15. Kate

Four Months Later

Be careful what you wish for.

It’s become a usual refrain in my life. From the outside, I have everything, or nearly everything I want. I have a lovely brick Cape Cod style home in a family neighborhood in a quaint town not far from Donovan and Lucy. I bought a little bookstore on the main historic street. All thanks to Liam, who left me a sizable sum.

At first, I refused to take his money. I was so hurt and angry. I still am hurt and angry, but life has a way of nudging you to do things you never think you’d do. And Lucy made some valid points about how Liam could be a jerk, but he did what he set out to do, give me back my life. Or at least a semblance of normal life. I have my home and business, and I’m not on the run. But I know that Donovan and Lucy keep a close watch on me. I’m pretty sure the men who moved into the house across from me around the time I moved in work for them and are charged with protecting me. But I can go most days feeling like I’m back to normal.

All these thoughts run through my head again as I sit in Lucy and Donovan’s back yard enjoying the lovely spring air. They’re hosting a small party for Niko and Elena and their twins, born eight weeks ago.

Like an idiot, each time someone arrives, my heart stalls for a moment hoping it’s Liam. Then it crushes when I see it’s not.

“I did invite him,” Lucy says, taking a seat next to me.

“Who?” It’s dumb, but why wear my disappointment on my sleeve?

She gives me a sympathetic smile. “Liam.”

I shrug. “I’d be surprised if he came. We know what his priorities are.”

She puts out her hand over mine. “I’m sorry.”

I’ve never told her or Elena the full extent of my relationship with Liam. But they seem to sense my feelings for him. They’ve even tried to tell me he felt the same. That last time Liam and I were together, I had a moment when I thought he cared for me as well. And then he walked out, telling me not to come looking for him.

“Sorry for what?” Aria, who I remembered meeting briefly when I made my goodbyes to Elena as Liam took me away to Witness Protection, joins us.

“Just for putting Kate in the difficult situation she’s in.”

Aria, as Niko’s younger sister, grew up in the Mafia like Elena and Lucy, although it appears she had a more loving family. Niko is devoted to her to the point of being overprotective.

“But you’re okay now, aren’t you? I heard you have a bookstore. I think it would be so fun to have a business.”

“So, why don’t you?” I ask.

She rolls her eyes and jerks her thumb over her shoulder. “I can’t hardly do anything because of my big brother.”

“If you wanted out, could you?—”

“Careful. If Niko hears you, he’ll chain me down. Besides, I don’t mind this life. I can see myself in it.” Her gaze drifts off to the right of me. I glance over, wondering who it is she’s looking at, like a dope hoping it’s Liam. But it’s another man I just met today. Luca Conte, visiting from Italy.

“Don’t let Niko see you ogling Luca,” Lucy quips.

“I’m not ogling.” Aria protests a bit too much.

Elena and Niko come over to us. “Thank you for doing this, Lucy. It’s wonderful to see everyone.” Elena sits down next to me.

“Want to hold your nephew?” Niko asks Lucy.

“Of course.”

Niko hands the baby to her. “I’ve got?—”

“I thought I said no business.” Lucy arches a brow at him. Niko is a powerful man in the world of organized crime, but Lucy is formidable as well. Not that he’s intimidated by her.

“Just a little catchup since Luca is here.” He glances at me, and I can only assume they’ll be talking about Liam. For all I know, they’ll have him on speakerphone. Like I care.

I turn my attention to the babies. A boy and girl, Niccolo and Angelica.

“They’re beautiful, Elena,” I say as sadness sweeps through me. I’m not normally jealous of her, but at this moment, there is some envy. Elena has everything—a doting husband who’d literally kill for her and two beautiful children.

Elena smiles radiantly. I think back to when I first met her. She hardly smiled at all, and when she did, it didn’t exude ultimate happiness. No, that level of bliss came because of Niko and now the babies.

“They’re finally sleeping at the same time and for at least five hours at night,” Elena says. They’re rich enough for a nanny to help, but Elena insists on doing everything involving the babies.

“Is Niko too manly to help?” Lucy asks, her attention on little Angelica in her arms.

“No. But you know how it is…” Elena stops and appears to wince as she glances at me. They both go out of their way to not mention the world they live in around me.

I smile. “Niko would crawl over broken glass for you and the babies.”

“Naked,” Lucy adds, and we laugh.

A part of me believes Liam would do the same for me. He just wouldn’t come home to me when he was done. That’s what makes it hard for me to believe Lucy and Elena when they try to tell me that Liam has done all that he has because he cares for me. Donovan and Niko are devoted to their wives. They’d kill anyone who came after what is theirs. And when they’re not committing crimes, they’re home, giving their attention to their families. Liam could do that if he wanted to. If he wanted me. But he’s gone. I haven’t heard from him. I barely hear about him. Just a few overheard comments when no one knows I’m there. At least I know he’s alive.

But I don’t tell any of that to my friends. What would be the point? It won’t change the fact that Liam is gone. Forever.

The cool outdoor air suddenly feels stifling. I stand up. “I need to get something to drink. Do you need anything?”

“No. Thank you.” Elena looks at Lucy and then at me with concern.

