80. Utmost

There was a knock at the door and I whirled from the window, heart in my throat.

Why did he knock? Was he being coy? I opened the door.

Luka, looking sheepish, in his Tintarian black stood in the hallway. “Lady?”

“Luka?”

“Captain has been called away and he wished me to—”

“Called away?”

My words were half shriek.

“Called away to an invasion?”

“Lady, please do not upset yourself,”

he interjected.

He was nervous, trying to speak to me with purpose.

“Please, he bid me tell you something specific.”

“Something specific?”

He bobbed his handsome young head.

“He made me repeat it several times.

He says ‘it is with my utmost reluctance that I depart you.’ He said ‘utmost’ twice.”

“Utmost twice,”

I breathed.

The grandest of love poems could not have competed with ‘my utmost reluctance’ and I would never read lyric or verse like it.

“Utmost twice,”

Luka repeated, pleased that he had calmed me.

“Forgive me,”

I said.

“I worry for him.”

“Of course, lady.

And he is not called away to invade or I would be with him.”

“To where does he go and why? Can you tell me?”

The young man looked up and down the hallway.

“He and Thatcher go to Ruskar.

They have taken a small boat and they will not make their presence known.

Our prince and king want to know why Ruskar has broken their trade with us.”

“What will they do when they get there?”

“Spy, lady.

Thatcher is blessed by Brother Air and he makes no sound when he moves.

And our captain is also skilled in stealth.

They will listen at windows, in taverns.

They have operated as a pair for more than half their lives.

They know what they do.”

“Our king wants his best,” I mused.

Luka nodded.

“They are like the night, lady.

I swear it to you.

No Ruskarian will sniff them out.

We are the teeth in Hinnom’s jaw.

There has never been a Procurer death from battle or mission.

There have only been eight trials held before this one.

Procurers have only retired or become a keep guard to be with their family.

Alric is understanding in this.

That is how I won my position.

A man retired.

Winning the Procurer trials nearly two winters ago was my proudest day.”

“Alric says you are the fastest man in Tintar.

I thank you for your assurance.”

I was in bed that night, alone for the first time in so long, missing his warmth and craving his body to be molded to mine.

My mind oscillated from the knowledge that I had but nine weeks of life left and the overwhelming joy that my husband’s hunger for me had not been a result of him being a man and me being the woman nearest to him, but that he had wanted me.

I have prayed for your kiss, wife.

I would kiss him when he returned and I would pour all of the love I had into him for the remainder of these days.