a coward. Yes, it’s easier to hunt down Dimitri and his men to kill them without Kate in tow, but the truth is, I left her behind because it was the only way to give her what she wanted.

But hearing about her break-in and rumors of Dimitri snooping around, I had no choice but to come back into Kate’s life. She’s my responsibility. No one is more invested in her safety than I am.

She lets out an annoyed breath and leans her head against the window. I regret not having brought a pillow or blanket for her. Soon, she’s sleeping and I’m grateful. It tells me she trusts me. At least right now.

Several hours later, we’re in rural New York. We’ve come a long way, but I can’t let go of the feeling that it’s not far enough. I veer off Interstate 87, heading west into rural country with the intention of heading north again once I hit interstate 81. I have half a mind to drive her to Canada.

“Where are we?”

I glance over at Kate. “Somewhere between Saugerties and Woodstock.”

She shifts, letting out a groan. “We have to stop. I need to eat.” Her eyes close, and I get the feeling she’s trying to hold it together. I hate that she feels she has to. “I can’t do this anymore, Liam.”

I pull up my GPS and search for a private rental available for tonight. I’m worried there won’t be any as it’s a popular quick trip destination. Finally, I see a small cabin retreat at the edge of town. I connect with the owner who doesn’t seem thrilled at a last-minute reservation late at night. I promise I’ll make it worth his while.

We pass a gas station convenience store just a mile from the home’s location.

“Liam, I have to eat.”

I pull into the place, parking at the pump to fill the tank while Kate goes inside. When I finish, I enter the store just in time to catch her handing over a credit card. I quickly snatch it from her, kicking myself for not taking it sooner.

“Hey!” She glares at me.

The cashier’s brows narrow.

I pull out a wad of cash, tossing it on the counter. “Keep whatever is extra,” I say to him. He gapes as he sees I’ve given him at least a hundred dollars for twenty bucks or so worth of food.

I take the bag and guide Kate back to the car. “You can’t use your cards.” I try to speak gently, but I’m sure to her, I’m being gruff. “He can track you through them.”

She snatches the bag from me as she gets into the passenger seat. I watch her for a moment, wanting to apologize yet knowing it wouldn’t matter. So, I shut her door and then get in the driver’s seat and finish the trip to the rental.

When we get there, the owner has put a coat over his pajamas and crankily lets us in and tells us the rules. I hand over ten one-hundred-dollar bills, which is at least three times more than what one night’s rental costs. At that point, he becomes downright cheerful.

Once he’s gone, Kate takes her food to the kitchen and prepares a meal for herself of soup and crackers and fruit. As she sits at the table to eat, I take all the precautionary actions to ensure the location is safe, checking it inside and out. I text Robbie to let him know where I am.

He replies asking what the plan is, and I don’t know what to tell him because I don’t have a clue. My goal was to get Kate in a safe place. My desire is to run away, change our names, and live happily ever after. It’s a stupid dream. Maybe I should have played my hand differently. After saving Kate from Fiori and Igor, I could have put her back in Witness Protection and stayed with the FBI. Hell, I could have quit helping Niko, thereby becoming completely legit. I could have given Kate the regular life she wanted.

But I chose the other path. The one that wreaked vengeance on every man who”d dared look sideways at Kate.

I find her still at the dining table once I make my security rounds.

“There’s more soup if you want.” Her tone is vacant, lacking in any affect.

I nod and sit at the table across from her. “Is the baby’s father going to be looking for you?” It seems like a dumb question. Of course, any man Kate was with would be worried about her and the baby. Her saying he’s not in the picture is likely a ruse to keep me away from him.

She purses her lips at me.

“What’s his name?”

“Why? So, you can hunt him down and kill him too?”

Her anger is palpable. I don’t like it, and yet, it’s better than when she’s defeated.

“Does he need to be killed? Has he hurt you?”

She sits back, her eyes boring into me as she gives a derisive laugh. “Yes. He has.”

Then he’s as good as dead, as far as I’m concerned.

She leans forward, and her expression is full of disgust. “You want to know who the baby’s father is?”

I nod even though I’m pretty sure I don’t. I hate the idea that she’s slept with another man. She’s mine, dammit. Even though she doesn’t want me. Even though I can’t have her and still give her what she wants and deserves, she’s mine.

“Then go look in the mirror, Liam. Congratulations. In five months, you’ll have a son. Another person you can abandon.” She rises from her chair, walking away toward one of the rooms, slamming the door.

What did she say?

Words are rattling around in my head, not making any sense. When they start to settle in place, reality hits me hard in the chest. The baby is mine. I’m the father. The news paralyzes me. I’m terrified, and yet… I rub my hand over my chest.

I jump up, my chair knocking backward, but I don’t bother righting it. I stalk to Kate’s room.

I knock, trying not to pound on the door. “Kate.”

“Go away.”

That’s not happening. I open the door and enter her room.

She is lying on the bed but sits up as I enter. “I said go away. I don’t want to talk to you about this.”

I feel like I’m in a whirling vortex, unsure of myself as my world spins around me. “How long have you known?”

“God, you’re so annoying. When I asked you to stay, you vanished, ghosted me. Now I want you to leave, and you won’t.”

“How long have you known?” My chest is tight, and at the same time, filling with emotion I don’t know or understand.

She sighs in that way that tells me she’s resigned. “I found out a month or so after you abandoned me.”

“I didn’t abandon?—”

“What would you call it, Liam? I asked you to stay. You slept with me and then vanished. Now leave me alone.”

I hate that she sees it like that, even though I can’t blame her for it.

I sink to the edge of the bed. All the decisions I’ve made are being re-debated as I consider that they’ve all been the wrong choices.

“Are you sure?—”

“Don’t you dare ask me if I’m sure it’s yours. Just leave me alone. I hate you. Why did you have to come back?”

Her words gut me. “I had to protect?—”

“No. You don’t. Every time I’m around you, I’m in more danger. I was fine on my own. James never hurt me. More than likely, he used me to lure you out, so keeping me with you is dangerous. Just send me home. The baby and I don’t need you.” Her tears flow even though I can tell she hates that I’m seeing them.

I put my arm around her. “I never wanted to leave you, Kate. Everything I’ve done… everything I do, whether I’m with you or not, is all to keep you safe.”

She pushes me away. “Get out. Just go. Dump me wherever you’re going to dump me and leave again. This time, forever.”

I don’t want to hurt her, so I stand. My legs are unsteady as I move to exit her room. My mind is reeling, searching for something to say to fix this. But there is nothing. She hates me. She never wants to see me again. And she’s right, I’m more a danger to her being around her and the baby.

As I shut the door behind me, a part of me dies inside.