I hate that. The pity. “Oh, I brought the babies a little gift. I’ll grab that too.” I head inside to the kitchen and get a glass of water. I stand at the sink, drinking it, wondering if it would be rude to leave now. Remembering the gift, start toward the entryway where I left the decorated bags on a table.

Before I reach the foyer, I hear men talking. I understand enough about this world to know eavesdropping can be deadly, so I ignore it until I hear Liam’s name.

“He’s fucking burning the world down,” Donovan says. “Who knew Liam had it in him?”

“He’s definitely made life easier for us,” Niko says. “The bodies of our enemies are piling up.”

“You”d better hope he doesn’t decide to take what’s ours.” Donovan is probably kidding, but there’s an edge of worry to his tone.

“Liam is loyal. Especially since we took out those fuckers who offered to help us stop him.”

Donovan laughs. “Those dipshits. Did they really not know you and Liam are like brothers?”

There is a lull in the conversation, and I feel like I should move on.

“I am worried about him,” Niko says in a tone that concerns me.

“He’s definitely not the same.”

“He’s losing himself… or… I don’t know how to explain it.” Niko’s worried tone is unmistakable.

“I think that’s right. It’s like he has nothing but the bloodlust driving him,” Donovan says. “Do you think the ladies are right about him and Kate?”

Pain lances my heart. I tell myself to walk away. Instead, I stay planted, eavesdropping, risking one of Niko’s or Donovan’s men finding me.

“With Liam it’s hard to tell, but there was definitely something. The day he left her with you, he outright said he knew I’d eliminate Kate if she brought danger to Elena. And he was pissed about it. Telling me he’d done what I’d ordered him to do in terms of protecting her, and in the end, she wasn’t safe from me.”

“You wouldn’t?—”

“I’d kill anyone who brought danger to Elena.”

A chill runs down my spine. It’s not a surprise that Niko would kill me if he felt I was a threat, but I’ve never heard anyone speak it out loud.

“Do you think he regrets it? I mean, he could still be in the FBI. He seemed to like it there,” Donovan says.

“Who the fuck knows? Liam likes to keep feelings close to the vest.”

“Maybe when he finally kills Babichev, he’ll return to normal.”

Niko laughs. “You believe that? I hardly recognize him sometimes. A part of me wishes he loved Kate. It could soften the jagged edges. Speaking of Kate, how are things in that department?”

“Good. No hints at Babichev or anyone sniffing around. She seems settled.”

Donovan’s words give me relief that I’m safe but are a reminder that I’m being watched.

“Any word on her father?”

I tilt my head to make sure I can hear better, wanting to know the answer. In some ways, I hope my father stays gone. If he came into my life, I can’t be sure Niko or Donovan wouldn’t kill him since it appears my father had been helping one of their enemies.

“Nah. If Abate killed him, he hid the evidence well. The new police captain occasionally still makes announcements about finding him, but I think they know if they look too deep, they’ll find a dirty cop, and law enforcement doesn’t like that.”

“Speaking of which, any news about the FBI’s hunt for Liam?” Niko asks.

“According to Liam, he has a guy on the inside.”

“Do we know who? That could be handy for us.”

“No,” Donovan says. “But Liam gives us info when needed.”

I’ve heard enough. I chastise myself for pining for a criminal as I go to get the gift bags. This is not the world I want to live in, I remind myself. If Liam walked through the door right now and wanted to be in my life, I’d tell him to go to hell. At least I hope I would.

I pick up the bags and return to Elena and Lucy. The babies are fast asleep, and the women are talking quietly.

“Oh, hey. I thought maybe you got lost,” Lucy says when I rejoin them.

“Had to make a stop at the restroom.” I hand the bags to Elena. “Just a little something for the babies.”

Elena looks at me with a mixture of pity and regret and happiness. She’s glad, as I am, that our friendship is intact, but I know she feels badly about all I’ve been through. I was kidnapped the first time because of her. There are times I’m resentful, but then I think of Liam. As much as I hurt now because of him, I also can’t wish away having met him.

Elena opens the bags, finding several children’s books in each. “Oh, I can’t wait to read these to them. Thank you, Kate.”

“Of course.” I’d offer to read them to the babies when I babysat, except I won’t babysit. If Niko and Elena go somewhere, Lucy and Donovan will take the babies. That’s the price of being in their world. Their children will always be a target, and therefore, under the protection of armed people. I can’t imagine living like that.

I manage small talk for a bit longer but then make my excuses to head home. I drive my compact SUV, another purchase from Liam’s money, twenty minutes to my house in the suburbs. Going from Lucy and Donovan’s gated mansion along the river and coming to my modest home is like traveling out of Wonderland into the real world. I love my friends, but I’m definitely not cut out to live like they do.

I do have an alarm, and of course, the men across the street, but for the most part, I have a regular, quiet, sometimes boring life. I enter my house, setting the security system. I go to my bedroom, changing from my spring dress to my pajamas.

As I leave my room to go make dinner, I catch myself in the mirror over my dresser. I stop to study myself. Have I changed like Donovan and Niko said Liam had? I’m not the same woman as I was nearly a year ago, but I’m not lost.

I turn to the side and run my hand over my belly, feeling the slight swell of it. No one knows about the child I’m carrying or that Liam is the father. For the baby’s sake, it has to stay that way.